Thursday, December 31, 2009

The Astonishing Adventures of Action Steve! This episode: "Astonishment!"

To the Astonishment of both dragon and human alike, Action Steve has defeated a dragon in single combat! The large dragon was trying to get up but was too groggy from a face full of gas to do so. Action Steve had given it a dose that would have knocked out a human for a day. Besides The Dragon's legs had been tied up. The fight was over.

Action Steve walks over to the Super Action Vehicle with no objection from the crowd. He speaks to The Super Action vehicle, "Super Action Vehicle, did you help me just now?" The Super Action Vehicle shook in a way that could only be interpreted as a nod. "And you helped us before. You helped us try to get away?" The Super Action Vehicle nodded again. "I suspect that you have magically become a person, or been possessed by a creature wishing to help me. In either case, would you like to join the Action Alliance and fight along side us in the name of justice?" The Super Action vehicled transformed into it's walking mode and used one of it's arms to salute right above his windshield. The Dragons begin clapping and roaring as before.

The humans, Action Steve observed, were not as enthusiastic. "He just used a trick!" yelled one of Sir Sarah's soldiers, "It was his magical weapon! Just some magic powder! He didn't defeat the creature on his own at all!" There was a general murmuring of agreement among the humans and a few shouts of "That's right!". Action Steve played a few notes on his Action Ukulele. It needed tuning. Then took a quick step forward toward the speaker and looked him straight in the eye.

"You think you could do what I just did? Really? Take my uklele, any of you, and fight one of those dragons, I dare ya. I'll even give you a quick tutorial on how the damn thing works. No takers?"

None of the human's moved to speak. Action Steve looked to Sir Sarah and Neville The Great. He could see they were wondering where their soldiers were. There was supposed to be an ambush happening. Action Steve was wondering this himself. That was the whole reason for the fight just now. Action Steve was meant to be a distraction, not the main event. A small microphone pops out of Action Steve's mask. "Hold onto that thought." Action Steve speaks into the microphone, "Yeah?" Sir Sarah commands her army to stay still at a gesture. By all indications, the dragons are having a wonderful time. Many are coming to congratulate Action Steve.


"Hey Thanks, I appreciate that."

"Thooooooouac?" asks one of the smaller, just a little larger than man sized dragons.

"Oh he or she'll be fine" replies Action Steve, referring to his dragon opponent, who was even now being helped by friends to sit up. They were all talking animatedly to each other about how good the battle had been.

"Tuaarc!" replied the dragon to Action Steve.

"That's your wife? She's a damn good fighter."

"Theeeeeek Theeeeeek!"

"Just a sec, Hey Action Raptor! Glad to hear you've escaped. And I hear that the dragon royalty Parius and Edena are now out of Human custody. Parius and Edena? Really? Wait til we tell Action Pre and Edna. It's a small multiverse after all. Oh and you say I'm not to worry about the human's planned ambush as it was thwarted by The Order of The Pine Cone and the dragons knew about in anyway." The Dragons that were now surrounding Action Steve were nodding smugly. Action Steve looks meaningfully at Sir Sarah and Neville and smiles. "No I was just repeating what you said to Sarah and Nev for dramatic effect." The Great Sorcerer Neville looks incredulous. He mouths the word "Nev?" to Sir Sarah but she waives him silent and moves to leave. It seemed to occur to most of the humans that now that Action Steve had befriended the dragons, who had thwarted their ambush before it got started with the help of that wizard and dragon sympathizer The Mighty Pine Cone, and now that Action Steve apparently had a giant metal golem seemingly under his command, that they ought to reevaluate their strategic position. The humans begin to leave under the friendliest terms possible.

"What's that? Lord Rudolf escaped too? Is everyone ok? Yeah, even so we should track him down. I might be able to call on these dragons for help." He looks at a few of the dragons who nod affirmingly. The dragons aren't at all confused by his phone call, they must have some equivalent here. Some of them begin instructing others to search for Lord Rudolf, who was a dangerous killer. "Hey guess what? Not only did I defeat a very skilled Dragon warrior in single combat, but it looks like the The Super Action Vehicle is possessed-- hangon on" The SAV shakes his "head" no. "No, wait, has become alive. We better talk with some Dragon's who know magic. Not sure I trust any humans here to give us a straight answer. gimme a second.." Action Steve motions to Sir Sarah and Neville The Great. "Sir Sarah. Neville will you help us capture Lord Rudolf?" Action Steve asks his two enemies in such a sincere manner that the two don't quite know how to react.

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Monday, December 28, 2009


As Action Steve had been flying off in The Super Action Vehicle along with The Warlord Sir Sarah and Neville The Great, and before Action Steve knew he was in for a fight with a dragon, Action Raptor was going about the business of escaping. The day before Action Steve and Action Raptor had done their best to plan his escape under the circumstances, those circumstances being, among other things, stuck in a technologically primitive but magically rich alternate dimension and being imprisoned and watched very carefully by The Knight and Warlord Sir Sarah and her Wizard and Advisor, Neville The Great. They were both clever but Action Steve and Action Raptor had been clever too, and Action Raptor had managed to hide a few hot packets in his scarf.

Hot packets were very much like the sort of chemical warmers you got in any store, a few chemicals are kept separate by a seal until that seal is broken. Break the seal and you've got a nice warm pad to warm your feet or an injured bit of your body. Hot packets were different in two ways. One was that after the seal had been broken there was a very precise time delay when the packets got hot, and two was that they didn't so much warm up but become hot enough to melt through most metals. While his two dragon friends, Parius and Edena, looked on, Action Raptor had carefully placed and activated a few of these on the makeshift chain barrier that had been put across his cage (Action Raptor could easily get through the iron bars of this cage as it was obviously designed for dragons) would open up enough for Action Raptor to wriggle out.

It worked perfectly. The packets became white hot and made a fizzing noise not unlike an arc weilder and the chains dropped open. Action Raptor waited for the chains to cool down a bit and then wriggled out of his prison.

" THAAAAAAWK," rumbled Parius in praise of his new small lizard bird friend. The creature was very resourceful and clever. Action Raptor also made quick work of the lock on his new friend's door and the guard's came back just in time to see two dragons, both the size of houses, and that runt feathered dragon out of their cages!

The Guards ran away. The passage they went through was too small for the dragons to go through, but there was a large trap door that leads to the main castle courtyard right above them. Now that they were free. The two giants were easily able to break the locks on it and open them up.

There were not that many guards left, but those that were there were out in force. No doubt some have already been sent running to ask Sir Sarah for help. But The remaining humans were trying were trying to be brave. In the middle of the courtyard there was another smaller castle. Around it people were hauling barrels, and hay, and sundry other supplies for daily life. Or they had been. They were now making a break for it. But out of the giant door came a dozen men in armor. One of them, clearly scared but determined not to admit it, pointed his sword at the three creatures, "Dragon scum!" The two dragons got angrier at this and grinned malevolently. Action Raptors face was resolute. "Men! Att-"

"You'd better stand down son." The voice was quiet, but it carried over a long distance. And that's when the soldiers noticed everyone had gone. There was only them, the Dragons and ...

The owner of the voice stood up. He was wearing animal fur, and a large beard and long hair. He wore a pine cone necklace.

"How dare you side with these monsters! Who are you old man?"

The old man took out a lute and strummed a few notes, then he held it the wrong way round just as Action Steve holds his Ukulele. The lute began to sparkle. "I am The Mighty Pine Cone." The Mighty Pine Cone looked toward Action Raptor, "Before you and your friend leave I think you should come and see me. You both need some help defending yourselves against magic." He turned to Parius. "My friend may I suggest that you and your new friend go see to the masked man. I fear he may be in some trouble. I think that Edena and I can keep these men busy."

"Thaaaaaaaurc!" Action Raptor asked them to wait. He could more quickly help Action Steve by letting him know he was safe. A small microphone popped out of Action Raptor's flight cap. "Raaaaaaaatch!" The humans looked incredulous, but The Pine Cone and The Dragon's could understand enough to know that Action Raptor was contacting his friend somehow.

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Friday, December 25, 2009

Action Steve and Action Raptor Biography!

Action Steve and Action Raptor are two of Hulaville's greatest heroes. Once a mere call center agent, Steve decided to start wearing a mask, cape, and gloves and began calling himself Action Steve! Strangely this resulted in numerous super villains challenging him. Stranger still Action Steve found that he was an effective super hero! After eating inter-dimensional ice cream provided by his benefactor, Chronotron the Chronbot, Master of Time and Space, and traveller into alternate universes, Action Steve gained the power of not hurting his knees, getting prematurely winded or freaking out while engaging in normal super hero activities. While on an adventure through time with his benefactor Chronotron the Chronobot, Action Steve met a Raptor with a thirst for Justice* who took the name Action Raptor and became Action Steve's best friend and partner in crime fighting!

*Rather than blood.

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Monday, December 21, 2009

Dragon Bait!

We rejoin Action Steve in an alternate world of swords, sorcery, and dragons! in The Land Of Eranor where Action Steve is in a one on one death match with a huge armored dragon!

I am sooooo clever! Action Steve angrily thought to himself as he dodged yet another blow from a large red dragon wearing spiked leather armor. His tail, or her tail Action Steve reminded himself, had a morning star strapped at the end, a large, spiked, metal ball that The Dragon surely used to simultaneously pummel and impale enemies. At the moment it was hitting dirt and nearby rocks that Action Steve, only moments before, had been occupying. The "fight" has been going on in this fashion for several minutes. Swing. Miss. Breathe fire. Mostly miss but set some piece of action Steve's costume on fire. Repeat.

They were fighting in an open space that had clearly seen this kind of combat before. The two combatants were surrounded on either side by a dragons, some smaller, some much larger than Action Steve's opponent, and humans, which looked pretty drab and boring compared with the colorful dragons who were snorting, and roaring in a fashion that obviously indicated they were having a good time. The humans, on the other hand, were all wearing the same chainmail armor, helmets and swords. All with the same look sported by dull policeman, security guards, and crossing guards everywhere. The Dragon shot another jet of fire in Action Steve's direction, which he, again, narrowly missed. This was not the plan he had signed up for. Though he hadn't liked that one much either.

"We have agreed to meet with these, creatures," Sir Sarah, the local warlord who had captured Action Steve, had spat the word, "On neutral ground."

"We are going to ambush them there," sneered Neville. "You will use your understanding of the dragon's ... guttural utterances ... to gain their trust and speak with their leaders on our behalf. This will prove a sufficient demonstration --"

"--and distraction," interjects Sir Sarah.

"Quite," agreed Neville The Great, "to allow our men to spring our little trap, and end this war." Neville brightens up malevolently, "Good plan eh?"

Action Steve was about to tell the both of them what he thought they could do with their plan--

"Before you object," interjected Neville, "This would be a much less bloody conflict than the generations long struggle has been. Think of the peace future generations will enjoy, and think of your friend, this small dragon you call Action Raptor."

What could he have done? They had captured both him and Action Raptor and were using his feathered friend as a hostage. Against his better judgment, Action Steve assented to their plan.

It's not enough that The Dragon's huge, bulging with muscles, and heavily armored, the damn creature can breathe fire! Action Steve has avoided being fried to a crisp so far but his cape and much of his costume had not. He's had to check himself a few times and make sure he wasn't on fire, but that's become a lost cause; most of him is now smoldering. At least his hat, a straw fedora, was mostly in one piece. Here comes another swing of The Dragon's tail, Action Steve makes to roll under it but is hit! Not, thankfully, by the spiky bit, but he has been knocked into the dragon side of the crowd. The Dragons roaring and cheering and hollering even louder now. They're obviously impressed by the fact that he, a human, is still alive after this many minutes with a dragon. Two smaller, just a little bigger than man sized, dragons help him up and nod at him encouragingly. "Thanks, I appreciate that," Action Steve is always gracious to his fans. No matter what species they are, or what dimension they're from.

Just as Action Steve gets back into the ring he hears the TWANG of a stringed instrument.

Everyone suddenly becomes silent and looks to the source of the noise, which turns out to be The Super Action Vehicle! Action Steve's Action Ukulele has just been ejected from The Super Action Vehicle's roof! The heads and necks of humans and Dragons follow it's curve in space as Action Steve leaps and catches it!

Inwardly Action Steve is wondering how the hell The Action-lele had got there, last he knew, Sir Sarah had taken it and secreted it somewhere along with most of his other gadgets. Outwardly however, Action Steve is all smiles. Before anyone can react, Action Steve plays a D minor chord and the ukulele's neck extends at least a meter and a half and hits the ground, propelling Action Steve into the Air like a pogo pole vault! Action Steve vaults straight toward the dragon, while in the air the Action-lele retracts and extends two large mallet ends on either side of the Action Ukulele's body. The Dragon swings his or her tail toward our hero, but he deflects it away with a hit of his Action-lele as the arc of his leap takes him right over the dragon's head! At that exact moment, Action Steve lets the dragon have a face full of knock out gas, lands behind the creature and, from his Action-lele, launches two grappling hooks connected by a cable right at the dragon's legs! The Dragon, sluggish from the gas, attempts to take a step, and falls to the ground.

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Sunday, December 13, 2009

Stand by for more Action Steve!

Stay tuned for more Action Steve episodes starting December 21st! The Author of Action Steve in your universe is taking his final this week!

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Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Arena Battle!

It's late morning and Action Steve is flying his Super Action Vehicle beyond the borders of Eranor and into Dragon Country, The Knight and Warlord, Sir Sarah, and The Sinister Sorcerer, Neville The Great, ride with him. Neville watches the landscape fly beneath them, transfixed despite himself. Sir Sarah sits behind Action Steve and as they approach the border she takes out a knife from her belt and points it at him. "You play your part well Action Steve, or you'll find there is such a thing as more 'action' than you can bear." Action Steve suppresses any sarcastic gestures he might usually make at this point because there is a woman holding a knife at his neck. The Super Action Vehicle lands before a clearing surrounded on one side by Dragons and another by humans.

The Dragons were all very large, much larger than a man, and most larger than The Super Action Vehicle, and their shapes were incredibly varied. They seemed to encompass all the legends and permutations of dragons in Action Steve's experience of popular culture. There were long fish scaled green ones with mustaches and legs like birds. Others looked like giant lizards with scaled bat-like wings. Still more looked like giant snakes with wing spans much larger than their bodies. These last dragons flew over the clearing, swooping down occasionally, blowing fire and smoke as they came down and rose again.

The humans weren't nearly as fantastical as the Dragons, save for a few wizards wearing long flowing robes inscribed with strange symbols, some of which seemed to Action Steve to resemble Japanese Kanji while others looked more like geometric figures. There were, of course, many men in similar suits of chain mail armor, and somewhat pointed helmuts. And there were a few men and perhaps women, it was hard to tell, in full, shining, plate armor.

The Super Action Vehicle opens to cheering from the human side. Sir Sarah and Neville The Great climb out, waving to the crowd, Action Steve climbs out and suppresses an impulse to smile and wave too. It's hard to be sarcastic when your captors are holding your friend hostage. Sir Sarah leans toward Action Steve and speaks softly, "Remember that I have your friend. Remember that, just as before, there are too many here for you to defeat," she put her hand to her sword in such a way that all could see her threatening Action Steve even if they couldn't hear the actual threat, "should you think about not, playing, nice."

Action Steve tries to keep his face blank. He finds, much to his personal pride, that he isn't as scared as he might have thought so before he became a super hero. And if it turns out that he ends up dying in some political struggle between Knights, Sorcerers, and Dragons in some alternate dimension, well, he couldn't think of a more awesome way to go. Unless it was also on a rocket, in space.

Sir Sarah motions for quiet "Dragons and Humans hear me! We have made great progress in bringing peace between our two Nations! As a token of good will, and to pay for Dragon Blood spilled by humans, I offer Action Steve, one of our finest champions, to fight one of your chosen dragon warriors, may his death appease your anger with us, and his bravery demonstrate our worthiness as an ally!"

"Wait, what?" asks Action Steve as he is handed a sword and shoved into the center of the clearing to the sound of humans cheering and Dragons roaring.

Sir Sarah and Neville look on at Action Steve, confused, angry, and more than a little scared to do battle with a creature many times his size. "Do you think he'll last long enough?" a grinning Neville asks Sir Sarah.

"Oh definitely, and now that we have his chariot in working order, and have ascertained that his pet is more than capable of repairing it without him, we now no longer have any need of Action Steve," answers Sir Sarah. The man was too trusting, she thought to herself. She saw it right away when she put him in the same cell as that killer beast Lord Rudolf. He instinctively assums that everyone around him is friendly and will be as courteous as he was if only he is polite, forthright, and fair. She knew the type, people like him were exceedingly easy to manipulate.

"Look, the fool's thrown down his sword!" yelled one of her warriors. She looked, indeed he had, this was not unexpected. Thankfully, he was good at dodging his opponent dragon's whipping tail and fiery breath. She was confident he would provide a long enough distraction for her warriors to get into place and spring the ambush. The dragons here were thought by their race as something like kings and nobles, as if such creatures could ever be orderly enough to have a proper king or understand the nature of nobility. No matter, once they had been killed, it would be relatively easy to defeat and exterminate of their filthy scaled brethren.

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Monday, December 7, 2009

Improbable Providence

We return to the land of Eranor! Where Action Steve has been conscripted in a war between dragons and humans. Specifically the humans Sir Sarah and Neville The Great have taken Action Raptor hostage and will only release both our action heroes if Action Steve will help them fight against the "great evil beasts" as Sir Sarah describes the Dragons. We go now to Action Raptor's cell and the strange company he finds there!


Action Raptor, a feathered dinosaur, half as tall as Action Steve, was currently in a very large cage. It was much too large for a human or modern animal. But the claw marks on the walls made Action Raptor think of older times. The times before he met Action Steve. A time containing large beasts, large claws, and large toothy jaws. Through the makeshift chain lattice put over cage bars he otherwise could have easily slid through, Action Raptor sees a distinct and large silhouette in the opposite cell.

"RHHHRRRHGGHGGGGGggggg" says the shape, in a gutteral growl that Action Raptor both hears and feels. But our hero recognizes this dialect! How strange! Ah, but didn't their benefactor, Chronobot, Master of time and space, tell them that this particular version of Eranor was populated by people who spoke English? Chronobot was constantly reminding The Action Duo that there are an infinite number of universes, that each moment is it's own universe, and that a being's feeling of continuity between moments was just because they were in a universe in which they happened to remember a past that matched the events in other moments/universes.

"There are no probabilities, only possiblities," Chronobot would always say, meaning that there were an infinite number of possible countries named Eranor. In one alternate universe it could be inhabited by humans who spoke english and in another it was populated by small yap dogs that spoke cockroach. Chronotron must have chosen one of the more convienient possible universes where the humans spoke English and dragons spoke dinosaur. Or maybe Action Steve spoke Eranorish and Action Raptor spoke Dragon? Whichever, it meant that Action Raptor would be able to communicate and possibly befriend the dragon's here, and who knew? Maybe they were friendlier than the local humans. They'd almost have to be.

"Thaaaaaurc?" Action Raptor introduced himself and asked the Dragon his name.

"THHHHHHOOOOUUUUGGHK!" The dragon expresses surprise that the chicken lizard can speak dragon and replies that his name is Parius.

"THEEEAAAATCH!" Another Dragon responds that she is Edena.

Astonishing! Thought Acton Raptor, he knew that Action Pre's full name was Parius, and that the new server's name at The Cold War Cafe was Edna. Could these be alternate dragon version of the humans he knew? Action Raptor quickly explained his situation as best he could to the creatures. He spoke of all the possible worlds. Yes, they did have an understanding of the many universes, though Action Raptor noted, in a rather primitive way. It was only to be expected. The technology here was so primitive. Parius told Action Raptor of the war between dragons and humans. It was not blameless on either side, but there was a growing group of dragons who were tired of the fighting and even a small number of human sympathizers. The dissenting dragons were tolerated by other dragons, but the humans who felt Dragons ought to be treated equally were often jailed, or worse. Together the two dragons and Action Raptor begin to hatch an escape plan.

A little later, Action Raptor sees his pal, Action Steve, being led toward him in chains by two men in chain armor. Action Steve greets his friend and comrade in crime fighting, "Hey pal, are you alright?"

"Raaaaauuuuwwthich!" Action Raptor responds that he's not been hurt and that they very likely have some human and dragon allies they can rely on, if only they could escape.

"Glad to hear it buddy," Action Steve is well aware that the guards are listening but also pretty sure none of them have bothered to learn raptor. Action Steve has noticed that the humans around here think of Dragons as little more than beasts, and view their "war" more as an effort in exterminating some particularly difficult animal plague, rather like gigantic locusts, than as a conflict between nations. "I need your help fixing up the Super Action Vehicle. Then I'll need to go away for a little bit on an errand for Sir Sarah."

"Thaaaaaaaaaachhh!" Replies Action Raptor. Translated this means "And I'm to remain here as a hostage no doubt. My new friends and I will escape under cover of night. I'll send word once we're free."

Action Steve replies, ever mindful of his captor's ears as they clasp Action Raptor in chains and lead the two heroes down the hall toward their vehicle, "Ok, sounds good, I think that's what's wrong too." Action Steve pauses a moment and then adds, "Let's get to work."

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Friday, December 4, 2009

The Prison Break In

It's now night at Hulaville prison, where The Thrill Seeker is once again meditating in his cell block. His guards were carefully chosen by The Mighty Pineapple herself to make sure he doesn't try to escape again. Down the hallway, The Senator, in his trademark blue suit and red tie, walks toward two Pineapple Patrollers standing vigil at the doors to the special high security cell. The Senator is alone, and this is an unusual sight. He is normally protected at all times by body guards, and surrounded by lawyers and advisers. He approaches the two guards.

One of the guards talks before The Senator has a chance to speak. "Sorry sir, absolutely no one allowed in, orders from the mayor sir."

"I understand." The Senator says nothing else. He simply stands there in silence as the guards begin to feel awkward under his stare.


Suddenly all the lights go out! Before the men can react, they begin to feel powerfully sleepy and fall unconscious where they stand!

In his cell, The Thrill Seeker opens his eyes, not that this makes a difference in the darkness.


Earlier that night Pimp Racer approaches a dog proudly standing on a building, looking for bad people, or squirrels, to chase. "Hello, Super Shaun," he says. The dog quickly turns around faces the man with the funny hat. He knows this is a good man, but he looks a little like a bad man, and thus, Super Shaun is wary. "Alright dog, I need your help to get into Hulaville prison. I know The Thrill Seeker's going to try and escape again and I want to make sure he doesn't succeed."

Super Shaun still looks at Pimp Racer doubtfully. Pimp Racer sighs, rolls his eyes, and takes a plastic bag out of his jacket, "and I also have these sausages for you if you help me."


Later, but still earlier than The Senator's visit to The Thrill Seeker's cell, Pimp Racer is hanging underneath Super Shaun in a harness, trying to look as cool as he can under the circumstances, as they both fly low over Hulaville prison. The two land nearby the high security wing where The Thrill Seeker is held. "Ok dog, lets do this." Super Shaun doesn't bark but pants happily. The good bad man is a lot of fun to be around, but Super Shaun hopes he gets more sausages soon. Pimp Racer takes out a mini arc wielder and opens a vent. "C'mon dog, let's make sure this guy doesn't go out for walkies." Pimp Racer and Super Shaun go in.

After a few minutes of crawling in the vents, Pimp Racer, in his trademark pimp hat, and Super Shaun the super dog in a cape, have reached the high security doors of The Thrill Seeker's cell when, who should come in but The Senator! "Check it out dog, it's The Senator." Super Shaun looked at the bad man coming down the hall. Super Shaun had a feeling about this man like no other, he had a feeling that this man was worse than any he had ever caught. Since he was a dog, he didn't think fear was shameful, and so began to whimper a little. "Shhhh!" commanded Pimp Racer, though to be fair Pimp Racer was also getting the heebee jeebees just looking at the guy. Why didn't other people see this? Maybe spooky vibes don't transmit over television.

"Sorry sir, absolutely no one allowed in, orders from the mayor sir," says one of the guards.

"I understand," The Senator replies. After a few silent moments while The Senator stares at them, the lights go out! Pimp Racer can hear the two guards fall unconscious! Pimp Racer hears a soft clunk and looks to his side.

Of course he can't see anything so he feels by his side...

and discovers that Super Shaun is asleep!

If this was knock out gas, Pimp Racer thought to himself, why didn't he fall asleep too? Of course! The talisman! Years ago, while training to be a Pimp Master, Pimp Racer was given a talisman by a voodoo priestess in thanks for helping her escape the Minnesota Mafia. That talisman protects Pimp Racer from all but the most powerful magics. This must be a speel and The Senator is some kind of sorcerer!

Pimp Racer, carrying his canine companion, quietly follows The Senator above the vents as he walks into into The Thrill Seeker's cell! He can't get through to The Thrill Seeker or The Senator but he can see and hear them. Pimp Racer pulls out an infrared camera and begins to record.

In his cell, The Thrill Seeker opens his eyes, not that this makes any difference in the darkness. "Hello Senator, I've been waiting for you." says The Thrill Seeker.

"I imagine so. And were you also imagining that I'd rescue you as before?"

"No I expect you're tired of my shenanigans and will kill me, or at least try to. Haven't we done this before? When was the last time you tried killing me? 50 years at least. Of course you didn't call yourself a senator then."

"I thought we had a deal," says The Senator, exasperated. "As soon as I helped you escape you would leave the country and lie low for a bit. Then I would teach you a few secrets. I can't bribe you with money anymore. There was a time when a nice mansion and a few courtesans could keep you out of my affairs. And now, the one time I offer to include you in something, you screw it up! Why didn't you just leave?"

Pimp Racer could now see that The Thrill Seeker and The Senator went way back, way, way, way farther back than he ever would have suspected!

"I don't really care to learn any wizardly secrets. I came here again because it sounded fun and I stayed here because I wanted to see what would happen! Anyway, you should have learned by now that you can't stop me," The Thrill Seeker stands up. "CAN'T NOBODY STOP ME!!!"

The Senator looks bored and exasperated. "Why do you say things like that?"

The Thrill Seeker, looking a little dejected, counters. "Because it passes the time! It's fun! That's your problem. You're never any fun!"

The Senator raises his hand toward The Thrill Seeker's cell with an air of finality. This gesture seems to say that the conversation is over. His hand begins to glow, illuminating the room.

Pimp Racer turns off the infrared, the camera can now clearly see The Senator pointing his glowing hand at The Thrill Seeker, who looks bored. "I'll be seeing you," he says.

"Not if there's nothing left to heal. Not if I don't leave anything, not even the smallest of remains."

The Thrill Seeker looks thoughtful, "You know I've always wondered about that."

"You don't get to find out if I succeed."

"Well now, I think a lot of people would disagr--"

Curling ribbons of light extend from The Senator's hand and envelop The Thrill Seeker, who screams in pain. In a moment it is over and the lights go back out. Pimp Racer puts the infrared back on in time to record The senator walking away from an empty cell. There aren't even any ashes. There is no smoke.

"Damn!" whispers Pimp Racer, "The Senator killed the Thrill Seeker!" Pimp Racer quickly hacks into Hulaville Prison's wifi and quickly uploads the video to a dozen video sites.

Super Shaun is not sure why he had a nap, but he instantly feels that something is wrong. The good bad man with the funny hat seems to want to leave, and Super Shaun thinks it's time to go too, this place is no good. They crawl out of the vent. The vent was fun! But some men are coming after the good bad man and Shaun. It's time to leave.

Pimp Racer quickly straps himself and Super Shaun into the harness. "O.K. pal, lets go!" The two heroes fly off into the night.

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Wednesday, December 2, 2009

On The Run Again

"This is Rich Richman with breaking news! The courageous and lovable super dog and member of The Action Alliance, Super Shaun, is racing after The Thrill Seeker! Close behind is a black car that is obviously not street legal, and our brave Hulaville police officers, and the Pineapple Patrol, are hot on their tails, so to speak."

Do you know how much fun a dog can have chasing a rabbit or chicken, or squirrel? You've seen that happy running dog right? Now, imagine that happy dog going 80 miles an hour, flying at 60 miles an hour, chasing after a motorcycle like it was a runaway chicken. This is Super Shaun, super powerful pooch of justice. Pure of heart and strong of purpose, Super Shaun knows the man he chases is a bad man and that he must be stopped so he doesn't hurt anyone else.

The Thrill Seeker is having less fun with this chase than with the last one. Then he was giving Action Steve and Action Pre more trouble, which was always fun. And he liked playing with Pimp Racer, that guy was alright and a heck of a lot of fun in a fight. But this dog was just annoying. The Thrill Seeker knew the truth of it of course. He was always one to follow his impulses where they lead. He was more free that anyone he'd ever met, even during those times when he'd been in a cage, but the dog, the dog was the same as him. It wasn't troubled by doubt and uncertainty like human beings were. It instinctively knew who was bad, because bad people were the one's who hurt people. He'd heard about the creature's ability to identify the gist of any situation, even if he didn't get the nuances, and always fight on "the side of good". Both Super Shaun and The Thrill Seeker knew he was a bad man. Super Shaun was a match for The Thrill Seeker in a way that no other human could be.

Pimp Racer is hot on the heels of the super dog and The Thrill Seeker. Damn those two could move! He was using all of his super-chargers and cornering grapple lines, not to mention his own considerable driving skill to keep up with him but... The Thrill Seeker was extremely reckless, or would be reckless if not for that amazing healing power of his, and being reckless gave him an advantage on the street. At one point Pimp Racer swore The Thrill Seeker's neck had been broken by an oncoming vehicle. All he did was swerve a little and readjust his neck while it healed! The moment Pimp Racer thought he had that madman, the madman would do something crazy and survive something no human being ought to survive.

"I guess if you practice at crazy you get good at it just like anything else," Pimp Racer said to himself, "time to see how quick a study I am." Pimp Racer hit the accelerator all the way down.

The Mighty Pineapple had been in a foul mood all week. How the devil had The Thrill seeker managed to escape? Why hadn't the guards seen anything? She was beginning to suspect her whole Pineapple Patrol was lying to her, at least those parts of the patrol who had been guarding this most important of prisoners. Until very recently The Mighty Pineapple had lived a life of crime, largely because she'd always felt like an outcast. But now she was a real contributing member of society. The Senator had given her a chance to make up for all she had done before, and she wasn't about to screw this up. She owed it to herself and to Hulaville.

A few minutes ago she got the call that The Thrill Seeker had shown his ugly head, and now she was in hot pursuit. She had been pleased to learn that she was good at this, very good. She'd catch that menace again. And she'd catch Action Steve too, that smug bearded bast---

"Holy moley!" exclaimed a Pineapple Patroller. The Thrill Seeker had just driven up the arch on the side of the bridge, but that wasn't what had inspired the comment. That black car had run off the road at top speed, shot a crapload of grappling hooks onto the bridge and was swinging, in his car, as Action Steve might swing on his grapple-lele!

Maybe this wasn't the best idea after all. Pimp Racer was thinking to himself as he and a few tons of metal were swinging at high speed in midair, but it seemed to be working. Pimp Racer had quickly calculated the grappling hook shots to allow the car to complete a full loop and twist in such a way that he'd land on the arch of the bridge and slide down the arch to the street.

SLAM! It worked! Pimp Racer is crazy pimpin'!

"Sorry baby" he said to the car, "I'll fix you up really good after this is all over." Pimp Racer's car was pimped out enough that it's undercarriage could take a lot of damage, but this was pushing things way over the edge. The car had landed at an angle, but it was balanced on the arch. As Pimp Racer's car started to slide down The Thrill Seeker rode toward him.

Impressive, thought The Thrill Seeker.

The Thrill Seeker was about to jump off into Hulaville bay beneath them but Pimp Racer shoots a net onto the villian, and pulls him right onto the hood of the car! Amazingly Pimp Racer lands right side up. The Thrill Seeker curiously calm, strapped to the front of Pimp Racer's car. The Pineapple Patrol Rolls up to the car just as it dumps the vile villain onto the ground, and zooms off. The Mighty Pineapple gets out of her car with a few of her Pineapple Patrol.

"Do we go after the car?" asks one of them.

She considers it for a moment, "No, we've got our hands full with this one for now. I'm going to personally get him in the new cages as soon as possible. He is not going to escape again."

Edna, roller derby athlete, mechanic, roboticist, grad student, and server at The Cold War Cafe is watching the race from her apartment above The Cold War Cafe's garage and research lab. She turns the channel from the coverage of the chase downtown to coverage of Action Pre's speech after he lost the election. There is a guy who knows how to capitalize on his celebrity.

Taped from a speech earlier today, Action Pre speaks before a group of journalists and supporters.

"As you know, Mayor Malloy remains the mayor and I would like to encourage all of you to support him as we all face the challenges and the promise of this great city. I also wanted to use this opportunity to announce that I have published a book, 'It's Me, Action Pre' along with my CD of the same title."

The television program cuts to a man with oversize red cats eye sunglasses and purple dreadlocks. "This is Ronny Richman on The Hulaville Music Channel. Right after losing the election Action Pre releases a book and cd? Along with his career as one of Hulaville's greatest super heroes and running a campaign to be mayor, Action Pre finds the time to record music and write a book? Perhaps that time was better spent on the campaign trail eh Action Pre? Although it's hard for anyone to argue with the results as Action Pre's new single 'Party Paramecium' is currently at the top of the Charts--"

Edna turned off the T.V., grabbed her skates and gear and headed off to the roller rink. "This town is so ridiculous," she says to herself.

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Monday, November 30, 2009

Arrested in Another Dimension!

Action Steve is sitting in a cell, his Action-lele, all his gadgetry from his utility pockets, all taken from him. He's worrying about Action Raptor, hoping his friend is ok. Should they have fought it out? Maybe if... No way. There were too many of them, but what if something happens to Action Raptor...

"Maybe I made a mistake," He says aloud.

"What mistake was that?" asks a nearby voice. Action Steve is startled to find that he is not alone in his prison cell!

"Oh geeze you scared he hell out of me!" says Action Steve

"My apologies," the voice comes from a large figure. A very large figure in fact, twice the size of a man, he sits on the floor, cross legged. Now that Action Steve is paying attention he can see his cell mate is reptilian but man shaped. He has scales, a tail, and claws. If you were in a dungeon, on another planet, in another dimension, trapped with a creature like this, what would you do?

"No worries. Sorry I didn't see you there at first. I'm Action Steve, what's your name?" Action Steve holds out his hand to the astonished lizard man. But the lizard man gently takes it and they shake hands.

"My name is Lord Rudolph. Please call me Rudy." Action Steve didn't know Rudy was tense until he saw him relax. Action Steve gathered this was not a friendly place for anyone who was too different from the norm. "What mistake were you referring to?" asked the friendly giant lizard man.

"My friend and I were surrounded by guards, we eventually decided not to fight back and let them capture us, but I'm worried they'll mistreat him because they think he's a dragon."

"Your friend looks like a dragon?"

"I suppose. He's half as tall as me. He's got feathers and wings, he looks a bit like a lizard, but has legs built like a bird's."

"Hmmmm... Your friend could be in trouble." They stop their conversation as two guards, Sir Sarah and Neville The Great walked to their cell.

"See Neville, and you thought Rudolph would tear him limb from limb like all the others. Personally, I was hoping Action Steve would beat Lord Rudolph with his fighting skills, but I wasn't betting on it. I think I was right about you. Come along," ordered Sir Sarah.

Action Steve looked over to his new "friend". "Limb from limb?" Action Steve asked.

Rudy the Lizard man shrugged, "Sometimes people make me mad. You were nice, so I was nice."

Action Steve recovers after a moment's shock. "Well, it actually was a pleasure meeting you."

"Likewise." The lizard man grinned, showing his many teeth.

As they walk away from the cell, Action Steve's wrists in chains, Action Steve thinks to himself, well I'm glad I wasn't grumpy or anything. He turned to his captors. "Where is Action Raptor?" Action Steve's tone of voice wasn't exactly threatening, but it promised that it could be if the answer wasn't a good one.

"Not to worry," Neville manages to say this in a menacing, snarky, and conciliatory way all at once. Action Steve is inwardly impressed. "Your ... pet is being well cared for, for now." Neville The Great tells Action Steve.

"I can see you are a warrior, and a wizard of no small skill," Sir Sarah says as they walk up a flight of stairs.

"Hmph! Some wizard, his flying chariot couldn't even withstand Bartleby's Purple Putrescence," snarked Neville The Great.

"A fair point. Your magic, it seems, doesn't protect you against ours, but I'm betting it can protect you against The Dragons."

"Dragons?" asks Action Steve more than a little concerned and skeptical.

"Your pet is what we would call a dragon, despite your claim that he isn't. I'll admit that he is smaller than a normal dragon, and few dragons have feathers over their whole body. But he makes the same calls as they do. Dragons are usually extremely strong, and large, with thick hides that are impenetrable to magic," Sir Sarah informs Action Steve.

"We want you to take your chariot and help us fight against the beasts. They have overextended themselves into our territory, robbed the peasants of their food, and attacked humans. We seek the means to fight them back." Neville the Great entreats.

"What about Action Raptor?" Action Steve asks, ever mindful of his friend's peril.

"Your pet will stay here while you do this for us. If all goes well your transgression against us will go unpunished and you'll both be free to go." Answers Sir Sarah.

"More than that, you'll be a hero to our people. You will have helped us regain our birthright as the rightful rulers of this land." booms Neville the Great.

"I at least need to see him. I'll need his help to repair my chariot." The wizard and knight look at one another.

"Agreed." replies Sir Sarah.

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Saturday, November 28, 2009

The Law and The Lawless

Action Steve and Action Raptor are flying their Super Action Vehicle towards a castle in The Magical Land of Eranor. They were attacked by The Knight Sir Sarah and The Wizard Neville The Great, but our heroes, Action Steve and Action Raptor, quickly dispatched the pair with a net and some knockout gas. As our heroes land near the gates of the castle the two guards look on In Astonishment as The Super Action Vehicle lands near them. Sir Sarah and Neville The Great are hidden from view as the Action Duo exit the car and prepare to ask the guards where they should take the two villains so they might meet justice!

"Greetings! I come in peace!" says Action Steve to the two guards.

The guards are not mollified. "Halt!" exclaims one of them.

"Sure," Action Steve tries to use his friendliest customer service voice, the one he uses for really upset customers.

"Look! He openly consorts with dragons!" says the second guard, pointing to Action Raptor

"Thaaaaaaauuuuughuch?" asks Action Raptor.

"Yeah, what gives? Action Raptor is no dragon! Neither of us have ever seen a dragon!"

"You think us so easily fooled? Only a criminal wears a mask, only an evil wizard like you would have a flying house made of tin, and anyone can plainly see that creature is a dragon." Both guards move to attack the Action Duo but they easily dodge the guards swords. Action Steve plays an f chord on his Action-lele causing it to go into battle-lele mode! Action Raptor shoots pepper pellets from his Action Utility Cannon at two guards, hitting one in the face, disabling him, and the other on his chest plate. Action Steve rushes forward and knocks that guard on his head, hitting with much greater force to overcome the protection a helmet provides!

Zip! Zipzip! ZIP! The Action Duo Jumps out of the way again as arrows come at them from above. Action Steve and Action Raptor are now flush with the castle portcullis to avoid the arrows.


"I know! Why is it that no one approaches us just to say hi anymore?" complains Action Steve. The portcullis begins to rise. "And of course here come more people, probably not just to say, 'what's up?'" Just then The Super Action Vehicle begins to move forward and turns 90 degrees so that Action Steve and Action Raptor could easily get in without getting shot from above! They look at each other, slightly confused, but neither Action Hero is to question their luck. The pair of heroes get in the car.

"What about those two?" Asks Action Steve nodding his head toward the back seat at Action Raptor. Arrows fall onto The Super Action Vehicle like extremely heavy rain.

"I demand you release us immediately!" commands Sir Sarah The Knight.

"thooork!" snaps Action Raptor in the direction of Sir Sarah, who looks at the creature in fear.

"Oh look, they're awake!" observes a sarcastic and exasperated Action Steve.

"The Consequences of your Actions are most dire!" Threatens Neville The Great.

"Seems like the consequences of inaction were pretty dire too. I mean you didn't give us much choice. 'I want that creatures hide' I think were your exact words."

The Action Raptor takes control of the Super Action Vehicle and lifts off as men with swords pour out of the castle to attack the pair. Then..

THOOAOOAOOAOUUUUAUND! A burst of purple energy hits The Super Action Vehicle causing it to barrel roll in the air. Action Steve and Action Raptor start to scream as The Super action vehicle Spins out of control!

Neville the Great begins what Action Steve can only assume is some kind of spell, "Zatra thuum grinthos Zal-OOOOOOOOOOF!" The spell is stopped by action Raptor hitting a button, which causes a nozzle to squirt a sticky foam over Neville The Great's mouth!

BANG! THHOOOOOOM! Just as Action Raptor had gotten under control The Super Action Vehicle is hit with another purple blast causing it to crash into the earth! Men with swords, and an old man in a red robe whose hands are glowing purple, begin to approach the the prone vehicle. Inside The Super Action Vehicle our heroes are having even more trouble! Sir Sarah continues to scream threats at Action Steve and Action Raptor while alarms go off indicating loss of power, and damage to the Action Duo's favorite mode of transportation.

durrrp! durrrp! durrrp! durrrp! durrrp!

"Can we shut that thing off?" asks Action Steve in of his partner in crime fighting, complaining about the alarm.

"Thlauuric!" Action Raptor replies that the controls aren't responding.

"Well I'm pretty sure The Super Action Vehicle can only take so many hits from so many swords before they break through it. And I and don't like our odds against that many men with swords, plus there's that wizard. I'm sorry pal, it looks like we were better off being arrested by The Mighty Pineapple."

"If you give yourselves up now, your lives will be spared," says Sir Sarah.

"Who the heck are you to give a guarantee like that?" asks a more than skeptical Action Steve.

Sir Sarah raises herself as best she can to her full sitting height. "Didn't I say? I'm the ruler of these lands, that castle is mine." Sir Sarah smiles.

Well, how was he to have known, Action Steve Asked himself. He turned to Action Raptor, "What do you think?"


"You also have my word that your dragon will not be harmed. I have plans for you both."

"Plans? What kind of deal is that?"

"A better deal than you really ought to get, considering the circumstances." It hadn't escaped Action Steve's notice that Sir Sarah's army had surrounded them, and that their other wizard had begun casting a spell. One that will open The Super Action Vehicle like a can of spam no doubt, Action Steve thought to himself.

"Ok. We'll give up. You got us." Sighs Action Steve.

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Monday, November 23, 2009

The Apartment

It's now early in the morning. Pimp Racer parks his car near a few dilapidated apartments. A young woman is walking outside, taking out the trash. Pimp Racer approaches her. "Excuse me, ma'am, may I speak with you for a moment?" She begins to walk away quickly. He walks after her and speaks in Vietnamese, Korean, and then Chinese*.

She turns to face him and answers in English. "Why do you know so many languages?"

"I'm a man of many talents. Is there someone who just moved in here? Someone who seems like a dangerous man?"

"There are a few, and I don't want trouble from any of them, I have my children to look after. You, also, seem like a dangerous man." even as she says this she doesn't seem particularly alarmed.

Pimp Racer produces a 100 dollar bill, "Never to you my dear, perhaps I can help you and your children a little."

"What do you want for this gift?" The woman smiles.

"Just let me in and show me where he lives. The most dangerous man, the one who has come here most recently, the one who you may have 'forgot' was recently on television."

She eyes the door to the apartment complex, "He is at the end of the hall, I'll leave the door open for you but come in a little while after I enter."

She takes the money but Pimp Racer holds on for a split second as he says, "If this goes well, I'll come back with more."

She smiles as he lets go of the money, "It's been a pleasure doing business with you."

Pimp Racer waits a few minutes after she goes in and then walks inside himself. The hall is empty, he can hear muffled conversations in the various doors, music plays from stereos, he can hear a television, the little sounds of breakfast and people getting ready for work.

Just as Pimp Racer gets to the end of the hall to open the door, it slams onto his face and knocks him down! As he gets up, The Thrill Seeker, with a menacing and angry look, slams an entire coffee table into Pimp Racer's stomach, pinning him to the ground! The Thrill Seeker, grinning madly, repeatedly slams the table into Pimp Racer, who manages to absorb some of the blow with his arms. Pimp Racer kicks The Thrill Seeker's feet out from under him. The villain falls and Pimp Racer Struggles to his feet just as The Thrill Seeker gets to his. Pimp Racer hits The Thrill Seeker with A Mighty Backhanded Pimp Slap! The Thrill Seeker is knocked back into a wall! Other apartment residents look out of their doors and quickly close them again.

The fight continues back into The Thrill Seeker's Apartment. Both are landing as many hits as the other, but Pimp Racer doesn't instantly heal as The Thrill Seeker does. A bloodied Pimp Racer takes an old record player resting on a shelf and hits The Thrill Seeker repeatedly over the head with it! The Thrill Seeker punches Pimp Racer below the belt, stunning our hero, and runs over to get his blender! The Thrill Seeker removes the pitcher from the blender's base and turns it on. Nothing happens.

"Safety Latch!" The Thrill Seeker spits out the offensive words.

Pimp Racer Punches The Thrill Seeker right in the kisser and hits him a second time! The old 1, 2! Pimp Racer repeats the performance, stunning The Thrill Seeker, but he isn't stunned long. The Thrill Seeker takes the blender blade and jams it into Pimp Racer's arm! Pimp Racer screams, more in anger than in pain. The Thrill Seeker tries to hit Pimp Racer in the face with his makeshift weapon but Pimp Racer manages to avoid it. In that struggle, Pimp Racer knocks the blade out of The Thrill Seeker's hand and knocks The Thrill Seeker into a glass shelf full of china plates! CRASH! Just as Pimp Racer is about to let The Thrill Seeker have some more, The Thrill Seeker gets his hands around an iron skillet, which quickly finds itself making a glancing blow on our hero's head, knocking him down to the ground!

The Thrill Seeker looms over a prone Pimp Racer, who shakes his head and struggles to get his bearings, but The Thrill Seeker never needs time to recover....

CRASH! Just then, a flying dog in a cape crashes through the kitchen window and flies right into The Thrill Seeker, hitting him hard enough to send the both of them through the sliding glass door! The Thrill Seeker has been attacked by none other than Super Shaun, Super Powered Pooch and member of The Action Alliance! The Thrill Seeker knocks the Courageous Canine away with the skillet but it takes more than that to hurt this Action Hero! The Thrill Seeker manages to get to his motorcycle and zooms off, The Flying Dog Of Justice hot on his tail!

Pimp Racer Stands up and walks out of the opening that was a sliding glass door, but is now a mess of shards of glass. He slowly walks out to his car.

"Wait, didn't I park you by the garbage cans?" he asks his car, which doesn't answer, because it is a car. Nevermind, Pimp Racer thinks to himself as he gets into the driver's seat and drives off to follow the Dastardly villain and give Super Shaun any help he can. He makes a mental note repay the landlord for the damages and to visit that woman again. He wonders idly if she would go out to dinner with him after this Thrill Seeker business has ended.

*Pimp Racer is Pimpin' in many languages.
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Saturday, November 21, 2009

Action Steve Close up!

Here's a Picture of Action Steve drawn and inked by Steve Smith and Colored by Sharon Hilchie! An Action Steve Comic is in the works!

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Friday, November 20, 2009

Introducing Pimp Racer!

It's night time in south central Hulaville and a liquor store is being robbed! 3 men are pointing shot guns at a very nervous attendant. A piece of paper with the words "If you plan to shoplift, please let us know." written on it is taped to the cash register.

"Hurry up!" shouts one of the robbers.

"Sh-sure.." The attendant does his best under trying circumstances to get the men out as soon as soon as possible.

"Gentlemen, didn't your mothers ever tell you that stealing is wrong?" All three turn to look at a man in a dark purple and red racing outfit standing in front of the isle offering chips, dip, and other snacks. The fluorescent lights reflect harshly on his mirror sunglasses. Pimp Racer sports a classic purple pimp hat, though it's brim is much smaller, as is the feather, giving the man a more classy look.

"It's Pimp Racer! Kill that son of a--" before the thug can complete his sentence, the valiant crime fighter known as Pimp Racer interrupts him by throwing a jar of kimchi into his face! His shotgun fires accidentally, blowing a hole into the floor. Before the other two can react, Pimp Racer jumps and scissor kicks the other two in their respective noggins, knocking them both down and out. The first thug, makes a run for it! Pimp Racer quickly disarms the remaining two thugs and cuffs them to a support beam. He places a few large bills on the counter for the attendant.

"For the floor," Pimp Racer explains before going after the runaway criminal.

Pimp Racer quickly but stylishly slides into his Custom Luxury Sports Car and races after the criminal's old used station wagon. The thief screeches his tires as he turns into onto another street. Pimp Racer is thankful that the road is clear at this time of night and easily corners and catches up to the much slower, older car. He needs to end this fast so no one gets hurt. But that's just fine, Pimp Racer is all about fast. He gets behind the old car. On Pimp Racer's dashboard is a large touch screen. He hits a few buttons and two guns pop out of either side of The Car's hood. "Nets," he tells his on board computer, then pulls two triggers on his steering wheel. Two harpoons shoot over the car, their lines trailing a net between them, capturing the thug! Pimp Racer hits the brakes, then shifts in reverse. He quickly presses a few buttons, and 4 grappling hooks shoot out of the back of Pimp Racer's Car latching onto two telephone poles, a grate, and the corner of a building. The tires screech as the two cars fight each other for dominance. One desperately trying to escape forward, the other forcefully holding it's place in reverse. Pimp Racer speaks to his car's voice interface again. "EMP." The net lights up in a blinding flash and the station wagon stops. It's engine is dead.

The thug is in full panic. This was supposed to be an easy job. Hardly even a job really. Just a liquor store. It's turned into a nightmare! Well he wasn't about to let some nut job with a lot of fancy toys take him down. There was still a gun in the glove compartment. He listened as Pimp Racer got out of The Car. He heard footsteps approach slowly. The thug tried to open a door, but the net had melted over it and effectively glued it shut. There was no getting out, but that meant HE couldn't get in. The thug got his pistol ready to shoot through the glass.


Pimp Racer forced his way through the car door on the passenger side feet first! And has kicked the pistol out of the thugs hands! Pimp Racer now drags the criminal out of the car and cuffs him to a street light. It blinks a red hand, but the light's plea for caution has gone unheeded.

The man cuffed to the pole slides down into a sitting position, clearly beaten. "Why the hell are you going after small fry like me! You should be going after Action Steve! He's on the run from the law," he whines.

"Scum like you should know by now that Action Steve fights crime. He's no Criminal." Pimp Racer knows what time it is.

"What if I knew something eh? About the Thrill Seeker? If I told you would you let me go?"

"What would scum like you know about The Thrill Seeker?"

"Let me go."

"I would never let you go. What if you tried robbing another place? I'd be putting people and their livelihood's in danger, but maybe I can offer you something else." Pimp Racer produces a hundred dollar bill! The thug looks at the money suspiciously.

"I don't believe that beating you any more would gets results friend, but as you know, money talks. They call me Pimp Racer, because of my car, my style, and my massive bank accounts." The criminal relaxes and smiles. "You and your friends are going to jail tonight, there's no question about me letting you go. You will to be spending some time behind bars, but maybe that time is a little less if I get you a good lawyer, and maybe it's a little easier if you have a few more cigarettes to barter with. I can make it happen, if you tell me what I want to know. "


"You get part of it now, not enough that it will cause suspicion from the police. If your information leads me to The Thrill Seeker, or to who let him out, there's more coming. What do you say?"

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Thursday, November 19, 2009

The Story So Far...

Action Steve, unlikely super hero sporting a straw fedora, blue cape and gloves, and a shirt and pair of slacks sporting too many pockets, wields his tricked out Action Ukulele or Action-lele to fight crime alongside his partner, Action Raptor, a prehistoric feathered Raptor from the age of the dinosaurs, who wields his Action Utility Cannon, and sports a WWI pilot's cap, goggles and scarf. Together they ride in their Super Action Vehicle, a wheel-less flying hover-car that resembles a 1957 Chevy Bel Air after Industrial Light and Magic got their hands on it.

The Super Action Vehicle is maintained by Chef Patrick, owner and operator of The Cold War Cafe, a 50's themed restaurant and garage/research-lab, under which is Action Steve's Secret Lair. Chef Patrick and one of his best employees, Edna the Roller Derby Server, are responsible for most of Action Steve's Gadgets.

Even though Action Steve daily Faces Villains such as The Mighty Pineapple, who wields her Fruit Smoothie Guitar like a club and uses it to control her army of Pineapplebots, and Biggus Mikus, one of the relatively unknown Greek Gods of Toiletries, Action Steve Still works at a call center and often helps customers even while battling fierce fiends like The giant cybernetic villainous vegetables The Potatonator, Potatotron, The Tomatonator, and Tomatotron!

Action Steve has many friends. One is Chronotron The Chronobot, a giant robot with a clock on his front torso, a fitting decoration for he is the master of time and space itself! Another is Ace Malloy, Hulaville Police Detective and liaison with Hulaville's legally recognized super heroes.

Another one of Action Steve's greatest allies is Action Pre, a full time super hero and part time microbiologist, who became a super hero by genetically altering himself and upgrading his body with cybernetic implants. Action Pre chose to fight crime after his wife and Super Dudical Steve* were killed by The Thrill Seeker, a reckless and dangerously creative acrobatic evildoer with a super charged super powered healing power! During a chase that lead right into Pre's secret lab in Hula Mountain, The Thrill Seeker destroyed Pre's experiments causing a gigantic explosion!

The Thrill Seeker has seemed to die several times, most recently falling from an airplane in midflight, but has always come back. Action Pre, who has recently entered the race to become Hulaville's mayor, was attacked by The Thrill Seeker along with his audience during a speech. The Thrill seeker then caused chaos and mayhem throughout Hulaville and was chased for a day and a half nonstop as he raced from alleyway to rooftop to street while being chased by Action Steve, Action Pre, and Hulaville's Finest lead by Detective Ace Malloy.

After distracting Action Steve and Action Raptor by setting a building on fire, The Thrill Seeker was finally caught by a newly formed police unit headed by reformed super villain, The Mighty Pineapple, now wearing a police uniform version of her punk pineapple costume. The Thrill seeker Managed to escape with the aid of a secret helper, and Action Steve was blamed.

Action Steve was relieved to know that The Thrill Seeker was finally behind bars and went back to his job only to be accosted by 'The Original Mr. E-vil' Manalo and his new sidekick, Louis 'Lounatik' Nguyen! Action Steve Quickly dispatched Mr. E-vil's gang but was having trouble with Mr. E-vil and his new sidekick. They ran off at the sound of police sirens and Action Steve's Supervisor let him know that all this super hero activity was threatening his job security, but what is a super hero to do?!

Get Arrested! Action Steve and Action Raptor are met by The Mighty Pineapple and her Pineapple Patrol. Action Steve was willing to be arrested but insisted that Action Raptor be arrested as a citizen and given due process. The Mighty Pineapple insisted that Action Raptor was to be captured as an animal and the discussion was about to come to blows before Chronotron The Chronobot stopped time and helped The Action Team escape to another dimension ruled by swords and sorcery. In this land of Eranor, Action Steve and Action Raptor are accosted by a The Knight Sir Sarah and the Sorcerer Neville The Great. Even though Chronotron disappears at the first sign of danger, Action Steve and Action Raptor quickly dispatch the two and venture off in search of the local justice system to turn the two villains into the authorities.

Another Astonishing Adventure of Action Steve will appear in two days! Thanks for reading and being an Action Fan!

*An alternate universe version of Action Steve

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Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Action Steve is on hold!

Action Steve will return once Author Steve's internet comes back up. Until then, Stay Action Packed, Action Fans!

Friday, November 13, 2009


The scene opens on a green meadow surrounded by a forest on a pleasantly overcast day. Next to a parked Super Action Vehicle Action Steve and Action Raptor sit at a picnic table finishing up their lunch while Chronotron The Chronobot stands, monolith-like, nearby.

"I don't suppose I could call Ace Malloy and let him know I've run from the law and want to turn just myself in....."

"There are an infinite number of Ace Malloys," replies Chronotron.

"I meant my Ace Malloy. From my universe," Action Steve had temporarily forgotten about infinity while worrying about a finite outcome. He was on the run from the law. He knew it happened to all the super heroes from the comics but...

"Your request isn't sensible, as I have told you before, each moment is it's own universe and there are an infinite number of moments, each one a different permutation of what is possible. Continuity is an illusion," Chronotron seems annoyed as he responds monotonically.

"Right, I forgot. Where are we by the way?"

"The kingdom of Eranor. You didn't say where you wanted to go, and I have enjoyed universes similar to this, some here might remember that they worshiped me as a god."

"Wait, when are we? Nevermind, I already know, different calendar right?"

"Correct, but conveniently the natives here speak a language similar to English, although we could go to one of the infinite permutations of this universe where everyone speaks Japanese, or Raptor."

"So where did this picnic table come from?"

"As there are an infinite number of universes I simply chose the one that had a picnic table. I could have also chosen the one that had a Freezing Slab ice cream shop but you've already had some."*


"Yeah, never mind about that, why didn't you come help me earlier with The Thrill Seeker?"

"There are an infinite number of universes where I did help you and an infinite number of universes where I did not."

"That doesn't exactly--"

"Avant! Foul rogue! Friend to Dragons!" The speaker is a young woman in full plate armor. At her side is a man in a long purple robe and hat. Everything about them screams Knight and Wizard.

Chronotron the Chronobot shimmers and disappears.


"Look, they too are sorcerers," the Wizard tells the Knight, "We should test our mettle against them."

"Wait, what?" Action Steve is Confused.

The Knight unsheathes her sword. "Enough talk! I want that creature's hide and we'll see what treasures they hide in their home. Neville!"

"Home? You mean The Super Action Vehicle? Now hold on just one minute!" Action Steve was not prepared to be a monster in a role playing game character's random encounter.

"Know this before you die sorcerer, I am Neville The Great, world renowned wizard! All tremble in fear at my name!" The Wizard begins to cast a spell.

"And I am Sir Sarah, the most fearsome and skilled Knight in all of Eranor. You may ask for mercy now, not that it will help you," She smiles dangerously.

Action Raptor shoots a net from his utility cannon covering both Knight and Wizard. Action Steve takes a canister from one of his shirts utility pockets and sprays it's contents at Sir Sarah and Neville The Great quickly knocking them both unconscious.

"Wizards and Knights eh? Cool! Hey Action Raptor, let's see if we can turn these two into the local authorities. Whatcha think?"


Action Steve and Action Raptor disarm and tie up the pair and put them in the back seat. "How do you disarm a Wizard? Tie his hands I guess. Maybe check for magic wands?"


"Ok, let's go see what the justice system is like here."

*Since there are an infinite number of universes, anything that can happen does happen. This means that even very unlikely events like 10 million dollars falling into your lap or your instantly changing into a scale model of The Eiffel Tower made out of Belgian Waffles does indeed happen, in some alternate universe.

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Wednesday, November 11, 2009

The Law

Action Steve and Action Raptor are walking out of their favorite Halloween themed ice cream shop, The Freezing Slab.

"Mmmmmmm, yum!" Action Steve tells Action Raptor, who nods his head as he licks his ice cream cone.

"Thaaauutccchcchchcch!" agrees Action Raptor.

The Action Duo walk walk past a few man sized mutant potatoes eating fish and chips outside of a restaurant, "Hey guys!" greets Action Steve.

"Hiya!" the bunch of mutant potatoes reply.

As the two walk to The Super Action Vehicle they are greeted by none other than The Mighty Pineapple and the Pineapple Patrol, who stand between the two Action Heroes and the Super Action Vehicle!

"Action Steve, would you come with us? We have a few questions about your involvment with The Thrill Seeker. Animal control will confiscate your animal."

Action Steve is stunned, "My..."


"That's right! Action Raptor isn't 'an animal'! He's just as much a person as you or I! And has helped save the city countless times!" Action Steve protests.

"You have my word that Action Raptor will be well cared for. Now please come with me," orders The Mighty Pineapple


"That's right!" agrees Action Steve, "Action Raptor has earned the right to due process! You're going to arrest the both of us or neither of us!"

"You're resisting arrest?" one of The Pineapple Patrol asks with an eager grin.

"Easy officer. You are a member of The Hulaville Police Force. You do not grin at the prospect of forcibly detaining a suspect." says The Mighty Pineapple.

"Wow, you're really taking this seriously. Mighty Pineapple, will you let Action Raptor go if he promises to go directly to The Cold War Cafe?"

She seems to consider it, but then shakes her head. "You're not in a position to negotiate. You are a suspect. I am going to arrest you and this animal will be put in a cage. Now are you coming quietly?"

Action Steve says, in a strained quiet voice, staring directly at The Mighty Pineapple, "I don't think I can."

"Pineapple Patrol!" yells The Mighty Pineapple in anticipation of a battle.

Just as the poop is about to hit the propeller, everyone freezes! Action Steve looks around. Birds are hovering motionless in midair. Trees are slightly bent from the force of wind but don't move. Leaves are stuck in the air. Time has stopped!

Action Steve, who was about to grab his Action-lele and try to bean The Mighty Pineapple on the head, relaxes. "Oh," he says.

"Thk-k-k-k-k," says Action Raptor.

"Guess so," Action Steve Replies. "Hey Chronotron! What's going on?" In answer to Action Steve's query, a metallic form shimmers into existence near The Super Action Vehicle! It's Chronotron The Chronobot master of space and time! Larger and taller than a car is lengthwise, Chronotron's boxy metal shape looms over the pair of Action Heroes. Looking much more like a robot from a 1950's B movie than anything from modern cinema, Chronotron The Chronobot has a giant clock on his front torso, a fitting decoration for he is the master of time and space itself!*

"Greetings to you, Action Alliance," booms Chronotron The Chronobot, "I wonder if this is the universe in which you feel you want to go to another universe to escape law enforcement. Or are you the Action Steve that decides to let himself get arrested?"

"Why?" asks, Action Steve, "What happens if I get arrested?"

"Anything can happen, anything always happens"

From The Pineapple Patrol's point of view, Action Steve, Action Raptor, and The Super Action Vehicle have just vanished in a flash of light! The Mighty Pineapple and her Pineapple Patrol look around, in surprise and confusion. The Mighty Pineapple slaps her thighs and yells loudly, "Damnit!"

*Also, it's Fresh Yo! Word to your mother!

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Monday, November 9, 2009

The Prisoner

We see a dark room, the only thing illuminated is a large metal cylinder. It's The Thrill Seeker's specially constructed cell! With one small barred window on it's door and it's thick walls, not to mention a contingent of The Pineapple Patrol keeping guard, it doesn't look like The Thrill Seeker is going anywhere anytime soon!

A shaft of light appears on the floor as two figures walk toward the cell. It's The Mighty Pineapple and The Senator! The Mighty pineapple still wearing her black and yellow policeman's version of her old pineapple themed costume. The Senator in a politician's blue suit and red tie and his short blond, television perfect, hair. The Senator looks into the cell's only window and sees The Thrill Seeker sitting cross legged, meditating, on the floor. He looks very calm, an extreme contrast with his usual manic demeanor. The Thrill Seeker opens his eyes, takes a deep breath, and looks straight at The Senator.

"Hiya.... Senator!" The Thrill seeker sneers.

"Hello," it seems that The Senator is partly enjoying this, but part of him is obviously impatient with The Thrill Seeker.

"We were thinking we could slow your healing by starving you a bit. Turns out we were wrong." Says The Mighty Pineapple.

"Oh, there's no stopping me. Never ever," The Thrill Seeker presses his face to the small barred window. The Senator moves back slightly, careful not to make it seem like he's afraid of The Thrill Seeker.

"But we can slow you down. This cage is a good start." Now it's The Senator's turn to smile. "If the rumors about you are true, then you are effectively immortal. You don't appear to age. All you wounds heal more or less instantly. You don't catch any diseases. You don't even seem to need sleep, but you can be contained, perhaps even studied. Think of the good you could do for medical science." The Senator grins at this remark.

The Thrill Seeker slams at the cell door, hard. "You can't hold me! There's no way you can hold me! I'll get out!" The Thrill Seeker's more manic side comes out in full force!

"Eventually, maybe, but I think you'll be with us for a least a few lifetimes."

"You're being shipped to the extraordinarily powerful prisoner's penitentiary. They're making a special cell for you." The Mighty Pineapple smirks as she says this.

As The Thrill Seeker screams threats at the The Mighty Pineapple and The Senator, they both walk out. The door slams shut and The Thrill Seeker instantly calms down.

After a few hours of calm meditation alone in his cell, The Thrill Seeker's door opens. The Thrill Seeker talks to his mysterious helper as he walks out. "Ah, Thank you. You know this was very calming. I think I might make a cell of my own like this..... and before you say it, no I don't want to stay. You know how I enjoy making mischief."

Just exactly who is helping The Thrill Seeker?

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Saturday, November 7, 2009

Trouble on the Campaign Trail

This episode starts at City Hall, where Hulaville's other Mayoral Candidate, Frances Malloy, Hulaville's current Mayor and father to Detective Ace Malloy, one of Action Steve's partners in crime fighting, is making a speech.

"We now have sources confirming that Action Pre is responsible for the explosion on Hulaville Mountain all those years ago! He was running an unlicensed laboratory irresponsibly creating nanotechnological cybernetic ameobe within a Hulaville City landmark! His experiments were unregulated and unsafe and as a result they caused an explosion, killing his wife and one of these other so called super heroes!

Is this the sort of person we want as mayor? Someone who, it is said, maintains a secret underground laboratory even now? My friends, I ask you, don't you deserve a more honest politician? Action Pre doesn't even want you to see the the most damning evidence of his lack of care for the safety of himself and others. He hides it well, but Action Pre walks with a limp! An injury from the explosion that even his scientific mind couldn't fix with cybernetics and genetic engineering! Please vote for me! Frances Malloy! To continue to be your Mayor! Allow me the opportunity to reign in this destructive and reckless behavior!"

What's this? Applause? Is Action Pre's campaign in trouble? We cut to Action Pre on the campaign trail!

"Would you care to comment on on your opponent's accusations Action Pre?"

"I won't deny I've made mistakes in the past, but I can hardly be blamed for not calling these to atten--"


Hulaville City Hall is once again being demolished by some villain or other!

"You may have thought that I! The Potatonator! Was down for the count! But you were sorely mistaken! Oooooh yes indeed!" Potatonator is back and rebuilt! He is even more mechanical and sports a giant cannon on one of his robot arms!

As Action Pre is about to jump to help save Hulaville once again, a reporter asks, "Is this the sort of thing we can expect in your administration? This constant distraction of so-called super villains, when real civic issues are neglected?" Action Pre looks at the reporter incredulously. Wasn't a giant monster, part robot, part mutant potato, a real civic issue?

"I'm always willing to answer questions, but I have no interest in stupid suggestions!" With that Action Pre Jumps to a great height and lands on the back of The Potatonator and begins to wail on him.

Whhaaaaauup! Whhaaaaauup! Whhaaaaauup! Whhaaaaauup! Whhaaaaauup!

The Potatonator eventually falls down after an onslaught of punches!

"Technically it wasn't a suggestion," the reporter says to a colleague.

Whhaaaaauup! Whhaaaaauup! Whhaaaaauup! Whhaaaaauup! Whhaaaaauup!

Ffflaaaughmpt! The Potatonator has fallen face down into the street!

Meanwhile The Mighty Pineapple and her Pineapple Patrol are making a name for themselves as Hulaville's new super team!

"Toilet Paper is an abomination!" snarls Biggus Mikus, Little Known Greek God of Toiletries, as he is being hand cuffed by the reformed supervillian and head of Hulaville's official super powered police unit, The Mighty Pineapple.

One of the Pineapple Patrol asks the detained deity, "Why have you got a toilet seat over your head? That some kinda crown?"

"It's my Laurel!!!"

"Isnt' that Roman?"


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Friday, November 6, 2009

Action Steve's Quote for the day

"If the Internet teaches us anything, it is that great value comes from leaving core resources in a commons, where they're free for people to build upon as they see fit."
--Lawrence Lessig

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Run Away!

Action Steve is fighting the malevolent mischief-maker 'The Original Mr. E-vil' Manalo and his gang of thugs!

"Take that! And that! ... And that!" Action Steve is really in good form today as he knocks out thug after thug with his Action-lele, but 'The Original Mr. E-vil' Manalo and his sidekick Louis 'Lounatik' Nguyen are giving him much more trouble. Action Steve has managed to knock out every one of their minions, or hurt them enough that they are down for the count! The the quiet moaning of the criminals, for whom the phrase, "That'll leave a mark" more than applies, can be heard all over the parking lot.

"You guys," Action Steve takes a breath, "have been... practicing."

"That's ri--" just as 'The Original Mr. E-vil' Manalo is about to go into another dialog he stops. Those that are still conscious can hear police sirens in the distance, coming closer.

"We should leave," Louis 'Lounatik' Nguyen tells 'The Original Mr. E-vil' Manalo.

As they run off, Action Steve's supervisor comes out of the building, "I called the police as soon as I saw them outside, but his is no good Steve, you're late again. I'll need another note from Detective Malloy or I'll have to make it an occurrence. I know you're a super hero and everything, couldn't you get some kind of book deal? or maybe you could go on the lecture circuit? I think your extra-curricular activities are putting your job in serious jeopardy."

"The customer's need my help too." Action Steve replies dramatically.

Meanwhile, in an unused warehouse and 'The Original Mr. E-vil' Manalo's secret hide out.

"I'm sorry to hear that, no, we are not threatening our employees at this time. You may quit without fear of retribution. We reserve the right to threaten you later but frankly I don't think we'll bother. Good luck with your other criminal activities. Thank you," Louis 'Lounatik' Nguyen hangs up the phone and walks out of his makeshift office. 'The Original Mr. E-vil' Manalo is sitting at a table in the middle of the warehouse, the remaining thugs are smoking, eating pizza, chatting, and nursing their wounds.

'The Original Mr. E-vil' Manalo greets his sidekick, "Ah, how does your work progress Louis 'Lounatik' Nguyen?"

"You know, you don't have to say my full 'villain' name at every opportunity." Louis sighs. "Would you please explain something to me?"

"Explain? I am The Original Mr. E-vil' Manalo!" The Original Mr. E-vil' Manalo stands up, his thugs stop what they are doing and listen, in admiration. "I do not explain myself to--"

"Why do all of your plans involve attacking Action Steve? Are there more profitable things we could be doing with our time?"

"Because. I'm. E-vil!" no one should be able to pronounce a dash, but 'The Original Mr. E-vil' Manalo managed it. After that, pronouncing the period's and exclaimation point was a piece of cake.

"But it's not making us any money. What about starting a protection racket? Secret casino? Or at least a loan shark business?"

"Oh I see! you want to expand our operation! I like how you think my malevolent minion! There is something I have always wanted to try."

"Yes?" I really shouldn't get my hopes up, Louis thinks to himself. "We are going to take a break from attacking Action Steve and make a giant laser that will blow up the moon!" exclaims 'The Original Mr. E-vil' Manalo.

Louis 'Lounatik' Nguyen cradles his head in his hands.

"What?" asks the E-vil one in the tones of one who is more interested in perfecting his villain laugh than his business model.

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Action Steve's Quote for the day

"Nobody climbs mountains for scientific reasons. Science is used to raise money for the expeditions, but you really climb for the hell of it."
--Sir Edmund Hillary

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Trouble in the Parking Lot

Action Steve lands The Super Action Vehicle in the company parking lot at work, ready to help more customers as the city returns to normal, but before he can get to the door....

"Not so fast, Action Dork! You'll have to face me before you go to your idiotic place of employment! You'll have to face 'The Original Mr. E-vil' Manalo and my partner in crime, Louis 'Lounatik' Nguyen! And our cadre of henchmen!" E-vil Manalo wears a shiny red and black leather cloak, spiky hair and mirror glasses, making him look like a cross between an extra in The Matrix, an anime villain or villain on the 1960's Batman TV show. Louis simply wears all black, as do the henchmen.

Action Steve positively bounces! It's like he's greeting old friends, not criminals. "Hey guys!", Action Steve grins, "It's been a while! Where have you been?"

"We've been preparing to do battle with you and destroy you!" replies 'The Original Mr. E-vil' Manalo, as he talks with our hero, he keeps posing as if for a camera. His henchmen nod approvingly, clap, and make ooh and ah sounds at the appropriate moments. Somewhere among the henchmen, there must be a portable speaker system because a synth-rock soundtrack is playing as Mr. E-vil talks.

"So you got a new sidekick I see. How are you, Mr.... Lunatic was it?"

"Louis 'Lounatik' Nguyen", Louis replies in a level tone, having none of the bravado of his boss, and seeming much more menacing for it, "Where's your feathered dinosaur?"

"Action Raptor doesn't work here. He just helps me out sometimes." Action Steve is still grinning, glad to only have to deal with the normal villains and criminals rather than that crazy, super powered maniac who is now safely captured.

"You should be more respectful of my power and menace, Action Doofus! You shall---"

Louis 'Lounatik' Nguyen, clearly impatient with his superior, runs over to Action Steve and kicks him in the gut, knocking him down. Action Steve sits up, surprised.

"You interrupted my monologue!" The Original Mr. E-vil turns on his sidekick.

"Yeah, you did, thanks for that. I'm impressed!" Action Steve tells Louis 'Lounatik' Nguyen as he charges at the group, ukulele in battle-lele mode. "Ok, this has been fun, but I need to get into work. Prepare to get clobbered!"

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Action Steve's Quote for the day

"I never submitted the whole system of my opinions to the creed of any party of men whatever in religion, in philosophy, in politics, or in anything else where I was capable of thinking for myself."
--Thomas Jefferson

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

The Nightly News

"Welcome to Hulaville's Nightly News. I'm Rich Richman."

"The Thrill Seeker was finally caught today by a special police unit, The Pineapple Patrol. Lead by ex-super-villain, and former arch-nemesis to Action Steve, The Mighty Pineapple. In a statement Senator --"


"--Do you have unsightly body hair? Try--"

"Hey change it back!" Action Steve asks Edna, The Roller Derby Server and mechanic, who is holding the remote to one of The Cold War Cafe's Television sets.

"Sorry. Thought you didn't want to see it," she changes it back

"--My friends, for too long this city has been at the mercy of costumed criminals--"

"Cheesy!" Action Steve exclaims.

"Waaaaahhwwk!" Action Raptor chides Action Steve into silence. He would like to hear what the senator has to say.

"But now we finally have a real solution! Rather than rely on the services of unreliable, so called, super heroes," Action Steve Grimaces, Edna rolls her eyes at Action Steve, "We now have a special police unit with talented individuals and professionals, who take their responsibility for protecting their city much more seriously."

Rich Richman continues, "When Asked to comment on the senator's obvious slight at The Action Alliance, Hulaville super hero and mayoral candidate, Action Pre had this to say:"

"I don't know what the senator is talking about. I and the other members of the Action Alliance have saved the city countless times, but I do want to recognize the good work The Pineapple Patrol has done. If I am elected Mayor, I will appoint The Mighty Pineapple chief of police!"

Action Steve and Action Raptor make for The Super Action Vehicle. They walk by a few mutant potatoes, who greet him. "Hi guys," says Action Steve. Action Raptor also says hi, "Thuuurrtch!"

Before getting into the car, Action Steve gets a phone call. "Yes? No, I'm fine. Thanks, I'm glad I'm ok too. No, I'm coming in tomorrow."

"Thaaaauuric!" Action Raptor comments, not for the first time, how weird it is that Action Steve has a day job as a technical support agent in a call center.

"Being a super hero doesn't pay the bills man."

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Action Steve's Quote for the Day

"The true method of knowledge is experiment."
--William Blake

Monday, November 2, 2009


We re-join Action Steve recounting a past battle with The nefarious evildoer, The Thrill Seeker! The Thrill Seeker had lead Action Steve and his parallel universe partner in crime fighting, Super Dudical Steve into Pre-Action-Pre Pre's secret mountain laboratory!


"I don't know who you are, but the three of you need to leave! This is very sensitive equipment!" exclaims Pre.

"Is that a fact?" asks The Thrill Seeker. Before anyone can react, the malevolent malefactor reaches for a computer monitor, and throws it into one of 4 large chambers filled with glowing green liquid. Instantly sparks fly and the liquid begins to eat at everything it touches. The The Thrill Seeker causes even more chaos as the two super heroic Steve's tackle him to the ground. Everyone is covered in the green slime!

"My nanotechnologicial cybernetic amoebae are destroyed! I am much much further along the scale than merely annoyed!"

Boom! An explosion in the lab causes some of the ceiling to fall! Pre, and the 4 lab assistants make a run for it.

"Help them get out!" Super Dudical Steve yells to Action Steve over the noise of the fire, the ceiling caving in, and more explosions!

"Right!" Action Steve assists the 5 civilians out of the house, then-

KrakkaThooom! A huge explosion! Dust, fire, rocks, bits of house shower everywhere!

"Can't move." Action Steve says, right before he passes out.


"We were taken to the hospital," Action Steve explains to his super hero and reformed super villain support group. "Action Raptor, who had been following another lead at the time, and Detective Malloy and his men combed the rubble, but they were only able to find 3 of the lab assistants, Pre, and .. me. Super Dudical Steve and The Thrill Seeker were nowhere to be found. I later learned the lab assistant that didn't make it, was Pre's wife." At this point, many of the support group are in tears. A giant praying mantis dressed in what looks like a space suit is blowing his nose, loudly.

"They couldn't find the bodies of the other two but..." The giant mantis offers Action Steve his hanky, who takes it. "We eventually discovered just how good The Thrill Seeker's power's of recovery really are when he came back to cause more mayhem, but that moment is when Pre became Action Pre. He transformed himself into a genetically engineered cybernetic super-powered super-hero and devoted his life, as I have, to making this city, and the world, A Better Place!"

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