Tuesday, March 30, 2010

The Astonishing Adventures of Action Steve! This Episode: "Plumbing Problems"

    When we last left Action Steve and Action Raptor they were hanging from cages in an unfamiliar laboratory, having been captured by the super criminal known as Lounatic, and his Action Steve and Action Raptor clones. Hanging from a third cage was one of the Action Duo's old foes, the little known ancient Greek god of toiletries, Biggus Mikus! Using a newly learned magic spell, Action Steve retrieved Biggus Mikus's plunger sceptor for him, without which the the deity of doo doo could not escape his magically sealed prison.

    Now Biggus Mikus points his plunger scepter toward the door. "Alright ya dorks," he says, "You helped me so I'm helping you!" Past the door and down the hall there is a bathroom. The toilet begins to bubble and creek alarmingly. It overflows and water splashes on the ground. The sink also begins to spray more water. Soon water is pouring onto the floor and out into the hall. The toilet and sink are now fountains, more and more water escapes from them, much more than anyone would say is possible. Now water is pouring out of the toilet as if from a broken fire hydrant! Out in the hall and in the lab, the water level is quickly reaching a foot. Employees are coming out of their offices and their cubes. The fire alarm goes off and the sprinklers set in, but the water coming from the ceiling is heavier than expected, like a heavy rainstorm.

    Now the bathroom door bursts open! A torrent of water pours out. This is no ordinary plumbing problem! The halls are now white water rapids! Employees are being swept away! Some are attempting to use cubicle walls as flotation devices. Others are taking refuges on counters and high shelves! Action Steve and Action Raptor look out the small window on the lab door in amazement. The water level is high in the lab but higher in the hallway. Waves continue to hit the laboratory door until it breaks. Like a flash flood, a strong current of waters gushes into the room, surely ruining all the laboratory equipment!

    "Thoooaruch!" Action Raptor nudges Action Steve to point out...

    "Fish!" exclaims Action Steve. "There's fish! and sand! and sea shells!"

    "Sea shells are superior to toilet paper!" proclaims the god of toiletries. "Soon you and all mankind will be forced to the true way of toiletries!"

    Action Steve notices what at first looks like a giant log floating toward him, until he notices the eye stalks. Our hero is at a loss for words, until the giant crab claw rushes at him!


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Friday, March 26, 2010

The Astonishing Adventures of Action Steve! This Episode: "In Which The Mighty Pineapple is Really Really Bored"

    From our point of view, me the writer and you the reader, its been a while since we checked in on The Mighty Pineapple, Hulaville police detective and former super villain. And though it's only been a few hours from her point of view it might as well have been a week or more. The Mighty Pineapple's been talking with Ronald Brown, chief administrative officer for Selene. Selene is a new research and development company headquartered in a new high rise in downtown Hulaville. They are talking in her office and she is extremely bored.

    It's true that she got a tour of some very interesting, state of the art, labs, but she never actually got to look at anything! Ronald went on about trade secrets. Now she was having a drink in the man's office, non-alcoholic of course, she's on duty. He's either stalling her or failing at flirting with her or both.  And she's still no closer to finding out why The Senator called this building! Is this some secret base of operations? It's big enough. But for all she knows he was calling a girlfriend to come pick him up from the motel.

    The Senator no longer holds public office, but for some reason that's the way people still think about him. He looks the part. He's tall, blond, has that insincere and practiced politician's smile, a blue suit with a red tie. He's the stereotypical public official. You'd think people wouldn't think about him that way after they'd learned he was centuries old, was an actual, real life, spell casting, wizard, and a murderer.

    All of this had been revealed in an internet video just about everybody in the world has seen at this point. It was captured secretly by an unlicensed crime fighter who calls himself Pimp Racer. Pimp Racer was trespassing in Hulaville Penitentiary, in air vent above a specially made cell for a super villain known as The Thrill Seeker. Unable to get through the vent, Pimp Racer recorded the terrible deed and later uploaded it for the world to see. In the video The Senator is seen magically entering the The Thrill Seeker's cell and killing him. It was revealed in the video, that The Thrill Seeker had been in the employ of The Senator.

    After that the Senator disappeared, but The Hulaville police, with the assistance of Action Steve and his Action Alliance, were able to find a motel he had stayed at after his disappearance track his last phone call to the Selene building. But, without a warrant, it seemed The Mighty Pineapple was getting nowhere. She was about to finish her drink and leave when she noticed quite a large puddle coming from the door to Ronald's washroom.

    "Whoah! Hey you might want to call facilities or something." The Mighty Pineapple says, pointing out the puddle to Ronald.

    Then they both started hearing gurgling sounds coming from behind the door.

    "I'm sure it's nothing. Let me walk you out first," Ronald began to move to get up but then the noise grew louder. They both looked at the door and listened in horrified fascination at the sound of quite a lot of rushing water. The pipes in the washroom creaked loudly. It sounded like the pipes were cracking and water was escaping out. Now Ronald was on his feet walking to the door. Before The Mighty Pineapple had time to suggest this might not be a good idea, he opened it.

    He was knocked flat on his back on the other side of the room by a rushing wall of water that didn't stop after the door was opened. It just kept coming as if the building weren't a high rise, but a submarine with a severe hull breach.

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Tuesday, March 23, 2010

The Astonishing Adventures of Action Steve! This Episode: "Possession!"

    When we last left that vile villain, The Original Mr. E-vil Elli Manalo, he had been shot in chest and had fallen from a great height. Despite this he is still alive, magically sustained by a ninja ghost whose grave is here, deep under the fair city of Hulaville. But this unnatural extension of life comes at a price! The ghost tells Elli he will only keep him alive if he agrees to to let the ghost posses him!

    Mr. E-vil is skeptical. "I've never met a ghost before," he says, every breath now an agony for him, "but I've never heard of a ghost asking permission to possess someone before now." Mr. E-vil lies on his stomach, his strength is draining away, he can barely hold himself up to look at the grave from which the voice emanates. As The Original Mr. E-vil watches, a ghostly figure emerges from that grave. The specter is wearing the traditional black garb of the ninja. It covers his whole body and face, save his eyes, which seem to burn into Mr. E-vil's soul. The ghost is only slightly translucent, but otherwise appears as he probably did in life.

    "You have not heard of a ghost asking permission because I am sure it seldom happens. I'm equally sure you know how such stories usually end. If the host does not rid himself of the spirit he becomes mad, or dies. In the meantime, the spirit and host are in constant battle for control of the body they both wish to posses. I have no interest in such an ordeal. I wish what all ghosts wish for, to live again. And though I do not have the power to do so and may never, I have learned to inhabit the bodies of the small creatures who live here underground. I don't fight them while I posses them, I live with them, see what they see, lend my power and knowledge to them and we use it to the advantage of us both.

    If you do not wish for such an existence then I have no more interest in you, I'll use my powers to send you away so that you do not die here and haunt this place with me. But if you agree to my request it must be a full agreement! Don't think you can fool me! I will be able to tell if you truly consent. I would learn that the way I've learned your name, your killer, and your enemy, Action Steve!"

    "Action Steve isn't my enemy anymore, not until I've had my revenge on Lounatic!" Mr. E-vil had intended this as another roar, but his strength, his life, is fading. He can no longer hold himself up. He collapses.

    "Ah, so then you agree?" asks the eager ghost. "I can feel you making up your mind but I need to hear you say it!"

    What could he say? What would you say in his position?

    "I agree..." it's a monumental effort now to even speak. "I agree.. to let you live through me." Only barely alive, The Original Mr. E-vil Elli Manalo lies still.

    The specter's eyes light up, he smiles under his mask. "Oh my friend I think you'll see that I won't live through you but with you!" A mighty whirlwind instantly forms and whips around them. The ghost becomes less a human form and more a luminous cloud in the eye of that storm. Mr. E-vil is at it's center. "And let our enemies tremble in fear at the new being we become!

    Mr. E!"

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Friday, March 19, 2010

The Astonishing Adventures of Action Steve! This Episode: "The Deal"

    When we last left the dangerous gangster, The Original Mr. E-vil Elli Manalo, he was near death, having been shot by his former lieutenant, Lounatic. If that wasn't enough he had also fallen from a great height and lay in a deep dark pit. His body was broken, and his life was slipping away. It seemed that the villain was done for, but you never can tell what fate has in store for you, and fate has put Mr. E-vil's life  in the hands of a mysterious and powerful stranger, who claims--

    "I am the only thing keeping you alive!"

    Mr. E-vil Elli Manalo lies on his stomach, weak and in pain. He props himself up with his arms looking for the source of the voice. It appears to be an old wooden grave marker resting on a large pile of stones. Behind the marker is a blinding light. It permeates the white mist that surrounds him. Even now, Mr. E-vil is less afraid than he is angry. He knows that he doesn't have much longer to live. Perhaps the voice is right, he really should have died before he hit the ground. But still he is defiant. He roars:


    I ask!

    Who are you?!!"

    "A long time ago," began the voice, "Many men came to America from the east to earn money for their families back home.--"

    "What does--"

    "nd my quarry was one such man. I was one of the few remaining ninja assassins! I came to America to kill that man, but he, along with his new American family and friends, defeated me in honorable combat."

    "His family?" asked Mr. E-vil.

    "A story for another time. Before my death I had considerable magical skill, and have had many years of solitude as a ghost to refine that skill."

    The Original Mr. E-vil Elli Manalo listens quietly. The point of this story begins to emerge.

    "I don't yet have the power to raise myself from the dead but I do have the power to keep you alive, and I will continue to do so, if you allow me to possess you."

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Tuesday, March 16, 2010

The Astonishing Adventures of Action Steve! This Episode: "The Curious fate of Mr. E-vil"

    The gangster known as The Original Mr. E-vil Manalo holds on for his life at the edge of a very large disused drain far beneath the surface of the fair city of Hulaville. It's hard for him to see from his current position but last he looked he couldn't see the bottom of the drain he's about to fall into. Lounatic, Mr. E-vil's former lieutenant (it's fair to say he's fired at this point) looms over Mr. E-vil, pointing a gun at his head. The Original Mr. E-vil is far less afraid than he is enraged!

    He roars and threatens, "You'd better kill me Louis!"

    "Oh I intend to." Lounatic nods to his two compatriots. One is dressed in black, in contrast to Mr. E-vil's typical red and black wardrobe. He is a clone of Mr. E-vil, fashioned from magic and technology by Louis and his other conspirator, The Senator. The Senator wears short blond hair and a blue suit. The Senator is no longer in office as it has been revealed that he is a centuries old wizard and killer of that other super villain, The Thrill Seeker. "Hold his arms please gentlemen," Lounatic continues.

    The two men kneel down and secure Mr. E-vil's arms. Lounatic kneels down and points his gun right at Mr. E-vil's heart.


    Mr. E-vil falls. It seems like he falls forever. It seems like he falls instantly. He doesn't feel the impact of his body falling several stories to the ground.

    Everything is dark.

    "Who are you?"

    Mr. E-vil feels weak. "Who?" he asks.

    "Answer my question first, Mr. Manalo."

    "You seem to already know." Mr. E-vil's chest hurts. There's a faint light now. He's surrounded by a white mist.

    "Yes I do." The voice is insistent, sarcastic. "Who are you?"

    "I'm The Original Mr. E-vil Elli Manalo!" Mr. E-vil tries to scream but only manages to say it loudly. "Do you think you can mess with me?!" Mr. E-vil's rage isn't as potent. He feels his life running out. He should be dead already.

    "Oh yes I think I can 'mess' with you. I'm the only thing keeping you alive."
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Thursday, March 11, 2010

The Astonishing Adventures of Action Steve! This Episode: "The Garage"

    Hulaville! City of wonders! Home to Hulaville University, the first institution to document contact with an alternate universe. Mayor Malloy is The United States official ambassador to two of them and their alternate cities Robo-Hulaville and Raptorville. Hulaville is also home to heroes like Action Pre! Not only is Action Pre a genetically enhanced, super strong, cybernetic super hero, he is also a politician, author, and musician! Very recently Action Pre played a concert with his back up singers ( who are also his lab assistants) and his new band, Fantastical Botanical.

    During the concert Action Pre noticed another Hulaville hero was in trouble. Flying nearby was the magical flying robot car, The Super Action Vehicle, being attacked by rocket powered cyber raptors! The Super Action Vehicle would have been done for if not for the help of Action Pre and another of Hulaville's protectors, The Incapacitator! Wearing grey body armor and a stylish gray headband, The Incapacitator has sworn a vow never to use deadly weapons in his quest to defend the innocent and capture those who prey upon them. Using pepper pellets, The Incapacitator was able to drive away the rocket raptors and from The Super Action Vehicle's driver's seat, and he was able to guide the valorous vehicle down safely to the ground.

    The three heroes are now at the Cold War Diner's garage and research lab where The Super Action Vehicle's Mechanics, Edna and Patrick, are just finishing up on The Super Action Vehicle's repairs.


    "Whoah!" exclaims The Incapacitator, surprised by the sudden noise.

    "Savie says he can take you to where he found those jet lizards or whatever," translates Edna, A grad student, part time server, mechanic and roller derby enthusiast. She's wearing her skates and protective gear as she always does.

    "Savie?" asks a bewildered Incapacitator.

    "Yeah, savie, that's what the car says he wants to be called," replies Edna.

    "How do you even understand what he--"

    "What's up?" asks Action Pre as he walks toward the pair.

    "Savie here says he can take you where the flying lizards came from," Edna repeats.

    Action Pre turns to The Super Action Vehicle, or Savey. "Savie eh? Good name."


    Action Pre walks over to the driver's side door and starts to get in.

    "What about Action Steve?" asks a bewildered Incapacitator as they both get in the car.

    "I just got off the phone with Action Steve's robot butler, Robo-Butler 3000," responds Action Pre. "He tells me that Action Raptor is missing too. I'll bet my hat that those two are in this mess up to their necks, and I'll bet my shoes that if we follow this lead we'll find The Action Duo."
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Tuesday, March 9, 2010

The Astonishing Adventures of Action Steve! This Episode: "The Inevitable Hero-Villain Team-Up!"

    In our last episode, Action Steve and his saurian companion, Action Raptor, were hanging in cages from the ceiling of a secret genetics laboratory. Their only other companion was their fellow prisoner and nemesis of old, Biggus Mikus! Biggus Mikus was the little known ancient Greek god of toiletries, currently hanging from a cage just like the one's that house our two heroes, but magically sealed to keep a god within it's bars. On the other side of the room lies an artifact of great power, Biggus Mikus's plunger scepter!

    When Action Steve noticed it he asked, "Biggus Mikus, would you be able to get us out of here if you had your scepter?"

    "How are you going to do that?" asked the diabolical deity, "It's easily 3 yards away!"

    This was true. The scepter was too far to reach. Even if Action Steve were to swing his cage back and forth until it swung as far toward it as it could go, it would be no use. Also, as Biggus Mikus had surely deduced, Action Steve had been stripped of all his gadgets, his keys and wallet, his Action Ukulele, even his shoes with the retractable roller skates!

    "Never mind how just now. If I can get your scepter to you will you get us out?" asked Action Steve.

    "Sure! Just cast a magic spell to get it over here and I'll free the three of us!" Biggus Mikus replied mockingly.

    "Ok," replied Action Steve. And to Biggus Mikus's astonishment, Action Steve begins to cast a spell which causes the plunger scepter to float above the counter where it was resting! An eerie glow surrounds the scepter as it floats toward Biggus Mikus's cage, a glow which gets brighter and brighter and brighter until...

    SLPAAAING! A blinding flash of light emanates from the scepter and it falls to the ground!

    "No ya newb!" chides the Titan of Toilets, "It's magical! Right? So you can't work against that, you gotta use the magic of the item in your spell! Otherwise they'll just keep fighting each other until that happens, or worse!"

    "Ok," replies Action Steve, who is actually grateful for any learning he can receive, even if it's from a villain, "I'll do that." Action Steve tries again. This time a stream of light emanates from the scepter to Action Steve's hands as he casts the spell. In seconds the scepter is within Biggus Mikus's hands, who hungrily snatches at it.

    "Ok dorks!" says a newly empowered Biggus Mikus, "You helped me out so I'm gonna help you too." With this Biggus Mikus points his scepter, plunger end out, towards the door to the lab. Past this door and down a hall, a toilet begins to burble and gurgle alarmingly.
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Friday, March 5, 2010

Schedule change

The Astonishing Adventures of Action Steve are going to a Tuesday-Thursday schedule. Expect the next Astonishing Action Steve Adventure next Tuesday!

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Wednesday, March 3, 2010

The Astonishing Adventures of Action Steve! This Episode: "The Enemy Of My Enemy Is My Friend"

    When last we left our heroes, Action Steve and Action Raptor, they were hanging in the ceiling in cages. Right next to them in a third cage was none other than Biggus Mikus, little known Greek god of toiletries and one of their deadliest enemies! The diabolical deity had just revealed that his captor was The Senator, an ancient wizard who until recently had been a U.S. senator but was now on the run from the law.

    "The Senator is here?" asks a surprised Action Steve.

    "Raaawwwch?" asks an equally surprised Action Raptor.

    "Yeah, he's here," replies Biggus Mikus. "He looks different but I can tell it's him. It's hard to fool a god."


    "Yeah it's hard to capture a god too, smart alec," says Biggus Mikus before Action Steve has a chance to speak further. "That guy is powerful. And I just know that you're going to try to fight him." Biggus Mikus grins at this.

    "Well I don't think he'll listen to reason," replies Action Steve. Action Raptor nods in assent.

    Biggus Mikus, incredulous, turns to look into Action Steve's eyes, then cranes his neck to see Action Raptor one cage over. "How the hell have you two survived this long?"

    Action Steve answers honestly and earnestly, "Like you said before, I've had lots of help. You might sneer at this too but I believe that friends and allies can be some of your greatest strengths."

    Speechless, Biggus Mikus sits back in his cage again. Action Steve sits back as well. While looking around aimlessly he spots Biggus Mikus's scepter. It's an ornate plunger with an engraved ceramic handle. He realizes it isn't a whole lot more silly than his Action-lele. Neither are likely to strike fear in the hearts of enemies, not that that was ever one of Action Steve's goals. He'd rather inspire courage and a desire to see justice done.

    "Biggus Mikus, would you be able to get us out of our cages if you had that staff?" asks Action Steve.
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Monday, March 1, 2010

The Astonishing Adventures of Action Steve! This Episode: "The Complaints of Biggus Mikus"

    When we last left Action Steve and his saurian companion, Action Raptor, the two heroes were in cages attached to the ceilin in a strange lab. The lab was filled with equipment that The Action Duo recognized as the same sort of equipment used in genetic experiments by their friend and fellow Action Alliance member, Action Pre. As the pair were reminiscing about other times they had woken up in cages, at the mercy of some super villain or other, they were surprised to discover another inmate, one of their most deadly foes, and little known Greed god of toiletries, Biggus Mikus! Wearing Grecian robes, his toilet seat laurel, but not weilding his traditional toilet plunger scepter, Biggus Mikus reminices about another time this Action Team had been defeated.

    "Yeah this brings back memories, memories of when I kicked your two sorry butts!" exclaimed Biggus Mikus. "I had the two of you trapped in my giant bathroom bacteria! But then Action Pre cleaned my clock!"

    Action Steve begins to speak, "Uh-"

    "You know what? You're not a very good super hero yourself are you?" asks Biggus Mikus.


    "You just have a lot of powerful friends that rescue you all the time!"

    "I've always thought that good friends were a str-"

    "You're just, just,-"

    "You see-"

    "-just a super hero hanger on!"

    At this point Action Steve decides to remain silent. He does, however, roll his eyes.

    "I mean, sure, you act all heroic for the news cameras, and swing around on your little ukulele. That's another thing, a musical instrument as a weapon is really stupid."

    "Raaaaaaaaawk!" Action Raptor asks, in his own language, if it's any dumber than a plunger as a staff.

    "I could have really gotten somewhere by now if I had a dinosaur and a robot car!" At this point, Biggus Mikus slams his foot against his cage, making a loud SLAM! causing his cage to swing slightly. He then crosses his legs, and sulks silently.

    Action Steve waits for the god to calm down.

    After a few minutes, Action Steve asks, "Biggus Mikus, how are you even captured? You're a god! Can't you just magic yourself away?"

    Biggus Mikus responds in a monotone voice, indicating a great deal of anger and annoyance being contained by force of will. "I can't leave the cage because of The Senator's magic."

    Both Action Steve and Action Raptor perk up. "The Senator?"

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