Monday, August 2, 2010

The Astonishing Adventures of Action Steve! This Episode: "Waking up"

    A large bearded man is lying unconscious on the floor of a corporate meeting room. He is soaking wet, wearing a cape and a mask, and snoring, loudly.


    Instantly the man sits up. Immediately he regrets it. The man remembers having had worse headaches, but this one is among the top 3 for sure. Never mind, he thinks as he looks around, got to survey the situation. Within arms reach is his upturned fedora, which is full of, he sniffs the hats contents as he picks it up, ... seawater? Is he near a beach? He empties it and does his best to remove the sand from his, probably now ruined, hat and replaces it on his head. As he stands up he can see that he's in a meeting room in some office. A glance out the window tells him he's several stories up.

    Did they bring the water up here? Is this room the result of a beach party gone wrong? He looks down just in time to see a small crab walk over his shoe. It's now that he notices fish wriggling on the floor, sand, shells, and starfish all over the soaked carpet. He takes off his black, water-soaked, cape, thinking this must be why no ocean themed super heroes wear them, and starts to look for his guitar, it's gadgets are sure to be water logged, but it'll still be an effective weapon, should he need to fight.


    Is that....? The man begins to think as he walks around the meeting table toward the source of the sound...

    It's a dinosaur, a raptor, with obvious cybernetic modifications. It has two jet engines and metal wings... The two look at each other, confused, they're not sure, but...

    They're friends aren't they?


    The man remembers his friend's, his very best friend's name, "A-Action Raptor? How're ya doin' buddy?" How could he have forgotten it, his best friend's name? It must be this headache, but the relief to see that his friend is alright is making that headache, and the fuzziness that went with it, go away.

    The raptor brightens up when he hears that name, that's him. Of course that's him, and this man in front of him, dressed in black, wearing a black fedora, is his greatest friend and ally, none other than Action Steve!

    "Raaaaaitch!" the raptor replies, in language that his friend instantly understands, that he's been better but is glad to see Action Steve.

    What's this dear readers? It seems that the clones of Action Steve and one of the clones of Action Raptor have completely forgotten that they're copies of the originals! What will befall this pair now that the magical spells controlling them and making them evil are gone?

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Monday, July 19, 2010

The Astonishing Adventures of Action Steve! This Episode: "The Search"

    Action Steve, a large bearded man wearing a straw fedora, blue mask, gloves, cape, and a guitar strapped to his back, walked confidently into the empty, and very wet, offices of the Selene building. Close behind him was Action Steve's partner in crime-fighting, Action Raptor, a feathered dinosaur wearing a pair of World War I aviator's goggles along with a cap and scarf. Strapped to his back was a cannon full of non-lethal weaponry and gadgets. The pair had only just escaped imprisonment here, but now they had back up.

    Behind the Action Duo was Action Pre, garbed in a gray pin striped suit and wearing a gray fedora, Action Pre is a genetically re-engineered and cybernetically enhanced super hero! Also here is The Incapacitator, his dark gray body armor is decorated with all manner of non-lethal guns, gas grenades, and the like. Hulaville's finest is also here represented by The Mighty Pineapple, a former super villain and current police detective, she sports a catchy, fruit-themed, punk ensemble, along with her fruit smoothie guitar--

    Ahem, now that the wardrobe is fully described, we come to The Action...

    Or so one might have thought.  Selene was the front for a criminal enterprise headed by one of Action Steve's greatest enemies, The Senator, an ancient wizard in the guise of a modern politician, who prefers to manipulate things from the shadows. The Senator had been creating magical clones as part of a greater plot, but he hadn't counted on another villain, The Ancient Greek God of Toilets, Biggus Mikus, crashing his party. The building was now soaked with sea-water, the result of a magical deluge. People were, ahem, pouring out of the building. Our heroes looked for The Senator, or his partner in crime, Lounatic, but could not find either of them in the crowd.

    The Mighty Pineapple turned to Action Pre and asked in a loud voice, so as to be heard over the crowd, "What now?" Action Pre appeared to concentrate. What he was really doing was using his cybernetically enhanced ears to filter through the noise and listen for things one would not hear in an office building, but one might hear in, say, a secret magical cloning facility.

    To his surprise, he heard his own voice call out to him, "Come for me brother, I am waiting." Could this be another evil clone? This time of Action Pre?

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Monday, June 28, 2010

The Astonishing Adventures of Action Steve! This Episode: "Lounatic Captured!"

    The would-be crime lord calling himself Lounatic is coming too. Though he feels drugged and groggy, he opens his eyes. He's in a small room that seems to be made entirely of cement. A chain block and tackle hangs from a track in the ceiling. His legs are tied at the ankles and his wrists are similarly tied behind his back. Around him is the smell of new machinery and cement. He doesn't recognize this place but he can guess where it is. Action Pre's clone, who was probably activated by The Senator in order to aid his escape, has gone rogue and this is, ugh, the clone's secret lair.

    They always have secret lairs, Lounatic thought to himself. And now I am very probably being held by a being who has all the power, intelligence, and ambition of Action Pre but who is unburdened by any moral considerations. Well I suppose it might be a good time to evaluate what got me to this point.

    Lounatic had graduated with an MBA, but his dreams of business empires had quickly been dashed when he found himself stuck in middle management. Feeling doomed to a lifetime full of meetings, mission statements, and disinterested employees, his ambitions quickly lead him to a life of crime. He'd found it absurdly easy to make a large profit from selling the trade secrets of his employer. From there he had moved to embezzlement, corporate espionage, and outright stealing. Although he was good at it, this last venture proved his downfall. Lounatic had only within the last year been released from prison for armed robbery. His best employment opportunity after being released had been to join a gang headed by crime boss with a flair for the dramatic, The Original Mr. E-vil, Elli Manalo.

    Sadly it had turned out that instead of being interested in profitable ventures, like illegal gambling, or protection rackets, "Mr. E-vil" was primarily interested in fighting a fat bearded man in a cape calling himself by the ridiculous name of Action Steve. Lounatic had eventually had enough and shot Elli Manalo straight in the chest and then dropped him from a great height. When it came to betrayal, Lounatic took no chances. Action Steve and his dinosaur pet, Action Raptor, were quickly caught and replaced with techno-magical clones. But his partner in crime, The Senator, just had to capture a minor ancient greek god of toilets, Biggus Mikus. Predictably, the god escaped, along with Action Steve, by making all the bathrooms in their new building flood in a great torrent.

    One lesson from all this was clear at least. Lounatic was going to have to re-evaluate the kind of people he chose to work with.

    Knock. Knock.

    What? What kind of jailer knocks on a prisoner's door before entering? Have I been captured by kind captors, Lounatic silently asked himself.

    The door opens to reveal Lounatic's "jailer", who is smiling like any cookie-cutter super-villain might. This is hardly surprising but Lounatic doesn't have a chance to notice its unsurprisingness because he is too busy being surprised by who the villain is, a clone of himself. Action Pre's clone was making clones of his own.

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Friday, April 23, 2010

The Astonishing Adventures of Action Steve! This Episode: "When Plans Go Awry"

    One of Hulaville's most talented and promising young criminals, Lounatic, is soaking wet and running down a hallway in the recently flooded Selene building. He'd been very ambitious. He'd planned to use his newly created research and development firm, Selene, as a front for a new criminal empire. Lounatic had planned to make clones, with the magical help of his business partner, The Senator, to replace key individuals: titans of industry, government officials, and the local so-called super hero community. He is now alone, running toward the stairs, desperately trying to escape being arrested by the police or captured by his former prisoners, two of Hulaville's greatest super heroes, Action Raptor and Action Steve!

    Lounatic is now at the stairs, jumping them two at a time. Where is The Senator? Gone most likely, along with the super hero clones no doubt. They would have been useful in an escape. If I get out of this, thought Lounatic to himself, I'm going to make my next secret escape elevator waterproof. Because of this magical deluge of water, he can't be that sure any of the equipment he'd normally use in a fight. It might not work. It could even backfire and hurt him. His cell phone is waterlogged, his secret caches of weapons were caught in the flood and are surely unusable, and his partner in crime and the clones are nowhere to be found! Maybe I'm be better off not trying to escape, he thinks. He doesn't have any super-heroic powers with which to fight off The Action Alliance, a team including a genetically engineered cyborg of superior strength and a dinosaur with a shoulder mounted cannon.

    "Wait." Lounatic says this aloud and stops running. My best bet is to get arrested and get a good lawyer, he thinks. He can hear the voices of the Action Alliance now. They're probably coming up the stairs. Ah, here is one of them now. Lounatic can hear the heavy footfalls of that cyborg, Action Pre. A fight would be no contest, thinks Lounatic. I might as well sit down and give up now. He sits down on the stairs and waits.
    The cyborg pops his head up over the stair rail, "Hello Lounatic. I'm surprised to see you just standing there."

    "Why shouldn't I be?" Lounatic was giving nothing away. "What do you want?"

    "I'da thought you would've already figured that out, Loony." Action Pre was walking--no, swaggering--toward Lounatic.

    "Loony?" asks a perplexed Lounatic. He's not insulted, it would be wasted energy to be insulted by something like that, but .... something isn't right. He's never seen Action Pre this cocky. Granted, Lounatic has never seen him in person until just now, but none of what he learned of the man made Lounatic think Action Pre would be like this. He seemed more like a crooked cop than a super-hero do-gooder.

    "Oh," Lounatic says in dawning realization. This is the clone of Action Pre! But it's not supposed to be online! Maybe the flood caused something to activate him?

    "'Oh' is right pal." The clone of Action Pre is leering menacingly now. He looks behind Lounatic. "Grab him." Instantly, two giant, clawed, reptilian arms grab Lounatic from behind.

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Thursday, April 15, 2010

The Astonishing Adventures of Action Steve! This Episode: "Calling It In"

    The Mighty Pineapple, Hulaville police detective, still damp from swimming in office corridors, gets in the driver's seat of The Super Action Vehicle, or Savie as he likes to be called, and looks for the police band radio. "Where is it?"

    BEEEP! Savie wiggles the reciever so that The Mighty Pineapple might see it.

    "Whoah!" She picks it up, but then sticks her head out the window to speak to the group of heroes getting equipment from the trunk. She knows Action Pre, Action Raptor, and Action Steve are there but she can only see The Incapacitator, who is readying his gas grenade gun. "Hey!" He turns to her. "Is this some kind of robot car? I think it understood me."

    The Incapacitator nods his head. "Magic, Savie Magicaly became a person."

    "Of course." The Mighty Pineapple says this in tones that indicate there is no amount of weirdness that can weird her out more that she already has been. She is at her weirded out limit. She picks up the radio. "Dispatch this is The Mighty Pineapple, please get me Detective Ace Malloy."

    In moments Ace Malloy, liason to all of Hulaville's registered super heroes, is on the line. "I hear there's flood at the Selene building. That's where I asked you to check out a lead on The Senator's whereabouts."

    "That's right sir," responds The Mighty Pineapple.

    The Senator had killed the super villain known as The Thrill Seeker and in doing so revealed himself as a centuries old wizard who had been conspiring with The Thrill Seeker to ruin The Action Alliance. After this revelation, The Senator disappeared, but his last known phone call was to a 30 story high rise housing a new research and development firm, Selene.

    The Mighty Pineapple continues, "After a tour of the building I was in one of their corner offices with Chief Administrative Officer Ronald Brown and then all hell broke loose. Apparently Selene is a front for a new criminal operation headed by The Senator and a relative unknown calling himself Lounatic. Action Steve, Action Raptor and that minor toilet god, Biggus Mikus, were all trapped in one of their labs. Working together they were able to escape. One of the results of this escape was that the whole building was flooded with a magical deluge. The hallways were like white water rapids sir. It had to be seen to be believed."

    "I believe it," said Malloy, "I've been in this town long enough." Malloy sighs. "If I know those hero types they're getting ready to go after The Senator and Lounatic and who ever else is there. Back up is on it's way but I want you to tag along with those knuckle heads and make sure they don't get themselves killed or make things worse."

    "Yes sir."

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Tuesday, April 13, 2010

The Astonishing Adventures of Action Steve! This Episode: "Our Heroes Join Forces"

    Three of Hulaville's greatest Heroes are landing in a flooded parking lot of The Selene building: Action Pre, a genetically enhanced cyborg; The Incapacitator, a hero whose arsenal consists entirely of non-lethal weaponry; and the vehicle who carries them both, Savie, a flying car from an alternate future, who is now magically alive as a result of an inter-dimensional adventure. The three land near 3 more of Hulaville's heroes: The mighty Pineapple, former super villain and current Hulaville police detective; and the Action Duo Action Raptor and Action Steve! all three of whom are soaked.

    The entire Selene building, a 30 story high rise, had been covered in a deluge of water. The roof was a giant fountain. The volume of water and the water pressure required for such a thing to happen just wasn't present in Hulaville's water system. Which led Action Pre to ask, "was this magical or something to do with selene's research? I doubt it's research."

    "Definitely magic," responded Action Steve as he walked over to Savie's trunk. "Hiya Savie, how ya been?"

    BEEEEP! Savie was very glad indeed to see that Action Steve and Action Raptor were both alright.

    "Raaaaaaaitch!" responded Action Raptor.

    "Pop open your trunk would ya?" requested Action Steve. Savie's trunk opened and Action Steve and Action Raptor began toweling off and re-equipping. During their imprisonment Action Steve and Action Raptor were stripped of all gadgets and weapons. Including Action Raptor's utility cannon, Action Steve's Action Ukulele, and even Action Steve's shoes!

    "Can I use your radio? I gotta call this in." asked The Mighty Pineapple.

    "Be my guest." responded our masked Hulavillite. As Action Steve looked through the trunk for a spare Action-lele he continued to brief his fellow Action Alliance members. "It's Lounatic. Mr-E-vil's second in command. And The Senator if Biggus Mikus is to be believed."

    "The Senator who's that?" asked The Incapacitator.

    Action Pre gave The Incapacitator a look that said, wow you have been gone a while. Then he asked, "Biggus Mikus? You mean that ridiculous toilet god I wiped the floor with?"

    "The man with genetic and cybernetic enhancements specifically designed to speak with dolphins says ridiculous?" replied Action Steve with a smile that indicated that comment was in no way intended to mock. "All will be revealed gentlemen. Hey, what's this?" Instead of his spare Action Ukulele. Action Steve found a guitar.

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Thursday, April 8, 2010

The Astonishing Adventures of Action Steve! This Episode: "Biggus Mikus Is Leaving The Building"

    In previous episodes it has been revealed that The Senator, a man who no longer actually a senator but still likes to think of himself as such (though he is actually an ancient wizard), and Lounatic, a man who until recently was second in command in a small Hulaville gang but is now the CEO of the research and development firm, Selene, had captured two of Hulaville's greatest heroes: Action Steve and Action Raptor! The two had been imprisoned in cages in one of Selene's secret genetics labs, it was in this lab, in fact, where The Senator and Lounatic had combined magic and science to create clones of Action Steve, Action Raptor, Lounatic's former boss The Original Mr. E-vil Elli Manalo, and many others.

    But now things are getting out of control. Lounatic is in a break room with several temporary employees. They are all standing on one of the many lunch tables surrounded by several feet of fast moving water. Lounatic had been swimming along the corridors, looking for a way out, but once he actually got to the stairs he decided it was too dangerous. As he was swimming his way to the break room he saw several instances of people being magically saved by drowning, or getting injured. Whenever anyone was in trouble a magical light would envelope them and take them to a safe place. Lountatic had assumed the water was Biggus Mikus's doing. The Senator just had to go and kidnap the ancient Greek god of toiletries didn't he? The glowing magic saving innocent people from harm almost certainly meant that Action Steve and Action Raptor was with him. But with his cell phone shorted out and no way to get farther than a few yards down the hall, Lounatic had little alternative but to find somewhere relatively calm and wait this out.


    The Mighty Pineapple, Hulaville police detective, was swimming with the current down the hall, looking for the stairs. She hadn't yet seen how dangerous they looked. As she and the water turn a corner she is amazed to see a sheer wall of water coming her way and Biggus Mikus, ancient Greek god of Toiletries, surfing that wave on a giant seashell!

    Also on the shell are two green skinned mermaids, and The Action Duo! Action Raptor and Action Steve! As the massive wave approaches her the Action Duo grab The Mighty Pineapple's arms and pull her onto the shell. Biggus Mikus rolls his eyes. "Try not to take on any more hitchhikers before we get out of here." With that the shell speeds up and heads straight for a window! At first The Mighty Pineapple is afraid she's going to be hit or drown, but Action Steve and Action Raptor see her and help her on the the shell as they meet.

    As our shell surfers hit the window, it glows in a magical yellow light and bursts as if it were the surface of a pool as a great stream of water jets out of the building in an arc terminating in the Selene parking lot, which is where the giant shell and it's occupants emerge. Biggus Mikus looks smug. "Not a bad exit. Alright chumps," he says referring to the soaked Mighty Pineapple, Action Steve, and Action Raptor, "the building should dry out soon. I'll be seeing you all later." And with that, the shell, the mermaids, and Biggus Mikus, fade away until they disappear, leaving our heroes to fall together in a heap on the ground.
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Tuesday, April 6, 2010

The Astonishing Adventures of Action Steve! This Episode: "On The Trail Of Rocket Raptors!"

    The Super Action Vehicle was attacked by Rocket Raptors!*

    The Super Action Vehicle is a flying car used by Action Steve and Action Raptor in their fight against injustice. During one of their recent adventures in a magical dimension, The Super Action Vehicle, or Savie, as he prefers to be called, became magically alive! After coming back home Savie had taken to flying around the city for fun. It was during one of these flights that the Rocket Raptors attacked! If not for the heroic action of Action Alliance members, The Incapacitator and Action Pre, Savie might well have been destroyed!

    Newly repaired and with his two rescuers riding in his front seats, Savie flies to where he was previously attacked. Savie touches down on the helicopter landing pad of one the buildings he was nearby when the attack happened. The two heroes get out and have a look around.

    "Not much here," The Incapacitator wasn't sure what he was looking for. A secret hatch the creatures flew out of? Heck, they could have flown out of  a window with little risk of being spotted. Also, Savie wasn't sure where exactly they had come from. He just saw them come at him en masse from behind this building. That doesn't mean they had actually launched from here.

    "We'll probably need to contact Detective Malloy and get him to ask for a search warrant. In the meantime we can have a look around the other build-- wait!" Action Pre's genetically and cybernetically enhanced eyes fixed themselves at the new downtown high rise. "Have a look at the new Selene building." Action Pre always made a point to know who the major business players were in the city. It was useful information in his crime fighting activities and in his political career.

    The Incapacitator took out some binoculars. What he saw was a thirty-story high rise with a giant fountain of water bursting from it's roof and cascading down it's sides. "There is no way there's enough water pressure in that building to make that happen."

    "Magic then?" asks Action Pre.

    "You want to bet something besides your had or your shoes that that's where we'll find the Rocket Raptors and The Action Duo?" asks The Incapacitator.

    "Would you take that bet at this point? C'mon!"

    The two heroes quickly get into Savie. As soon as they're buckled up, the magical flying robot car lifts off toward the Selene building.

*In truth the unfeathered cyborg clones of Action Raptor were outfitted with wings and jet engines, but I won't let that detail get in the way of some fun alliteration. I make no apologies. :P

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Thursday, April 1, 2010

Another Action Steve Comic!

Click here to read it!

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The Astonishing Adventures of Action Steve! This Episode: "Escape!"

    In our last episode the little known ancient Greek god of toiletries, Biggus Mikus, was locked in a secret laboratory along with Action Steve and Action Raptor. Using his plunger scepter, Biggus Mikus caused all the toilets in the building to overflow like no toilets had before! The water level on every floor of the high rise was five feet, and water was rushing through the halls and offices like white water rapids! Water had burst into the lab and was flowing into the cages hanging from the ceiling that held the god and The Action Duo!

    Then Action Steve noticed what at first looked like a giant log floating toward him, until he saw the eye stalks. Our hero was at a loss for words, until the giant crab claw rushed at him!

    "AAAAARRGH!" exclaims Action Steve.

    "Calm down!" complains Biggus Mikus. "Haven't you seen a giant crab before?"

    Action Steve turns to see the toilet god standing on a giant seashell. Two Mermaids sit by his side, smiling beatifically. Their skin is blue-green. Their red hair is tangled with seaweed. Their tails hang over the shell into the water. Water flows upwards underneath the shell, keeping it aloft. "Get on chumps!" commands Biggus Mikus. "We're getting the hades out of here!" As our heroes scramble onto the giant seashell Biggus Mikus lets go of his plunger scepter. It simply floats in the air beside him. Then with the sound of several tons of granite hitting pavement from a great height, Biggus Mikus slams his fists together. A shower of sparks fly from his hands as the god begins to glow with a golden light.

    One of the god's hands remains as a fist. The other forms the shape of scissors. Action Steve mouths incredulously, roshambo?

    "ROCK SMASHES SCISSORS!" exclaims the god. "TIDAL WAVE!!!!"

    Action Steve and Action Raptor look at each other and hold onto the shell as hard as they can.

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Tuesday, March 30, 2010

The Astonishing Adventures of Action Steve! This Episode: "Plumbing Problems"

    When we last left Action Steve and Action Raptor they were hanging from cages in an unfamiliar laboratory, having been captured by the super criminal known as Lounatic, and his Action Steve and Action Raptor clones. Hanging from a third cage was one of the Action Duo's old foes, the little known ancient Greek god of toiletries, Biggus Mikus! Using a newly learned magic spell, Action Steve retrieved Biggus Mikus's plunger sceptor for him, without which the the deity of doo doo could not escape his magically sealed prison.

    Now Biggus Mikus points his plunger scepter toward the door. "Alright ya dorks," he says, "You helped me so I'm helping you!" Past the door and down the hall there is a bathroom. The toilet begins to bubble and creek alarmingly. It overflows and water splashes on the ground. The sink also begins to spray more water. Soon water is pouring onto the floor and out into the hall. The toilet and sink are now fountains, more and more water escapes from them, much more than anyone would say is possible. Now water is pouring out of the toilet as if from a broken fire hydrant! Out in the hall and in the lab, the water level is quickly reaching a foot. Employees are coming out of their offices and their cubes. The fire alarm goes off and the sprinklers set in, but the water coming from the ceiling is heavier than expected, like a heavy rainstorm.

    Now the bathroom door bursts open! A torrent of water pours out. This is no ordinary plumbing problem! The halls are now white water rapids! Employees are being swept away! Some are attempting to use cubicle walls as flotation devices. Others are taking refuges on counters and high shelves! Action Steve and Action Raptor look out the small window on the lab door in amazement. The water level is high in the lab but higher in the hallway. Waves continue to hit the laboratory door until it breaks. Like a flash flood, a strong current of waters gushes into the room, surely ruining all the laboratory equipment!

    "Thoooaruch!" Action Raptor nudges Action Steve to point out...

    "Fish!" exclaims Action Steve. "There's fish! and sand! and sea shells!"

    "Sea shells are superior to toilet paper!" proclaims the god of toiletries. "Soon you and all mankind will be forced to the true way of toiletries!"

    Action Steve notices what at first looks like a giant log floating toward him, until he notices the eye stalks. Our hero is at a loss for words, until the giant crab claw rushes at him!


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Friday, March 26, 2010

The Astonishing Adventures of Action Steve! This Episode: "In Which The Mighty Pineapple is Really Really Bored"

    From our point of view, me the writer and you the reader, its been a while since we checked in on The Mighty Pineapple, Hulaville police detective and former super villain. And though it's only been a few hours from her point of view it might as well have been a week or more. The Mighty Pineapple's been talking with Ronald Brown, chief administrative officer for Selene. Selene is a new research and development company headquartered in a new high rise in downtown Hulaville. They are talking in her office and she is extremely bored.

    It's true that she got a tour of some very interesting, state of the art, labs, but she never actually got to look at anything! Ronald went on about trade secrets. Now she was having a drink in the man's office, non-alcoholic of course, she's on duty. He's either stalling her or failing at flirting with her or both.  And she's still no closer to finding out why The Senator called this building! Is this some secret base of operations? It's big enough. But for all she knows he was calling a girlfriend to come pick him up from the motel.

    The Senator no longer holds public office, but for some reason that's the way people still think about him. He looks the part. He's tall, blond, has that insincere and practiced politician's smile, a blue suit with a red tie. He's the stereotypical public official. You'd think people wouldn't think about him that way after they'd learned he was centuries old, was an actual, real life, spell casting, wizard, and a murderer.

    All of this had been revealed in an internet video just about everybody in the world has seen at this point. It was captured secretly by an unlicensed crime fighter who calls himself Pimp Racer. Pimp Racer was trespassing in Hulaville Penitentiary, in air vent above a specially made cell for a super villain known as The Thrill Seeker. Unable to get through the vent, Pimp Racer recorded the terrible deed and later uploaded it for the world to see. In the video The Senator is seen magically entering the The Thrill Seeker's cell and killing him. It was revealed in the video, that The Thrill Seeker had been in the employ of The Senator.

    After that the Senator disappeared, but The Hulaville police, with the assistance of Action Steve and his Action Alliance, were able to find a motel he had stayed at after his disappearance track his last phone call to the Selene building. But, without a warrant, it seemed The Mighty Pineapple was getting nowhere. She was about to finish her drink and leave when she noticed quite a large puddle coming from the door to Ronald's washroom.

    "Whoah! Hey you might want to call facilities or something." The Mighty Pineapple says, pointing out the puddle to Ronald.

    Then they both started hearing gurgling sounds coming from behind the door.

    "I'm sure it's nothing. Let me walk you out first," Ronald began to move to get up but then the noise grew louder. They both looked at the door and listened in horrified fascination at the sound of quite a lot of rushing water. The pipes in the washroom creaked loudly. It sounded like the pipes were cracking and water was escaping out. Now Ronald was on his feet walking to the door. Before The Mighty Pineapple had time to suggest this might not be a good idea, he opened it.

    He was knocked flat on his back on the other side of the room by a rushing wall of water that didn't stop after the door was opened. It just kept coming as if the building weren't a high rise, but a submarine with a severe hull breach.

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Tuesday, March 23, 2010

The Astonishing Adventures of Action Steve! This Episode: "Possession!"

    When we last left that vile villain, The Original Mr. E-vil Elli Manalo, he had been shot in chest and had fallen from a great height. Despite this he is still alive, magically sustained by a ninja ghost whose grave is here, deep under the fair city of Hulaville. But this unnatural extension of life comes at a price! The ghost tells Elli he will only keep him alive if he agrees to to let the ghost posses him!

    Mr. E-vil is skeptical. "I've never met a ghost before," he says, every breath now an agony for him, "but I've never heard of a ghost asking permission to possess someone before now." Mr. E-vil lies on his stomach, his strength is draining away, he can barely hold himself up to look at the grave from which the voice emanates. As The Original Mr. E-vil watches, a ghostly figure emerges from that grave. The specter is wearing the traditional black garb of the ninja. It covers his whole body and face, save his eyes, which seem to burn into Mr. E-vil's soul. The ghost is only slightly translucent, but otherwise appears as he probably did in life.

    "You have not heard of a ghost asking permission because I am sure it seldom happens. I'm equally sure you know how such stories usually end. If the host does not rid himself of the spirit he becomes mad, or dies. In the meantime, the spirit and host are in constant battle for control of the body they both wish to posses. I have no interest in such an ordeal. I wish what all ghosts wish for, to live again. And though I do not have the power to do so and may never, I have learned to inhabit the bodies of the small creatures who live here underground. I don't fight them while I posses them, I live with them, see what they see, lend my power and knowledge to them and we use it to the advantage of us both.

    If you do not wish for such an existence then I have no more interest in you, I'll use my powers to send you away so that you do not die here and haunt this place with me. But if you agree to my request it must be a full agreement! Don't think you can fool me! I will be able to tell if you truly consent. I would learn that the way I've learned your name, your killer, and your enemy, Action Steve!"

    "Action Steve isn't my enemy anymore, not until I've had my revenge on Lounatic!" Mr. E-vil had intended this as another roar, but his strength, his life, is fading. He can no longer hold himself up. He collapses.

    "Ah, so then you agree?" asks the eager ghost. "I can feel you making up your mind but I need to hear you say it!"

    What could he say? What would you say in his position?

    "I agree..." it's a monumental effort now to even speak. "I agree.. to let you live through me." Only barely alive, The Original Mr. E-vil Elli Manalo lies still.

    The specter's eyes light up, he smiles under his mask. "Oh my friend I think you'll see that I won't live through you but with you!" A mighty whirlwind instantly forms and whips around them. The ghost becomes less a human form and more a luminous cloud in the eye of that storm. Mr. E-vil is at it's center. "And let our enemies tremble in fear at the new being we become!

    Mr. E!"

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Friday, March 19, 2010

The Astonishing Adventures of Action Steve! This Episode: "The Deal"

    When we last left the dangerous gangster, The Original Mr. E-vil Elli Manalo, he was near death, having been shot by his former lieutenant, Lounatic. If that wasn't enough he had also fallen from a great height and lay in a deep dark pit. His body was broken, and his life was slipping away. It seemed that the villain was done for, but you never can tell what fate has in store for you, and fate has put Mr. E-vil's life  in the hands of a mysterious and powerful stranger, who claims--

    "I am the only thing keeping you alive!"

    Mr. E-vil Elli Manalo lies on his stomach, weak and in pain. He props himself up with his arms looking for the source of the voice. It appears to be an old wooden grave marker resting on a large pile of stones. Behind the marker is a blinding light. It permeates the white mist that surrounds him. Even now, Mr. E-vil is less afraid than he is angry. He knows that he doesn't have much longer to live. Perhaps the voice is right, he really should have died before he hit the ground. But still he is defiant. He roars:


    I ask!

    Who are you?!!"

    "A long time ago," began the voice, "Many men came to America from the east to earn money for their families back home.--"

    "What does--"

    "nd my quarry was one such man. I was one of the few remaining ninja assassins! I came to America to kill that man, but he, along with his new American family and friends, defeated me in honorable combat."

    "His family?" asked Mr. E-vil.

    "A story for another time. Before my death I had considerable magical skill, and have had many years of solitude as a ghost to refine that skill."

    The Original Mr. E-vil Elli Manalo listens quietly. The point of this story begins to emerge.

    "I don't yet have the power to raise myself from the dead but I do have the power to keep you alive, and I will continue to do so, if you allow me to possess you."

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Tuesday, March 16, 2010

The Astonishing Adventures of Action Steve! This Episode: "The Curious fate of Mr. E-vil"

    The gangster known as The Original Mr. E-vil Manalo holds on for his life at the edge of a very large disused drain far beneath the surface of the fair city of Hulaville. It's hard for him to see from his current position but last he looked he couldn't see the bottom of the drain he's about to fall into. Lounatic, Mr. E-vil's former lieutenant (it's fair to say he's fired at this point) looms over Mr. E-vil, pointing a gun at his head. The Original Mr. E-vil is far less afraid than he is enraged!

    He roars and threatens, "You'd better kill me Louis!"

    "Oh I intend to." Lounatic nods to his two compatriots. One is dressed in black, in contrast to Mr. E-vil's typical red and black wardrobe. He is a clone of Mr. E-vil, fashioned from magic and technology by Louis and his other conspirator, The Senator. The Senator wears short blond hair and a blue suit. The Senator is no longer in office as it has been revealed that he is a centuries old wizard and killer of that other super villain, The Thrill Seeker. "Hold his arms please gentlemen," Lounatic continues.

    The two men kneel down and secure Mr. E-vil's arms. Lounatic kneels down and points his gun right at Mr. E-vil's heart.


    Mr. E-vil falls. It seems like he falls forever. It seems like he falls instantly. He doesn't feel the impact of his body falling several stories to the ground.

    Everything is dark.

    "Who are you?"

    Mr. E-vil feels weak. "Who?" he asks.

    "Answer my question first, Mr. Manalo."

    "You seem to already know." Mr. E-vil's chest hurts. There's a faint light now. He's surrounded by a white mist.

    "Yes I do." The voice is insistent, sarcastic. "Who are you?"

    "I'm The Original Mr. E-vil Elli Manalo!" Mr. E-vil tries to scream but only manages to say it loudly. "Do you think you can mess with me?!" Mr. E-vil's rage isn't as potent. He feels his life running out. He should be dead already.

    "Oh yes I think I can 'mess' with you. I'm the only thing keeping you alive."
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Thursday, March 11, 2010

The Astonishing Adventures of Action Steve! This Episode: "The Garage"

    Hulaville! City of wonders! Home to Hulaville University, the first institution to document contact with an alternate universe. Mayor Malloy is The United States official ambassador to two of them and their alternate cities Robo-Hulaville and Raptorville. Hulaville is also home to heroes like Action Pre! Not only is Action Pre a genetically enhanced, super strong, cybernetic super hero, he is also a politician, author, and musician! Very recently Action Pre played a concert with his back up singers ( who are also his lab assistants) and his new band, Fantastical Botanical.

    During the concert Action Pre noticed another Hulaville hero was in trouble. Flying nearby was the magical flying robot car, The Super Action Vehicle, being attacked by rocket powered cyber raptors! The Super Action Vehicle would have been done for if not for the help of Action Pre and another of Hulaville's protectors, The Incapacitator! Wearing grey body armor and a stylish gray headband, The Incapacitator has sworn a vow never to use deadly weapons in his quest to defend the innocent and capture those who prey upon them. Using pepper pellets, The Incapacitator was able to drive away the rocket raptors and from The Super Action Vehicle's driver's seat, and he was able to guide the valorous vehicle down safely to the ground.

    The three heroes are now at the Cold War Diner's garage and research lab where The Super Action Vehicle's Mechanics, Edna and Patrick, are just finishing up on The Super Action Vehicle's repairs.


    "Whoah!" exclaims The Incapacitator, surprised by the sudden noise.

    "Savie says he can take you to where he found those jet lizards or whatever," translates Edna, A grad student, part time server, mechanic and roller derby enthusiast. She's wearing her skates and protective gear as she always does.

    "Savie?" asks a bewildered Incapacitator.

    "Yeah, savie, that's what the car says he wants to be called," replies Edna.

    "How do you even understand what he--"

    "What's up?" asks Action Pre as he walks toward the pair.

    "Savie here says he can take you where the flying lizards came from," Edna repeats.

    Action Pre turns to The Super Action Vehicle, or Savey. "Savie eh? Good name."


    Action Pre walks over to the driver's side door and starts to get in.

    "What about Action Steve?" asks a bewildered Incapacitator as they both get in the car.

    "I just got off the phone with Action Steve's robot butler, Robo-Butler 3000," responds Action Pre. "He tells me that Action Raptor is missing too. I'll bet my hat that those two are in this mess up to their necks, and I'll bet my shoes that if we follow this lead we'll find The Action Duo."
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Tuesday, March 9, 2010

The Astonishing Adventures of Action Steve! This Episode: "The Inevitable Hero-Villain Team-Up!"

    In our last episode, Action Steve and his saurian companion, Action Raptor, were hanging in cages from the ceiling of a secret genetics laboratory. Their only other companion was their fellow prisoner and nemesis of old, Biggus Mikus! Biggus Mikus was the little known ancient Greek god of toiletries, currently hanging from a cage just like the one's that house our two heroes, but magically sealed to keep a god within it's bars. On the other side of the room lies an artifact of great power, Biggus Mikus's plunger scepter!

    When Action Steve noticed it he asked, "Biggus Mikus, would you be able to get us out of here if you had your scepter?"

    "How are you going to do that?" asked the diabolical deity, "It's easily 3 yards away!"

    This was true. The scepter was too far to reach. Even if Action Steve were to swing his cage back and forth until it swung as far toward it as it could go, it would be no use. Also, as Biggus Mikus had surely deduced, Action Steve had been stripped of all his gadgets, his keys and wallet, his Action Ukulele, even his shoes with the retractable roller skates!

    "Never mind how just now. If I can get your scepter to you will you get us out?" asked Action Steve.

    "Sure! Just cast a magic spell to get it over here and I'll free the three of us!" Biggus Mikus replied mockingly.

    "Ok," replied Action Steve. And to Biggus Mikus's astonishment, Action Steve begins to cast a spell which causes the plunger scepter to float above the counter where it was resting! An eerie glow surrounds the scepter as it floats toward Biggus Mikus's cage, a glow which gets brighter and brighter and brighter until...

    SLPAAAING! A blinding flash of light emanates from the scepter and it falls to the ground!

    "No ya newb!" chides the Titan of Toilets, "It's magical! Right? So you can't work against that, you gotta use the magic of the item in your spell! Otherwise they'll just keep fighting each other until that happens, or worse!"

    "Ok," replies Action Steve, who is actually grateful for any learning he can receive, even if it's from a villain, "I'll do that." Action Steve tries again. This time a stream of light emanates from the scepter to Action Steve's hands as he casts the spell. In seconds the scepter is within Biggus Mikus's hands, who hungrily snatches at it.

    "Ok dorks!" says a newly empowered Biggus Mikus, "You helped me out so I'm gonna help you too." With this Biggus Mikus points his scepter, plunger end out, towards the door to the lab. Past this door and down a hall, a toilet begins to burble and gurgle alarmingly.
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Friday, March 5, 2010

Schedule change

The Astonishing Adventures of Action Steve are going to a Tuesday-Thursday schedule. Expect the next Astonishing Action Steve Adventure next Tuesday!

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Wednesday, March 3, 2010

The Astonishing Adventures of Action Steve! This Episode: "The Enemy Of My Enemy Is My Friend"

    When last we left our heroes, Action Steve and Action Raptor, they were hanging in the ceiling in cages. Right next to them in a third cage was none other than Biggus Mikus, little known Greek god of toiletries and one of their deadliest enemies! The diabolical deity had just revealed that his captor was The Senator, an ancient wizard who until recently had been a U.S. senator but was now on the run from the law.

    "The Senator is here?" asks a surprised Action Steve.

    "Raaawwwch?" asks an equally surprised Action Raptor.

    "Yeah, he's here," replies Biggus Mikus. "He looks different but I can tell it's him. It's hard to fool a god."


    "Yeah it's hard to capture a god too, smart alec," says Biggus Mikus before Action Steve has a chance to speak further. "That guy is powerful. And I just know that you're going to try to fight him." Biggus Mikus grins at this.

    "Well I don't think he'll listen to reason," replies Action Steve. Action Raptor nods in assent.

    Biggus Mikus, incredulous, turns to look into Action Steve's eyes, then cranes his neck to see Action Raptor one cage over. "How the hell have you two survived this long?"

    Action Steve answers honestly and earnestly, "Like you said before, I've had lots of help. You might sneer at this too but I believe that friends and allies can be some of your greatest strengths."

    Speechless, Biggus Mikus sits back in his cage again. Action Steve sits back as well. While looking around aimlessly he spots Biggus Mikus's scepter. It's an ornate plunger with an engraved ceramic handle. He realizes it isn't a whole lot more silly than his Action-lele. Neither are likely to strike fear in the hearts of enemies, not that that was ever one of Action Steve's goals. He'd rather inspire courage and a desire to see justice done.

    "Biggus Mikus, would you be able to get us out of our cages if you had that staff?" asks Action Steve.
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Monday, March 1, 2010

The Astonishing Adventures of Action Steve! This Episode: "The Complaints of Biggus Mikus"

    When we last left Action Steve and his saurian companion, Action Raptor, the two heroes were in cages attached to the ceilin in a strange lab. The lab was filled with equipment that The Action Duo recognized as the same sort of equipment used in genetic experiments by their friend and fellow Action Alliance member, Action Pre. As the pair were reminiscing about other times they had woken up in cages, at the mercy of some super villain or other, they were surprised to discover another inmate, one of their most deadly foes, and little known Greed god of toiletries, Biggus Mikus! Wearing Grecian robes, his toilet seat laurel, but not weilding his traditional toilet plunger scepter, Biggus Mikus reminices about another time this Action Team had been defeated.

    "Yeah this brings back memories, memories of when I kicked your two sorry butts!" exclaimed Biggus Mikus. "I had the two of you trapped in my giant bathroom bacteria! But then Action Pre cleaned my clock!"

    Action Steve begins to speak, "Uh-"

    "You know what? You're not a very good super hero yourself are you?" asks Biggus Mikus.


    "You just have a lot of powerful friends that rescue you all the time!"

    "I've always thought that good friends were a str-"

    "You're just, just,-"

    "You see-"

    "-just a super hero hanger on!"

    At this point Action Steve decides to remain silent. He does, however, roll his eyes.

    "I mean, sure, you act all heroic for the news cameras, and swing around on your little ukulele. That's another thing, a musical instrument as a weapon is really stupid."

    "Raaaaaaaaawk!" Action Raptor asks, in his own language, if it's any dumber than a plunger as a staff.

    "I could have really gotten somewhere by now if I had a dinosaur and a robot car!" At this point, Biggus Mikus slams his foot against his cage, making a loud SLAM! causing his cage to swing slightly. He then crosses his legs, and sulks silently.

    Action Steve waits for the god to calm down.

    After a few minutes, Action Steve asks, "Biggus Mikus, how are you even captured? You're a god! Can't you just magic yourself away?"

    Biggus Mikus responds in a monotone voice, indicating a great deal of anger and annoyance being contained by force of will. "I can't leave the cage because of The Senator's magic."

    Both Action Steve and Action Raptor perk up. "The Senator?"

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Wednesday, February 24, 2010

The Astonishing Adventures of Action Steve! This Episode: "The Hospitality of Selene"

    When last we left the Hulaville Police Detective and former super villain known as The Mighty Pineapple, she had been investigating the disappearance of The Senator, a super villain recently revealed to be an unnaturally long lived sorcerer and killer of that other vile villain, The Thrill Seeker! Thanks to Action Steve's recently learned magic, he and his comrades were able to trace the last known location of the senator and a phone call he made at that location. The Mighty Pineapple had been dispatched to the destination of that last phone call, a large corporate building, and was looking it over when she was greeted by Ronald Brown, chief administrative officer at Selene. When he offered her a tour of the building, she accepted.

    "Selene is interested in bringing back research and development to the private sector," said Brown as they walked The Mighty Pineapple through yet another laboratory. "Partnering with universities is all well and good but we believe we can provide unique opportunities for profitable discoveries. Discoveries that we will own entirely." The mighty Pineapple had originally been impressed, but well, this was getting boring. She was being taken to lab after lab and office after office and not really being given the chance to find out about the cool stuff people were actually working on. She had seen some interesting robotics work, a field she has particular interest in, but had been quickly shooed away with Ronald's corporate smile. "Secrecy is important in the business world. I'm sure you understand." When he'd offered The Mighty Pineapple a drink in his office she'd jumped at the chance.


    As the Mighty Pineapple is being led to Ronald Brown's office for a drink, Action Steve and Action Raptor are being held captive in the secret underground laboratories of the new Selene building. The Action Duo are being held aloft in small cages in a lab filled with large boxy equipment, robots fiddling with hundreds of test tubes, and other equipment that Action Steve and Action Raptor, due to their time spent in Action Pre's mountain laboratory, recognize as equipment used in genetic experiements.

    "Bring back memories old buddy?" Action Steve asks Action Raptor.

    "Raaaaaaaauuuwwwchik!" says Action Raptor in affirmation.

    Action Steve did not always have a prehistoric crime-fighting creature for a best friend. Not soon after Action Steve's first adventure as a super hero, the mysterious Chronotron The Chronobot enlisted the help of our ukulele wielding hero to fight against The Man From The Future. The Man From The Future was a time traveling villain whose secret lair was in the late Cretaceous. As soon Action Steve arrived in that era, The Man From The Future captured and caged our hero. In the cage next to him was a feathered dinosaur that evil doers in this era would learn to fear, it was the dinosaur that would become Action Raptor!

    Yes, being caged up again did indeed bring back memories.

    "Yeah this brings back memories," said another voice, "memories of when I kicked your sorry butts!"

    What's this?! Who's this other voice? Another prisoner? Action Raptor and Action Steve turn to see Biggus Mikus, little known Greek god of toiletries, and one of Action Steve's deadliest enemies!

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Monday, February 22, 2010

The Astonishing Adventures of Action Steve! This Episode: "The Mid-Air Rescue!"

    In our last episode, two member's of Action Steve's Action Alliance, Action Pre and The Incapacitator were on top of a skyscraper. They were trying to save their pal, The Super Action Vehicle, now in dirigible mode, from crashing to his demise!

    "I know this might sound crazy, but trust me," explains Action Pre, "That car is a person, we have to save him!"

    "Ok, but what do we do? It's getting away from us and losing altitude too fast!" answered The Incapacitator.

    "Stop asking questions and get on my back!"


    "Just do it!"

    The Incapacitator obeys, "Hold on!" exclaims Action Pre as two rockets expand out of the sides of his lower legs. With The incapacitator on his back, using his rocket legs, Action Pre leaps toward The Super Action Vehicle! Then, as the two heroes still racing upwards--

    "Ready?!" asks Action Pre.

    "For what?"

    By way of an answer, Action Pre hurls The Incapacitator toward The Super Action Vehicle!


    The incapacitator has landed on the top of The Super Action Vehicle's dirigible mode balloon! Choking on the plume of smoke coming from it's engine he scrambles down and into the driver's seat.

    "BeAap!" says The S.A.V. The Entire car is shaking and The incapacitator feels the S.A.V. continue to accelerate downwards.

    "Ok pal. Nice to meet you. I'm here to help." says The Incapacitator in a voice that sounds much more certain than he actually feels. He puts on his seat belt. Maybe The S.A.V.'s just too hurt to steer himself, thought The Incapacitator. He takes the wheel and steers clear of a building before they both crash. Then he avoids another building. He swerves and barely misses a helicopter!

    The incapacitator tries to remember the last time he'd been in this car, before it had come to life. Where was it? Ah! Here! He flips a switch and the engine is sprayed in water. The fire is out! He flips another switch and a huge parachute billows out from behind! The S.A.V. is slowing down!

    The S.A.V. lands softly in Eisner Park where the two heroes, one flesh and one badly damaged metal, are met by Action Pre, using his leg rockets to land softly, and Detective Ace Malloy in his patrol car. The S.A.V.'s mechanics, Chef Patrick and Edna The Roller Derby Server come out of the passenger's seat and start taking care of The S.A.V.

    Action Pre walks over to The Incapacitator, who is still in the driver's seat, and says, "What a reunion eh?"
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Friday, February 19, 2010

The Astonishing Adventures of Action Steve! This Episode: "Battle In The Sky!"

    In our last episode Action Pre was just starting his concert in Susan B. Anthony Auditorium when he saw The Super Action Vehicle in the distance being menaced by six flying cybernetic raptors! Our hero leaped from the stage and onto a nearby building, and leaping in this fashion from the top of one skyscraper to another, Action Pre gets close to Action Steve's means of transportation, and friend, The Super Action Vehicle!

    During Action Steve's adventure in the magical land of Eranor, The Super Action Vehicle, a flying car from the future, had magically gained intelligence and become a person. After arriving back in Hulaville, The Super Action Vehicle, or S.A.V., had taken to flying around Hulaville on it's own. It must have been on one of these flights tonight when it was attacked by these creatures.

    Just as Action Pre begins his plan of attack, a grapple line is shot from a nearby skyscraper and attaches itself to a gargoyle near Action Pre. Then our hero hears the sound of someone speeding across the zip line. A man, dressed in grey body armor is attached to the line with a harness and is shooting two pistols at the flying raptors. For each pistol that hits it's target, a pellet of gas explodes. The man is aiming for their faces. Whatever is in those pellets bothers them a lot! They screech and land on ledges as they desperately rub at their faces or try to spit!

    The man disconnects from the line and rolls to the ground near Action Pre. "Well I'll be!" exclaims Action Pre, grinning, "you are not someone I expected to see!" The two men quickly shake hands and greet eachother like the old friends they are. For this man is a long time member of The Action Alliance!

    "The Incapacitator at your service." answers the man in gray as he grins back. The two members of The Action Alliance turn back to The Super Action Vehicle, who is still in trouble! The Super Action Vehicle is in dirigible mode but is still speeding down to street level too fast. "I don't see a driver," says The Incapacitator.

    "I know this might sound crazy, but trust me," explains Action Pre, "That car is a person, we have to save him!"

    "Ok, but what do we do? It's getting away from us and losing altitude too fast!" answered The Incapacitator.

    "Stop asking questions and get on my back!"


    "Just do it!"

    The Incapacitator obeys, "Hold on!" exclaims Action Pre as two rockets expand out of the sides of his lower legs. With The incapacitator on his back, using his rocket legs, Action Pre leaps toward The Super Action Vehicle! Then, as the two heroes still racing upwards--

    "Ready?!" asks Action Pre.

    "For what?"

    By way of an answer, Action Pre hurls The Incapacitator toward The Super Action Vehicle!

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Wednesday, February 17, 2010

The Astonishing Adventures of Action Steve! This Episode: "Action Pre: In Concert!"

    Action Pre is greeting his fans at the giant Susan B. Anthony Auditorium! Thousands of fans are cheering as the lights come on revealing a drummer, guitarists, a horn section, and Action Pre's DJ and back up singers!

    The band begins to play and the back up singers begin to sing as Action Pre speaks into his microphone. "I've lived here all my life but you love me still. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart! Hulaville!" The cheering crowd begins to scream! Thousands of cameras flash. Some fans hold a sign half a row wide that reads "We Love Action Pre." Other signs say "I Voted For Action Pre", referring to Action Pre's recent bid for Mayor. The crowd are jumping up and down. Men are yelling at the top of their lungs, women are screaming. On stage, Action Pre and the other performers bow graciously.

    Action Pre motions to his back up singers. "They sing melodies so wondrous as to drive you insane, please welcome my backup singers, Leilah, Laini, and Loraine!" At the mention of their names the music increases in volume and tempo and another wave of screams as well as a few hoots and hollers are heard as Action Pre's backup singers wave and blow kisses to the crowd.

    The music gets quiet and anticipatory as Action Pre continues, "And please let me introduce my new band: the fanatical!" drums and guitars punctuate Action Pre's adjectives, "the bombastical!" more musical punctuation, "Fantastical Botanical!" The crowd cheers as the band plays in earnest. The horn section is blowing, the guitarists are giving it their all. The members of Fantastical Botanical are all wearing plant themed clothing. The horn section are wearing suits an ties that look like tree trunks. The shirtless, headband wearing, drummer wears a wig of vegatation meant to mimic dreadlocks but still be recognizable as leaves and vines. He gives his all in a display of percussive virtuosity. Then the band plays quietly giving a feeling of anticipation.

    "Also I'd like to introduce my DJ! Dr. DJ Drinks-a-lot!" DJ Drinks-a-lot begins to manipulate his turntables (decorated with a tiki bar theme), and his nobs and dials furiously. He then takes a big gulp from a large cup. "The good doctor assures me," says Action Pre, theatrically breathing into the microphone as he paces the stage in the manner of a stand up comedian, "That he's on chocolate milkshakes till the end of the show." DJ Drinks-a-lot shakes his cup theatrically and smiles. A few hoots and hollers indicate that the fans whole heartedly approved of spiked milkshakes.

    "And last!

    But not least!

    Hey! It's meeeeeeeee!

    Actiooooooooon Preeeeeeeeeeee!"

    The entire audience is on their feet, cheering, screaming, yelling and jumping up and down. Just then Leilah motions to Loraine and points to the sky. Concern shows on both of their faces. They get Action Pre's Attention.

    "Wait a minute!" Action Pre suddenly looks very serious but the crowd keeps on cheering. "Hold on everyone." This quiets the crowd some as he uses his genetically enhanced eyes to see far in the distance...

    Why it's Action Steve's flying car and magical partner in crimed fighting, The Super Action Vehicle! And he's being menaced by a swarm of rocket powered cyber raptors! Unfeathered, reptilian, clones of Action Raptor are flying by means of small rockets and metal wings! They circle The Super Action Vehicle. They bite and scratch and shoot at him. The Super Action Vehicle does his best to dodge but he's getting hit! The S.A.V.'s in trouble!

    "Ladies and gentlemen, I hate to cut this short, but there is something I must report. Someone's attacking The S.A.V. This looks like a job for Action Pre!" and with that, Action Pre takes a mighty leap to help his friend and fellow member of The Action Alliance!

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Monday, February 15, 2010

The Astonishing Adventures of Action Steve! This Episode: "The Mighty Pineapple Ponders Her Next Move"

    In our last episode the former super villain and current detective of The Hulaville Police Department known as The Mighty Pineapple was on the trail of the former politician and ancient wizard known as The Senator!  The Mighty Pineapple's boss, Detective Ace Malloy, with the help of The Action Alliance, determined that,  after magically disappearing, The Senator made a phone call to an office at a new high rise in downtown Hulaville. The Mighty Pineapple is now walking toward that building, her Fruit Smoothie Guitar strapped to her back.

    The new high rise had only recently been completed. It wasn't the tallest building in Hulaville, only 30 stories, but it was very shiny and cylindrical. A few men and women were walking in and out of the lobby. Many seemed like ordinary business people. But The Mighty Pineapple could tell there were a few for whom the word "professional" took on an entirely different meaning. The Mighty Pineapple recognized their manner. There was no fear in their eyes. The one of these kind that was nearest to her was walking across the street. She was a teenage girl wearing a black pants suit. The Mighty Pineapple recognized the walk, relaxed and ready to pounce, like a jungle cat. The Mighty Pineapple begins to think that she should have disguised herself.

    It wouldn't be hard to recognize The Mighty Pineapple. Her hair is tied and shoots up from the top of her head like the leaves of a pineapple. She's wearing cat's eye spectacles, a cloth jacket that looks as if it came from the radioactive future as envisioned by film makers in the 80's, classic blue jeans, and canvas shoes. She also, as was previously mentioned, is wearing a bright yellow, orange and blue Fruit Smoothie Guitar, which, like Action Steve's Action Ukulele, has extensive modifications for the kind of life she leads.
    Ah, well, she was a police officer now. She had two options at this point: either walk up to the front desk and ask to be let in (she was considering it) or watch and wait for something to happen. I suppose I could just have a look around the block, she thought to herself.

    "What can I do for you young lady?" The Mighty Pineapple was startled that someone had snuck up on her and turned around to see a blond man in a blue suit and red tie, much like The Senator used to wear. But this couldn't be The Senator, he was younger than she was.

    She recovers quickly. "Young lady? You don't look a day over 25."

    "My apologies. I am Ronald Brown, chief administrative officer at Selene. We're in that new building over there." he said indicating the building The Mighty Pineapple had been sent to investigate. "And if I'm not mistaken, you are the famous Mighty Pineapple, former head of the now dissolved special police unit named after you, The Pineapple Patrol, and detective for The Hulaville Police Department. Would you be interested in a tour of our new offices?" There was something in his manner that made the offer hard to resist. Maybe it was just because he was cute. Didn't she want to get into the building anyway?

    "Sounds interesting," she replied, "lead the way."   

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Wednesday, February 10, 2010

The Astonishing Adventures of Action Steve! This Episode: "The Mighty Pineapple On The Trail!"

    In Action Steve's early days, after he had started fighting local criminals, but before he had met his friends Chronotron The Chronobot and Action Raptor, a host of strange people began to challenge Action Steve. These people called themselves super villains. Most of them were even more ridiculous than Action Steve, a man who wears a blue mask and a cape and whose primary weapon is a small musical instrument. Action Steve had once fought The Lords of Death, a gang of teenagers in goth gear; The Magenta Mantis, an overweight 30 year old man who, like Steve, took up costuming and adventuring at a late age but unlike Action Steve chose to do evil; and The Greedy Gopher, a bank robber who robbed banks in a cheap gopher suit.

    There were many odd things about Action Steve. One of those things was how he defeated his enemies. He was an undeniably good, if extremely unorthodox, fighter. His fighting style was not unlike his dancing style. Odd, unpredictable, but applied with so much unexpected enthusiasm and energy from a man of his age and weight that most who encounter him either on the dance floor or on the field of battle are completely unprepared. And the man sweats profusely. The word "glisten" could never ever describe the buckets of fluid that poured from Action Steve as he dispatched villains. But back to his fighting, most of the time Action Steve won the day not because he was a decent fighter, but because of his friends and allies. To defeat The Greedy Gopher, for example, Action Steve enlisted the help of some of Hulaville's local fursuit wearing population, who had been tired of all the bad press The Gopher was giving them.

    And now I'm caught up in it, thought The Mighty Pineapple as she drove her 1956 Austin Healey-Sprite (painted with a brown and yellow pineapple themed mesh) into a parking lot. She had been one of those original villains. Actually she'd been a villain for much longer than Action Steve had ever been a hero. For years she had embraced her differentness, her inability to fit in, and had taken revenge on the world for not accepting her. But here she was, an accepted member of the Hulaville police force, and publicist for one of her former super hero enemies, Action Pre.

    She was currently on the trail of The Senator. The Senator is a former politician and ancient wizard who, after killing another super villain in cold blood, had magicked himself away without paying for his crimes. Her old enemy and current ally, Action Steve, and her new boss, Detective Ace Malloy, had managed to trace one of The Senator's phone calls to a building about a block from here. She left the sprite in the parking lot, strapped her Fruit Smoothie guitar across her back, and walked toward a high rise building in the middle of Downtown Hulaville.
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Monday, February 8, 2010

The Astonishing Adventures of Action Steve! This Episode: "Evil Twin!"

    In our last episode Action Steve had followed a common thug underground. After knocking him out, a clone of Action Steve revealed himself and attacked the original Action Steve! The clone, dressed like his original but all in black,  now rushes forward, his black, v shaped, Action Guitar ready to strike! But as he strikes, Action Steve parries with his Action-lele, already in battle mode with it's two hammer heads on either side. Shouts, grunts, and musical clangs are heard in the old disused sewer drain.

    Action Steve had already been winded from the chase but was holding his own against this impostor. They held their weapons against each other, straining against one another for an instant. "You can't win pal!" says the clone angrily. He withdraws and strikes many times as he says. "I know what you know!" Strike. "Got your memories!" Strike. "And I'm faster, stronger and better!" Strike, strike, strike.

    Each of these blows has been deflected by The Original Action Steve, who then quickly points the butt end of his Action-lele at his doppelganger and sprays sleeping gas into his face.

    This merely irritates the clone. He wipes his face. "Isn't it standard procedure to make yourself immune to your own knockout ga--?" As The Fake Action Steve removes his hand from his face he suddenly has a very close view of The Action-lele as it hits him right in the kisser! Action Steve quickly follows this with a hit to the gut, and to the back of the knees. Action Steve quickly gets on top of the clone, disarms him, and binds the fake Action Steve's hands and feet.

    "I guess we've still got some improvements to make," says another voice. Out of the shadows comes Action Raptor!

    No, wait! Here comes another Action Raptor!, and another, and another, and another! Action Steve can see that these are cybernetically enhanced clones of Action Raptor but they don't have any feathers! Each one has metal armor covering most of their bodies. And each have had one of their eyes replaced with a glowing red cybernetic eye! They also each have two shoulder mounted cannons! Two of them are holding a cage, in which the real Action Raptor is held!

    If this wasn't enough of a shock to the winded, worn out, and bruised Action Steve, Lounatic, the source of the voice from the shadows, emerges.

    "Louis 'Lounatik' Nguyen?" asks the exhausted and surprised Action Steve.

    "I'm just going by Lounatic now." Lounatic pauses, "With a 'c'".

    "Got it!" says an angry and hopelessly outmatched Action Steve. Never the less he picks up the other Action Steve's Action Guitar and, holding a weapon in each hand, and moves to fight evil even in the face of insurmountable odds!

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Friday, February 5, 2010

The Astonishing Adventures of Action Steve! This Episode: "Excitement!"

    Action Steve is having an Exciting and Action-Packed Salad!

    We see Action Steve take another fork full of spinach and sprouts.

    Action Steve adds more oil and vinegar to the mix! Astonishing!

    Munch, munch, munch, munch.

    Action Steve looks out into the middle distance at nothing much in particular, enjoying his tasty salad.

    Well, I suppose that's it for this episode of-- Wait what's that? A group of thugs across the street are beating up an old man! Action Steve quickly rushes to the man's aid!

    Action Steve takes out his Ukulele and hits one of the three men in the gut, knocking him down. The other two make a break for it. Two women run from their car and assist the man. One of them turns to Action Steve and says, "Go, we can help here." Action Steve nods to the two strangers and takes off after the remaining two villains. He runs after them as they go into an alley. Why is it always alleys? Action Steve asks himself. The two break a door down and go inside. He quickly follows after them. It's a kitchen! Action Steve follows the chaos, past chefs in front of ovens, and people washing dishes. As the two thugs push past the kitchen staff, a portly teenage kid who was washing the dishes takes a hot wok to on of the men's heads, knocking him out.


    The rest of the staff cheers and claps. Action Steve high fives the kid as he runs past into--

    A basement? And the basement leads into--

    Action Steve supposes it's another basement. The thug runs into a hole in the wall, which leads into an old sewer drain. It's quiet except for the footsteps of Action Steve and the thug. The sound of their feet hitting the cement echoes down the drain. Action Steve notices a wide seam in the ceiling and shoots a grapple line from his Action-lele into it. He jumps and swings into the thug, feet first, knocking him to the ground. Action Steve gets the man to his feet and then punches him in the face, knocking him out.

    "Well done!" says an unexpected but strangely familiar voice. Action Steve looks into the shadows in the direction where the voice came from. In all his super hero adventures Action Steve had learned to run pretty fast but the chase had still winded him.

    "Who's there?" asks Action Steve.

    "There's no need to fear!" sneered the voice. "It's me! Action Steve!" Out of the shadows walked another Action Steve! This one had a more closely trimmed beard and was slim. He didn't have the real Action Steve's belly, but he did wear a fedora, mask, cape, and gloves. It's just that they were all black. This fake Action Steve also didn't have an Action Ukulele but an all black, v shaped, electric guitar. "Hello Action Steve!" yelled the impostor. "HELLO AND GOODBYE!" As he yells at Action Steve, the fake Action Steve rushed toward him, holding his heavy metal guitar in the air, ready to strike!

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Wednesday, February 3, 2010

The Astonishing Adventures of Action Steve! This Episode: "What Smart Criminals Do"

     Lounatic is sitting behind a mahogany desk in his newly bought leather chair. His new office is decorated with copies of renaissance paintings but he couldn't resist a bit of nerdly flare. Behind his chair in a very tasteful frame was a photograph of Captain Kirk. Below was the caption, "I can't hear you over the sound of how awesome I am." It was ridiculous he knew, and some found it out of character for him. But it was amusing, and he thought it was a good way to get people to relax in his office.

    Lounatic opened up his notebook and had another look at his balance sheets. He had several accounts at this point. Ah, this was absurdly easy. Why had he ever done things any other way? You do what you know until you grow, he thought to himself. Why rob a bank when you could very easily rob thousands of people at once via identity theft? Lounatic's plan was to quickly get out of this business too and move onto ventures that were entirely legal. After all, once you have enough money to warp the law to your will, you can do whatever you like out in the open and make obscene amounts of money doing it.

    A young man with short cropped blonde hair, wearing a blue suit and red tie came into the office. He was dressed like The Senator always dressed but didn't look like him. He was much younger for a start. "What do you think?" he asked Lounatic.

    "I think I'd very much like to learn that skill Senator," replied Lounatic.

    "I've decided to go with Ronald Brown for now." The Senator waved his hand across an imaginary campaign poster. "Ron Brown for U.S. Senate!"

    "Won't most people think it's you?" asked Lounatic. "They saw you cast a spell on television."

    "Polls show 70% of people believe the video of my killing The Thrill Seeker is some special effects trick. I'm certainly not the first person to recognize that humans will explain away any magic they encounter because they don't believe magic exists."

    "Anyway I'm through with public office for now." continued The Senator. "The real power today is in business. You and I are going to make a lot of money, and therefore," he paused, "posses a lot of power."

    "I still have doubts about going after Action Steve and the rest of those ridiculous people," replies Louis.

    "What good is power if you can't use it to crush your enemies?" asks The Senator. "No, we proceed with the plan I think."

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Monday, February 1, 2010

The Astonishing Adventures of Action Steve! This Episode: "The Senator's Motel Room"

    In our last episode, Action Raptor, Action Pre, Action Steve, the newly magically sentient Super Action Vehicle, or S.A.V. for short, and Detective Ace Malloy were on the magical trail of the ancient sorcerer and criminal called The Senator. With the help of Action Steve's newly acquired spell book, The Action Alliance has managed to track him down to a motel. As The Action Alliance waves goodbye to a family of fans they met in the motel parking lot, they quickly walk toward where the team thinks The Senator may have got to, a magical trail revealed by Action Steve's Spell leads to a motel room. Ace Malloy got the key from the front desk and is opening it as the Action Alliance approaches.

    "You know Action Steve, the way the kids react to you you ought to consider making a line of toys or at least some T-Shirts," says Action Pre.

    "Will you two focus on the job at hand?" the exasperated Malloy loudly whispers. "At least the damn bird-lizard is paying attention. The Senator could be in there right now!" It was true, Action Raptor had his back to the wall, utility cannon at the ready, waiting for Malloy to open the door. Malloy had his gun at the ready. Action Pre and Action Steve, looking apologetic, got quiet. Action Steve gets his Action Ukulele out, ready to strike, and Action Pre points his forearms at the door, instantly several guns pop out of his cybernetic arms, stretching out of his specially made suit.

    Malloy bursts open the door and points his gun into the room. Action Raptor follows. Action Pre and Steve bring up the rear. The team quickly determines that The Senator isn't here. Action Steve opens his spell book while the others have a look around.

    "Will you look at that!" says Action Pre indicating the television set. The magical trail they had been following was fading but they could see it let to the TV. The inside of the old picture tube was completely melted and burned out. Foot steps had burnt the carpet and recently molten glass trailed from the television to the floor.

    "I think we found the other end of that portal," said Ace Malloy. He carefully avoids stepping on the trail of glass and takes out a small device about the size of a pack of cigarettes. Ace then unplugs the phone jack from the old analog phone and inserts it into the device.

    Action Raptor looks at Malloy inquisitively and says, "Toooooaurc?"

    "You figure he used a cell phone after walking through that mess?" Malloy replies, nodding at the burnt out television. "I'm betting he used this phone." He looks down at the device and then takes out his cell phone to make some calls.

    "How's it going?" asks Action Pre of Action Steve, who is muttering some spells near the television.

    "Well," answers Action Steve, "Either he's got some spell protecting him from detection or," Action Steve closes the book with a twhump! "I need more practice," he says grinning.

    "Okay, we've got a few leads but we stay here until we get some more people on the scene," says Ace Malloy. "I've called The Mighty Pineapple and a few men to go check things out. She's a detective now by the way."

    The Action Alliance all nod as if to say, "good for her". Action Pre replies, "Yup, but she said she'd still be my publicist."

    "I really need to get another gig," said the unemployed Action Steve.

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Wednesday, January 27, 2010

The Astonishing Adventures of Action Steve! This Episode: "Action Steve, Magic Detective!"

    In our last episode The Action Alliance, Action Steve, Action Raptor, Action Pre, and the magically sentient flying car known as The Super Action Vehicle or S.A.V., were investigating the disapearance of that dangerous supervillain, The Senator, along with Detective Malloy, Hulaville's super hero liason. He was no longer a senator after having revealed that he had been working with and then killed that other dangerous supervillain, The Thrill Seeker. Action Steve now uses his spell book, given to him by his friend and fellow super hero The Mighty Pine Cone, and reveals a hole in the air. That same magical portal that The Senator used to make his escape!

    "I have to admit, grudgingly of course," says Detective Malloy, "That's pretty impressive."

    "kooooughaaaac!" agrees Action Raptor, Action Steve's best pal, who is a feathered dinosaur wearing a cap, goggles, and a scarf from his adventures in time as a pilot in World War I.

    The portal is about the size and shape of a small television screen. It's translucent, and shimmers in purple and yellow. The "screen" shows the snow of an old analog television. A shimmering purple and yellow trail emits from it and goes off down the street.

    "Okay team," says Action Steve, "Let's see where this leads." Action Steve and Action Raptor take the front seat of The Super Action Vehicle while Action Pre and Detective Malloy sit in the back. Although The Super Action Vehicle doesn't Actually have a face, you could swear it's grill is smiling as it lifts off and follows the trail over the streets and buildings of Hulaville. It finally leads to a motel.

    A family had just parked, their station wagon piled with vacation luggage, and had been walking toward the motel's front office? As The Super Action Vehicle lands a few spaces nearby in visitor parking. Two children, a young boy and young girl shriek with delight and run toward The Action Alliance, who greet them warmly.

    "Hey kids!" says Action Steve.

    "Thraaaaaawk!" greets Action Raptor.

    Action Pre, Steve, and Raptor, all sign autographs while Detective Malloy rolls his eyes. He walks off and follows the purple yellow trail to a motel door. He knocks on the door.

    "Hey anybody in there?" Malloy asks.

    No answer.

    Detective Malloy walks back to see Action Raptor being petted by the girl and the boy sitting in the driver's seat of The Super Action Vehicle while Action Steve plays the kids his theme song on his Ukulele.

    "Action Steve will save the day!
    Action Steve will save the day!
    Action Raptor too!
    Action Raptor too!
    Action Raptor too!
    We're gonna rescue you!"

    Malloy walks over to Action Pre who is standing with the children's mother and father autographing his book and cd, both titled "It's Me Action Pre!" for them. They are big fans and already had their own copies.

    Malloy whispers into Action Pre's ear, " The trail leads to a motel door. I'm gonna go get the key to the room. Meet me there when you're done."

    Action Pre nods in a serious manner and then smiles a the couple as he hands his book back, "It's always great to meet such wonderful fans. But if you'll excuse me, The Action Alliance have other plans."

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Monday, January 25, 2010

The Astonishing Adventures of Action Steve! This Episode: "Is this the end of The Original Mr. Evil Elli Manalo?"

    Last episode one of the first villains to fight Action Steve, The Original Mr. E-vil Elli Manalo, was underground in Hulaville, looking for one of the secret hatchways that Action Steve uses to fly into the city from his Secret Action Lair! The Original Mr. E-vil Elli Manalo's second in command, Louis Lounatik Nguyen, now going by the name of Lounatic, saw this as a perfect opportunity for an ambush. With the help of The Senator, an ancient wizard who used magic to send Mr. E-vil's gang away, Lounatic has revealed that he will replace The Original Mr. E-vil Elli Manalo with a clone under his control!

    The clone of The Original Mr. E-vil Elli Manalo has pushed the original into a deep pit, and as The Original Mr. E-vil Elli Manalo hangs onto the edge Lounatic points his gun at his former boss, preparing to fire! The clone and The Senator look on at The Original Mr. E-vil Elli Manalo, grinning. The Original Mr. E-vil Elli Manalo was grinning too, but was full of rage.

    As he struggles not to fall he says, "You better.. You better make sure I'm dead!"

    "Oh I intend too," replies Lounatic, he turns to his two compatriots. "Gentlemen, hold him." Each of the men take an arm as Lounatic points his gun into The Original Mr. E-vil Elli Manalo's gut.



    Action Pre, Action Raptor, Action Steve, and the newly sentient Super Action Vehicle are now at the last known location of The Senator with Detective Malloy, special liaison to Hulaville's super hero community. They were in an alley, the kind kids love to ride their bikes through. Today it was a no go. Police officers were at either end and the alley had been blocked off with police tape. The Senator doesn't hold public office anymore but people had gotten used to referring to him that way. His life as a senator came to an end when he killed the dangerous supervillain known as The Thrill Seeker. The Thrill Seeker and The Senator had been old friends or old enemies. Each of them were hundreds of years old. The Senator had killed The Thrill Seeker with magic, and the killing had been caught on video by the unregistered super hero, Pimp Racer.

    "I don't know what you three hope to find," said Detective Malloy, shaking his head."Witnesses said he opened a hole in the air and squeezed through it. They said he extended himself unnaturally, like he was made of silly putty. Then the hole and The Senator disappeared."

    "It's four of us," corrected Action Pre. "Isn't that right S.A.V.?"

    BEEEP! The Super Action Vehicle beeped happily, startling Detective Malloy.

    "Should I stop mentioning that this job continues to become weirder and weirder by the day?" asked Detective Malloy.

    "Maybe by the Minute," commented Action Steve. "Disappeared by magic did he? I think I might have something for that." Action Steve propped up his Action Ukulele against the alley wall and opened the large, old, yellowing, dusty spell book given to him by his super hero friend from another dimension, The Mighty Pine Cone.
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