Friday, November 13, 2009

Picnic

The scene opens on a green meadow surrounded by a forest on a pleasantly overcast day. Next to a parked Super Action Vehicle Action Steve and Action Raptor sit at a picnic table finishing up their lunch while Chronotron The Chronobot stands, monolith-like, nearby.

"I don't suppose I could call Ace Malloy and let him know I've run from the law and want to turn just myself in....."

"There are an infinite number of Ace Malloys," replies Chronotron.

"I meant my Ace Malloy. From my universe," Action Steve had temporarily forgotten about infinity while worrying about a finite outcome. He was on the run from the law. He knew it happened to all the super heroes from the comics but...

"Your request isn't sensible, as I have told you before, each moment is it's own universe and there are an infinite number of moments, each one a different permutation of what is possible. Continuity is an illusion," Chronotron seems annoyed as he responds monotonically.

"Right, I forgot. Where are we by the way?"

"The kingdom of Eranor. You didn't say where you wanted to go, and I have enjoyed universes similar to this, some here might remember that they worshiped me as a god."

"Wait, when are we? Nevermind, I already know, different calendar right?"

"Correct, but conveniently the natives here speak a language similar to English, although we could go to one of the infinite permutations of this universe where everyone speaks Japanese, or Raptor."

"So where did this picnic table come from?"

"As there are an infinite number of universes I simply chose the one that had a picnic table. I could have also chosen the one that had a Freezing Slab ice cream shop but you've already had some."*

"Raaaaauuuurc!"

"Yeah, never mind about that, why didn't you come help me earlier with The Thrill Seeker?"

"There are an infinite number of universes where I did help you and an infinite number of universes where I did not."

"That doesn't exactly--"

"Avant! Foul rogue! Friend to Dragons!" The speaker is a young woman in full plate armor. At her side is a man in a long purple robe and hat. Everything about them screams Knight and Wizard.

Chronotron the Chronobot shimmers and disappears.

"Thaaaaakkk?"

"Look, they too are sorcerers," the Wizard tells the Knight, "We should test our mettle against them."

"Wait, what?" Action Steve is Confused.

The Knight unsheathes her sword. "Enough talk! I want that creature's hide and we'll see what treasures they hide in their home. Neville!"

"Home? You mean The Super Action Vehicle? Now hold on just one minute!" Action Steve was not prepared to be a monster in a role playing game character's random encounter.

"Know this before you die sorcerer, I am Neville The Great, world renowned wizard! All tremble in fear at my name!" The Wizard begins to cast a spell.

"And I am Sir Sarah, the most fearsome and skilled Knight in all of Eranor. You may ask for mercy now, not that it will help you," She smiles dangerously.

Action Raptor shoots a net from his utility cannon covering both Knight and Wizard. Action Steve takes a canister from one of his shirts utility pockets and sprays it's contents at Sir Sarah and Neville The Great quickly knocking them both unconscious.

"Wizards and Knights eh? Cool! Hey Action Raptor, let's see if we can turn these two into the local authorities. Whatcha think?"

"Taauucaahhuuth!"

Action Steve and Action Raptor disarm and tie up the pair and put them in the back seat. "How do you disarm a Wizard? Tie his hands I guess. Maybe check for magic wands?"

"Cthlaaaawk!"

"Ok, let's go see what the justice system is like here."









*Since there are an infinite number of universes, anything that can happen does happen. This means that even very unlikely events like 10 million dollars falling into your lap or your instantly changing into a scale model of The Eiffel Tower made out of Belgian Waffles does indeed happen, in some alternate universe.

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