Monday, January 11, 2010

The Astonishing Adventures of Action Steve! This Episode: "Rich Richman explains it all!"

    A television turns on. You see a man in his fifties sitting at a desk, holding a few papers. He looks directly at the camera. "This is Rich Richman for the Hulaville Nightly News." The man looks down at his papers for a moment and looks back up again. "The state and the country are still in shock after having learned that The Senator has killed the notorious villain known only as The Thrill Seeker.
    A vigilante calling himself," Rich Richman pauses for an exasperated moment, "Pimp Racer, illegally broke into Hulaville prison and captured the killing on video. He then released it online where it has had over 60 million views. For those few that haven't seen it, we now present it. Viewer discretion is advised."
    The screen cuts to a grainy black and green video that never the less clearly shows The Senator standing in front of The thrill Seeker's specially designed security cell. The Gaurds are asleep on the floor as if they've fainted. A strange glow surrounds The Senator's Hand.
    "I'll be seeing you," says The Thrill Seeker.
     "Not if there's nothing left to heal. Not if I don't leave anything, not even the smallest of remains."
    The Thrill Seeker looks thoughtful, "You know I've always wondered about that."
    "You don't get to find out if I succeed."
     "Well now, I think a lot of people would disagr--"
    Curling ribbons of light extend from The Senator's hand and envelop The Thrill Seeker, who screams in pain. It's over in a moment and the lights go back out. We see The Senator, now no longer in green but in color, walking away from an empty cell. In the cell there aren't even any ashes. There is no smoke.
     "Damn!" we hear a voice whisper, "The Senator killed the Thrill Seeker!"
    The television cuts back to Rich Richman. "That last voice we heard was of a vigilante going by the name of," Rich Richman re-reads his paper as if he can hardly believe the riduculous names these people give themselves, "Pimp Racer. This individual is not registered with Hulaville police force as a super hero. We have also confirmed Pimp Racer was the unknown man chasing The Thrill Seeker in the streets of hulaville earlier this month. Meanwhile there is no sign of The Senator since his magical Disapearance a few days ago."
    We cut to a scene outside of The Senator's Mansion, He is on foot running from police.
    "Stop!" says one of the officers as they give chase. The Senator runs into an alley. The police are still hot on his tail. He runs into another street, right into a group of reporters. The Senator looks to the approaching police behind him. He's trapped. The Senator looks up.

    At you.

    The Senator reaches for the sides of the television screen and pulls himself through, to the amazement of the reporters. As he crawls out of the screen it pulls at him like taffy. Static Surrounds the Senator. Then he's out and kneeling in what looks like a cheep motel room. The Television is a smoking husk filled with molten glass. Smoke pours off of him. He's covered in soot. Molten glass cools and makes crinkly noises on his clothes.
    The Senator gets up. Cleans himself off as best he can with a hankerchief and then...

    He smiles right at you.

    Then, with a powerful gust of wind he pushes you out of the room, out of the hotel, out of the parking lot, you float above the city like a child's balloon that's been let go. Eventually you fall to the ground.

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