Saturday, November 28, 2009

The Law and The Lawless

Action Steve and Action Raptor are flying their Super Action Vehicle towards a castle in The Magical Land of Eranor. They were attacked by The Knight Sir Sarah and The Wizard Neville The Great, but our heroes, Action Steve and Action Raptor, quickly dispatched the pair with a net and some knockout gas. As our heroes land near the gates of the castle the two guards look on In Astonishment as The Super Action Vehicle lands near them. Sir Sarah and Neville The Great are hidden from view as the Action Duo exit the car and prepare to ask the guards where they should take the two villains so they might meet justice!

"Greetings! I come in peace!" says Action Steve to the two guards.

The guards are not mollified. "Halt!" exclaims one of them.

"Sure," Action Steve tries to use his friendliest customer service voice, the one he uses for really upset customers.

"Look! He openly consorts with dragons!" says the second guard, pointing to Action Raptor

"Thaaaaaaauuuuughuch?" asks Action Raptor.

"Yeah, what gives? Action Raptor is no dragon! Neither of us have ever seen a dragon!"

"You think us so easily fooled? Only a criminal wears a mask, only an evil wizard like you would have a flying house made of tin, and anyone can plainly see that creature is a dragon." Both guards move to attack the Action Duo but they easily dodge the guards swords. Action Steve plays an f chord on his Action-lele causing it to go into battle-lele mode! Action Raptor shoots pepper pellets from his Action Utility Cannon at two guards, hitting one in the face, disabling him, and the other on his chest plate. Action Steve rushes forward and knocks that guard on his head, hitting with much greater force to overcome the protection a helmet provides!

Zip! Zipzip! ZIP! The Action Duo Jumps out of the way again as arrows come at them from above. Action Steve and Action Raptor are now flush with the castle portcullis to avoid the arrows.


"I know! Why is it that no one approaches us just to say hi anymore?" complains Action Steve. The portcullis begins to rise. "And of course here come more people, probably not just to say, 'what's up?'" Just then The Super Action Vehicle begins to move forward and turns 90 degrees so that Action Steve and Action Raptor could easily get in without getting shot from above! They look at each other, slightly confused, but neither Action Hero is to question their luck. The pair of heroes get in the car.

"What about those two?" Asks Action Steve nodding his head toward the back seat at Action Raptor. Arrows fall onto The Super Action Vehicle like extremely heavy rain.

"I demand you release us immediately!" commands Sir Sarah The Knight.

"thooork!" snaps Action Raptor in the direction of Sir Sarah, who looks at the creature in fear.

"Oh look, they're awake!" observes a sarcastic and exasperated Action Steve.

"The Consequences of your Actions are most dire!" Threatens Neville The Great.

"Seems like the consequences of inaction were pretty dire too. I mean you didn't give us much choice. 'I want that creatures hide' I think were your exact words."

The Action Raptor takes control of the Super Action Vehicle and lifts off as men with swords pour out of the castle to attack the pair. Then..

THOOAOOAOOAOUUUUAUND! A burst of purple energy hits The Super Action Vehicle causing it to barrel roll in the air. Action Steve and Action Raptor start to scream as The Super action vehicle Spins out of control!

Neville the Great begins what Action Steve can only assume is some kind of spell, "Zatra thuum grinthos Zal-OOOOOOOOOOF!" The spell is stopped by action Raptor hitting a button, which causes a nozzle to squirt a sticky foam over Neville The Great's mouth!

BANG! THHOOOOOOM! Just as Action Raptor had gotten under control The Super Action Vehicle is hit with another purple blast causing it to crash into the earth! Men with swords, and an old man in a red robe whose hands are glowing purple, begin to approach the the prone vehicle. Inside The Super Action Vehicle our heroes are having even more trouble! Sir Sarah continues to scream threats at Action Steve and Action Raptor while alarms go off indicating loss of power, and damage to the Action Duo's favorite mode of transportation.

durrrp! durrrp! durrrp! durrrp! durrrp!

"Can we shut that thing off?" asks Action Steve in of his partner in crime fighting, complaining about the alarm.

"Thlauuric!" Action Raptor replies that the controls aren't responding.

"Well I'm pretty sure The Super Action Vehicle can only take so many hits from so many swords before they break through it. And I and don't like our odds against that many men with swords, plus there's that wizard. I'm sorry pal, it looks like we were better off being arrested by The Mighty Pineapple."

"If you give yourselves up now, your lives will be spared," says Sir Sarah.

"Who the heck are you to give a guarantee like that?" asks a more than skeptical Action Steve.

Sir Sarah raises herself as best she can to her full sitting height. "Didn't I say? I'm the ruler of these lands, that castle is mine." Sir Sarah smiles.

Well, how was he to have known, Action Steve Asked himself. He turned to Action Raptor, "What do you think?"


"You also have my word that your dragon will not be harmed. I have plans for you both."

"Plans? What kind of deal is that?"

"A better deal than you really ought to get, considering the circumstances." It hadn't escaped Action Steve's notice that Sir Sarah's army had surrounded them, and that their other wizard had begun casting a spell. One that will open The Super Action Vehicle like a can of spam no doubt, Action Steve thought to himself.

"Ok. We'll give up. You got us." Sighs Action Steve.

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