Monday, November 30, 2009

Arrested in Another Dimension!

Action Steve is sitting in a cell, his Action-lele, all his gadgetry from his utility pockets, all taken from him. He's worrying about Action Raptor, hoping his friend is ok. Should they have fought it out? Maybe if... No way. There were too many of them, but what if something happens to Action Raptor...

"Maybe I made a mistake," He says aloud.

"What mistake was that?" asks a nearby voice. Action Steve is startled to find that he is not alone in his prison cell!

"Oh geeze you scared he hell out of me!" says Action Steve

"My apologies," the voice comes from a large figure. A very large figure in fact, twice the size of a man, he sits on the floor, cross legged. Now that Action Steve is paying attention he can see his cell mate is reptilian but man shaped. He has scales, a tail, and claws. If you were in a dungeon, on another planet, in another dimension, trapped with a creature like this, what would you do?

"No worries. Sorry I didn't see you there at first. I'm Action Steve, what's your name?" Action Steve holds out his hand to the astonished lizard man. But the lizard man gently takes it and they shake hands.

"My name is Lord Rudolph. Please call me Rudy." Action Steve didn't know Rudy was tense until he saw him relax. Action Steve gathered this was not a friendly place for anyone who was too different from the norm. "What mistake were you referring to?" asked the friendly giant lizard man.

"My friend and I were surrounded by guards, we eventually decided not to fight back and let them capture us, but I'm worried they'll mistreat him because they think he's a dragon."

"Your friend looks like a dragon?"

"I suppose. He's half as tall as me. He's got feathers and wings, he looks a bit like a lizard, but has legs built like a bird's."

"Hmmmm... Your friend could be in trouble." They stop their conversation as two guards, Sir Sarah and Neville The Great walked to their cell.

"See Neville, and you thought Rudolph would tear him limb from limb like all the others. Personally, I was hoping Action Steve would beat Lord Rudolph with his fighting skills, but I wasn't betting on it. I think I was right about you. Come along," ordered Sir Sarah.

Action Steve looked over to his new "friend". "Limb from limb?" Action Steve asked.

Rudy the Lizard man shrugged, "Sometimes people make me mad. You were nice, so I was nice."

Action Steve recovers after a moment's shock. "Well, it actually was a pleasure meeting you."

"Likewise." The lizard man grinned, showing his many teeth.

As they walk away from the cell, Action Steve's wrists in chains, Action Steve thinks to himself, well I'm glad I wasn't grumpy or anything. He turned to his captors. "Where is Action Raptor?" Action Steve's tone of voice wasn't exactly threatening, but it promised that it could be if the answer wasn't a good one.

"Not to worry," Neville manages to say this in a menacing, snarky, and conciliatory way all at once. Action Steve is inwardly impressed. "Your ... pet is being well cared for, for now." Neville The Great tells Action Steve.

"I can see you are a warrior, and a wizard of no small skill," Sir Sarah says as they walk up a flight of stairs.

"Hmph! Some wizard, his flying chariot couldn't even withstand Bartleby's Purple Putrescence," snarked Neville The Great.

"A fair point. Your magic, it seems, doesn't protect you against ours, but I'm betting it can protect you against The Dragons."

"Dragons?" asks Action Steve more than a little concerned and skeptical.

"Your pet is what we would call a dragon, despite your claim that he isn't. I'll admit that he is smaller than a normal dragon, and few dragons have feathers over their whole body. But he makes the same calls as they do. Dragons are usually extremely strong, and large, with thick hides that are impenetrable to magic," Sir Sarah informs Action Steve.

"We want you to take your chariot and help us fight against the beasts. They have overextended themselves into our territory, robbed the peasants of their food, and attacked humans. We seek the means to fight them back." Neville the Great entreats.

"What about Action Raptor?" Action Steve asks, ever mindful of his friend's peril.

"Your pet will stay here while you do this for us. If all goes well your transgression against us will go unpunished and you'll both be free to go." Answers Sir Sarah.

"More than that, you'll be a hero to our people. You will have helped us regain our birthright as the rightful rulers of this land." booms Neville the Great.

"I at least need to see him. I'll need his help to repair my chariot." The wizard and knight look at one another.

"Agreed." replies Sir Sarah.

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Saturday, November 28, 2009

The Law and The Lawless

Action Steve and Action Raptor are flying their Super Action Vehicle towards a castle in The Magical Land of Eranor. They were attacked by The Knight Sir Sarah and The Wizard Neville The Great, but our heroes, Action Steve and Action Raptor, quickly dispatched the pair with a net and some knockout gas. As our heroes land near the gates of the castle the two guards look on In Astonishment as The Super Action Vehicle lands near them. Sir Sarah and Neville The Great are hidden from view as the Action Duo exit the car and prepare to ask the guards where they should take the two villains so they might meet justice!

"Greetings! I come in peace!" says Action Steve to the two guards.

The guards are not mollified. "Halt!" exclaims one of them.

"Sure," Action Steve tries to use his friendliest customer service voice, the one he uses for really upset customers.

"Look! He openly consorts with dragons!" says the second guard, pointing to Action Raptor

"Thaaaaaaauuuuughuch?" asks Action Raptor.

"Yeah, what gives? Action Raptor is no dragon! Neither of us have ever seen a dragon!"

"You think us so easily fooled? Only a criminal wears a mask, only an evil wizard like you would have a flying house made of tin, and anyone can plainly see that creature is a dragon." Both guards move to attack the Action Duo but they easily dodge the guards swords. Action Steve plays an f chord on his Action-lele causing it to go into battle-lele mode! Action Raptor shoots pepper pellets from his Action Utility Cannon at two guards, hitting one in the face, disabling him, and the other on his chest plate. Action Steve rushes forward and knocks that guard on his head, hitting with much greater force to overcome the protection a helmet provides!

Zip! Zipzip! ZIP! The Action Duo Jumps out of the way again as arrows come at them from above. Action Steve and Action Raptor are now flush with the castle portcullis to avoid the arrows.


"I know! Why is it that no one approaches us just to say hi anymore?" complains Action Steve. The portcullis begins to rise. "And of course here come more people, probably not just to say, 'what's up?'" Just then The Super Action Vehicle begins to move forward and turns 90 degrees so that Action Steve and Action Raptor could easily get in without getting shot from above! They look at each other, slightly confused, but neither Action Hero is to question their luck. The pair of heroes get in the car.

"What about those two?" Asks Action Steve nodding his head toward the back seat at Action Raptor. Arrows fall onto The Super Action Vehicle like extremely heavy rain.

"I demand you release us immediately!" commands Sir Sarah The Knight.

"thooork!" snaps Action Raptor in the direction of Sir Sarah, who looks at the creature in fear.

"Oh look, they're awake!" observes a sarcastic and exasperated Action Steve.

"The Consequences of your Actions are most dire!" Threatens Neville The Great.

"Seems like the consequences of inaction were pretty dire too. I mean you didn't give us much choice. 'I want that creatures hide' I think were your exact words."

The Action Raptor takes control of the Super Action Vehicle and lifts off as men with swords pour out of the castle to attack the pair. Then..

THOOAOOAOOAOUUUUAUND! A burst of purple energy hits The Super Action Vehicle causing it to barrel roll in the air. Action Steve and Action Raptor start to scream as The Super action vehicle Spins out of control!

Neville the Great begins what Action Steve can only assume is some kind of spell, "Zatra thuum grinthos Zal-OOOOOOOOOOF!" The spell is stopped by action Raptor hitting a button, which causes a nozzle to squirt a sticky foam over Neville The Great's mouth!

BANG! THHOOOOOOM! Just as Action Raptor had gotten under control The Super Action Vehicle is hit with another purple blast causing it to crash into the earth! Men with swords, and an old man in a red robe whose hands are glowing purple, begin to approach the the prone vehicle. Inside The Super Action Vehicle our heroes are having even more trouble! Sir Sarah continues to scream threats at Action Steve and Action Raptor while alarms go off indicating loss of power, and damage to the Action Duo's favorite mode of transportation.

durrrp! durrrp! durrrp! durrrp! durrrp!

"Can we shut that thing off?" asks Action Steve in of his partner in crime fighting, complaining about the alarm.

"Thlauuric!" Action Raptor replies that the controls aren't responding.

"Well I'm pretty sure The Super Action Vehicle can only take so many hits from so many swords before they break through it. And I and don't like our odds against that many men with swords, plus there's that wizard. I'm sorry pal, it looks like we were better off being arrested by The Mighty Pineapple."

"If you give yourselves up now, your lives will be spared," says Sir Sarah.

"Who the heck are you to give a guarantee like that?" asks a more than skeptical Action Steve.

Sir Sarah raises herself as best she can to her full sitting height. "Didn't I say? I'm the ruler of these lands, that castle is mine." Sir Sarah smiles.

Well, how was he to have known, Action Steve Asked himself. He turned to Action Raptor, "What do you think?"


"You also have my word that your dragon will not be harmed. I have plans for you both."

"Plans? What kind of deal is that?"

"A better deal than you really ought to get, considering the circumstances." It hadn't escaped Action Steve's notice that Sir Sarah's army had surrounded them, and that their other wizard had begun casting a spell. One that will open The Super Action Vehicle like a can of spam no doubt, Action Steve thought to himself.

"Ok. We'll give up. You got us." Sighs Action Steve.

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Monday, November 23, 2009

The Apartment

It's now early in the morning. Pimp Racer parks his car near a few dilapidated apartments. A young woman is walking outside, taking out the trash. Pimp Racer approaches her. "Excuse me, ma'am, may I speak with you for a moment?" She begins to walk away quickly. He walks after her and speaks in Vietnamese, Korean, and then Chinese*.

She turns to face him and answers in English. "Why do you know so many languages?"

"I'm a man of many talents. Is there someone who just moved in here? Someone who seems like a dangerous man?"

"There are a few, and I don't want trouble from any of them, I have my children to look after. You, also, seem like a dangerous man." even as she says this she doesn't seem particularly alarmed.

Pimp Racer produces a 100 dollar bill, "Never to you my dear, perhaps I can help you and your children a little."

"What do you want for this gift?" The woman smiles.

"Just let me in and show me where he lives. The most dangerous man, the one who has come here most recently, the one who you may have 'forgot' was recently on television."

She eyes the door to the apartment complex, "He is at the end of the hall, I'll leave the door open for you but come in a little while after I enter."

She takes the money but Pimp Racer holds on for a split second as he says, "If this goes well, I'll come back with more."

She smiles as he lets go of the money, "It's been a pleasure doing business with you."

Pimp Racer waits a few minutes after she goes in and then walks inside himself. The hall is empty, he can hear muffled conversations in the various doors, music plays from stereos, he can hear a television, the little sounds of breakfast and people getting ready for work.

Just as Pimp Racer gets to the end of the hall to open the door, it slams onto his face and knocks him down! As he gets up, The Thrill Seeker, with a menacing and angry look, slams an entire coffee table into Pimp Racer's stomach, pinning him to the ground! The Thrill Seeker, grinning madly, repeatedly slams the table into Pimp Racer, who manages to absorb some of the blow with his arms. Pimp Racer kicks The Thrill Seeker's feet out from under him. The villain falls and Pimp Racer Struggles to his feet just as The Thrill Seeker gets to his. Pimp Racer hits The Thrill Seeker with A Mighty Backhanded Pimp Slap! The Thrill Seeker is knocked back into a wall! Other apartment residents look out of their doors and quickly close them again.

The fight continues back into The Thrill Seeker's Apartment. Both are landing as many hits as the other, but Pimp Racer doesn't instantly heal as The Thrill Seeker does. A bloodied Pimp Racer takes an old record player resting on a shelf and hits The Thrill Seeker repeatedly over the head with it! The Thrill Seeker punches Pimp Racer below the belt, stunning our hero, and runs over to get his blender! The Thrill Seeker removes the pitcher from the blender's base and turns it on. Nothing happens.

"Safety Latch!" The Thrill Seeker spits out the offensive words.

Pimp Racer Punches The Thrill Seeker right in the kisser and hits him a second time! The old 1, 2! Pimp Racer repeats the performance, stunning The Thrill Seeker, but he isn't stunned long. The Thrill Seeker takes the blender blade and jams it into Pimp Racer's arm! Pimp Racer screams, more in anger than in pain. The Thrill Seeker tries to hit Pimp Racer in the face with his makeshift weapon but Pimp Racer manages to avoid it. In that struggle, Pimp Racer knocks the blade out of The Thrill Seeker's hand and knocks The Thrill Seeker into a glass shelf full of china plates! CRASH! Just as Pimp Racer is about to let The Thrill Seeker have some more, The Thrill Seeker gets his hands around an iron skillet, which quickly finds itself making a glancing blow on our hero's head, knocking him down to the ground!

The Thrill Seeker looms over a prone Pimp Racer, who shakes his head and struggles to get his bearings, but The Thrill Seeker never needs time to recover....

CRASH! Just then, a flying dog in a cape crashes through the kitchen window and flies right into The Thrill Seeker, hitting him hard enough to send the both of them through the sliding glass door! The Thrill Seeker has been attacked by none other than Super Shaun, Super Powered Pooch and member of The Action Alliance! The Thrill Seeker knocks the Courageous Canine away with the skillet but it takes more than that to hurt this Action Hero! The Thrill Seeker manages to get to his motorcycle and zooms off, The Flying Dog Of Justice hot on his tail!

Pimp Racer Stands up and walks out of the opening that was a sliding glass door, but is now a mess of shards of glass. He slowly walks out to his car.

"Wait, didn't I park you by the garbage cans?" he asks his car, which doesn't answer, because it is a car. Nevermind, Pimp Racer thinks to himself as he gets into the driver's seat and drives off to follow the Dastardly villain and give Super Shaun any help he can. He makes a mental note repay the landlord for the damages and to visit that woman again. He wonders idly if she would go out to dinner with him after this Thrill Seeker business has ended.

*Pimp Racer is Pimpin' in many languages.
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Saturday, November 21, 2009

Action Steve Close up!

Here's a Picture of Action Steve drawn and inked by Steve Smith and Colored by Sharon Hilchie! An Action Steve Comic is in the works!

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Friday, November 20, 2009

Introducing Pimp Racer!

It's night time in south central Hulaville and a liquor store is being robbed! 3 men are pointing shot guns at a very nervous attendant. A piece of paper with the words "If you plan to shoplift, please let us know." written on it is taped to the cash register.

"Hurry up!" shouts one of the robbers.

"Sh-sure.." The attendant does his best under trying circumstances to get the men out as soon as soon as possible.

"Gentlemen, didn't your mothers ever tell you that stealing is wrong?" All three turn to look at a man in a dark purple and red racing outfit standing in front of the isle offering chips, dip, and other snacks. The fluorescent lights reflect harshly on his mirror sunglasses. Pimp Racer sports a classic purple pimp hat, though it's brim is much smaller, as is the feather, giving the man a more classy look.

"It's Pimp Racer! Kill that son of a--" before the thug can complete his sentence, the valiant crime fighter known as Pimp Racer interrupts him by throwing a jar of kimchi into his face! His shotgun fires accidentally, blowing a hole into the floor. Before the other two can react, Pimp Racer jumps and scissor kicks the other two in their respective noggins, knocking them both down and out. The first thug, makes a run for it! Pimp Racer quickly disarms the remaining two thugs and cuffs them to a support beam. He places a few large bills on the counter for the attendant.

"For the floor," Pimp Racer explains before going after the runaway criminal.

Pimp Racer quickly but stylishly slides into his Custom Luxury Sports Car and races after the criminal's old used station wagon. The thief screeches his tires as he turns into onto another street. Pimp Racer is thankful that the road is clear at this time of night and easily corners and catches up to the much slower, older car. He needs to end this fast so no one gets hurt. But that's just fine, Pimp Racer is all about fast. He gets behind the old car. On Pimp Racer's dashboard is a large touch screen. He hits a few buttons and two guns pop out of either side of The Car's hood. "Nets," he tells his on board computer, then pulls two triggers on his steering wheel. Two harpoons shoot over the car, their lines trailing a net between them, capturing the thug! Pimp Racer hits the brakes, then shifts in reverse. He quickly presses a few buttons, and 4 grappling hooks shoot out of the back of Pimp Racer's Car latching onto two telephone poles, a grate, and the corner of a building. The tires screech as the two cars fight each other for dominance. One desperately trying to escape forward, the other forcefully holding it's place in reverse. Pimp Racer speaks to his car's voice interface again. "EMP." The net lights up in a blinding flash and the station wagon stops. It's engine is dead.

The thug is in full panic. This was supposed to be an easy job. Hardly even a job really. Just a liquor store. It's turned into a nightmare! Well he wasn't about to let some nut job with a lot of fancy toys take him down. There was still a gun in the glove compartment. He listened as Pimp Racer got out of The Car. He heard footsteps approach slowly. The thug tried to open a door, but the net had melted over it and effectively glued it shut. There was no getting out, but that meant HE couldn't get in. The thug got his pistol ready to shoot through the glass.


Pimp Racer forced his way through the car door on the passenger side feet first! And has kicked the pistol out of the thugs hands! Pimp Racer now drags the criminal out of the car and cuffs him to a street light. It blinks a red hand, but the light's plea for caution has gone unheeded.

The man cuffed to the pole slides down into a sitting position, clearly beaten. "Why the hell are you going after small fry like me! You should be going after Action Steve! He's on the run from the law," he whines.

"Scum like you should know by now that Action Steve fights crime. He's no Criminal." Pimp Racer knows what time it is.

"What if I knew something eh? About the Thrill Seeker? If I told you would you let me go?"

"What would scum like you know about The Thrill Seeker?"

"Let me go."

"I would never let you go. What if you tried robbing another place? I'd be putting people and their livelihood's in danger, but maybe I can offer you something else." Pimp Racer produces a hundred dollar bill! The thug looks at the money suspiciously.

"I don't believe that beating you any more would gets results friend, but as you know, money talks. They call me Pimp Racer, because of my car, my style, and my massive bank accounts." The criminal relaxes and smiles. "You and your friends are going to jail tonight, there's no question about me letting you go. You will to be spending some time behind bars, but maybe that time is a little less if I get you a good lawyer, and maybe it's a little easier if you have a few more cigarettes to barter with. I can make it happen, if you tell me what I want to know. "


"You get part of it now, not enough that it will cause suspicion from the police. If your information leads me to The Thrill Seeker, or to who let him out, there's more coming. What do you say?"

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Thursday, November 19, 2009

The Story So Far...

Action Steve, unlikely super hero sporting a straw fedora, blue cape and gloves, and a shirt and pair of slacks sporting too many pockets, wields his tricked out Action Ukulele or Action-lele to fight crime alongside his partner, Action Raptor, a prehistoric feathered Raptor from the age of the dinosaurs, who wields his Action Utility Cannon, and sports a WWI pilot's cap, goggles and scarf. Together they ride in their Super Action Vehicle, a wheel-less flying hover-car that resembles a 1957 Chevy Bel Air after Industrial Light and Magic got their hands on it.

The Super Action Vehicle is maintained by Chef Patrick, owner and operator of The Cold War Cafe, a 50's themed restaurant and garage/research-lab, under which is Action Steve's Secret Lair. Chef Patrick and one of his best employees, Edna the Roller Derby Server, are responsible for most of Action Steve's Gadgets.

Even though Action Steve daily Faces Villains such as The Mighty Pineapple, who wields her Fruit Smoothie Guitar like a club and uses it to control her army of Pineapplebots, and Biggus Mikus, one of the relatively unknown Greek Gods of Toiletries, Action Steve Still works at a call center and often helps customers even while battling fierce fiends like The giant cybernetic villainous vegetables The Potatonator, Potatotron, The Tomatonator, and Tomatotron!

Action Steve has many friends. One is Chronotron The Chronobot, a giant robot with a clock on his front torso, a fitting decoration for he is the master of time and space itself! Another is Ace Malloy, Hulaville Police Detective and liaison with Hulaville's legally recognized super heroes.

Another one of Action Steve's greatest allies is Action Pre, a full time super hero and part time microbiologist, who became a super hero by genetically altering himself and upgrading his body with cybernetic implants. Action Pre chose to fight crime after his wife and Super Dudical Steve* were killed by The Thrill Seeker, a reckless and dangerously creative acrobatic evildoer with a super charged super powered healing power! During a chase that lead right into Pre's secret lab in Hula Mountain, The Thrill Seeker destroyed Pre's experiments causing a gigantic explosion!

The Thrill Seeker has seemed to die several times, most recently falling from an airplane in midflight, but has always come back. Action Pre, who has recently entered the race to become Hulaville's mayor, was attacked by The Thrill Seeker along with his audience during a speech. The Thrill seeker then caused chaos and mayhem throughout Hulaville and was chased for a day and a half nonstop as he raced from alleyway to rooftop to street while being chased by Action Steve, Action Pre, and Hulaville's Finest lead by Detective Ace Malloy.

After distracting Action Steve and Action Raptor by setting a building on fire, The Thrill Seeker was finally caught by a newly formed police unit headed by reformed super villain, The Mighty Pineapple, now wearing a police uniform version of her punk pineapple costume. The Thrill seeker Managed to escape with the aid of a secret helper, and Action Steve was blamed.

Action Steve was relieved to know that The Thrill Seeker was finally behind bars and went back to his job only to be accosted by 'The Original Mr. E-vil' Manalo and his new sidekick, Louis 'Lounatik' Nguyen! Action Steve Quickly dispatched Mr. E-vil's gang but was having trouble with Mr. E-vil and his new sidekick. They ran off at the sound of police sirens and Action Steve's Supervisor let him know that all this super hero activity was threatening his job security, but what is a super hero to do?!

Get Arrested! Action Steve and Action Raptor are met by The Mighty Pineapple and her Pineapple Patrol. Action Steve was willing to be arrested but insisted that Action Raptor be arrested as a citizen and given due process. The Mighty Pineapple insisted that Action Raptor was to be captured as an animal and the discussion was about to come to blows before Chronotron The Chronobot stopped time and helped The Action Team escape to another dimension ruled by swords and sorcery. In this land of Eranor, Action Steve and Action Raptor are accosted by a The Knight Sir Sarah and the Sorcerer Neville The Great. Even though Chronotron disappears at the first sign of danger, Action Steve and Action Raptor quickly dispatch the two and venture off in search of the local justice system to turn the two villains into the authorities.

Another Astonishing Adventure of Action Steve will appear in two days! Thanks for reading and being an Action Fan!

*An alternate universe version of Action Steve

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Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Action Steve is on hold!

Action Steve will return once Author Steve's internet comes back up. Until then, Stay Action Packed, Action Fans!

Friday, November 13, 2009


The scene opens on a green meadow surrounded by a forest on a pleasantly overcast day. Next to a parked Super Action Vehicle Action Steve and Action Raptor sit at a picnic table finishing up their lunch while Chronotron The Chronobot stands, monolith-like, nearby.

"I don't suppose I could call Ace Malloy and let him know I've run from the law and want to turn just myself in....."

"There are an infinite number of Ace Malloys," replies Chronotron.

"I meant my Ace Malloy. From my universe," Action Steve had temporarily forgotten about infinity while worrying about a finite outcome. He was on the run from the law. He knew it happened to all the super heroes from the comics but...

"Your request isn't sensible, as I have told you before, each moment is it's own universe and there are an infinite number of moments, each one a different permutation of what is possible. Continuity is an illusion," Chronotron seems annoyed as he responds monotonically.

"Right, I forgot. Where are we by the way?"

"The kingdom of Eranor. You didn't say where you wanted to go, and I have enjoyed universes similar to this, some here might remember that they worshiped me as a god."

"Wait, when are we? Nevermind, I already know, different calendar right?"

"Correct, but conveniently the natives here speak a language similar to English, although we could go to one of the infinite permutations of this universe where everyone speaks Japanese, or Raptor."

"So where did this picnic table come from?"

"As there are an infinite number of universes I simply chose the one that had a picnic table. I could have also chosen the one that had a Freezing Slab ice cream shop but you've already had some."*


"Yeah, never mind about that, why didn't you come help me earlier with The Thrill Seeker?"

"There are an infinite number of universes where I did help you and an infinite number of universes where I did not."

"That doesn't exactly--"

"Avant! Foul rogue! Friend to Dragons!" The speaker is a young woman in full plate armor. At her side is a man in a long purple robe and hat. Everything about them screams Knight and Wizard.

Chronotron the Chronobot shimmers and disappears.


"Look, they too are sorcerers," the Wizard tells the Knight, "We should test our mettle against them."

"Wait, what?" Action Steve is Confused.

The Knight unsheathes her sword. "Enough talk! I want that creature's hide and we'll see what treasures they hide in their home. Neville!"

"Home? You mean The Super Action Vehicle? Now hold on just one minute!" Action Steve was not prepared to be a monster in a role playing game character's random encounter.

"Know this before you die sorcerer, I am Neville The Great, world renowned wizard! All tremble in fear at my name!" The Wizard begins to cast a spell.

"And I am Sir Sarah, the most fearsome and skilled Knight in all of Eranor. You may ask for mercy now, not that it will help you," She smiles dangerously.

Action Raptor shoots a net from his utility cannon covering both Knight and Wizard. Action Steve takes a canister from one of his shirts utility pockets and sprays it's contents at Sir Sarah and Neville The Great quickly knocking them both unconscious.

"Wizards and Knights eh? Cool! Hey Action Raptor, let's see if we can turn these two into the local authorities. Whatcha think?"


Action Steve and Action Raptor disarm and tie up the pair and put them in the back seat. "How do you disarm a Wizard? Tie his hands I guess. Maybe check for magic wands?"


"Ok, let's go see what the justice system is like here."

*Since there are an infinite number of universes, anything that can happen does happen. This means that even very unlikely events like 10 million dollars falling into your lap or your instantly changing into a scale model of The Eiffel Tower made out of Belgian Waffles does indeed happen, in some alternate universe.

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Wednesday, November 11, 2009

The Law

Action Steve and Action Raptor are walking out of their favorite Halloween themed ice cream shop, The Freezing Slab.

"Mmmmmmm, yum!" Action Steve tells Action Raptor, who nods his head as he licks his ice cream cone.

"Thaaauutccchcchchcch!" agrees Action Raptor.

The Action Duo walk walk past a few man sized mutant potatoes eating fish and chips outside of a restaurant, "Hey guys!" greets Action Steve.

"Hiya!" the bunch of mutant potatoes reply.

As the two walk to The Super Action Vehicle they are greeted by none other than The Mighty Pineapple and the Pineapple Patrol, who stand between the two Action Heroes and the Super Action Vehicle!

"Action Steve, would you come with us? We have a few questions about your involvment with The Thrill Seeker. Animal control will confiscate your animal."

Action Steve is stunned, "My..."


"That's right! Action Raptor isn't 'an animal'! He's just as much a person as you or I! And has helped save the city countless times!" Action Steve protests.

"You have my word that Action Raptor will be well cared for. Now please come with me," orders The Mighty Pineapple


"That's right!" agrees Action Steve, "Action Raptor has earned the right to due process! You're going to arrest the both of us or neither of us!"

"You're resisting arrest?" one of The Pineapple Patrol asks with an eager grin.

"Easy officer. You are a member of The Hulaville Police Force. You do not grin at the prospect of forcibly detaining a suspect." says The Mighty Pineapple.

"Wow, you're really taking this seriously. Mighty Pineapple, will you let Action Raptor go if he promises to go directly to The Cold War Cafe?"

She seems to consider it, but then shakes her head. "You're not in a position to negotiate. You are a suspect. I am going to arrest you and this animal will be put in a cage. Now are you coming quietly?"

Action Steve says, in a strained quiet voice, staring directly at The Mighty Pineapple, "I don't think I can."

"Pineapple Patrol!" yells The Mighty Pineapple in anticipation of a battle.

Just as the poop is about to hit the propeller, everyone freezes! Action Steve looks around. Birds are hovering motionless in midair. Trees are slightly bent from the force of wind but don't move. Leaves are stuck in the air. Time has stopped!

Action Steve, who was about to grab his Action-lele and try to bean The Mighty Pineapple on the head, relaxes. "Oh," he says.

"Thk-k-k-k-k," says Action Raptor.

"Guess so," Action Steve Replies. "Hey Chronotron! What's going on?" In answer to Action Steve's query, a metallic form shimmers into existence near The Super Action Vehicle! It's Chronotron The Chronobot master of space and time! Larger and taller than a car is lengthwise, Chronotron's boxy metal shape looms over the pair of Action Heroes. Looking much more like a robot from a 1950's B movie than anything from modern cinema, Chronotron The Chronobot has a giant clock on his front torso, a fitting decoration for he is the master of time and space itself!*

"Greetings to you, Action Alliance," booms Chronotron The Chronobot, "I wonder if this is the universe in which you feel you want to go to another universe to escape law enforcement. Or are you the Action Steve that decides to let himself get arrested?"

"Why?" asks, Action Steve, "What happens if I get arrested?"

"Anything can happen, anything always happens"

From The Pineapple Patrol's point of view, Action Steve, Action Raptor, and The Super Action Vehicle have just vanished in a flash of light! The Mighty Pineapple and her Pineapple Patrol look around, in surprise and confusion. The Mighty Pineapple slaps her thighs and yells loudly, "Damnit!"

*Also, it's Fresh Yo! Word to your mother!

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Monday, November 9, 2009

The Prisoner

We see a dark room, the only thing illuminated is a large metal cylinder. It's The Thrill Seeker's specially constructed cell! With one small barred window on it's door and it's thick walls, not to mention a contingent of The Pineapple Patrol keeping guard, it doesn't look like The Thrill Seeker is going anywhere anytime soon!

A shaft of light appears on the floor as two figures walk toward the cell. It's The Mighty Pineapple and The Senator! The Mighty pineapple still wearing her black and yellow policeman's version of her old pineapple themed costume. The Senator in a politician's blue suit and red tie and his short blond, television perfect, hair. The Senator looks into the cell's only window and sees The Thrill Seeker sitting cross legged, meditating, on the floor. He looks very calm, an extreme contrast with his usual manic demeanor. The Thrill Seeker opens his eyes, takes a deep breath, and looks straight at The Senator.

"Hiya.... Senator!" The Thrill seeker sneers.

"Hello," it seems that The Senator is partly enjoying this, but part of him is obviously impatient with The Thrill Seeker.

"We were thinking we could slow your healing by starving you a bit. Turns out we were wrong." Says The Mighty Pineapple.

"Oh, there's no stopping me. Never ever," The Thrill Seeker presses his face to the small barred window. The Senator moves back slightly, careful not to make it seem like he's afraid of The Thrill Seeker.

"But we can slow you down. This cage is a good start." Now it's The Senator's turn to smile. "If the rumors about you are true, then you are effectively immortal. You don't appear to age. All you wounds heal more or less instantly. You don't catch any diseases. You don't even seem to need sleep, but you can be contained, perhaps even studied. Think of the good you could do for medical science." The Senator grins at this remark.

The Thrill Seeker slams at the cell door, hard. "You can't hold me! There's no way you can hold me! I'll get out!" The Thrill Seeker's more manic side comes out in full force!

"Eventually, maybe, but I think you'll be with us for a least a few lifetimes."

"You're being shipped to the extraordinarily powerful prisoner's penitentiary. They're making a special cell for you." The Mighty Pineapple smirks as she says this.

As The Thrill Seeker screams threats at the The Mighty Pineapple and The Senator, they both walk out. The door slams shut and The Thrill Seeker instantly calms down.

After a few hours of calm meditation alone in his cell, The Thrill Seeker's door opens. The Thrill Seeker talks to his mysterious helper as he walks out. "Ah, Thank you. You know this was very calming. I think I might make a cell of my own like this..... and before you say it, no I don't want to stay. You know how I enjoy making mischief."

Just exactly who is helping The Thrill Seeker?

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Saturday, November 7, 2009

Trouble on the Campaign Trail

This episode starts at City Hall, where Hulaville's other Mayoral Candidate, Frances Malloy, Hulaville's current Mayor and father to Detective Ace Malloy, one of Action Steve's partners in crime fighting, is making a speech.

"We now have sources confirming that Action Pre is responsible for the explosion on Hulaville Mountain all those years ago! He was running an unlicensed laboratory irresponsibly creating nanotechnological cybernetic ameobe within a Hulaville City landmark! His experiments were unregulated and unsafe and as a result they caused an explosion, killing his wife and one of these other so called super heroes!

Is this the sort of person we want as mayor? Someone who, it is said, maintains a secret underground laboratory even now? My friends, I ask you, don't you deserve a more honest politician? Action Pre doesn't even want you to see the the most damning evidence of his lack of care for the safety of himself and others. He hides it well, but Action Pre walks with a limp! An injury from the explosion that even his scientific mind couldn't fix with cybernetics and genetic engineering! Please vote for me! Frances Malloy! To continue to be your Mayor! Allow me the opportunity to reign in this destructive and reckless behavior!"

What's this? Applause? Is Action Pre's campaign in trouble? We cut to Action Pre on the campaign trail!

"Would you care to comment on on your opponent's accusations Action Pre?"

"I won't deny I've made mistakes in the past, but I can hardly be blamed for not calling these to atten--"


Hulaville City Hall is once again being demolished by some villain or other!

"You may have thought that I! The Potatonator! Was down for the count! But you were sorely mistaken! Oooooh yes indeed!" Potatonator is back and rebuilt! He is even more mechanical and sports a giant cannon on one of his robot arms!

As Action Pre is about to jump to help save Hulaville once again, a reporter asks, "Is this the sort of thing we can expect in your administration? This constant distraction of so-called super villains, when real civic issues are neglected?" Action Pre looks at the reporter incredulously. Wasn't a giant monster, part robot, part mutant potato, a real civic issue?

"I'm always willing to answer questions, but I have no interest in stupid suggestions!" With that Action Pre Jumps to a great height and lands on the back of The Potatonator and begins to wail on him.

Whhaaaaauup! Whhaaaaauup! Whhaaaaauup! Whhaaaaauup! Whhaaaaauup!

The Potatonator eventually falls down after an onslaught of punches!

"Technically it wasn't a suggestion," the reporter says to a colleague.

Whhaaaaauup! Whhaaaaauup! Whhaaaaauup! Whhaaaaauup! Whhaaaaauup!

Ffflaaaughmpt! The Potatonator has fallen face down into the street!

Meanwhile The Mighty Pineapple and her Pineapple Patrol are making a name for themselves as Hulaville's new super team!

"Toilet Paper is an abomination!" snarls Biggus Mikus, Little Known Greek God of Toiletries, as he is being hand cuffed by the reformed supervillian and head of Hulaville's official super powered police unit, The Mighty Pineapple.

One of the Pineapple Patrol asks the detained deity, "Why have you got a toilet seat over your head? That some kinda crown?"

"It's my Laurel!!!"

"Isnt' that Roman?"


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Friday, November 6, 2009

Action Steve's Quote for the day

"If the Internet teaches us anything, it is that great value comes from leaving core resources in a commons, where they're free for people to build upon as they see fit."
--Lawrence Lessig

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Run Away!

Action Steve is fighting the malevolent mischief-maker 'The Original Mr. E-vil' Manalo and his gang of thugs!

"Take that! And that! ... And that!" Action Steve is really in good form today as he knocks out thug after thug with his Action-lele, but 'The Original Mr. E-vil' Manalo and his sidekick Louis 'Lounatik' Nguyen are giving him much more trouble. Action Steve has managed to knock out every one of their minions, or hurt them enough that they are down for the count! The the quiet moaning of the criminals, for whom the phrase, "That'll leave a mark" more than applies, can be heard all over the parking lot.

"You guys," Action Steve takes a breath, "have been... practicing."

"That's ri--" just as 'The Original Mr. E-vil' Manalo is about to go into another dialog he stops. Those that are still conscious can hear police sirens in the distance, coming closer.

"We should leave," Louis 'Lounatik' Nguyen tells 'The Original Mr. E-vil' Manalo.

As they run off, Action Steve's supervisor comes out of the building, "I called the police as soon as I saw them outside, but his is no good Steve, you're late again. I'll need another note from Detective Malloy or I'll have to make it an occurrence. I know you're a super hero and everything, couldn't you get some kind of book deal? or maybe you could go on the lecture circuit? I think your extra-curricular activities are putting your job in serious jeopardy."

"The customer's need my help too." Action Steve replies dramatically.

Meanwhile, in an unused warehouse and 'The Original Mr. E-vil' Manalo's secret hide out.

"I'm sorry to hear that, no, we are not threatening our employees at this time. You may quit without fear of retribution. We reserve the right to threaten you later but frankly I don't think we'll bother. Good luck with your other criminal activities. Thank you," Louis 'Lounatik' Nguyen hangs up the phone and walks out of his makeshift office. 'The Original Mr. E-vil' Manalo is sitting at a table in the middle of the warehouse, the remaining thugs are smoking, eating pizza, chatting, and nursing their wounds.

'The Original Mr. E-vil' Manalo greets his sidekick, "Ah, how does your work progress Louis 'Lounatik' Nguyen?"

"You know, you don't have to say my full 'villain' name at every opportunity." Louis sighs. "Would you please explain something to me?"

"Explain? I am The Original Mr. E-vil' Manalo!" The Original Mr. E-vil' Manalo stands up, his thugs stop what they are doing and listen, in admiration. "I do not explain myself to--"

"Why do all of your plans involve attacking Action Steve? Are there more profitable things we could be doing with our time?"

"Because. I'm. E-vil!" no one should be able to pronounce a dash, but 'The Original Mr. E-vil' Manalo managed it. After that, pronouncing the period's and exclaimation point was a piece of cake.

"But it's not making us any money. What about starting a protection racket? Secret casino? Or at least a loan shark business?"

"Oh I see! you want to expand our operation! I like how you think my malevolent minion! There is something I have always wanted to try."

"Yes?" I really shouldn't get my hopes up, Louis thinks to himself. "We are going to take a break from attacking Action Steve and make a giant laser that will blow up the moon!" exclaims 'The Original Mr. E-vil' Manalo.

Louis 'Lounatik' Nguyen cradles his head in his hands.

"What?" asks the E-vil one in the tones of one who is more interested in perfecting his villain laugh than his business model.

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Action Steve's Quote for the day

"Nobody climbs mountains for scientific reasons. Science is used to raise money for the expeditions, but you really climb for the hell of it."
--Sir Edmund Hillary

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Trouble in the Parking Lot

Action Steve lands The Super Action Vehicle in the company parking lot at work, ready to help more customers as the city returns to normal, but before he can get to the door....

"Not so fast, Action Dork! You'll have to face me before you go to your idiotic place of employment! You'll have to face 'The Original Mr. E-vil' Manalo and my partner in crime, Louis 'Lounatik' Nguyen! And our cadre of henchmen!" E-vil Manalo wears a shiny red and black leather cloak, spiky hair and mirror glasses, making him look like a cross between an extra in The Matrix, an anime villain or villain on the 1960's Batman TV show. Louis simply wears all black, as do the henchmen.

Action Steve positively bounces! It's like he's greeting old friends, not criminals. "Hey guys!", Action Steve grins, "It's been a while! Where have you been?"

"We've been preparing to do battle with you and destroy you!" replies 'The Original Mr. E-vil' Manalo, as he talks with our hero, he keeps posing as if for a camera. His henchmen nod approvingly, clap, and make ooh and ah sounds at the appropriate moments. Somewhere among the henchmen, there must be a portable speaker system because a synth-rock soundtrack is playing as Mr. E-vil talks.

"So you got a new sidekick I see. How are you, Mr.... Lunatic was it?"

"Louis 'Lounatik' Nguyen", Louis replies in a level tone, having none of the bravado of his boss, and seeming much more menacing for it, "Where's your feathered dinosaur?"

"Action Raptor doesn't work here. He just helps me out sometimes." Action Steve is still grinning, glad to only have to deal with the normal villains and criminals rather than that crazy, super powered maniac who is now safely captured.

"You should be more respectful of my power and menace, Action Doofus! You shall---"

Louis 'Lounatik' Nguyen, clearly impatient with his superior, runs over to Action Steve and kicks him in the gut, knocking him down. Action Steve sits up, surprised.

"You interrupted my monologue!" The Original Mr. E-vil turns on his sidekick.

"Yeah, you did, thanks for that. I'm impressed!" Action Steve tells Louis 'Lounatik' Nguyen as he charges at the group, ukulele in battle-lele mode. "Ok, this has been fun, but I need to get into work. Prepare to get clobbered!"

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Action Steve's Quote for the day

"I never submitted the whole system of my opinions to the creed of any party of men whatever in religion, in philosophy, in politics, or in anything else where I was capable of thinking for myself."
--Thomas Jefferson

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

The Nightly News

"Welcome to Hulaville's Nightly News. I'm Rich Richman."

"The Thrill Seeker was finally caught today by a special police unit, The Pineapple Patrol. Lead by ex-super-villain, and former arch-nemesis to Action Steve, The Mighty Pineapple. In a statement Senator --"


"--Do you have unsightly body hair? Try--"

"Hey change it back!" Action Steve asks Edna, The Roller Derby Server and mechanic, who is holding the remote to one of The Cold War Cafe's Television sets.

"Sorry. Thought you didn't want to see it," she changes it back

"--My friends, for too long this city has been at the mercy of costumed criminals--"

"Cheesy!" Action Steve exclaims.

"Waaaaahhwwk!" Action Raptor chides Action Steve into silence. He would like to hear what the senator has to say.

"But now we finally have a real solution! Rather than rely on the services of unreliable, so called, super heroes," Action Steve Grimaces, Edna rolls her eyes at Action Steve, "We now have a special police unit with talented individuals and professionals, who take their responsibility for protecting their city much more seriously."

Rich Richman continues, "When Asked to comment on the senator's obvious slight at The Action Alliance, Hulaville super hero and mayoral candidate, Action Pre had this to say:"

"I don't know what the senator is talking about. I and the other members of the Action Alliance have saved the city countless times, but I do want to recognize the good work The Pineapple Patrol has done. If I am elected Mayor, I will appoint The Mighty Pineapple chief of police!"

Action Steve and Action Raptor make for The Super Action Vehicle. They walk by a few mutant potatoes, who greet him. "Hi guys," says Action Steve. Action Raptor also says hi, "Thuuurrtch!"

Before getting into the car, Action Steve gets a phone call. "Yes? No, I'm fine. Thanks, I'm glad I'm ok too. No, I'm coming in tomorrow."

"Thaaaauuric!" Action Raptor comments, not for the first time, how weird it is that Action Steve has a day job as a technical support agent in a call center.

"Being a super hero doesn't pay the bills man."

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Action Steve's Quote for the Day

"The true method of knowledge is experiment."
--William Blake

Monday, November 2, 2009


We re-join Action Steve recounting a past battle with The nefarious evildoer, The Thrill Seeker! The Thrill Seeker had lead Action Steve and his parallel universe partner in crime fighting, Super Dudical Steve into Pre-Action-Pre Pre's secret mountain laboratory!


"I don't know who you are, but the three of you need to leave! This is very sensitive equipment!" exclaims Pre.

"Is that a fact?" asks The Thrill Seeker. Before anyone can react, the malevolent malefactor reaches for a computer monitor, and throws it into one of 4 large chambers filled with glowing green liquid. Instantly sparks fly and the liquid begins to eat at everything it touches. The The Thrill Seeker causes even more chaos as the two super heroic Steve's tackle him to the ground. Everyone is covered in the green slime!

"My nanotechnologicial cybernetic amoebae are destroyed! I am much much further along the scale than merely annoyed!"

Boom! An explosion in the lab causes some of the ceiling to fall! Pre, and the 4 lab assistants make a run for it.

"Help them get out!" Super Dudical Steve yells to Action Steve over the noise of the fire, the ceiling caving in, and more explosions!

"Right!" Action Steve assists the 5 civilians out of the house, then-

KrakkaThooom! A huge explosion! Dust, fire, rocks, bits of house shower everywhere!

"Can't move." Action Steve says, right before he passes out.


"We were taken to the hospital," Action Steve explains to his super hero and reformed super villain support group. "Action Raptor, who had been following another lead at the time, and Detective Malloy and his men combed the rubble, but they were only able to find 3 of the lab assistants, Pre, and .. me. Super Dudical Steve and The Thrill Seeker were nowhere to be found. I later learned the lab assistant that didn't make it, was Pre's wife." At this point, many of the support group are in tears. A giant praying mantis dressed in what looks like a space suit is blowing his nose, loudly.

"They couldn't find the bodies of the other two but..." The giant mantis offers Action Steve his hanky, who takes it. "We eventually discovered just how good The Thrill Seeker's power's of recovery really are when he came back to cause more mayhem, but that moment is when Pre became Action Pre. He transformed himself into a genetically engineered cybernetic super-powered super-hero and devoted his life, as I have, to making this city, and the world, A Better Place!"

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Action Steve's Quote for the day

"Talk not so much, then, young artist, of the great old masters, who but painted and chisell’d. Study not only their productions. There is a still higher school for him who would kindle his fire with coal from the altar of the loftiest and purest art. It is the school of all grand actions and grand virtues, of heroism, of the death of patriots and martyrs — of all the mighty deeds written in the pages of history — deeds of daring, and enthusiasm, devotion, and fortitude."
--Walt Whitman