Monday, November 23, 2009

The Apartment

It's now early in the morning. Pimp Racer parks his car near a few dilapidated apartments. A young woman is walking outside, taking out the trash. Pimp Racer approaches her. "Excuse me, ma'am, may I speak with you for a moment?" She begins to walk away quickly. He walks after her and speaks in Vietnamese, Korean, and then Chinese*.

She turns to face him and answers in English. "Why do you know so many languages?"

"I'm a man of many talents. Is there someone who just moved in here? Someone who seems like a dangerous man?"

"There are a few, and I don't want trouble from any of them, I have my children to look after. You, also, seem like a dangerous man." even as she says this she doesn't seem particularly alarmed.

Pimp Racer produces a 100 dollar bill, "Never to you my dear, perhaps I can help you and your children a little."

"What do you want for this gift?" The woman smiles.

"Just let me in and show me where he lives. The most dangerous man, the one who has come here most recently, the one who you may have 'forgot' was recently on television."

She eyes the door to the apartment complex, "He is at the end of the hall, I'll leave the door open for you but come in a little while after I enter."

She takes the money but Pimp Racer holds on for a split second as he says, "If this goes well, I'll come back with more."

She smiles as he lets go of the money, "It's been a pleasure doing business with you."

Pimp Racer waits a few minutes after she goes in and then walks inside himself. The hall is empty, he can hear muffled conversations in the various doors, music plays from stereos, he can hear a television, the little sounds of breakfast and people getting ready for work.

Just as Pimp Racer gets to the end of the hall to open the door, it slams onto his face and knocks him down! As he gets up, The Thrill Seeker, with a menacing and angry look, slams an entire coffee table into Pimp Racer's stomach, pinning him to the ground! The Thrill Seeker, grinning madly, repeatedly slams the table into Pimp Racer, who manages to absorb some of the blow with his arms. Pimp Racer kicks The Thrill Seeker's feet out from under him. The villain falls and Pimp Racer Struggles to his feet just as The Thrill Seeker gets to his. Pimp Racer hits The Thrill Seeker with A Mighty Backhanded Pimp Slap! The Thrill Seeker is knocked back into a wall! Other apartment residents look out of their doors and quickly close them again.

The fight continues back into The Thrill Seeker's Apartment. Both are landing as many hits as the other, but Pimp Racer doesn't instantly heal as The Thrill Seeker does. A bloodied Pimp Racer takes an old record player resting on a shelf and hits The Thrill Seeker repeatedly over the head with it! The Thrill Seeker punches Pimp Racer below the belt, stunning our hero, and runs over to get his blender! The Thrill Seeker removes the pitcher from the blender's base and turns it on. Nothing happens.

"Safety Latch!" The Thrill Seeker spits out the offensive words.

Pimp Racer Punches The Thrill Seeker right in the kisser and hits him a second time! The old 1, 2! Pimp Racer repeats the performance, stunning The Thrill Seeker, but he isn't stunned long. The Thrill Seeker takes the blender blade and jams it into Pimp Racer's arm! Pimp Racer screams, more in anger than in pain. The Thrill Seeker tries to hit Pimp Racer in the face with his makeshift weapon but Pimp Racer manages to avoid it. In that struggle, Pimp Racer knocks the blade out of The Thrill Seeker's hand and knocks The Thrill Seeker into a glass shelf full of china plates! CRASH! Just as Pimp Racer is about to let The Thrill Seeker have some more, The Thrill Seeker gets his hands around an iron skillet, which quickly finds itself making a glancing blow on our hero's head, knocking him down to the ground!

The Thrill Seeker looms over a prone Pimp Racer, who shakes his head and struggles to get his bearings, but The Thrill Seeker never needs time to recover....

CRASH! Just then, a flying dog in a cape crashes through the kitchen window and flies right into The Thrill Seeker, hitting him hard enough to send the both of them through the sliding glass door! The Thrill Seeker has been attacked by none other than Super Shaun, Super Powered Pooch and member of The Action Alliance! The Thrill Seeker knocks the Courageous Canine away with the skillet but it takes more than that to hurt this Action Hero! The Thrill Seeker manages to get to his motorcycle and zooms off, The Flying Dog Of Justice hot on his tail!

Pimp Racer Stands up and walks out of the opening that was a sliding glass door, but is now a mess of shards of glass. He slowly walks out to his car.

"Wait, didn't I park you by the garbage cans?" he asks his car, which doesn't answer, because it is a car. Nevermind, Pimp Racer thinks to himself as he gets into the driver's seat and drives off to follow the Dastardly villain and give Super Shaun any help he can. He makes a mental note repay the landlord for the damages and to visit that woman again. He wonders idly if she would go out to dinner with him after this Thrill Seeker business has ended.

*Pimp Racer is Pimpin' in many languages.
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