Friday, December 4, 2009

The Prison Break In

It's now night at Hulaville prison, where The Thrill Seeker is once again meditating in his cell block. His guards were carefully chosen by The Mighty Pineapple herself to make sure he doesn't try to escape again. Down the hallway, The Senator, in his trademark blue suit and red tie, walks toward two Pineapple Patrollers standing vigil at the doors to the special high security cell. The Senator is alone, and this is an unusual sight. He is normally protected at all times by body guards, and surrounded by lawyers and advisers. He approaches the two guards.

One of the guards talks before The Senator has a chance to speak. "Sorry sir, absolutely no one allowed in, orders from the mayor sir."

"I understand." The Senator says nothing else. He simply stands there in silence as the guards begin to feel awkward under his stare.


Suddenly all the lights go out! Before the men can react, they begin to feel powerfully sleepy and fall unconscious where they stand!

In his cell, The Thrill Seeker opens his eyes, not that this makes a difference in the darkness.


Earlier that night Pimp Racer approaches a dog proudly standing on a building, looking for bad people, or squirrels, to chase. "Hello, Super Shaun," he says. The dog quickly turns around faces the man with the funny hat. He knows this is a good man, but he looks a little like a bad man, and thus, Super Shaun is wary. "Alright dog, I need your help to get into Hulaville prison. I know The Thrill Seeker's going to try and escape again and I want to make sure he doesn't succeed."

Super Shaun still looks at Pimp Racer doubtfully. Pimp Racer sighs, rolls his eyes, and takes a plastic bag out of his jacket, "and I also have these sausages for you if you help me."


Later, but still earlier than The Senator's visit to The Thrill Seeker's cell, Pimp Racer is hanging underneath Super Shaun in a harness, trying to look as cool as he can under the circumstances, as they both fly low over Hulaville prison. The two land nearby the high security wing where The Thrill Seeker is held. "Ok dog, lets do this." Super Shaun doesn't bark but pants happily. The good bad man is a lot of fun to be around, but Super Shaun hopes he gets more sausages soon. Pimp Racer takes out a mini arc wielder and opens a vent. "C'mon dog, let's make sure this guy doesn't go out for walkies." Pimp Racer and Super Shaun go in.

After a few minutes of crawling in the vents, Pimp Racer, in his trademark pimp hat, and Super Shaun the super dog in a cape, have reached the high security doors of The Thrill Seeker's cell when, who should come in but The Senator! "Check it out dog, it's The Senator." Super Shaun looked at the bad man coming down the hall. Super Shaun had a feeling about this man like no other, he had a feeling that this man was worse than any he had ever caught. Since he was a dog, he didn't think fear was shameful, and so began to whimper a little. "Shhhh!" commanded Pimp Racer, though to be fair Pimp Racer was also getting the heebee jeebees just looking at the guy. Why didn't other people see this? Maybe spooky vibes don't transmit over television.

"Sorry sir, absolutely no one allowed in, orders from the mayor sir," says one of the guards.

"I understand," The Senator replies. After a few silent moments while The Senator stares at them, the lights go out! Pimp Racer can hear the two guards fall unconscious! Pimp Racer hears a soft clunk and looks to his side.

Of course he can't see anything so he feels by his side...

and discovers that Super Shaun is asleep!

If this was knock out gas, Pimp Racer thought to himself, why didn't he fall asleep too? Of course! The talisman! Years ago, while training to be a Pimp Master, Pimp Racer was given a talisman by a voodoo priestess in thanks for helping her escape the Minnesota Mafia. That talisman protects Pimp Racer from all but the most powerful magics. This must be a speel and The Senator is some kind of sorcerer!

Pimp Racer, carrying his canine companion, quietly follows The Senator above the vents as he walks into into The Thrill Seeker's cell! He can't get through to The Thrill Seeker or The Senator but he can see and hear them. Pimp Racer pulls out an infrared camera and begins to record.

In his cell, The Thrill Seeker opens his eyes, not that this makes any difference in the darkness. "Hello Senator, I've been waiting for you." says The Thrill Seeker.

"I imagine so. And were you also imagining that I'd rescue you as before?"

"No I expect you're tired of my shenanigans and will kill me, or at least try to. Haven't we done this before? When was the last time you tried killing me? 50 years at least. Of course you didn't call yourself a senator then."

"I thought we had a deal," says The Senator, exasperated. "As soon as I helped you escape you would leave the country and lie low for a bit. Then I would teach you a few secrets. I can't bribe you with money anymore. There was a time when a nice mansion and a few courtesans could keep you out of my affairs. And now, the one time I offer to include you in something, you screw it up! Why didn't you just leave?"

Pimp Racer could now see that The Thrill Seeker and The Senator went way back, way, way, way farther back than he ever would have suspected!

"I don't really care to learn any wizardly secrets. I came here again because it sounded fun and I stayed here because I wanted to see what would happen! Anyway, you should have learned by now that you can't stop me," The Thrill Seeker stands up. "CAN'T NOBODY STOP ME!!!"

The Senator looks bored and exasperated. "Why do you say things like that?"

The Thrill Seeker, looking a little dejected, counters. "Because it passes the time! It's fun! That's your problem. You're never any fun!"

The Senator raises his hand toward The Thrill Seeker's cell with an air of finality. This gesture seems to say that the conversation is over. His hand begins to glow, illuminating the room.

Pimp Racer turns off the infrared, the camera can now clearly see The Senator pointing his glowing hand at The Thrill Seeker, who looks bored. "I'll be seeing you," he says.

"Not if there's nothing left to heal. Not if I don't leave anything, not even the smallest of remains."

The Thrill Seeker looks thoughtful, "You know I've always wondered about that."

"You don't get to find out if I succeed."

"Well now, I think a lot of people would disagr--"

Curling ribbons of light extend from The Senator's hand and envelop The Thrill Seeker, who screams in pain. In a moment it is over and the lights go back out. Pimp Racer puts the infrared back on in time to record The senator walking away from an empty cell. There aren't even any ashes. There is no smoke.

"Damn!" whispers Pimp Racer, "The Senator killed the Thrill Seeker!" Pimp Racer quickly hacks into Hulaville Prison's wifi and quickly uploads the video to a dozen video sites.

Super Shaun is not sure why he had a nap, but he instantly feels that something is wrong. The good bad man with the funny hat seems to want to leave, and Super Shaun thinks it's time to go too, this place is no good. They crawl out of the vent. The vent was fun! But some men are coming after the good bad man and Shaun. It's time to leave.

Pimp Racer quickly straps himself and Super Shaun into the harness. "O.K. pal, lets go!" The two heroes fly off into the night.

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