The Astonishing Adventures of Action Steve!

The New Beginning

2011-02-23T12:54:00.000-08:00

That about wraps it up for the Action Steve Blog. But.....

The Action Steve comic is going strong! It's updated every monday and you can check it out at http://actionsteve.com/

The Astonishing Adventures of Action Steve! This Episode: "Waking up"

2010-08-02T12:40:00.001-07:00

    A large bearded man is lying unconscious on the floor of a corporate meeting room. He is soaking wet, wearing a cape and a mask, and snoring, loudly.

    SNORT!

    Instantly the man sits up. Immediately he regrets it. The man remembers having had worse headaches, but this one is among the top 3 for sure. Never mind, he thinks as he looks around, got to survey the situation. Within arms reach is his upturned fedora, which is full of, he sniffs the hats contents as he picks it up, ... seawater? Is he near a beach? He empties it and does his best to remove the sand from his, probably now ruined, hat and replaces it on his head. As he stands up he can see that he's in a meeting room in some office. A glance out the window tells him he's several stories up.

    Did they bring the water up here? Is this room the result of a beach party gone wrong? He looks down just in time to see a small crab walk over his shoe. It's now that he notices fish wriggling on the floor, sand, shells, and starfish all over the soaked carpet. He takes off his black, water-soaked, cape, thinking this must be why no ocean themed super heroes wear them, and starts to look for his guitar, it's gadgets are sure to be water logged, but it'll still be an effective weapon, should he need to fight.

    "Rawch---ch---ch---chch..."

    Is that....? The man begins to think as he walks around the meeting table toward the source of the sound...

    It's a dinosaur, a raptor, with obvious cybernetic modifications. It has two jet engines and metal wings... The two look at each other, confused, they're not sure, but...

    They're friends aren't they?

    YES! THAT'S RIGHT!

    The man remembers his friend's, his very best friend's name, "A-Action Raptor? How're ya doin' buddy?" How could he have forgotten it, his best friend's name? It must be this headache, but the relief to see that his friend is alright is making that headache, and the fuzziness that went with it, go away.

    The raptor brightens up when he hears that name, that's him. Of course that's him, and this man in front of him, dressed in black, wearing a black fedora, is his greatest friend and ally, none other than Action Steve!

    "Raaaaaitch!" the raptor replies, in language that his friend instantly understands, that he's been better but is glad to see Action Steve.

    What's this dear readers? It seems that the clones of Action Steve and one of the clones of Action Raptor have completely forgotten that they're copies of the originals! What will befall this pair now that the magical spells controlling them and making them evil are gone?

The Astonishing Adventures of Action Steve! This Episode: "The Search"

2010-07-19T10:00:00.001-07:00

    Action Steve, a large bearded man wearing a straw fedora, blue mask, gloves, cape, and a guitar strapped to his back, walked confidently into the empty, and very wet, offices of the Selene building. Close behind him was Action Steve's partner in crime-fighting, Action Raptor, a feathered dinosaur wearing a pair of World War I aviator's goggles along with a cap and scarf. Strapped to his back was a cannon full of non-lethal weaponry and gadgets. The pair had only just escaped imprisonment here, but now they had back up.

    Behind the Action Duo was Action Pre, garbed in a gray pin striped suit and wearing a gray fedora, Action Pre is a genetically re-engineered and cybernetically enhanced super hero! Also here is The Incapacitator, his dark gray body armor is decorated with all manner of non-lethal guns, gas grenades, and the like. Hulaville's finest is also here represented by The Mighty Pineapple, a former super villain and current police detective, she sports a catchy, fruit-themed, punk ensemble, along with her fruit smoothie guitar--

    Ahem, now that the wardrobe is fully described, we come to The Action...

    Or so one might have thought. Selene was the front for a criminal enterprise headed by one of Action Steve's greatest enemies, The Senator, an ancient wizard in the guise of a modern politician, who prefers to manipulate things from the shadows. The Senator had been creating magical clones as part of a greater plot, but he hadn't counted on another villain, The Ancient Greek God of Toilets, Biggus Mikus, crashing his party. The building was now soaked with sea-water, the result of a magical deluge. People were, ahem, pouring out of the building. Our heroes looked for The Senator, or his partner in crime, Lounatic, but could not find either of them in the crowd.

    The Mighty Pineapple turned to Action Pre and asked in a loud voice, so as to be heard over the crowd, "What now?" Action Pre appeared to concentrate. What he was really doing was using his cybernetically enhanced ears to filter through the noise and listen for things one would not hear in an office building, but one might hear in, say, a secret magical cloning facility.

    To his surprise, he heard his own voice call out to him, "Come for me brother, I am waiting." Could this be another evil clone? This time of Action Pre?

The Astonishing Adventures of Action Steve! This Episode: "Lounatic Captured!"

2010-06-28T11:40:00.001-07:00

    The would-be crime lord calling himself Lounatic is coming too. Though he feels drugged and groggy, he opens his eyes. He's in a small room that seems to be made entirely of cement. A chain block and tackle hangs from a track in the ceiling. His legs are tied at the ankles and his wrists are similarly tied behind his back. Around him is the smell of new machinery and cement. He doesn't recognize this place but he can guess where it is. Action Pre's clone, who was probably activated by The Senator in order to aid his escape, has gone rogue and this is, ugh, the clone's secret lair.

    They always have secret lairs, Lounatic thought to himself. And now I am very probably being held by a being who has all the power, intelligence, and ambition of Action Pre but who is unburdened by any moral considerations. Well I suppose it might be a good time to evaluate what got me to this point.

    Lounatic had graduated with an MBA, but his dreams of business empires had quickly been dashed when he found himself stuck in middle management. Feeling doomed to a lifetime full of meetings, mission statements, and disinterested employees, his ambitions quickly lead him to a life of crime. He'd found it absurdly easy to make a large profit from selling the trade secrets of his employer. From there he had moved to embezzlement, corporate espionage, and outright stealing. Although he was good at it, this last venture proved his downfall. Lounatic had only within the last year been released from prison for armed robbery. His best employment opportunity after being released had been to join a gang headed by crime boss with a flair for the dramatic, The Original Mr. E-vil, Elli Manalo.

    Sadly it had turned out that instead of being interested in profitable ventures, like illegal gambling, or protection rackets, "Mr. E-vil" was primarily interested in fighting a fat bearded man in a cape calling himself by the ridiculous name of Action Steve. Lounatic had eventually had enough and shot Elli Manalo straight in the chest and then dropped him from a great height. When it came to betrayal, Lounatic took no chances. Action Steve and his dinosaur pet, Action Raptor, were quickly caught and replaced with techno-magical clones. But his partner in crime, The Senator, just had to capture a minor ancient greek god of toilets, Biggus Mikus. Predictably, the god escaped, along with Action Steve, by making all the bathrooms in their new building flood in a great torrent.

    One lesson from all this was clear at least. Lounatic was going to have to re-evaluate the kind of people he chose to work with.

    Knock. Knock.

    What? What kind of jailer knocks on a prisoner's door before entering? Have I been captured by kind captors, Lounatic silently asked himself.

    The door opens to reveal Lounatic's "jailer", who is smiling like any cookie-cutter super-villain might. This is hardly surprising but Lounatic doesn't have a chance to notice its unsurprisingness because he is too busy being surprised by who the villain is, a clone of himself. Action Pre's clone was making clones of his own.

The Astonishing Adventures of Action Steve! This Episode: "When Plans Go Awry"

2010-04-23T17:42:00.001-07:00

    One of Hulaville's most talented and promising young criminals, Lounatic, is soaking wet and running down a hallway in the recently flooded Selene building. He'd been very ambitious. He'd planned to use his newly created research and development firm, Selene, as a front for a new criminal empire. Lounatic had planned to make clones, with the magical help of his business partner, The Senator, to replace key individuals: titans of industry, government officials, and the local so-called super hero community. He is now alone, running toward the stairs, desperately trying to escape being arrested by the police or captured by his former prisoners, two of Hulaville's greatest super heroes, Action Raptor and Action Steve!

    Lounatic is now at the stairs, jumping them two at a time. Where is The Senator? Gone most likely, along with the super hero clones no doubt. They would have been useful in an escape. If I get out of this, thought Lounatic to himself, I'm going to make my next secret escape elevator waterproof. Because of this magical deluge of water, he can't be that sure any of the equipment he'd normally use in a fight. It might not work. It could even backfire and hurt him. His cell phone is waterlogged, his secret caches of weapons were caught in the flood and are surely unusable, and his partner in crime and the clones are nowhere to be found! Maybe I'm be better off not trying to escape, he thinks. He doesn't have any super-heroic powers with which to fight off The Action Alliance, a team including a genetically engineered cyborg of superior strength and a dinosaur with a shoulder mounted cannon.

    "Wait." Lounatic says this aloud and stops running. My best bet is to get arrested and get a good lawyer, he thinks. He can hear the voices of the Action Alliance now. They're probably coming up the stairs. Ah, here is one of them now. Lounatic can hear the heavy footfalls of that cyborg, Action Pre. A fight would be no contest, thinks Lounatic. I might as well sit down and give up now. He sits down on the stairs and waits.

    The cyborg pops his head up over the stair rail, "Hello Lounatic. I'm surprised to see you just standing there."

    "Why shouldn't I be?" Lounatic was giving nothing away. "What do you want?"

    "I'da thought you would've already figured that out, Loony." Action Pre was walking--no, swaggering--toward Lounatic.

    "Loony?" asks a perplexed Lounatic. He's not insulted, it would be wasted energy to be insulted by something like that, but .... something isn't right. He's never seen Action Pre this cocky. Granted, Lounatic has never seen him in person until just now, but none of what he learned of the man made Lounatic think Action Pre would be like this. He seemed more like a crooked cop than a super-hero do-gooder.

    "Oh," Lounatic says in dawning realization. This is the clone of Action Pre! But it's not supposed to be online! Maybe the flood caused something to activate him?

    "'Oh' is right pal." The clone of Action Pre is leering menacingly now. He looks behind Lounatic. "Grab him." Instantly, two giant, clawed, reptilian arms grab Lounatic from behind.

The Astonishing Adventures of Action Steve! This Episode: "Calling It In"

2010-04-15T14:13:00.000-07:00

    The Mighty Pineapple, Hulaville police detective, still damp from swimming in office corridors, gets in the driver's seat of The Super Action Vehicle, or Savie as he likes to be called, and looks for the police band radio. "Where is it?"

    BEEEP! Savie wiggles the reciever so that The Mighty Pineapple might see it.

    "Whoah!" She picks it up, but then sticks her head out the window to speak to the group of heroes getting equipment from the trunk. She knows Action Pre, Action Raptor, and Action Steve are there but she can only see The Incapacitator, who is readying his gas grenade gun. "Hey!" He turns to her. "Is this some kind of robot car? I think it understood me."

    The Incapacitator nods his head. "Magic, Savie Magicaly became a person."

    "Of course." The Mighty Pineapple says this in tones that indicate there is no amount of weirdness that can weird her out more that she already has been. She is at her weirded out limit. She picks up the radio. "Dispatch this is The Mighty Pineapple, please get me Detective Ace Malloy."

   In moments Ace Malloy, liason to all of Hulaville's registered super heroes, is on the line. "I hear there's flood at the Selene building. That's where I asked you to check out a lead on The Senator's whereabouts."

    "That's right sir," responds The Mighty Pineapple.

   The Senator had killed the super villain known as The Thrill Seeker and in doing so revealed himself as a centuries old wizard who had been conspiring with The Thrill Seeker to ruin The Action Alliance. After this revelation, The Senator disappeared, but his last known phone call was to a 30 story high rise housing a new research and development firm, Selene.

    The Mighty Pineapple continues, "After a tour of the building I was in one of their corner offices with Chief Administrative Officer Ronald Brown and then all hell broke loose. Apparently Selene is a front for a new criminal operation headed by The Senator and a relative unknown calling himself Lounatic. Action Steve, Action Raptor and that minor toilet god, Biggus Mikus, were all trapped in one of their labs. Working together they were able to escape. One of the results of this escape was that the whole building was flooded with a magical deluge. The hallways were like white water rapids sir. It had to be seen to be believed."

    "I believe it," said Malloy, "I've been in this town long enough." Malloy sighs. "If I know those hero types they're getting ready to go after The Senator and Lounatic and who ever else is there. Back up is on it's way but I want you to tag along with those knuckle heads and make sure they don't get themselves killed or make things worse."

    "Yes sir."

The Astonishing Adventures of Action Steve! This Episode: "Our Heroes Join Forces"

2010-04-13T16:12:00.000-07:00

    Three of Hulaville's greatest Heroes are landing in a flooded parking lot of The Selene building: Action Pre, a genetically enhanced cyborg; The Incapacitator, a hero whose arsenal consists entirely of non-lethal weaponry; and the vehicle who carries them both, Savie, a flying car from an alternate future, who is now magically alive as a result of an inter-dimensional adventure. The three land near 3 more of Hulaville's heroes: The mighty Pineapple, former super villain and current Hulaville police detective; and the Action Duo Action Raptor and Action Steve! all three of whom are soaked.

    The entire Selene building, a 30 story high rise, had been covered in a deluge of water. The roof was a giant fountain. The volume of water and the water pressure required for such a thing to happen just wasn't present in Hulaville's water system. Which led Action Pre to ask, "was this magical or something to do with selene's research? I doubt it's research."

   "Definitely magic," responded Action Steve as he walked over to Savie's trunk. "Hiya Savie, how ya been?"

   BEEEEP! Savie was very glad indeed to see that Action Steve and Action Raptor were both alright.

   "Raaaaaaaitch!" responded Action Raptor.

   "Pop open your trunk would ya?" requested Action Steve. Savie's trunk opened and Action Steve and Action Raptor began toweling off and re-equipping. During their imprisonment Action Steve and Action Raptor were stripped of all gadgets and weapons. Including Action Raptor's utility cannon, Action Steve's Action Ukulele, and even Action Steve's shoes!

   "Can I use your radio? I gotta call this in." asked The Mighty Pineapple.

    "Be my guest." responded our masked Hulavillite. As Action Steve looked through the trunk for a spare Action-lele he continued to brief his fellow Action Alliance members. "It's Lounatic. Mr-E-vil's second in command. And The Senator if Biggus Mikus is to be believed."

    "The Senator who's that?" asked The Incapacitator.

    Action Pre gave The Incapacitator a look that said, wow you have been gone a while. Then he asked, "Biggus Mikus? You mean that ridiculous toilet god I wiped the floor with?"

    "The man with genetic and cybernetic enhancements specifically designed to speak with dolphins says ridiculous?" replied Action Steve with a smile that indicated that comment was in no way intended to mock. "All will be revealed gentlemen. Hey, what's this?" Instead of his spare Action Ukulele. Action Steve found a guitar.

The Astonishing Adventures of Action Steve! This Episode: "Biggus Mikus Is Leaving The Building"

2010-04-08T20:23:00.000-07:00

In previous episodes it has been revealed that The Senator, a man who no longer actually a senator but still likes to think of himself as such (though he is actually an ancient wizard), and Lounatic, a man who until recently was second in command in a small Hulaville gang but is now the CEO of the research and development firm, Selene, had captured two of Hulaville's greatest heroes: Action Steve and Action Raptor! The two had been imprisoned in cages in one of Selene's secret genetics labs, it was in this lab, in fact, where The Senator and Lounatic had combined magic and science to create clones of Action Steve, Action Raptor, Lounatic's former boss The Original Mr. E-vil Elli Manalo, and many others.

But now things are getting out of control. Lounatic is in a break room with several temporary employees. They are all standing on one of the many lunch tables surrounded by several feet of fast moving water. Lounatic had been swimming along the corridors, looking for a way out, but once he actually got to the stairs he decided it was too dangerous. As he was swimming his way to the break room he saw several instances of people being magically saved by drowning, or getting injured. Whenever anyone was in trouble a magical light would envelope them and take them to a safe place. Lountatic had assumed the water was Biggus Mikus's doing. The Senator just had to go and kidnap the ancient Greek god of toiletries didn't he? The glowing magic saving innocent people from harm almost certainly meant that Action Steve and Action Raptor was with him. But with his cell phone shorted out and no way to get farther than a few yards down the hall, Lounatic had little alternative but to find somewhere relatively calm and wait this out.

***

    The Mighty Pineapple, Hulaville police detective, was swimming with the current down the hall, looking for the stairs. She hadn't yet seen how dangerous they looked. As she and the water turn a corner she is amazed to see a sheer wall of water coming her way and Biggus Mikus, ancient Greek god of Toiletries, surfing that wave on a giant seashell!

   Also on the shell are two green skinned mermaids, and The Action Duo! Action Raptor and Action Steve! As the massive wave approaches her the Action Duo grab The Mighty Pineapple's arms and pull her onto the shell. Biggus Mikus rolls his eyes. "Try not to take on any more hitchhikers before we get out of here." With that the shell speeds up and heads straight for a window! At first The Mighty Pineapple is afraid she's going to be hit or drown, but Action Steve and Action Raptor see her and help her on the the shell as they meet.

    As our shell surfers hit the window, it glows in a magical yellow light and bursts as if it were the surface of a pool as a great stream of water jets out of the building in an arc terminating in the Selene parking lot, which is where the giant shell and it's occupants emerge. Biggus Mikus looks smug. "Not a bad exit. Alright chumps," he says referring to the soaked Mighty Pineapple, Action Steve, and Action Raptor, "the building should dry out soon. I'll be seeing you all later." And with that, the shell, the mermaids, and Biggus Mikus, fade away until they disappear, leaving our heroes to fall together in a heap on the ground.

The Astonishing Adventures of Action Steve! This Episode: "On The Trail Of Rocket Raptors!"

2010-04-06T11:42:00.001-07:00

    The Super Action Vehicle was attacked by Rocket Raptors!*

    The Super Action Vehicle is a flying car used by Action Steve and Action Raptor in their fight against injustice. During one of their recent adventures in a magical dimension, The Super Action Vehicle, or Savie, as he prefers to be called, became magically alive! After coming back home Savie had taken to flying around the city for fun. It was during one of these flights that the Rocket Raptors attacked! If not for the heroic action of Action Alliance members, The Incapacitator and Action Pre, Savie might well have been destroyed!

    Newly repaired and with his two rescuers riding in his front seats, Savie flies to where he was previously attacked. Savie touches down on the helicopter landing pad of one the buildings he was nearby when the attack happened. The two heroes get out and have a look around.

    "Not much here," The Incapacitator wasn't sure what he was looking for. A secret hatch the creatures flew out of? Heck, they could have flown out of a window with little risk of being spotted. Also, Savie wasn't sure where exactly they had come from. He just saw them come at him en masse from behind this building. That doesn't mean they had actually launched from here.

    "We'll probably need to contact Detective Malloy and get him to ask for a search warrant. In the meantime we can have a look around the other build-- wait!" Action Pre's genetically and cybernetically enhanced eyes fixed themselves at the new downtown high rise. "Have a look at the new Selene building." Action Pre always made a point to know who the major business players were in the city. It was useful information in his crime fighting activities and in his political career.

    The Incapacitator took out some binoculars. What he saw was a thirty-story high rise with a giant fountain of water bursting from it's roof and cascading down it's sides. "There is no way there's enough water pressure in that building to make that happen."

    "Magic then?" asks Action Pre.

    "You want to bet something besides your had or your shoes that that's where we'll find the Rocket Raptors and The Action Duo?" asks The Incapacitator.

    "Would you take that bet at this point? C'mon!"

    The two heroes quickly get into Savie. As soon as they're buckled up, the magical flying robot car lifts off toward the Selene building.

*In truth the unfeathered cyborg clones of Action Raptor were outfitted with wings and jet engines, but I won't let that detail get in the way of some fun alliteration. I make no apologies. :P

Another Action Steve Comic!

2010-04-01T13:58:00.000-07:00

Click here to read it!

The Astonishing Adventures of Action Steve! This Episode: "Escape!"

2010-04-01T13:51:00.000-07:00

    In our last episode the little known ancient Greek god of toiletries, Biggus Mikus, was locked in a secret laboratory along with Action Steve and Action Raptor. Using his plunger scepter, Biggus Mikus caused all the toilets in the building to overflow like no toilets had before! The water level on every floor of the high rise was five feet, and water was rushing through the halls and offices like white water rapids! Water had burst into the lab and was flowing into the cages hanging from the ceiling that held the god and The Action Duo!

    Then Action Steve noticed what at first looked like a giant log floating toward him, until he saw the eye stalks. Our hero was at a loss for words, until the giant crab claw rushed at him!

   "AAAAARRGH!" exclaims Action Steve.

    "Calm down!" complains Biggus Mikus. "Haven't you seen a giant crab before?"

    Action Steve turns to see the toilet god standing on a giant seashell. Two Mermaids sit by his side, smiling beatifically. Their skin is blue-green. Their red hair is tangled with seaweed. Their tails hang over the shell into the water. Water flows upwards underneath the shell, keeping it aloft. "Get on chumps!" commands Biggus Mikus. "We're getting the hades out of here!" As our heroes scramble onto the giant seashell Biggus Mikus lets go of his plunger scepter. It simply floats in the air beside him. Then with the sound of several tons of granite hitting pavement from a great height, Biggus Mikus slams his fists together. A shower of sparks fly from his hands as the god begins to glow with a golden light.

    One of the god's hands remains as a fist. The other forms the shape of scissors. Action Steve mouths incredulously, roshambo?

    "ROCK SMASHES SCISSORS!" exclaims the god. "TIDAL WAVE!!!!"

    Action Steve and Action Raptor look at each other and hold onto the shell as hard as they can.

The Astonishing Adventures of Action Steve! This Episode: "Plumbing Problems"

2010-03-30T18:03:00.000-07:00

    When we last left Action Steve and Action Raptor they were hanging from cages in an unfamiliar laboratory, having been captured by the super criminal known as Lounatic, and his Action Steve and Action Raptor clones. Hanging from a third cage was one of the Action Duo's old foes, the little known ancient Greek god of toiletries, Biggus Mikus! Using a newly learned magic spell, Action Steve retrieved Biggus Mikus's plunger sceptor for him, without which the the deity of doo doo could not escape his magically sealed prison.

    Now Biggus Mikus points his plunger scepter toward the door. "Alright ya dorks," he says, "You helped me so I'm helping you!" Past the door and down the hall there is a bathroom. The toilet begins to bubble and creek alarmingly. It overflows and water splashes on the ground. The sink also begins to spray more water. Soon water is pouring onto the floor and out into the hall. The toilet and sink are now fountains, more and more water escapes from them, much more than anyone would say is possible. Now water is pouring out of the toilet as if from a broken fire hydrant! Out in the hall and in the lab, the water level is quickly reaching a foot. Employees are coming out of their offices and their cubes. The fire alarm goes off and the sprinklers set in, but the water coming from the ceiling is heavier than expected, like a heavy rainstorm.

    Now the bathroom door bursts open! A torrent of water pours out. This is no ordinary plumbing problem! The halls are now white water rapids! Employees are being swept away! Some are attempting to use cubicle walls as flotation devices. Others are taking refuges on counters and high shelves! Action Steve and Action Raptor look out the small window on the lab door in amazement. The water level is high in the lab but higher in the hallway. Waves continue to hit the laboratory door until it breaks. Like a flash flood, a strong current of waters gushes into the room, surely ruining all the laboratory equipment!

    "Thoooaruch!" Action Raptor nudges Action Steve to point out...

    "Fish!" exclaims Action Steve. "There's fish! and sand! and sea shells!"

    "Sea shells are superior to toilet paper!" proclaims the god of toiletries. "Soon you and all mankind will be forced to the true way of toiletries!"

    Action Steve notices what at first looks like a giant log floating toward him, until he notices the eye stalks. Our hero is at a loss for words, until the giant crab claw rushes at him!

"AAAAARRGH!"

The Astonishing Adventures of Action Steve! This Episode: "In Which The Mighty Pineapple is Really Really Bored"

2010-03-26T18:51:00.001-07:00

    From our point of view, me the writer and you the reader, its been a while since we checked in on The Mighty Pineapple, Hulaville police detective and former super villain. And though it's only been a few hours from her point of view it might as well have been a week or more. The Mighty Pineapple's been talking with Ronald Brown, chief administrative officer for Selene. Selene is a new research and development company headquartered in a new high rise in downtown Hulaville. They are talking in her office and she is extremely bored.

    It's true that she got a tour of some very interesting, state of the art, labs, but she never actually got to look at anything! Ronald went on about trade secrets. Now she was having a drink in the man's office, non-alcoholic of course, she's on duty. He's either stalling her or failing at flirting with her or both. And she's still no closer to finding out why The Senator called this building! Is this some secret base of operations? It's big enough. But for all she knows he was calling a girlfriend to come pick him up from the motel.

    The Senator no longer holds public office, but for some reason that's the way people still think about him. He looks the part. He's tall, blond, has that insincere and practiced politician's smile, a blue suit with a red tie. He's the stereotypical public official. You'd think people wouldn't think about him that way after they'd learned he was centuries old, was an actual, real life, spell casting, wizard, and a murderer.

   All of this had been revealed in an internet video just about everybody in the world has seen at this point. It was captured secretly by an unlicensed crime fighter who calls himself Pimp Racer. Pimp Racer was trespassing in Hulaville Penitentiary, in air vent above a specially made cell for a super villain known as The Thrill Seeker. Unable to get through the vent, Pimp Racer recorded the terrible deed and later uploaded it for the world to see. In the video The Senator is seen magically entering the The Thrill Seeker's cell and killing him. It was revealed in the video, that The Thrill Seeker had been in the employ of The Senator.

    After that the Senator disappeared, but The Hulaville police, with the assistance of Action Steve and his Action Alliance, were able to find a motel he had stayed at after his disappearance track his last phone call to the Selene building. But, without a warrant, it seemed The Mighty Pineapple was getting nowhere. She was about to finish her drink and leave when she noticed quite a large puddle coming from the door to Ronald's washroom.

    "Whoah! Hey you might want to call facilities or something." The Mighty Pineapple says, pointing out the puddle to Ronald.

    Then they both started hearing gurgling sounds coming from behind the door.

    "I'm sure it's nothing. Let me walk you out first," Ronald began to move to get up but then the noise grew louder. They both looked at the door and listened in horrified fascination at the sound of quite a lot of rushing water. The pipes in the washroom creaked loudly. It sounded like the pipes were cracking and water was escaping out. Now Ronald was on his feet walking to the door. Before The Mighty Pineapple had time to suggest this might not be a good idea, he opened it.

    He was knocked flat on his back on the other side of the room by a rushing wall of water that didn't stop after the door was opened. It just kept coming as if the building weren't a high rise, but a submarine with a severe hull breach.

The Astonishing Adventures of Action Steve! This Episode: "Possession!"

2010-03-23T12:54:00.001-07:00

    When we last left that vile villain, The Original Mr. E-vil Elli Manalo, he had been shot in chest and had fallen from a great height. Despite this he is still alive, magically sustained by a ninja ghost whose grave is here, deep under the fair city of Hulaville. But this unnatural extension of life comes at a price! The ghost tells Elli he will only keep him alive if he agrees to to let the ghost posses him!

    Mr. E-vil is skeptical. "I've never met a ghost before," he says, every breath now an agony for him, "but I've never heard of a ghost asking permission to possess someone before now." Mr. E-vil lies on his stomach, his strength is draining away, he can barely hold himself up to look at the grave from which the voice emanates. As The Original Mr. E-vil watches, a ghostly figure emerges from that grave. The specter is wearing the traditional black garb of the ninja. It covers his whole body and face, save his eyes, which seem to burn into Mr. E-vil's soul. The ghost is only slightly translucent, but otherwise appears as he probably did in life.

    "You have not heard of a ghost asking permission because I am sure it seldom happens. I'm equally sure you know how such stories usually end. If the host does not rid himself of the spirit he becomes mad, or dies. In the meantime, the spirit and host are in constant battle for control of the body they both wish to posses. I have no interest in such an ordeal. I wish what all ghosts wish for, to live again. And though I do not have the power to do so and may never, I have learned to inhabit the bodies of the small creatures who live here underground. I don't fight them while I posses them, I live with them, see what they see, lend my power and knowledge to them and we use it to the advantage of us both.

    If you do not wish for such an existence then I have no more interest in you, I'll use my powers to send you away so that you do not die here and haunt this place with me. But if you agree to my request it must be a full agreement! Don't think you can fool me! I will be able to tell if you truly consent. I would learn that the way I've learned your name, your killer, and your enemy, Action Steve!"

    "Action Steve isn't my enemy anymore, not until I've had my revenge on Lounatic!" Mr. E-vil had intended this as another roar, but his strength, his life, is fading. He can no longer hold himself up. He collapses.

    "Ah, so then you agree?" asks the eager ghost. "I can feel you making up your mind but I need to hear you say it!"

    What could he say? What would you say in his position?

    "I agree..." it's a monumental effort now to even speak. "I agree.. to let you live through me." Only barely alive, The Original Mr. E-vil Elli Manalo lies still.

    The specter's eyes light up, he smiles under his mask. "Oh my friend I think you'll see that I won't live through you but with you!" A mighty whirlwind instantly forms and whips around them. The ghost becomes less a human form and more a luminous cloud in the eye of that storm. Mr. E-vil is at it's center. "And let our enemies tremble in fear at the new being we become!

    Mr. E!"

The Astonishing Adventures of Action Steve! This Episode: "The Deal"

2010-03-19T19:15:00.001-07:00

    When we last left the dangerous gangster, The Original Mr. E-vil Elli Manalo, he was near death, having been shot by his former lieutenant, Lounatic. If that wasn't enough he had also fallen from a great height and lay in a deep dark pit. His body was broken, and his life was slipping away. It seemed that the villain was done for, but you never can tell what fate has in store for you, and fate has put Mr. E-vil's life in the hands of a mysterious and powerful stranger, who claims--

    "I am the only thing keeping you alive!"

    Mr. E-vil Elli Manalo lies on his stomach, weak and in pain. He props himself up with his arms looking for the source of the voice. It appears to be an old wooden grave marker resting on a large pile of stones. Behind the marker is a blinding light. It permeates the white mist that surrounds him. Even now, Mr. E-vil is less afraid than he is angry. He knows that he doesn't have much longer to live. Perhaps the voice is right, he really should have died before he hit the ground. But still he is defiant. He roars:

    "Again!

    I ask!

    Who are you?!!"

    "A long time ago," began the voice, "Many men came to America from the east to earn money for their families back home.--"

    "What does--"

    "nd my quarry was one such man. I was one of the few remaining ninja assassins! I came to America to kill that man, but he, along with his new American family and friends, defeated me in honorable combat."

    "His family?" asked Mr. E-vil.

    "A story for another time. Before my death I had considerable magical skill, and have had many years of solitude as a ghost to refine that skill."

   The Original Mr. E-vil Elli Manalo listens quietly. The point of this story begins to emerge.

    "I don't yet have the power to raise myself from the dead but I do have the power to keep you alive, and I will continue to do so, if you allow me to possess you."

The Astonishing Adventures of Action Steve! This Episode: "The Curious fate of Mr. E-vil"

2010-03-16T18:32:00.001-07:00

    The gangster known as The Original Mr. E-vil Manalo holds on for his life at the edge of a very large disused drain far beneath the surface of the fair city of Hulaville. It's hard for him to see from his current position but last he looked he couldn't see the bottom of the drain he's about to fall into. Lounatic, Mr. E-vil's former lieutenant (it's fair to say he's fired at this point) looms over Mr. E-vil, pointing a gun at his head. The Original Mr. E-vil is far less afraid than he is enraged!

    He roars and threatens, "You'd better kill me Louis!"

    "Oh I intend to." Lounatic nods to his two compatriots. One is dressed in black, in contrast to Mr. E-vil's typical red and black wardrobe. He is a clone of Mr. E-vil, fashioned from magic and technology by Louis and his other conspirator, The Senator. The Senator wears short blond hair and a blue suit. The Senator is no longer in office as it has been revealed that he is a centuries old wizard and killer of that other super villain, The Thrill Seeker. "Hold his arms please gentlemen," Lounatic continues.

    The two men kneel down and secure Mr. E-vil's arms. Lounatic kneels down and points his gun right at Mr. E-vil's heart.

    BANG!

    Mr. E-vil falls. It seems like he falls forever. It seems like he falls instantly. He doesn't feel the impact of his body falling several stories to the ground.

****

Everything is dark.

"Who are you?"

Mr. E-vil feels weak. "Who?" he asks.

"Answer my question first, Mr. Manalo."

"You seem to already know." Mr. E-vil's chest hurts. There's a faint light now. He's surrounded by a white mist.

"Yes I do." The voice is insistent, sarcastic. "Who are you?"

"I'm The Original Mr. E-vil Elli Manalo!" Mr. E-vil tries to scream but only manages to say it loudly. "Do you think you can mess with me?!" Mr. E-vil's rage isn't as potent. He feels his life running out. He should be dead already.

"Oh yes I think I can 'mess' with you. I'm the only thing keeping you alive."

New Action Steve Comic!

2010-03-12T08:08:00.001-08:00

http://www.drunkduck.com/The_Astonishing_Adventures_of_Action_Steve/?p=679326

The Astonishing Adventures of Action Steve! This Episode: "The Garage"

2010-03-11T16:07:00.001-08:00

    Hulaville! City of wonders! Home to Hulaville University, the first institution to document contact with an alternate universe. Mayor Malloy is The United States official ambassador to two of them and their alternate cities Robo-Hulaville and Raptorville. Hulaville is also home to heroes like Action Pre! Not only is Action Pre a genetically enhanced, super strong, cybernetic super hero, he is also a politician, author, and musician! Very recently Action Pre played a concert with his back up singers ( who are also his lab assistants) and his new band, Fantastical Botanical.

   During the concert Action Pre noticed another Hulaville hero was in trouble. Flying nearby was the magical flying robot car, The Super Action Vehicle, being attacked by rocket powered cyber raptors! The Super Action Vehicle would have been done for if not for the help of Action Pre and another of Hulaville's protectors, The Incapacitator! Wearing grey body armor and a stylish gray headband, The Incapacitator has sworn a vow never to use deadly weapons in his quest to defend the innocent and capture those who prey upon them. Using pepper pellets, The Incapacitator was able to drive away the rocket raptors and from The Super Action Vehicle's driver's seat, and he was able to guide the valorous vehicle down safely to the ground.

    The three heroes are now at the Cold War Diner's garage and research lab where The Super Action Vehicle's Mechanics, Edna and Patrick, are just finishing up on The Super Action Vehicle's repairs.

    BEEEEEEEEEEEEP!!!!

    "Whoah!" exclaims The Incapacitator, surprised by the sudden noise.

    "Savie says he can take you to where he found those jet lizards or whatever," translates Edna, A grad student, part time server, mechanic and roller derby enthusiast. She's wearing her skates and protective gear as she always does.

   "Savie?" asks a bewildered Incapacitator.

    "Yeah, savie, that's what the car says he wants to be called," replies Edna.

    "How do you even understand what he--"

    "What's up?" asks Action Pre as he walks toward the pair.

    "Savie here says he can take you where the flying lizards came from," Edna repeats.

    Action Pre turns to The Super Action Vehicle, or Savey. "Savie eh? Good name."

    BEEP BEEP!

   Action Pre walks over to the driver's side door and starts to get in.

   "What about Action Steve?" asks a bewildered Incapacitator as they both get in the car.

    "I just got off the phone with Action Steve's robot butler, Robo-Butler 3000," responds Action Pre. "He tells me that Action Raptor is missing too. I'll bet my hat that those two are in this mess up to their necks, and I'll bet my shoes that if we follow this lead we'll find The Action Duo."

The Astonishing Adventures of Action Steve! This Episode: "The Inevitable Hero-Villain Team-Up!"

2010-03-09T08:50:00.001-08:00

    In our last episode, Action Steve and his saurian companion, Action Raptor, were hanging in cages from the ceiling of a secret genetics laboratory. Their only other companion was their fellow prisoner and nemesis of old, Biggus Mikus! Biggus Mikus was the little known ancient Greek god of toiletries, currently hanging from a cage just like the one's that house our two heroes, but magically sealed to keep a god within it's bars. On the other side of the room lies an artifact of great power, Biggus Mikus's plunger scepter!

    When Action Steve noticed it he asked, "Biggus Mikus, would you be able to get us out of here if you had your scepter?"

    "How are you going to do that?" asked the diabolical deity, "It's easily 3 yards away!"

    This was true. The scepter was too far to reach. Even if Action Steve were to swing his cage back and forth until it swung as far toward it as it could go, it would be no use. Also, as Biggus Mikus had surely deduced, Action Steve had been stripped of all his gadgets, his keys and wallet, his Action Ukulele, even his shoes with the retractable roller skates!

    "Never mind how just now. If I can get your scepter to you will you get us out?" asked Action Steve.

    "Sure! Just cast a magic spell to get it over here and I'll free the three of us!" Biggus Mikus replied mockingly.

    "Ok," replied Action Steve. And to Biggus Mikus's astonishment, Action Steve begins to cast a spell which causes the plunger scepter to float above the counter where it was resting! An eerie glow surrounds the scepter as it floats toward Biggus Mikus's cage, a glow which gets brighter and brighter and brighter until...

   SLPAAAING! A blinding flash of light emanates from the scepter and it falls to the ground!

    "No ya newb!" chides the Titan of Toilets, "It's magical! Right? So you can't work against that, you gotta use the magic of the item in your spell! Otherwise they'll just keep fighting each other until that happens, or worse!"

    "Ok," replies Action Steve, who is actually grateful for any learning he can receive, even if it's from a villain, "I'll do that." Action Steve tries again. This time a stream of light emanates from the scepter to Action Steve's hands as he casts the spell. In seconds the scepter is within Biggus Mikus's hands, who hungrily snatches at it.

    "Ok dorks!" says a newly empowered Biggus Mikus, "You helped me out so I'm gonna help you too." With this Biggus Mikus points his scepter, plunger end out, towards the door to the lab. Past this door and down a hall, a toilet begins to burble and gurgle alarmingly.

Schedule change

2010-03-05T11:07:00.001-08:00

The Astonishing Adventures of Action Steve are going to a Tuesday-Thursday schedule. Expect the next Astonishing Action Steve Adventure next Tuesday!

The Astonishing Adventures of Action Steve! This Episode: "The Enemy Of My Enemy Is My Friend"

2010-03-03T10:10:00.001-08:00

    When last we left our heroes, Action Steve and Action Raptor, they were hanging in the ceiling in cages. Right next to them in a third cage was none other than Biggus Mikus, little known Greek god of toiletries and one of their deadliest enemies! The diabolical deity had just revealed that his captor was The Senator, an ancient wizard who until recently had been a U.S. senator but was now on the run from the law.

    "The Senator is here?" asks a surprised Action Steve.

    "Raaawwwch?" asks an equally surprised Action Raptor.

    "Yeah, he's here," replies Biggus Mikus. "He looks different but I can tell it's him. It's hard to fool a god."

    "But.."

    "Yeah it's hard to capture a god too, smart alec," says Biggus Mikus before Action Steve has a chance to speak further. "That guy is powerful. And I just know that you're going to try to fight him." Biggus Mikus grins at this.

    "Well I don't think he'll listen to reason," replies Action Steve. Action Raptor nods in assent.

    Biggus Mikus, incredulous, turns to look into Action Steve's eyes, then cranes his neck to see Action Raptor one cage over. "How the hell have you two survived this long?"

    Action Steve answers honestly and earnestly, "Like you said before, I've had lots of help. You might sneer at this too but I believe that friends and allies can be some of your greatest strengths."

    Speechless, Biggus Mikus sits back in his cage again. Action Steve sits back as well. While looking around aimlessly he spots Biggus Mikus's scepter. It's an ornate plunger with an engraved ceramic handle. He realizes it isn't a whole lot more silly than his Action-lele. Neither are likely to strike fear in the hearts of enemies, not that that was ever one of Action Steve's goals. He'd rather inspire courage and a desire to see justice done.

    "Biggus Mikus, would you be able to get us out of our cages if you had that staff?" asks Action Steve.

The Astonishing Adventures of Action Steve! This Episode: "The Complaints of Biggus Mikus"

2010-03-01T09:12:00.001-08:00

    When we last left Action Steve and his saurian companion, Action Raptor, the two heroes were in cages attached to the ceilin in a strange lab. The lab was filled with equipment that The Action Duo recognized as the same sort of equipment used in genetic experiments by their friend and fellow Action Alliance member, Action Pre. As the pair were reminiscing about other times they had woken up in cages, at the mercy of some super villain or other, they were surprised to discover another inmate, one of their most deadly foes, and little known Greed god of toiletries, Biggus Mikus! Wearing Grecian robes, his toilet seat laurel, but not weilding his traditional toilet plunger scepter, Biggus Mikus reminices about another time this Action Team had been defeated.

    "Yeah this brings back memories, memories of when I kicked your two sorry butts!" exclaimed Biggus Mikus. "I had the two of you trapped in my giant bathroom bacteria! But then Action Pre cleaned my clock!"

    Action Steve begins to speak, "Uh-"

    "You know what? You're not a very good super hero yourself are you?" asks Biggus Mikus.

    "I-"

    "You just have a lot of powerful friends that rescue you all the time!"

    "I've always thought that good friends were a str-"

    "You're just, just,-"

    "You see-"

    "-just a super hero hanger on!"

    At this point Action Steve decides to remain silent. He does, however, roll his eyes.

    "I mean, sure, you act all heroic for the news cameras, and swing around on your little ukulele. That's another thing, a musical instrument as a weapon is really stupid."

    "Raaaaaaaaawk!" Action Raptor asks, in his own language, if it's any dumber than a plunger as a staff.

    "I could have really gotten somewhere by now if I had a dinosaur and a robot car!" At this point, Biggus Mikus slams his foot against his cage, making a loud SLAM! causing his cage to swing slightly. He then crosses his legs, and sulks silently.

    Action Steve waits for the god to calm down.

   After a few minutes, Action Steve asks, "Biggus Mikus, how are you even captured? You're a god! Can't you just magic yourself away?"

    Biggus Mikus responds in a monotone voice, indicating a great deal of anger and annoyance being contained by force of will. "I can't leave the cage because of The Senator's magic."

    Both Action Steve and Action Raptor perk up. "The Senator?"

New Action Steve Comic!

2010-02-26T08:55:00.001-08:00

http://www.drunkduck.com/The_Astonishing_Adventures_of_Action_Steve/?p=674180

The Astonishing Adventures of Action Steve! This Episode: "The Hospitality of Selene"

2010-02-24T11:39:00.001-08:00

When last we left the Hulaville Police Detective and former super villain known as The Mighty Pineapple, she had been investigating the disappearance of The Senator, a super villain recently revealed to be an unnaturally long lived sorcerer and killer of that other vile villain, The Thrill Seeker! Thanks to Action Steve's recently learned magic, he and his comrades were able to trace the last known location of the senator and a phone call he made at that location. The Mighty Pineapple had been dispatched to the destination of that last phone call, a large corporate building, and was looking it over when she was greeted by Ronald Brown, chief administrative officer at Selene. When he offered her a tour of the building, she accepted.

"Selene is interested in bringing back research and development to the private sector," said Brown as they walked The Mighty Pineapple through yet another laboratory. "Partnering with universities is all well and good but we believe we can provide unique opportunities for profitable discoveries. Discoveries that we will own entirely." The mighty Pineapple had originally been impressed, but well, this was getting boring. She was being taken to lab after lab and office after office and not really being given the chance to find out about the cool stuff people were actually working on. She had seen some interesting robotics work, a field she has particular interest in, but had been quickly shooed away with Ronald's corporate smile. "Secrecy is important in the business world. I'm sure you understand." When he'd offered The Mighty Pineapple a drink in his office she'd jumped at the chance.

***

    As the Mighty Pineapple is being led to Ronald Brown's office for a drink, Action Steve and Action Raptor are being held captive in the secret underground laboratories of the new Selene building. The Action Duo are being held aloft in small cages in a lab filled with large boxy equipment, robots fiddling with hundreds of test tubes, and other equipment that Action Steve and Action Raptor, due to their time spent in Action Pre's mountain laboratory, recognize as equipment used in genetic experiements.

    "Bring back memories old buddy?" Action Steve asks Action Raptor.

    "Raaaaaaaauuuwwwchik!" says Action Raptor in affirmation.

    Action Steve did not always have a prehistoric crime-fighting creature for a best friend. Not soon after Action Steve's first adventure as a super hero, the mysterious Chronotron The Chronobot enlisted the help of our ukulele wielding hero to fight against The Man From The Future. The Man From The Future was a time traveling villain whose secret lair was in the late Cretaceous. As soon Action Steve arrived in that era, The Man From The Future captured and caged our hero. In the cage next to him was a feathered dinosaur that evil doers in this era would learn to fear, it was the dinosaur that would become Action Raptor!

    Yes, being caged up again did indeed bring back memories.

    "Yeah this brings back memories," said another voice, "memories of when I kicked your sorry butts!"

    What's this?! Who's this other voice? Another prisoner? Action Raptor and Action Steve turn to see Biggus Mikus, little known Greek god of toiletries, and one of Action Steve's deadliest enemies!

The Astonishing Adventures of Action Steve! This Episode: "The Mid-Air Rescue!"

2010-02-22T11:25:00.001-08:00

    In our last episode, two member's of Action Steve's Action Alliance, Action Pre and The Incapacitator were on top of a skyscraper. They were trying to save their pal, The Super Action Vehicle, now in dirigible mode, from crashing to his demise!

    "I know this might sound crazy, but trust me," explains Action Pre, "That car is a person, we have to save him!"

    "Ok, but what do we do? It's getting away from us and losing altitude too fast!" answered The Incapacitator.

    "Stop asking questions and get on my back!"

    "What?"

    "Just do it!"

   The Incapacitator obeys, "Hold on!" exclaims Action Pre as two rockets expand out of the sides of his lower legs. With The incapacitator on his back, using his rocket legs, Action Pre leaps toward The Super Action Vehicle! Then, as the two heroes still racing upwards--

    "Ready?!" asks Action Pre.

    "For what?"

    By way of an answer, Action Pre hurls The Incapacitator toward The Super Action Vehicle!

    AAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAaaaaaAAaagh---OOMPHGH!

    The incapacitator has landed on the top of The Super Action Vehicle's dirigible mode balloon! Choking on the plume of smoke coming from it's engine he scrambles down and into the driver's seat.

    "BeAap!" says The S.A.V. The Entire car is shaking and The incapacitator feels the S.A.V. continue to accelerate downwards.

    "Ok pal. Nice to meet you. I'm here to help." says The Incapacitator in a voice that sounds much more certain than he actually feels. He puts on his seat belt. Maybe The S.A.V.'s just too hurt to steer himself, thought The Incapacitator. He takes the wheel and steers clear of a building before they both crash. Then he avoids another building. He swerves and barely misses a helicopter!

    The incapacitator tries to remember the last time he'd been in this car, before it had come to life. Where was it? Ah! Here! He flips a switch and the engine is sprayed in water. The fire is out! He flips another switch and a huge parachute billows out from behind! The S.A.V. is slowing down!

    The S.A.V. lands softly in Eisner Park where the two heroes, one flesh and one badly damaged metal, are met by Action Pre, using his leg rockets to land softly, and Detective Ace Malloy in his patrol car. The S.A.V.'s mechanics, Chef Patrick and Edna The Roller Derby Server come out of the passenger's seat and start taking care of The S.A.V.

   Action Pre walks over to The Incapacitator, who is still in the driver's seat, and says, "What a reunion eh?"

The Astonishing Adventures of Action Steve! This Episode: "Battle In The Sky!"

2010-02-19T11:16:00.000-08:00

    In our last episode Action Pre was just starting his concert in Susan B. Anthony Auditorium when he saw The Super Action Vehicle in the distance being menaced by six flying cybernetic raptors! Our hero leaped from the stage and onto a nearby building, and leaping in this fashion from the top of one skyscraper to another, Action Pre gets close to Action Steve's means of transportation, and friend, The Super Action Vehicle!

   During Action Steve's adventure in the magical land of Eranor, The Super Action Vehicle, a flying car from the future, had magically gained intelligence and become a person. After arriving back in Hulaville, The Super Action Vehicle, or S.A.V., had taken to flying around Hulaville on it's own. It must have been on one of these flights tonight when it was attacked by these creatures.

    Just as Action Pre begins his plan of attack, a grapple line is shot from a nearby skyscraper and attaches itself to a gargoyle near Action Pre. Then our hero hears the sound of someone speeding across the zip line. A man, dressed in grey body armor is attached to the line with a harness and is shooting two pistols at the flying raptors. For each pistol that hits it's target, a pellet of gas explodes. The man is aiming for their faces. Whatever is in those pellets bothers them a lot! They screech and land on ledges as they desperately rub at their faces or try to spit!

    The man disconnects from the line and rolls to the ground near Action Pre. "Well I'll be!" exclaims Action Pre, grinning, "you are not someone I expected to see!" The two men quickly shake hands and greet eachother like the old friends they are. For this man is a long time member of The Action Alliance!

    "The Incapacitator at your service." answers the man in gray as he grins back. The two members of The Action Alliance turn back to The Super Action Vehicle, who is still in trouble! The Super Action Vehicle is in dirigible mode but is still speeding down to street level too fast. "I don't see a driver," says The Incapacitator.

    "I know this might sound crazy, but trust me," explains Action Pre, "That car is a person, we have to save him!"

    "Ok, but what do we do? It's getting away from us and losing altitude too fast!" answered The Incapacitator.

    "Stop asking questions and get on my back!"

    "What?"

    "Just do it!"

   The Incapacitator obeys, "Hold on!" exclaims Action Pre as two rockets expand out of the sides of his lower legs. With The incapacitator on his back, using his rocket legs, Action Pre leaps toward The Super Action Vehicle! Then, as the two heroes still racing upwards--

    "Ready?!" asks Action Pre.

    "For what?"

    By way of an answer, Action Pre hurls The Incapacitator toward The Super Action Vehicle!

The Astonishing Adventures of Action Steve! This Episode: "Action Pre: In Concert!"

2010-02-17T17:56:00.001-08:00

    Action Pre is greeting his fans at the giant Susan B. Anthony Auditorium! Thousands of fans are cheering as the lights come on revealing a drummer, guitarists, a horn section, and Action Pre's DJ and back up singers!

    The band begins to play and the back up singers begin to sing as Action Pre speaks into his microphone. "I've lived here all my life but you love me still. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart! Hulaville!" The cheering crowd begins to scream! Thousands of cameras flash. Some fans hold a sign half a row wide that reads "We Love Action Pre." Other signs say "I Voted For Action Pre", referring to Action Pre's recent bid for Mayor. The crowd are jumping up and down. Men are yelling at the top of their lungs, women are screaming. On stage, Action Pre and the other performers bow graciously.

    Action Pre motions to his back up singers. "They sing melodies so wondrous as to drive you insane, please welcome my backup singers, Leilah, Laini, and Loraine!" At the mention of their names the music increases in volume and tempo and another wave of screams as well as a few hoots and hollers are heard as Action Pre's backup singers wave and blow kisses to the crowd.

    The music gets quiet and anticipatory as Action Pre continues, "And please let me introduce my new band: the fanatical!" drums and guitars punctuate Action Pre's adjectives, "the bombastical!" more musical punctuation, "Fantastical Botanical!" The crowd cheers as the band plays in earnest. The horn section is blowing, the guitarists are giving it their all. The members of Fantastical Botanical are all wearing plant themed clothing. The horn section are wearing suits an ties that look like tree trunks. The shirtless, headband wearing, drummer wears a wig of vegatation meant to mimic dreadlocks but still be recognizable as leaves and vines. He gives his all in a display of percussive virtuosity. Then the band plays quietly giving a feeling of anticipation.

    "Also I'd like to introduce my DJ! Dr. DJ Drinks-a-lot!" DJ Drinks-a-lot begins to manipulate his turntables (decorated with a tiki bar theme), and his nobs and dials furiously. He then takes a big gulp from a large cup. "The good doctor assures me," says Action Pre, theatrically breathing into the microphone as he paces the stage in the manner of a stand up comedian, "That he's on chocolate milkshakes till the end of the show." DJ Drinks-a-lot shakes his cup theatrically and smiles. A few hoots and hollers indicate that the fans whole heartedly approved of spiked milkshakes.

    "And last!

    But not least!

    Hey! It's meeeeeeeee!

    Actiooooooooon Preeeeeeeeeeee!"

    The entire audience is on their feet, cheering, screaming, yelling and jumping up and down. Just then Leilah motions to Loraine and points to the sky. Concern shows on both of their faces. They get Action Pre's Attention.

    "Wait a minute!" Action Pre suddenly looks very serious but the crowd keeps on cheering. "Hold on everyone." This quiets the crowd some as he uses his genetically enhanced eyes to see far in the distance...

    Why it's Action Steve's flying car and magical partner in crimed fighting, The Super Action Vehicle! And he's being menaced by a swarm of rocket powered cyber raptors! Unfeathered, reptilian, clones of Action Raptor are flying by means of small rockets and metal wings! They circle The Super Action Vehicle. They bite and scratch and shoot at him. The Super Action Vehicle does his best to dodge but he's getting hit! The S.A.V.'s in trouble!

    "Ladies and gentlemen, I hate to cut this short, but there is something I must report. Someone's attacking The S.A.V. This looks like a job for Action Pre!" and with that, Action Pre takes a mighty leap to help his friend and fellow member of The Action Alliance!

The Astonishing Adventures of Action Steve! This Episode: "The Mighty Pineapple Ponders Her Next Move"

2010-02-15T06:47:00.000-08:00

    In our last episode the former super villain and current detective of The Hulaville Police Department known as The Mighty Pineapple was on the trail of the former politician and ancient wizard known as The Senator! The Mighty Pineapple's boss, Detective Ace Malloy, with the help of The Action Alliance, determined that, after magically disappearing, The Senator made a phone call to an office at a new high rise in downtown Hulaville. The Mighty Pineapple is now walking toward that building, her Fruit Smoothie Guitar strapped to her back.

    The new high rise had only recently been completed. It wasn't the tallest building in Hulaville, only 30 stories, but it was very shiny and cylindrical. A few men and women were walking in and out of the lobby. Many seemed like ordinary business people. But The Mighty Pineapple could tell there were a few for whom the word "professional" took on an entirely different meaning. The Mighty Pineapple recognized their manner. There was no fear in their eyes. The one of these kind that was nearest to her was walking across the street. She was a teenage girl wearing a black pants suit. The Mighty Pineapple recognized the walk, relaxed and ready to pounce, like a jungle cat. The Mighty Pineapple begins to think that she should have disguised herself.

    It wouldn't be hard to recognize The Mighty Pineapple. Her hair is tied and shoots up from the top of her head like the leaves of a pineapple. She's wearing cat's eye spectacles, a cloth jacket that looks as if it came from the radioactive future as envisioned by film makers in the 80's, classic blue jeans, and canvas shoes. She also, as was previously mentioned, is wearing a bright yellow, orange and blue Fruit Smoothie Guitar, which, like Action Steve's Action Ukulele, has extensive modifications for the kind of life she leads.

    Ah, well, she was a police officer now. She had two options at this point: either walk up to the front desk and ask to be let in (she was considering it) or watch and wait for something to happen. I suppose I could just have a look around the block, she thought to herself.

    "What can I do for you young lady?" The Mighty Pineapple was startled that someone had snuck up on her and turned around to see a blond man in a blue suit and red tie, much like The Senator used to wear. But this couldn't be The Senator, he was younger than she was.

    She recovers quickly. "Young lady? You don't look a day over 25."

    "My apologies. I am Ronald Brown, chief administrative officer at Selene. We're in that new building over there." he said indicating the building The Mighty Pineapple had been sent to investigate. "And if I'm not mistaken, you are the famous Mighty Pineapple, former head of the now dissolved special police unit named after you, The Pineapple Patrol, and detective for The Hulaville Police Department. Would you be interested in a tour of our new offices?" There was something in his manner that made the offer hard to resist. Maybe it was just because he was cute. Didn't she want to get into the building anyway?

    "Sounds interesting," she replied, "lead the way."

The Astonishing Adventures of Action Steve Comic! "Investigation"

2010-02-12T15:16:00.000-08:00

http://www.drunkduck.com/The_Astonishing_Adventures_of_Action_Steve/index.php?p=668819

The Astonishing Adventures of Action Steve! This Episode: "The Mighty Pineapple On The Trail!"

2010-02-10T20:56:00.001-08:00

    In Action Steve's early days, after he had started fighting local criminals, but before he had met his friends Chronotron The Chronobot and Action Raptor, a host of strange people began to challenge Action Steve. These people called themselves super villains. Most of them were even more ridiculous than Action Steve, a man who wears a blue mask and a cape and whose primary weapon is a small musical instrument. Action Steve had once fought The Lords of Death, a gang of teenagers in goth gear; The Magenta Mantis, an overweight 30 year old man who, like Steve, took up costuming and adventuring at a late age but unlike Action Steve chose to do evil; and The Greedy Gopher, a bank robber who robbed banks in a cheap gopher suit.

    There were many odd things about Action Steve. One of those things was how he defeated his enemies. He was an undeniably good, if extremely unorthodox, fighter. His fighting style was not unlike his dancing style. Odd, unpredictable, but applied with so much unexpected enthusiasm and energy from a man of his age and weight that most who encounter him either on the dance floor or on the field of battle are completely unprepared. And the man sweats profusely. The word "glisten" could never ever describe the buckets of fluid that poured from Action Steve as he dispatched villains. But back to his fighting, most of the time Action Steve won the day not because he was a decent fighter, but because of his friends and allies. To defeat The Greedy Gopher, for example, Action Steve enlisted the help of some of Hulaville's local fursuit wearing population, who had been tired of all the bad press The Gopher was giving them.

    And now I'm caught up in it, thought The Mighty Pineapple as she drove her 1956 Austin Healey-Sprite (painted with a brown and yellow pineapple themed mesh) into a parking lot. She had been one of those original villains. Actually she'd been a villain for much longer than Action Steve had ever been a hero. For years she had embraced her differentness, her inability to fit in, and had taken revenge on the world for not accepting her. But here she was, an accepted member of the Hulaville police force, and publicist for one of her former super hero enemies, Action Pre.

   She was currently on the trail of The Senator. The Senator is a former politician and ancient wizard who, after killing another super villain in cold blood, had magicked himself away without paying for his crimes. Her old enemy and current ally, Action Steve, and her new boss, Detective Ace Malloy, had managed to trace one of The Senator's phone calls to a building about a block from here. She left the sprite in the parking lot, strapped her Fruit Smoothie guitar across her back, and walked toward a high rise building in the middle of Downtown Hulaville.

The Astonishing Adventures of Action Steve! This Episode: "Evil Twin!"

2010-02-08T10:03:00.000-08:00

    In our last episode Action Steve had followed a common thug underground. After knocking him out, a clone of Action Steve revealed himself and attacked the original Action Steve! The clone, dressed like his original but all in black, now rushes forward, his black, v shaped, Action Guitar ready to strike! But as he strikes, Action Steve parries with his Action-lele, already in battle mode with it's two hammer heads on either side. Shouts, grunts, and musical clangs are heard in the old disused sewer drain.

    Action Steve had already been winded from the chase but was holding his own against this impostor. They held their weapons against each other, straining against one another for an instant. "You can't win pal!" says the clone angrily. He withdraws and strikes many times as he says. "I know what you know!" Strike. "Got your memories!" Strike. "And I'm faster, stronger and better!" Strike, strike, strike.

    Each of these blows has been deflected by The Original Action Steve, who then quickly points the butt end of his Action-lele at his doppelganger and sprays sleeping gas into his face.

    This merely irritates the clone. He wipes his face. "Isn't it standard procedure to make yourself immune to your own knockout ga--?" As The Fake Action Steve removes his hand from his face he suddenly has a very close view of The Action-lele as it hits him right in the kisser! Action Steve quickly follows this with a hit to the gut, and to the back of the knees. Action Steve quickly gets on top of the clone, disarms him, and binds the fake Action Steve's hands and feet.

    "I guess we've still got some improvements to make," says another voice. Out of the shadows comes Action Raptor!

    No, wait! Here comes another Action Raptor!, and another, and another, and another! Action Steve can see that these are cybernetically enhanced clones of Action Raptor but they don't have any feathers! Each one has metal armor covering most of their bodies. And each have had one of their eyes replaced with a glowing red cybernetic eye! They also each have two shoulder mounted cannons! Two of them are holding a cage, in which the real Action Raptor is held!

    If this wasn't enough of a shock to the winded, worn out, and bruised Action Steve, Lounatic, the source of the voice from the shadows, emerges.

    "Louis 'Lounatik' Nguyen?" asks the exhausted and surprised Action Steve.

    "I'm just going by Lounatic now." Lounatic pauses, "With a 'c'".

    "Got it!" says an angry and hopelessly outmatched Action Steve. Never the less he picks up the other Action Steve's Action Guitar and, holding a weapon in each hand, and moves to fight evil even in the face of insurmountable odds!

The Astonishing Adventures of Action Steve! This Episode: "Excitement!"

2010-02-05T09:07:00.001-08:00

    Action Steve is having an Exciting and Action-Packed Salad!

    We see Action Steve take another fork full of spinach and sprouts.

    Action Steve adds more oil and vinegar to the mix! Astonishing!

    Munch, munch, munch, munch.

    Action Steve looks out into the middle distance at nothing much in particular, enjoying his tasty salad.

    Well, I suppose that's it for this episode of-- Wait what's that? A group of thugs across the street are beating up an old man! Action Steve quickly rushes to the man's aid!

   Action Steve takes out his Ukulele and hits one of the three men in the gut, knocking him down. The other two make a break for it. Two women run from their car and assist the man. One of them turns to Action Steve and says, "Go, we can help here." Action Steve nods to the two strangers and takes off after the remaining two villains. He runs after them as they go into an alley. Why is it always alleys? Action Steve asks himself. The two break a door down and go inside. He quickly follows after them. It's a kitchen! Action Steve follows the chaos, past chefs in front of ovens, and people washing dishes. As the two thugs push past the kitchen staff, a portly teenage kid who was washing the dishes takes a hot wok to on of the men's heads, knocking him out.

    CLANG!

    The rest of the staff cheers and claps. Action Steve high fives the kid as he runs past into--

   A basement? And the basement leads into--

   Action Steve supposes it's another basement. The thug runs into a hole in the wall, which leads into an old sewer drain. It's quiet except for the footsteps of Action Steve and the thug. The sound of their feet hitting the cement echoes down the drain. Action Steve notices a wide seam in the ceiling and shoots a grapple line from his Action-lele into it. He jumps and swings into the thug, feet first, knocking him to the ground. Action Steve gets the man to his feet and then punches him in the face, knocking him out.

    "Well done!" says an unexpected but strangely familiar voice. Action Steve looks into the shadows in the direction where the voice came from. In all his super hero adventures Action Steve had learned to run pretty fast but the chase had still winded him.

    "Who's there?" asks Action Steve.

    "There's no need to fear!" sneered the voice. "It's me! Action Steve!" Out of the shadows walked another Action Steve! This one had a more closely trimmed beard and was slim. He didn't have the real Action Steve's belly, but he did wear a fedora, mask, cape, and gloves. It's just that they were all black. This fake Action Steve also didn't have an Action Ukulele but an all black, v shaped, electric guitar. "Hello Action Steve!" yelled the impostor. "HELLO AND GOODBYE!" As he yells at Action Steve, the fake Action Steve rushed toward him, holding his heavy metal guitar in the air, ready to strike!

The Astonishing Adventures of Action Steve! This Episode: "What Smart Criminals Do"

2010-02-03T08:49:00.001-08:00

     Lounatic is sitting behind a mahogany desk in his newly bought leather chair. His new office is decorated with copies of renaissance paintings but he couldn't resist a bit of nerdly flare. Behind his chair in a very tasteful frame was a photograph of Captain Kirk. Below was the caption, "I can't hear you over the sound of how awesome I am." It was ridiculous he knew, and some found it out of character for him. But it was amusing, and he thought it was a good way to get people to relax in his office.

    Lounatic opened up his notebook and had another look at his balance sheets. He had several accounts at this point. Ah, this was absurdly easy. Why had he ever done things any other way? You do what you know until you grow, he thought to himself. Why rob a bank when you could very easily rob thousands of people at once via identity theft? Lounatic's plan was to quickly get out of this business too and move onto ventures that were entirely legal. After all, once you have enough money to warp the law to your will, you can do whatever you like out in the open and make obscene amounts of money doing it.

    A young man with short cropped blonde hair, wearing a blue suit and red tie came into the office. He was dressed like The Senator always dressed but didn't look like him. He was much younger for a start. "What do you think?" he asked Lounatic.

    "I think I'd very much like to learn that skill Senator," replied Lounatic.

    "I've decided to go with Ronald Brown for now." The Senator waved his hand across an imaginary campaign poster. "Ron Brown for U.S. Senate!"

    "Won't most people think it's you?" asked Lounatic. "They saw you cast a spell on television."

    "Polls show 70% of people believe the video of my killing The Thrill Seeker is some special effects trick. I'm certainly not the first person to recognize that humans will explain away any magic they encounter because they don't believe magic exists."

    "Anyway I'm through with public office for now." continued The Senator. "The real power today is in business. You and I are going to make a lot of money, and therefore," he paused, "posses a lot of power."

    "I still have doubts about going after Action Steve and the rest of those ridiculous people," replies Louis.

    "What good is power if you can't use it to crush your enemies?" asks The Senator. "No, we proceed with the plan I think."

The Astonishing Adventures of Action Steve! This Episode: "The Senator's Motel Room"

2010-02-01T09:02:00.000-08:00

    In our last episode, Action Raptor, Action Pre, Action Steve, the newly magically sentient Super Action Vehicle, or S.A.V. for short, and Detective Ace Malloy were on the magical trail of the ancient sorcerer and criminal called The Senator. With the help of Action Steve's newly acquired spell book, The Action Alliance has managed to track him down to a motel. As The Action Alliance waves goodbye to a family of fans they met in the motel parking lot, they quickly walk toward where the team thinks The Senator may have got to, a magical trail revealed by Action Steve's Spell leads to a motel room. Ace Malloy got the key from the front desk and is opening it as the Action Alliance approaches.

    "You know Action Steve, the way the kids react to you you ought to consider making a line of toys or at least some T-Shirts," says Action Pre.

    "Will you two focus on the job at hand?" the exasperated Malloy loudly whispers. "At least the damn bird-lizard is paying attention. The Senator could be in there right now!" It was true, Action Raptor had his back to the wall, utility cannon at the ready, waiting for Malloy to open the door. Malloy had his gun at the ready. Action Pre and Action Steve, looking apologetic, got quiet. Action Steve gets his Action Ukulele out, ready to strike, and Action Pre points his forearms at the door, instantly several guns pop out of his cybernetic arms, stretching out of his specially made suit.

    Malloy bursts open the door and points his gun into the room. Action Raptor follows. Action Pre and Steve bring up the rear. The team quickly determines that The Senator isn't here. Action Steve opens his spell book while the others have a look around.

    "Will you look at that!" says Action Pre indicating the television set. The magical trail they had been following was fading but they could see it let to the TV. The inside of the old picture tube was completely melted and burned out. Foot steps had burnt the carpet and recently molten glass trailed from the television to the floor.

    "I think we found the other end of that portal," said Ace Malloy. He carefully avoids stepping on the trail of glass and takes out a small device about the size of a pack of cigarettes. Ace then unplugs the phone jack from the old analog phone and inserts it into the device.

    Action Raptor looks at Malloy inquisitively and says, "Toooooaurc?"

    "You figure he used a cell phone after walking through that mess?" Malloy replies, nodding at the burnt out television. "I'm betting he used this phone." He looks down at the device and then takes out his cell phone to make some calls.

    "How's it going?" asks Action Pre of Action Steve, who is muttering some spells near the television.

    "Well," answers Action Steve, "Either he's got some spell protecting him from detection or," Action Steve closes the book with a twhump! "I need more practice," he says grinning.

    "Okay, we've got a few leads but we stay here until we get some more people on the scene," says Ace Malloy. "I've called The Mighty Pineapple and a few men to go check things out. She's a detective now by the way."

    The Action Alliance all nod as if to say, "good for her". Action Pre replies, "Yup, but she said she'd still be my publicist."

    "I really need to get another gig," said the unemployed Action Steve.

Another Action Packed Action Steve Comic!

2010-01-29T09:04:00.001-08:00

Have a look!
http://www.drunkduck.com/The_Astonishing_Adventures_of_Action_Steve/?p=662818

The Astonishing Adventures of Action Steve! This Episode: "Action Steve, Magic Detective!"

2010-01-27T09:14:00.001-08:00

    In our last episode The Action Alliance, Action Steve, Action Raptor, Action Pre, and the magically sentient flying car known as The Super Action Vehicle or S.A.V., were investigating the disapearance of that dangerous supervillain, The Senator, along with Detective Malloy, Hulaville's super hero liason. He was no longer a senator after having revealed that he had been working with and then killed that other dangerous supervillain, The Thrill Seeker. Action Steve now uses his spell book, given to him by his friend and fellow super hero The Mighty Pine Cone, and reveals a hole in the air. That same magical portal that The Senator used to make his escape!

    "I have to admit, grudgingly of course," says Detective Malloy, "That's pretty impressive."

    "kooooughaaaac!" agrees Action Raptor, Action Steve's best pal, who is a feathered dinosaur wearing a cap, goggles, and a scarf from his adventures in time as a pilot in World War I.

    The portal is about the size and shape of a small television screen. It's translucent, and shimmers in purple and yellow. The "screen" shows the snow of an old analog television. A shimmering purple and yellow trail emits from it and goes off down the street.

    "Okay team," says Action Steve, "Let's see where this leads." Action Steve and Action Raptor take the front seat of The Super Action Vehicle while Action Pre and Detective Malloy sit in the back. Although The Super Action Vehicle doesn't Actually have a face, you could swear it's grill is smiling as it lifts off and follows the trail over the streets and buildings of Hulaville. It finally leads to a motel.

    A family had just parked, their station wagon piled with vacation luggage, and had been walking toward the motel's front office? As The Super Action Vehicle lands a few spaces nearby in visitor parking. Two children, a young boy and young girl shriek with delight and run toward The Action Alliance, who greet them warmly.

    "Hey kids!" says Action Steve.

    "Thraaaaaawk!" greets Action Raptor.

    Action Pre, Steve, and Raptor, all sign autographs while Detective Malloy rolls his eyes. He walks off and follows the purple yellow trail to a motel door. He knocks on the door.

    "Hey anybody in there?" Malloy asks.

    No answer.

    Detective Malloy walks back to see Action Raptor being petted by the girl and the boy sitting in the driver's seat of The Super Action Vehicle while Action Steve plays the kids his theme song on his Ukulele.

    "Action Steve will save the day!
   Action Steve will save the day!
    Action Raptor too!
    Action Raptor too!
    Action Raptor too!
    We're gonna rescue you!"

    Malloy walks over to Action Pre who is standing with the children's mother and father autographing his book and cd, both titled "It's Me Action Pre!" for them. They are big fans and already had their own copies.

    Malloy whispers into Action Pre's ear, " The trail leads to a motel door. I'm gonna go get the key to the room. Meet me there when you're done."

    Action Pre nods in a serious manner and then smiles a the couple as he hands his book back, "It's always great to meet such wonderful fans. But if you'll excuse me, The Action Alliance have other plans."

The Astonishing Adventures of Action Steve! This Episode: "Is this the end of The Original Mr. Evil Elli Manalo?"

2010-01-25T10:26:00.001-08:00

    Last episode one of the first villains to fight Action Steve, The Original Mr. E-vil Elli Manalo, was underground in Hulaville, looking for one of the secret hatchways that Action Steve uses to fly into the city from his Secret Action Lair! The Original Mr. E-vil Elli Manalo's second in command, Louis Lounatik Nguyen, now going by the name of Lounatic, saw this as a perfect opportunity for an ambush. With the help of The Senator, an ancient wizard who used magic to send Mr. E-vil's gang away, Lounatic has revealed that he will replace The Original Mr. E-vil Elli Manalo with a clone under his control!

    The clone of The Original Mr. E-vil Elli Manalo has pushed the original into a deep pit, and as The Original Mr. E-vil Elli Manalo hangs onto the edge Lounatic points his gun at his former boss, preparing to fire! The clone and The Senator look on at The Original Mr. E-vil Elli Manalo, grinning. The Original Mr. E-vil Elli Manalo was grinning too, but was full of rage.

    As he struggles not to fall he says, "You better.. You better make sure I'm dead!"

    "Oh I intend too," replies Lounatic, he turns to his two compatriots. "Gentlemen, hold him." Each of the men take an arm as Lounatic points his gun into The Original Mr. E-vil Elli Manalo's gut.

   BANG!

**************

    Action Pre, Action Raptor, Action Steve, and the newly sentient Super Action Vehicle are now at the last known location of The Senator with Detective Malloy, special liaison to Hulaville's super hero community. They were in an alley, the kind kids love to ride their bikes through. Today it was a no go. Police officers were at either end and the alley had been blocked off with police tape. The Senator doesn't hold public office anymore but people had gotten used to referring to him that way. His life as a senator came to an end when he killed the dangerous supervillain known as The Thrill Seeker. The Thrill Seeker and The Senator had been old friends or old enemies. Each of them were hundreds of years old. The Senator had killed The Thrill Seeker with magic, and the killing had been caught on video by the unregistered super hero, Pimp Racer.

    "I don't know what you three hope to find," said Detective Malloy, shaking his head."Witnesses said he opened a hole in the air and squeezed through it. They said he extended himself unnaturally, like he was made of silly putty. Then the hole and The Senator disappeared."

    "It's four of us," corrected Action Pre. "Isn't that right S.A.V.?"

    BEEEP! The Super Action Vehicle beeped happily, startling Detective Malloy.

    "Should I stop mentioning that this job continues to become weirder and weirder by the day?" asked Detective Malloy.

    "Maybe by the Minute," commented Action Steve. "Disappeared by magic did he? I think I might have something for that." Action Steve propped up his Action Ukulele against the alley wall and opened the large, old, yellowing, dusty spell book given to him by his super hero friend from another dimension, The Mighty Pine Cone.

The Astonishing Adventures of Action Steve! This Episode: "The Inevitable Double-Cross"

2010-01-22T08:44:00.000-08:00

    We see complete darkness. We hear complete silence. Then there's a loud POP! as a manhole cover falls from the ceiling. The hole lets in a shaft of light illuminating a subway tunnel that's easily a hundred years old. Silt has been piled up on corners and edges by rivulets of water. Water drips from the ceilings. Give this place a few million years and it'd be a perfect tourist spot for spelunkers. The Original Mr. E-vil Elli Manalo and his gang climb down from ropes. The Original Mr. E-vil Elli Manalo wasn't wearing his normal red leather trench coat. Instead he was wearing red coveralls with flames painted on them and a few unnecessary buckles. "Well!" He says, "I think we're getting somewhere!" His gang began placing lights around the area so they can get a good look around. It was a small room with 3 walls. One large circular opening revealed a large drain pipe. The Original Mr. E-vil Elli Manalo had a look down and whistled. It went down much farther than he could see.

    Lounatic, The Original Mr. E-vil Elli Manalo's second in command, climbs down along with the other gang members and began inspecting the room.

    "Do you think there are mutant alligators in the sewers?" The Original Mr. E-vil Elli Manalo asks. "It's not a proper sewer without mutant reptiles"

    "That's really the last straw for me." says an exasperated Lounatic, who pulls out his gun and points it directly at The Original Mr. E-vil Elli Manalo.

    Mr. E-vil doesn't act surprised. "Oh Louis, what can you possibly be thinking? I've been keeping an eye on you. I know all about your operations. I know all about the banks you've been robbing. I knew you'd try to take me down but is this really your plan? We are surrounded by my own men. Some of my most loyal. And unless I'm very much mistaken you've got no one here with you!"

    "You are mistaken," said a voice from the darkness. And it was a quiet darkness.

   Wait a minute, where were his men? The Original Mr. E-vil Elli Manalo looked around and couldn't see anyone around but the three of them. Instead of being frightened The Original Mr. E-vil Elli Manalo was pleased. It looked like he had been taken unawares after all. The owner of the voice stepped out from the darkness. It was The Senator! The one on television who had been revealed to be at least hundreds of years old and a sorcerer! Mr. E-vil hadn't been expecting this either.

    "Don't worry about your men. They're safe." Lounatic says.

   The Original Mr. E-vil Elli Manalo, still smiling, says "You don't think they'll follow you once I'm gone do you?"

    "Oh a piece of you will remain," replied the senator. "Say hello to your new replacement."

    Out of the shadows walks another figure. It's another Mr. E-vil Elli Manalo! A clone! The Original Mr. E-vil Elli Manalo is now angry as this other Mr. E-vil Elli Manalo, dressed all in black, charges toward the original. The two begin to trade punches but the other Mr. E-vil has the advantage of momentum and pushes The Original Mr. E-vil into the large drain. Mr. Evil grabs the edge as he falls in and hangs on.

    Lounatic walks into The Original Mr. Evil Manalo's view. "You know that fall could probably kill a man." Lounatic idly comments as if he were commenting on the weather. "But, just to be sure." Lounatic points his gun right at Mr. E-vil.

The Astonishing Adventures of Action Steve! This Episode: "The Plan"

2010-01-20T08:38:00.001-08:00

    Lounatic walked into the nondescript warehouse near Hula Bay that served as The Original Mr. E-vil Elli Manalo's base of operations. The Original Mr. E-vil greeted him in a voice that nearly shook the rafters. "Louis 'Lounatik' Nguyen! How are you?" the tone was somewhere between suspicion, sincerity and mockery. Lounatic knew this was a sign the man was annoyed. Lounatic didn't really care.

    "Hello Mr. E-vil. You wanted to see me?" Lounatic replied.

    "Indeed I did! I wanted to know if you had time in your busy schedule for our little plan." The words, "busy schedule" were delivered with almost pure mockery, and just a dash of suspicion. The "Our" that The Original Mr. E-vil Elli Manalo was referring to was the rest of his gang. Lounatic knew how likely it was they had contributed to the plan. "Action Steve has been fired from his job," The Original Mr. E-vil Elli Manalo continued, "and I'm not sure when he'll get another one. The time has, once again, come for us to search for his secret hideout."

    Not this again, thought Lounatic unhappily. He remembered the last time. It had taken months to locate just where one of the secret hatchways Action Steve used to launch from his lair in his flying car. Once one of the men found it they had inadvertently triggered an alarm. He reported that the world seemed to shimmer around them for a moment and then the hatch was sealed up. Days of investigation revealed that the hatch had been sealed with concrete, and unless they wanted to get a crew of men with heavy equipment at the site, not the sort of thing a criminal who wants to avoid attention would do, they wouldn't be able to discover where it had lead. They'd tried finding another hatchway with the same result. Only this time the men at the scene had been teleported to the Hulaville police station. It was clear Action Steve had very powerful friends. But Lounatic was still convinced the man was not a threat, and he said so.

    "Not a threat eh? You weren't able to best him in combat when last we met. We lost a lot of our gang and had to run away!"

    It was true, Action Steve was a better fighter than Lounatic, but what did that matter? Action Steve dressed in a flashy costume and he fought very obvious villains in other flashy costumes. All one had to do to avoid him was to not wear a mask! Lounatic knew there was no point in saying this. Instead he asked, "What did you have in mind sir?"

    "Our problem has been that we always look at the surface," The Original Mr. E-vil Elli Manalo replied. "I'm betting that's where the security is strongest. Instead we need to go underground and search for unusual features. I'm betting a newly built tunnel will stick out among the old sewer drains like a sore thumb. We'll search the entire sewer, one section at a time. We won't spread out like before. We'll have our entire team down there, in each location, looking for alarms and this magical shimmering the men have talked about. We'll bring everything we need to defeat Action Steve. We'll be ready."

    Actually, it was a good plan, and perfect for Lounatic's purposes. He might even try it himself once The Original Mr. E-vil Elli Manalo was finally of the way. Action Steve was not a threat, but he could be a nuisance. "Good idea sir," Lounatic replied. "May I help with organizing the search plan?" The Original Mr. E-vil Elli Manalo nodded happily. Louis liked the plan. That was good. Louis was as smart as he thought he was, but, Mr. E-vil thought to himself, nowhere near as clever. No doubt his second in command, Louis 'Lounatik' Nguyen, was planning to ambush him in the sewers. He remembered when he was second in command like Louis was now. It was good to have ambition, and treachery keeps the wits sharp.

The Astonishing Adventures of Action Steve! This Episode: "Daylight Robbery!"

2010-01-18T08:33:00.000-08:00

   BOOM!

   In broad daylight, a street facing wall of First Hulaville Bank has exploded outwards! Debris has landed everywhere. Cars are covered in dust. People have been knocked down and injured. A cloud of dust fills the empty hole where the wall had been. The alarm blares on. A black car races toward and then screeches to a halt in front of the new opening. Three figures, all dressed in black, wearing black gloves and ski masks, holding very large guns and larger bags of money, erupt from the smoke and quickly get in the car. The car is already moving just as the last thief gets in.

    The Driver wears all black as well but he isn't wearing a mask. His name Louis "Lounatik" Nguyen, 2nd in command to The Original Mr. E-vil' Manalo. "Any problems?" He asks the 3. They take off their masks as the car easily races across a busy city street. They are two men and one woman.

    "None at all Louis." The woman grins.

    "Good. And I've decided I like Lounatic. Just Lounatic, nothing else. But I'll have none of that spelling things with a 'k' business. Hold on." Lounatic expertly corners into an alley at high speed and parks in an open garage. The door quickly closes. Two serious looking teenage girls in coveralls, goggles, and face masks open the doors for the bank robbers, who quickly remove their guns, bags of money and other personal effects from the car. The two girls proceed to replace the license plates and repaint the car with professional skill. The 4 criminals quickly walk into the safe house and go change. The men in one room. The woman in another. Once changed, they put their clothes in plastic bags and give them to the girls, who are nearly finished with the car.

    Lounatic looks at his watch as the woman watches him. He waits a few minutes and says, "Go." She calmly walks out the front door. There are no police. Everything is calm outside. There's a kid sitting on a curb using his skateboard as a seat. She walks behind him so there is little chance of even the kid identifying her later. Looking at the woman walking away from the safe house, no one would think that she had just robbed a bank. 10 minutes later the girls drive off in the newly painted car. They are no longer in cover alls nor does their manner suggest they are professional criminals. Instead they're dressed and acting very much like normal teenage girls. 15 minutes later another bank robber leaves. 23 minutes pass, the third robber leaves. Lounatic is all alone in the safe house, on the phone. "Have the car meet me at the street corner near the house. Be there in 10 minutes."

    We hear the "yes sir." on the other line. Lounatic made a mental note to not do this again. Robbing banks is very risky. Robbing a series of banks and getting away with it is nigh impossible. But this seemed the best way to get a lot of money in a short period of time. Now that he had it, there were safer ways to make more. There was one more thing to take care of. His boss. Louis hadn't meant to become a henchman for The Original Mr. E-vil Elli Manalo. He had been down on his luck, and the gang had seemed like a good business opportunity. But as he began working for the gang it soon became apparent that Mr. E-vil Elli Manalo wasn't interested in making or even taking money. Everything in his life seemed to center around that fool Action Steve.

    Action Steve fought giant potatoes in a flying car using a musical instrument as a weapon. That clown wasn't a threat. He was ridiculous, and easy to avoid so long as you didn't seek him out or inadvertently dress like a tuber. But Mr. E-vil seemed obsessed. No, Action Steve was not important and The Original Mr. E-vil Elli Manalo had to go. Lounatic hit his speed dial.

    "Louis 'Lounatik' Nguyen!", The Original Mr. E-vil Elli Manalo answered. "Where have you been?"

There's a new Action Steve comic!

2010-01-16T00:32:00.000-08:00

Have a look!

http://www.drunkduck.com/The_Astonishing_Adventures_of_Action_Steve/index.php?p=658140

Action Pre Biography!

2010-01-13T08:52:00.000-08:00

Action Pre was once a microbiologist with a habit breaking into rhyme when excited or agitated. He was working on nanotechnological cybernetic amoeba's with his 3 lab assistants and his wife, when the nefarious villain, The Thrill Seeker burst in and destroyed Action Pre's research. The chaos caused by The Thrill Seeker also lead to the death of Super Dudical Steve (a Steve from another dimension) and Pre's wife. Pre decided at that moment to become a super hero! He altered his genetic make up and cybernetically enhanced himself to become a super powered super hero! His former lab assistants are his back up singers now. And although Action Pre recently lost the race to become Hulaville's mayor, he has just released a CD and an autobiography, both called "It's Me, Action Pre!" His single, "Party Paramecium" is currently at the top of the the charts.

Action Pre was created by Parius Futch and he continues to contribute ideas for Action Pre's storyline.

The Astonishing Adventures of Action Steve! This Episode: "Rich Richman explains it all!"

2010-01-11T09:55:00.000-08:00

    A television turns on. You see a man in his fifties sitting at a desk, holding a few papers. He looks directly at the camera. "This is Rich Richman for the Hulaville Nightly News." The man looks down at his papers for a moment and looks back up again. "The state and the country are still in shock after having learned that The Senator has killed the notorious villain known only as The Thrill Seeker.
    A vigilante calling himself," Rich Richman pauses for an exasperated moment, "Pimp Racer, illegally broke into Hulaville prison and captured the killing on video. He then released it online where it has had over 60 million views. For those few that haven't seen it, we now present it. Viewer discretion is advised."
   The screen cuts to a grainy black and green video that never the less clearly shows The Senator standing in front of The thrill Seeker's specially designed security cell. The Gaurds are asleep on the floor as if they've fainted. A strange glow surrounds The Senator's Hand.
   "I'll be seeing you," says The Thrill Seeker.
   "Not if there's nothing left to heal. Not if I don't leave anything, not even the smallest of remains."
   The Thrill Seeker looks thoughtful, "You know I've always wondered about that."
   "You don't get to find out if I succeed."
   "Well now, I think a lot of people would disagr--"
   Curling ribbons of light extend from The Senator's hand and envelop The Thrill Seeker, who screams in pain. It's over in a moment and the lights go back out. We see The Senator, now no longer in green but in color, walking away from an empty cell. In the cell there aren't even any ashes. There is no smoke.
   "Damn!" we hear a voice whisper, "The Senator killed the Thrill Seeker!"
    The television cuts back to Rich Richman. "That last voice we heard was of a vigilante going by the name of," Rich Richman re-reads his paper as if he can hardly believe the riduculous names these people give themselves, "Pimp Racer. This individual is not registered with Hulaville police force as a super hero. We have also confirmed Pimp Racer was the unknown man chasing The Thrill Seeker in the streets of hulaville earlier this month. Meanwhile there is no sign of The Senator since his magical Disapearance a few days ago."
    We cut to a scene outside of The Senator's Mansion, He is on foot running from police.
    "Stop!" says one of the officers as they give chase. The Senator runs into an alley. The police are still hot on his tail. He runs into another street, right into a group of reporters. The Senator looks to the approaching police behind him. He's trapped. The Senator looks up.

   At you.

    The Senator reaches for the sides of the television screen and pulls himself through, to the amazement of the reporters. As he crawls out of the screen it pulls at him like taffy. Static Surrounds the Senator. Then he's out and kneeling in what looks like a cheep motel room. The Television is a smoking husk filled with molten glass. Smoke pours off of him. He's covered in soot. Molten glass cools and makes crinkly noises on his clothes.
   The Senator gets up. Cleans himself off as best he can with a hankerchief and then...

    He smiles right at you.

   Then, with a powerful gust of wind he pushes you out of the room, out of the hotel, out of the parking lot, you float above the city like a child's balloon that's been let go. Eventually you fall to the ground.

The Astonishing Adventures of Action Steve! This episode: "Return to Hulaville!"

2010-01-08T11:32:00.001-08:00

Action Steve and Action Raptor materialize in The Super Action Vehicle in The Action Lair's garage in a cloud of sparkly dust. The Action lair lies underground beneath The Cold War Cafe, a 1950's themed restaurant owned by Action Steve's pal and benefactor, Chef Patrick. Action Steve lives here rent free. In exchange Patrick has exclusive access to any interesting technology Action Steve brings back from his adventures. Action Steve wasn't sure if that applied to the magic spellbook he just brought back but he'd mention it anyway.

The Spellbook had been given to him by a wizard and champion of Justice called The Mighty Pine Cone! Action Steve met The Mighty Pine Cone After Chronotron The Chronobot, another benifactor of Action Steve's and master of time and space, transported him and his best friend, Action Raptor, to the Magical Land of Eranor. The Mighty Pine Cone and Chronotron were confident that the spells in Action Steve's new spell book would work the same in Hulaville as they did in Eranor, but Action Steve would just have to try and see. Action Steve and Action Raptor were also happy to learn that their new/old friend The Super Action Vehicle would not stop being a person once they arrived in Hulaville. The Super Action Vehicle was The Action Duo's flying car from the future, and it had apparently magically become sentient their adventures in Eranor. Now that they were in Hulaville again, Action Raptor asked The Super Action Vehicle how he felt.

"Thraaaak?"

BEEP BEEP!

"Sure. I don't mind if you go out and explore," answered Action Steve. "You really don't have to ask permission. You're your own person after all." replied Action Steve.

BEEEEEEEEP!

"Sure we'll give you a call when we need you. Have fun!"

BEEPBEEPBEEP!

As The Super Action Vehicle zooms off to have fun in Hulaville, Action Steve and Action Raptor walk into the living room of The Action Lair and are greeted by Robo-Butler 3000, Action Steve and Action Raptor's robot butler. "Welcome back Sir," greeted their automaton manservant. The Robo-Butler 3000 was another piece of technology Action Steve had acquired during his adventures. "I've taken messages from Detective Ace Malloy, Chef Patrick, Action Pre, The press, and The Action Steve Fan club. Also I regret to inform you that your supervisor has called to say you've been fired from your job at the call center."

"Well crud," replies Action Steve. "I suppose that's the sort of thing that happens when you're on the run from the law. By the way, please remind me to get you tested for personhood. You've been acting far too much like a person lately for me to keep you here as an unpaid servant."

"Actually you have been pardoned of all all wrongdoing in the wake of the latest political scandal. The Senator proved to be an immortal wizard that has killed The Thrill Seeker. Part of an ancient rivalry, it has been guessed. The resulting media attention has allowed Mayor Malloy to quietly drop all charges. Normally, Mayor Malloy said, you would be sentenced to community service, but we both agreed, you already do that. And tests for my being a person won't be necessary sir. However if it would make you feel better I would like a salary once you get a new job and I'd like to have Tuesdays and Wednesdays off."

"Done. Looks like I need to look into breaking into the lecture circuit after all." replies Action Steve. "The Thrill seeker's really dead?"

"Apparently so. A vigilante calling himself 'Pimp Racer' caught a video of The Senator casting a spell and vaporising The Thrill Seeker. The video has gone viral as they say. That would appear to be the end of him, and of The Senator's Career. The Senator, meanwhile, has disappeared."

"Wow"

"Indeed sir."

"I guess I need to make some phone calls and appearances to let everyone know I'm back. Then I think we ought to track The Senator down." says Action Steve.

"Good idea sir."

The Astonishing Adventures of Action Steve! This episode: "Questions and Answers!"

2010-01-06T08:45:00.001-08:00

Action Steve remembered when he first encountered The Intention, as Chronotron The Chronobot calls it. He had been walking around Hulaville in what he would come to call his Action Steve costume, but just then it was simply a costume. Steve had made a blue mask and cape and bought some gloves to match and went walking around in super hero garb just for fun. As he was walking along trying to see if he could play the ukulele with his gloves on Steve spotted some men in a side street. One of them was pointing a gun at the other and threatening him. The sensible thing would have been to call the police, to run away. And indeed in an infinite number of universes, this is exactly what Steve did. Most of those Steves never became a super hero. This Steve, the one that at that moment became Action Steve, threw his Ukulele at the man holding the gun. Action Steve knew, before the instrument hit the man's head, that it would knock him out. The instrument should not have been able to do that, but the man with the gun dropped to the ground. His friends made to grab it but Action Steve kicked the gun away and punched another man right in the face, knocking him out as well!

Up to this point, Action Steve had never been in a fight in his life, but it felt completely right, he was in control, in the zone, as clichéd as it sounded, there was no other phrase for it. The intended victim had run away but the remaining thug was angry. He apparently didn't care if his intended victims were probably already calling the police. He was also much bigger and stronger than Steve. The man caught Steve in a headlock and it was then that Steve began to realize it might have been foolish to rush at a group of thugs. He didn't know how to fight. He was dressed like a comic book super hero and was now about to die or at least get a serious thrashing. Fear overtook him...

Then there was an explosion. The nearby brick wall had erupted in dust. Action Steve used it as a distraction to get loose from the thug's grip and get some distance. As the dust cleared Steve could see clearly in letters carved into the wall a foot and a half high: "Action Steve, you can do this and more. Together we will tip the balance."

The thug went from angry and menacing to nervous. "It's a trick!" he yelled.

But Action Steve knew it was no trick. He knew that someone or something wanted to help him capture this man and bring him to justice. Action Steve Picked up his cracked and nearly broken Ukulele and before the man could react, Action Steve smashed the instrument over the man's head, knocking him unconscious.

"It was a similar story with me," replied The Mighty Pine Cone. "Of course I already knew how to fight and was a bit younger than you, but the mysterious intention made itself known to me as I was fighting some local brigands. As it did you. It could help me in battle, turn fortune to my side, and help me in other ways if only I was willing to protect the weak, defend freedom, and fight only for justice. It asked for help to "tip the balance" as it likes to say. Not too long after that, Chronotron The Chronobot here came to help me as he does many heroes throughout The Multiverse. I've also recruited those of a like mind and formed The Order Of The Pine Cone."

"I've got The Action Alliance," replied Action Steve.

"I do not suppose it is important that you accept the true nature of the multiverse Action Steve," said Chronotron The Chronobot, a huge boxy robot and master of time and space, "We both work alongside The Intention as I've come to refer to it because we both believe in helping people, and we believe that The Multiverse ought to be safer, fairer, and more just."

"Chronotron, if you and These heroes will assent to it, I'd like to train Action Steve and Action Raptor a little in the ways of magic and of combat before they go." said The Mighty Pine Cone. "Does their world even have any magic?"

"It does," responded Chronotron, "but it is hard to get to, unpredictable, and much of it lies dormant."

"I'd love to hang around and learn more. What about you A.R.?"

"Thrrrrrraaaaak!" Action Raptor, Action Steve's feathered dinosaur pal, nodded happily.

"We should also ask The Super Action Vehicle," said Action Steve. "Oh yeah I would like to talk to you about him Mighty Pine Cone, but don't we need to get back?" Action Steve turned to Chronotron, "Or do you propose to transport us to the correct time as well as place no matter how much time we've spent here Chronotron?"

"I will take you to one of the Hulaville's most similar to the one you remember, where little time seems to have passed and one that also will most need your help in the near term," Chronotron replied.

"Ok, I guess we're going to be your guests for a while Mighty Pine Cone, We'd love to learn anything you can teach us," said Action Steve.

The Astonishing Adventures of Action Steve! This episode: "The Good, the Bad, and The Mighty Pine Cone!"

2010-01-04T10:51:00.001-08:00

Lord Rudolf was only wearing trousers, no shoes, no shirt, but that's not the main reason he'd be asked to leave at many a local eating establishment. He was also easily 12 feet tall, had massive sharp claws, huge fangs, and was covered in green scales. He was also a killer of men, dragons, faries, gnomes, tiny robots named schmoo and anything else that had got in his way. Action Steve learned later that he used to be a wizard, but had been frail and unhealthy. He seemed pretty healthy now after having performed magical experiments on himself. He also had a severe mean streak. Lord Rudolf was currently backed up in a corner and surrounded by several Dragons, Sir Sarah The Knight and Former Warlord, The Wizard Neville The Great, Action Steve, and Action Raptor, and The Super Action Vehicle who had only recently come to life (Action Steve was going to have to ask somebody about that) and become the newest member of The Action Alliance.

"Please come with us peacefully. I can promise you'll finally get a fair trial Rudolf. Parius, King of the Dragons, will see to that," says Action Steve as he points his Action-lele directly at Lord Rudolf.

"I am grateful for the consideration," Lord Rudolf replied, "But you and I both know that even if I had a fair trial I'd be found guilty. Because, I am guilty!"

"We've got you surrounded. You can't escape," said Sir Sarah.

"Ah, but you see my lady, not one of you will make the first strike. I daresay you could all take me down and imprison me once again. But as before, you would not do so without," he grinned, "casualties." Just as Lord Rudolf was about to strike, The Mighty Pine Cone jumps down from the cliff, holding his lute like a club, this bearded man in animal fur strikes Lord Rudolf on the head. Sparks fly when the body of the lute hits the reptilian's head and Lord Rudolf falls unconscious to the ground.

Just behind the prone body of Lord Rudolf something the size and shape of two upright cars appears out of a waviness in the air! Chronotron The Chronobot has finally arrived!

"Well you took your sweet time!" complains Action Steve. Action Raptor was about to erupt with a dinosaur equivalent of "yeah!" but saw that everybody else besides The Mighty Pine Cone, Action Steve and himself, including Sir Sarah and Neville The Great, were bowing before Chronotron as if he were an object of worship.

"Huh?" asks Action Steve.

"Actually this is kind of embarrassing," answered Chronotron.

"Most people around here think of him as a god," explained The Mighty Pine Cone. "Perhaps it's best we speak of this in private." The Mighty Pine Cone turns his attention to the bowing Dragons and Humans, "I'm sure these fine humans and dragons can work together to keep a killer safely away from innocent people."

"Agreed," says Chrotron, and with that, Action Steve, Action Raptor, The Mighty Pine Cone, The Super Action Vehicle, and Chronotron The Chronobot shimmer away, leaving the dragons, humans, and the unconscious body of Lord Rudolf to deal with things on their own for now.

The group reappears in a warm room with a nice roaring fire, There is a dining table in the middle of the room, and shelves upon shelves of books on the walls. The fire bothers Action Steve's asthma a bit, but he doesn't comment. Instead he asks The Mighty Pine Cone, "Are we some kind of versions of each other?"

The Mighty Pine Cone is about to respond but Chronotron Interjects. "The question is irrelevant. You still speak as if you believe that continuity is real. That the past is real. You should know by now that the past is but a memory which happens to coincide with events in other universes which are other moments that you, The Action Steve of this moment, has never been to. You just believe you have."

"I'm sorry Chronotron but yes, I still do believe the past is real. I think there is a connection between one moment and the next, more than mere coincidence. If there is no past or future, just a series of moments that think they're connected, why do you try to do good? Why did you rescue us from The Mighty Pineapple? Why have you been helping The Mighty Pine Cone here?"

There was silence. But Action Steve could see that The Mighty Pine Cone and Action Raptor didn't really believe that there was no past or future. Their memories of the past were largely consistent with the memories of others and they experienced the future constantly becoming the present all the time.

"Because I, like The Intention, believe that doing good in one universe has an effect on the overall balance of justice, fairness, and peace in other universes. We are all trying to tip the balance."

Just what is The Intention? Find out in the next episode of The Astonishing Adventures of Acton Steve!

The Astonishing Adventures of Action Steve comic!

2010-01-02T12:28:00.001-08:00

The Astonishing Adventures of Action Steve comic! Have a look!

The Astonishing Adventures of Action Steve! This episode: "Astonishment!"

2009-12-31T01:11:00.000-08:00

To the Astonishment of both dragon and human alike, Action Steve has defeated a dragon in single combat! The large dragon was trying to get up but was too groggy from a face full of gas to do so. Action Steve had given it a dose that would have knocked out a human for a day. Besides The Dragon's legs had been tied up. The fight was over.

Action Steve walks over to the Super Action Vehicle with no objection from the crowd. He speaks to The Super Action vehicle, "Super Action Vehicle, did you help me just now?" The Super Action Vehicle shook in a way that could only be interpreted as a nod. "And you helped us before. You helped us try to get away?" The Super Action Vehicle nodded again. "I suspect that you have magically become a person, or been possessed by a creature wishing to help me. In either case, would you like to join the Action Alliance and fight along side us in the name of justice?" The Super Action vehicled transformed into it's walking mode and used one of it's arms to salute right above his windshield. The Dragons begin clapping and roaring as before.

The humans, Action Steve observed, were not as enthusiastic. "He just used a trick!" yelled one of Sir Sarah's soldiers, "It was his magical weapon! Just some magic powder! He didn't defeat the creature on his own at all!" There was a general murmuring of agreement among the humans and a few shouts of "That's right!". Action Steve played a few notes on his Action Ukulele. It needed tuning. Then took a quick step forward toward the speaker and looked him straight in the eye.

"You think you could do what I just did? Really? Take my uklele, any of you, and fight one of those dragons, I dare ya. I'll even give you a quick tutorial on how the damn thing works. No takers?"

None of the human's moved to speak. Action Steve looked to Sir Sarah and Neville The Great. He could see they were wondering where their soldiers were. There was supposed to be an ambush happening. Action Steve was wondering this himself. That was the whole reason for the fight just now. Action Steve was meant to be a distraction, not the main event. A small microphone pops out of Action Steve's mask. "Hold onto that thought." Action Steve speaks into the microphone, "Yeah?" Sir Sarah commands her army to stay still at a gesture. By all indications, the dragons are having a wonderful time. Many are coming to congratulate Action Steve.

"THAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRC!"

"Hey Thanks, I appreciate that."

"Thooooooouac?" asks one of the smaller, just a little larger than man sized dragons.

"Oh he or she'll be fine" replies Action Steve, referring to his dragon opponent, who was even now being helped by friends to sit up. They were all talking animatedly to each other about how good the battle had been.

"Tuaarc!" replied the dragon to Action Steve.

"That's your wife? She's a damn good fighter."

"Theeeeeek Theeeeeek!"

"Just a sec, Hey Action Raptor! Glad to hear you've escaped. And I hear that the dragon royalty Parius and Edena are now out of Human custody. Parius and Edena? Really? Wait til we tell Action Pre and Edna. It's a small multiverse after all. Oh and you say I'm not to worry about the human's planned ambush as it was thwarted by The Order of The Pine Cone and the dragons knew about in anyway." The Dragons that were now surrounding Action Steve were nodding smugly. Action Steve looks meaningfully at Sir Sarah and Neville and smiles. "No I was just repeating what you said to Sarah and Nev for dramatic effect." The Great Sorcerer Neville looks incredulous. He mouths the word "Nev?" to Sir Sarah but she waives him silent and moves to leave. It seemed to occur to most of the humans that now that Action Steve had befriended the dragons, who had thwarted their ambush before it got started with the help of that wizard and dragon sympathizer The Mighty Pine Cone, and now that Action Steve apparently had a giant metal golem seemingly under his command, that they ought to reevaluate their strategic position. The humans begin to leave under the friendliest terms possible.

"What's that? Lord Rudolf escaped too? Is everyone ok? Yeah, even so we should track him down. I might be able to call on these dragons for help." He looks at a few of the dragons who nod affirmingly. The dragons aren't at all confused by his phone call, they must have some equivalent here. Some of them begin instructing others to search for Lord Rudolf, who was a dangerous killer. "Hey guess what? Not only did I defeat a very skilled Dragon warrior in single combat, but it looks like the The Super Action Vehicle is possessed-- hangon on" The SAV shakes his "head" no. "No, wait, has become alive. We better talk with some Dragon's who know magic. Not sure I trust any humans here to give us a straight answer. gimme a second.." Action Steve motions to Sir Sarah and Neville The Great. "Sir Sarah. Neville will you help us capture Lord Rudolf?" Action Steve asks his two enemies in such a sincere manner that the two don't quite know how to react.

Escape!

2009-12-28T15:14:00.001-08:00

As Action Steve had been flying off in The Super Action Vehicle along with The Warlord Sir Sarah and Neville The Great, and before Action Steve knew he was in for a fight with a dragon, Action Raptor was going about the business of escaping. The day before Action Steve and Action Raptor had done their best to plan his escape under the circumstances, those circumstances being, among other things, stuck in a technologically primitive but magically rich alternate dimension and being imprisoned and watched very carefully by The Knight and Warlord Sir Sarah and her Wizard and Advisor, Neville The Great. They were both clever but Action Steve and Action Raptor had been clever too, and Action Raptor had managed to hide a few hot packets in his scarf.

Hot packets were very much like the sort of chemical warmers you got in any store, a few chemicals are kept separate by a seal until that seal is broken. Break the seal and you've got a nice warm pad to warm your feet or an injured bit of your body. Hot packets were different in two ways. One was that after the seal had been broken there was a very precise time delay when the packets got hot, and two was that they didn't so much warm up but become hot enough to melt through most metals. While his two dragon friends, Parius and Edena, looked on, Action Raptor had carefully placed and activated a few of these on the makeshift chain barrier that had been put across his cage (Action Raptor could easily get through the iron bars of this cage as it was obviously designed for dragons) would open up enough for Action Raptor to wriggle out.

It worked perfectly. The packets became white hot and made a fizzing noise not unlike an arc weilder and the chains dropped open. Action Raptor waited for the chains to cool down a bit and then wriggled out of his prison.

" THAAAAAAWK," rumbled Parius in praise of his new small lizard bird friend. The creature was very resourceful and clever. Action Raptor also made quick work of the lock on his new friend's door and the guard's came back just in time to see two dragons, both the size of houses, and that runt feathered dragon out of their cages!

The Guards ran away. The passage they went through was too small for the dragons to go through, but there was a large trap door that leads to the main castle courtyard right above them. Now that they were free. The two giants were easily able to break the locks on it and open them up.

There were not that many guards left, but those that were there were out in force. No doubt some have already been sent running to ask Sir Sarah for help. But The remaining humans were trying were trying to be brave. In the middle of the courtyard there was another smaller castle. Around it people were hauling barrels, and hay, and sundry other supplies for daily life. Or they had been. They were now making a break for it. But out of the giant door came a dozen men in armor. One of them, clearly scared but determined not to admit it, pointed his sword at the three creatures, "Dragon scum!" The two dragons got angrier at this and grinned malevolently. Action Raptors face was resolute. "Men! Att-"

"You'd better stand down son." The voice was quiet, but it carried over a long distance. And that's when the soldiers noticed everyone had gone. There was only them, the Dragons and ...

The owner of the voice stood up. He was wearing animal fur, and a large beard and long hair. He wore a pine cone necklace.

"How dare you side with these monsters! Who are you old man?"

The old man took out a lute and strummed a few notes, then he held it the wrong way round just as Action Steve holds his Ukulele. The lute began to sparkle. "I am The Mighty Pine Cone." The Mighty Pine Cone looked toward Action Raptor, "Before you and your friend leave I think you should come and see me. You both need some help defending yourselves against magic." He turned to Parius. "My friend may I suggest that you and your new friend go see to the masked man. I fear he may be in some trouble. I think that Edena and I can keep these men busy."

"Thaaaaaaaurc!" Action Raptor asked them to wait. He could more quickly help Action Steve by letting him know he was safe. A small microphone popped out of Action Raptor's flight cap. "Raaaaaaaatch!" The humans looked incredulous, but The Pine Cone and The Dragon's could understand enough to know that Action Raptor was contacting his friend somehow.

Action Steve and Action Raptor Biography!

2009-12-25T17:40:00.000-08:00

Action Steve and Action Raptor are two of Hulaville's greatest heroes. Once a mere call center agent, Steve decided to start wearing a mask, cape, and gloves and began calling himself Action Steve! Strangely this resulted in numerous super villains challenging him. Stranger still Action Steve found that he was an effective super hero! After eating inter-dimensional ice cream provided by his benefactor, Chronotron the Chronbot, Master of Time and Space, and traveller into alternate universes, Action Steve gained the power of not hurting his knees, getting prematurely winded or freaking out while engaging in normal super hero activities. While on an adventure through time with his benefactor Chronotron the Chronobot, Action Steve met a Raptor with a thirst for Justice* who took the name Action Raptor and became Action Steve's best friend and partner in crime fighting!

*Rather than blood.

Dragon Bait!

2009-12-21T19:20:00.001-08:00

We rejoin Action Steve in an alternate world of swords, sorcery, and dragons! in The Land Of Eranor where Action Steve is in a one on one death match with a huge armored dragon!

I am sooooo clever! Action Steve angrily thought to himself as he dodged yet another blow from a large red dragon wearing spiked leather armor. His tail, or her tail Action Steve reminded himself, had a morning star strapped at the end, a large, spiked, metal ball that The Dragon surely used to simultaneously pummel and impale enemies. At the moment it was hitting dirt and nearby rocks that Action Steve, only moments before, had been occupying. The "fight" has been going on in this fashion for several minutes. Swing. Miss. Breathe fire. Mostly miss but set some piece of action Steve's costume on fire. Repeat.

They were fighting in an open space that had clearly seen this kind of combat before. The two combatants were surrounded on either side by a dragons, some smaller, some much larger than Action Steve's opponent, and humans, which looked pretty drab and boring compared with the colorful dragons who were snorting, and roaring in a fashion that obviously indicated they were having a good time. The humans, on the other hand, were all wearing the same chainmail armor, helmets and swords. All with the same look sported by dull policeman, security guards, and crossing guards everywhere. The Dragon shot another jet of fire in Action Steve's direction, which he, again, narrowly missed. This was not the plan he had signed up for. Though he hadn't liked that one much either.

"We have agreed to meet with these, creatures," Sir Sarah, the local warlord who had captured Action Steve, had spat the word, "On neutral ground."

"We are going to ambush them there," sneered Neville. "You will use your understanding of the dragon's ... guttural utterances ... to gain their trust and speak with their leaders on our behalf. This will prove a sufficient demonstration --"

"--and distraction," interjects Sir Sarah.

"Quite," agreed Neville The Great, "to allow our men to spring our little trap, and end this war." Neville brightens up malevolently, "Good plan eh?"

Action Steve was about to tell the both of them what he thought they could do with their plan--

"Before you object," interjected Neville, "This would be a much less bloody conflict than the generations long struggle has been. Think of the peace future generations will enjoy, and think of your friend, this small dragon you call Action Raptor."

What could he have done? They had captured both him and Action Raptor and were using his feathered friend as a hostage. Against his better judgment, Action Steve assented to their plan.

It's not enough that The Dragon's huge, bulging with muscles, and heavily armored, the damn creature can breathe fire! Action Steve has avoided being fried to a crisp so far but his cape and much of his costume had not. He's had to check himself a few times and make sure he wasn't on fire, but that's become a lost cause; most of him is now smoldering. At least his hat, a straw fedora, was mostly in one piece. Here comes another swing of The Dragon's tail, Action Steve makes to roll under it but is hit! Not, thankfully, by the spiky bit, but he has been knocked into the dragon side of the crowd. The Dragons roaring and cheering and hollering even louder now. They're obviously impressed by the fact that he, a human, is still alive after this many minutes with a dragon. Two smaller, just a little bigger than man sized, dragons help him up and nod at him encouragingly. "Thanks, I appreciate that," Action Steve is always gracious to his fans. No matter what species they are, or what dimension they're from.

Just as Action Steve gets back into the ring he hears the TWANG of a stringed instrument.

Everyone suddenly becomes silent and looks to the source of the noise, which turns out to be The Super Action Vehicle! Action Steve's Action Ukulele has just been ejected from The Super Action Vehicle's roof! The heads and necks of humans and Dragons follow it's curve in space as Action Steve leaps and catches it!

Inwardly Action Steve is wondering how the hell The Action-lele had got there, last he knew, Sir Sarah had taken it and secreted it somewhere along with most of his other gadgets. Outwardly however, Action Steve is all smiles. Before anyone can react, Action Steve plays a D minor chord and the ukulele's neck extends at least a meter and a half and hits the ground, propelling Action Steve into the Air like a pogo pole vault! Action Steve vaults straight toward the dragon, while in the air the Action-lele retracts and extends two large mallet ends on either side of the Action Ukulele's body. The Dragon swings his or her tail toward our hero, but he deflects it away with a hit of his Action-lele as the arc of his leap takes him right over the dragon's head! At that exact moment, Action Steve lets the dragon have a face full of knock out gas, lands behind the creature and, from his Action-lele, launches two grappling hooks connected by a cable right at the dragon's legs! The Dragon, sluggish from the gas, attempts to take a step, and falls to the ground.

Stand by for more Action Steve!

2009-12-13T22:48:00.000-08:00

Stay tuned for more Action Steve episodes starting December 21st! The Author of Action Steve in your universe is taking his final this week!

Arena Battle!

2009-12-09T22:32:00.000-08:00

It's late morning and Action Steve is flying his Super Action Vehicle beyond the borders of Eranor and into Dragon Country, The Knight and Warlord, Sir Sarah, and The Sinister Sorcerer, Neville The Great, ride with him. Neville watches the landscape fly beneath them, transfixed despite himself. Sir Sarah sits behind Action Steve and as they approach the border she takes out a knife from her belt and points it at him. "You play your part well Action Steve, or you'll find there is such a thing as more 'action' than you can bear." Action Steve suppresses any sarcastic gestures he might usually make at this point because there is a woman holding a knife at his neck. The Super Action Vehicle lands before a clearing surrounded on one side by Dragons and another by humans.

The Dragons were all very large, much larger than a man, and most larger than The Super Action Vehicle, and their shapes were incredibly varied. They seemed to encompass all the legends and permutations of dragons in Action Steve's experience of popular culture. There were long fish scaled green ones with mustaches and legs like birds. Others looked like giant lizards with scaled bat-like wings. Still more looked like giant snakes with wing spans much larger than their bodies. These last dragons flew over the clearing, swooping down occasionally, blowing fire and smoke as they came down and rose again.

The humans weren't nearly as fantastical as the Dragons, save for a few wizards wearing long flowing robes inscribed with strange symbols, some of which seemed to Action Steve to resemble Japanese Kanji while others looked more like geometric figures. There were, of course, many men in similar suits of chain mail armor, and somewhat pointed helmuts. And there were a few men and perhaps women, it was hard to tell, in full, shining, plate armor.

The Super Action Vehicle opens to cheering from the human side. Sir Sarah and Neville The Great climb out, waving to the crowd, Action Steve climbs out and suppresses an impulse to smile and wave too. It's hard to be sarcastic when your captors are holding your friend hostage. Sir Sarah leans toward Action Steve and speaks softly, "Remember that I have your friend. Remember that, just as before, there are too many here for you to defeat," she put her hand to her sword in such a way that all could see her threatening Action Steve even if they couldn't hear the actual threat, "should you think about not, playing, nice."

Action Steve tries to keep his face blank. He finds, much to his personal pride, that he isn't as scared as he might have thought so before he became a super hero. And if it turns out that he ends up dying in some political struggle between Knights, Sorcerers, and Dragons in some alternate dimension, well, he couldn't think of a more awesome way to go. Unless it was also on a rocket, in space.

Sir Sarah motions for quiet "Dragons and Humans hear me! We have made great progress in bringing peace between our two Nations! As a token of good will, and to pay for Dragon Blood spilled by humans, I offer Action Steve, one of our finest champions, to fight one of your chosen dragon warriors, may his death appease your anger with us, and his bravery demonstrate our worthiness as an ally!"

"Wait, what?" asks Action Steve as he is handed a sword and shoved into the center of the clearing to the sound of humans cheering and Dragons roaring.

Sir Sarah and Neville look on at Action Steve, confused, angry, and more than a little scared to do battle with a creature many times his size. "Do you think he'll last long enough?" a grinning Neville asks Sir Sarah.

"Oh definitely, and now that we have his chariot in working order, and have ascertained that his pet is more than capable of repairing it without him, we now no longer have any need of Action Steve," answers Sir Sarah. The man was too trusting, she thought to herself. She saw it right away when she put him in the same cell as that killer beast Lord Rudolf. He instinctively assums that everyone around him is friendly and will be as courteous as he was if only he is polite, forthright, and fair. She knew the type, people like him were exceedingly easy to manipulate.

"Look, the fool's thrown down his sword!" yelled one of her warriors. She looked, indeed he had, this was not unexpected. Thankfully, he was good at dodging his opponent dragon's whipping tail and fiery breath. She was confident he would provide a long enough distraction for her warriors to get into place and spring the ambush. The dragons here were thought by their race as something like kings and nobles, as if such creatures could ever be orderly enough to have a proper king or understand the nature of nobility. No matter, once they had been killed, it would be relatively easy to defeat and exterminate of their filthy scaled brethren.

Improbable Providence

2009-12-07T23:25:00.001-08:00

We return to the land of Eranor! Where Action Steve has been conscripted in a war between dragons and humans. Specifically the humans Sir Sarah and Neville The Great have taken Action Raptor hostage and will only release both our action heroes if Action Steve will help them fight against the "great evil beasts" as Sir Sarah describes the Dragons. We go now to Action Raptor's cell and the strange company he finds there!

...

Action Raptor, a feathered dinosaur, half as tall as Action Steve, was currently in a very large cage. It was much too large for a human or modern animal. But the claw marks on the walls made Action Raptor think of older times. The times before he met Action Steve. A time containing large beasts, large claws, and large toothy jaws. Through the makeshift chain lattice put over cage bars he otherwise could have easily slid through, Action Raptor sees a distinct and large silhouette in the opposite cell.

"RHHHRRRHGGHGGGGGggggg" says the shape, in a gutteral growl that Action Raptor both hears and feels. But our hero recognizes this dialect! How strange! Ah, but didn't their benefactor, Chronobot, Master of time and space, tell them that this particular version of Eranor was populated by people who spoke English? Chronobot was constantly reminding The Action Duo that there are an infinite number of universes, that each moment is it's own universe, and that a being's feeling of continuity between moments was just because they were in a universe in which they happened to remember a past that matched the events in other moments/universes.

"There are no probabilities, only possiblities," Chronobot would always say, meaning that there were an infinite number of possible countries named Eranor. In one alternate universe it could be inhabited by humans who spoke english and in another it was populated by small yap dogs that spoke cockroach. Chronotron must have chosen one of the more convienient possible universes where the humans spoke English and dragons spoke dinosaur. Or maybe Action Steve spoke Eranorish and Action Raptor spoke Dragon? Whichever, it meant that Action Raptor would be able to communicate and possibly befriend the dragon's here, and who knew? Maybe they were friendlier than the local humans. They'd almost have to be.

"Thaaaaaurc?" Action Raptor introduced himself and asked the Dragon his name.

"THHHHHHOOOOUUUUGGHK!" The dragon expresses surprise that the chicken lizard can speak dragon and replies that his name is Parius.

"THEEEAAAATCH!" Another Dragon responds that she is Edena.

Astonishing! Thought Acton Raptor, he knew that Action Pre's full name was Parius, and that the new server's name at The Cold War Cafe was Edna. Could these be alternate dragon version of the humans he knew? Action Raptor quickly explained his situation as best he could to the creatures. He spoke of all the possible worlds. Yes, they did have an understanding of the many universes, though Action Raptor noted, in a rather primitive way. It was only to be expected. The technology here was so primitive. Parius told Action Raptor of the war between dragons and humans. It was not blameless on either side, but there was a growing group of dragons who were tired of the fighting and even a small number of human sympathizers. The dissenting dragons were tolerated by other dragons, but the humans who felt Dragons ought to be treated equally were often jailed, or worse. Together the two dragons and Action Raptor begin to hatch an escape plan.

A little later, Action Raptor sees his pal, Action Steve, being led toward him in chains by two men in chain armor. Action Steve greets his friend and comrade in crime fighting, "Hey pal, are you alright?"

"Raaaaauuuuwwthich!" Action Raptor responds that he's not been hurt and that they very likely have some human and dragon allies they can rely on, if only they could escape.

"Glad to hear it buddy," Action Steve is well aware that the guards are listening but also pretty sure none of them have bothered to learn raptor. Action Steve has noticed that the humans around here think of Dragons as little more than beasts, and view their "war" more as an effort in exterminating some particularly difficult animal plague, rather like gigantic locusts, than as a conflict between nations. "I need your help fixing up the Super Action Vehicle. Then I'll need to go away for a little bit on an errand for Sir Sarah."

"Thaaaaaaaaaachhh!" Replies Action Raptor. Translated this means "And I'm to remain here as a hostage no doubt. My new friends and I will escape under cover of night. I'll send word once we're free."

Action Steve replies, ever mindful of his captor's ears as they clasp Action Raptor in chains and lead the two heroes down the hall toward their vehicle, "Ok, sounds good, I think that's what's wrong too." Action Steve pauses a moment and then adds, "Let's get to work."

The Prison Break In

2009-12-04T22:50:00.001-08:00

It's now night at Hulaville prison, where The Thrill Seeker is once again meditating in his cell block. His guards were carefully chosen by The Mighty Pineapple herself to make sure he doesn't try to escape again. Down the hallway, The Senator, in his trademark blue suit and red tie, walks toward two Pineapple Patrollers standing vigil at the doors to the special high security cell. The Senator is alone, and this is an unusual sight. He is normally protected at all times by body guards, and surrounded by lawyers and advisers. He approaches the two guards.

One of the guards talks before The Senator has a chance to speak. "Sorry sir, absolutely no one allowed in, orders from the mayor sir."

"I understand." The Senator says nothing else. He simply stands there in silence as the guards begin to feel awkward under his stare.

...

Suddenly all the lights go out! Before the men can react, they begin to feel powerfully sleepy and fall unconscious where they stand!

In his cell, The Thrill Seeker opens his eyes, not that this makes a difference in the darkness.

******

Earlier that night Pimp Racer approaches a dog proudly standing on a building, looking for bad people, or squirrels, to chase. "Hello, Super Shaun," he says. The dog quickly turns around faces the man with the funny hat. He knows this is a good man, but he looks a little like a bad man, and thus, Super Shaun is wary. "Alright dog, I need your help to get into Hulaville prison. I know The Thrill Seeker's going to try and escape again and I want to make sure he doesn't succeed."

Super Shaun still looks at Pimp Racer doubtfully. Pimp Racer sighs, rolls his eyes, and takes a plastic bag out of his jacket, "and I also have these sausages for you if you help me."

******

Later, but still earlier than The Senator's visit to The Thrill Seeker's cell, Pimp Racer is hanging underneath Super Shaun in a harness, trying to look as cool as he can under the circumstances, as they both fly low over Hulaville prison. The two land nearby the high security wing where The Thrill Seeker is held. "Ok dog, lets do this." Super Shaun doesn't bark but pants happily. The good bad man is a lot of fun to be around, but Super Shaun hopes he gets more sausages soon. Pimp Racer takes out a mini arc wielder and opens a vent. "C'mon dog, let's make sure this guy doesn't go out for walkies." Pimp Racer and Super Shaun go in.

After a few minutes of crawling in the vents, Pimp Racer, in his trademark pimp hat, and Super Shaun the super dog in a cape, have reached the high security doors of The Thrill Seeker's cell when, who should come in but The Senator! "Check it out dog, it's The Senator." Super Shaun looked at the bad man coming down the hall. Super Shaun had a feeling about this man like no other, he had a feeling that this man was worse than any he had ever caught. Since he was a dog, he didn't think fear was shameful, and so began to whimper a little. "Shhhh!" commanded Pimp Racer, though to be fair Pimp Racer was also getting the heebee jeebees just looking at the guy. Why didn't other people see this? Maybe spooky vibes don't transmit over television.

"Sorry sir, absolutely no one allowed in, orders from the mayor sir," says one of the guards.

"I understand," The Senator replies. After a few silent moments while The Senator stares at them, the lights go out! Pimp Racer can hear the two guards fall unconscious! Pimp Racer hears a soft clunk and looks to his side.

Of course he can't see anything so he feels by his side...

and discovers that Super Shaun is asleep!

If this was knock out gas, Pimp Racer thought to himself, why didn't he fall asleep too? Of course! The talisman! Years ago, while training to be a Pimp Master, Pimp Racer was given a talisman by a voodoo priestess in thanks for helping her escape the Minnesota Mafia. That talisman protects Pimp Racer from all but the most powerful magics. This must be a speel and The Senator is some kind of sorcerer!

Pimp Racer, carrying his canine companion, quietly follows The Senator above the vents as he walks into into The Thrill Seeker's cell! He can't get through to The Thrill Seeker or The Senator but he can see and hear them. Pimp Racer pulls out an infrared camera and begins to record.

In his cell, The Thrill Seeker opens his eyes, not that this makes any difference in the darkness. "Hello Senator, I've been waiting for you." says The Thrill Seeker.

"I imagine so. And were you also imagining that I'd rescue you as before?"

"No I expect you're tired of my shenanigans and will kill me, or at least try to. Haven't we done this before? When was the last time you tried killing me? 50 years at least. Of course you didn't call yourself a senator then."

"I thought we had a deal," says The Senator, exasperated. "As soon as I helped you escape you would leave the country and lie low for a bit. Then I would teach you a few secrets. I can't bribe you with money anymore. There was a time when a nice mansion and a few courtesans could keep you out of my affairs. And now, the one time I offer to include you in something, you screw it up! Why didn't you just leave?"

Pimp Racer could now see that The Thrill Seeker and The Senator went way back, way, way, way farther back than he ever would have suspected!

"I don't really care to learn any wizardly secrets. I came here again because it sounded fun and I stayed here because I wanted to see what would happen! Anyway, you should have learned by now that you can't stop me," The Thrill Seeker stands up. "CAN'T NOBODY STOP ME!!!"

The Senator looks bored and exasperated. "Why do you say things like that?"

The Thrill Seeker, looking a little dejected, counters. "Because it passes the time! It's fun! That's your problem. You're never any fun!"

The Senator raises his hand toward The Thrill Seeker's cell with an air of finality. This gesture seems to say that the conversation is over. His hand begins to glow, illuminating the room.

Pimp Racer turns off the infrared, the camera can now clearly see The Senator pointing his glowing hand at The Thrill Seeker, who looks bored. "I'll be seeing you," he says.

"Not if there's nothing left to heal. Not if I don't leave anything, not even the smallest of remains."

The Thrill Seeker looks thoughtful, "You know I've always wondered about that."

"You don't get to find out if I succeed."

"Well now, I think a lot of people would disagr--"

Curling ribbons of light extend from The Senator's hand and envelop The Thrill Seeker, who screams in pain. In a moment it is over and the lights go back out. Pimp Racer puts the infrared back on in time to record The senator walking away from an empty cell. There aren't even any ashes. There is no smoke.

"Damn!" whispers Pimp Racer, "The Senator killed the Thrill Seeker!" Pimp Racer quickly hacks into Hulaville Prison's wifi and quickly uploads the video to a dozen video sites.

Super Shaun is not sure why he had a nap, but he instantly feels that something is wrong. The good bad man with the funny hat seems to want to leave, and Super Shaun thinks it's time to go too, this place is no good. They crawl out of the vent. The vent was fun! But some men are coming after the good bad man and Shaun. It's time to leave.

Pimp Racer quickly straps himself and Super Shaun into the harness. "O.K. pal, lets go!" The two heroes fly off into the night.

On The Run Again

2009-12-02T15:50:00.001-08:00

"This is Rich Richman with breaking news! The courageous and lovable super dog and member of The Action Alliance, Super Shaun, is racing after The Thrill Seeker! Close behind is a black car that is obviously not street legal, and our brave Hulaville police officers, and the Pineapple Patrol, are hot on their tails, so to speak."

Do you know how much fun a dog can have chasing a rabbit or chicken, or squirrel? You've seen that happy running dog right? Now, imagine that happy dog going 80 miles an hour, flying at 60 miles an hour, chasing after a motorcycle like it was a runaway chicken. This is Super Shaun, super powerful pooch of justice. Pure of heart and strong of purpose, Super Shaun knows the man he chases is a bad man and that he must be stopped so he doesn't hurt anyone else.

The Thrill Seeker is having less fun with this chase than with the last one. Then he was giving Action Steve and Action Pre more trouble, which was always fun. And he liked playing with Pimp Racer, that guy was alright and a heck of a lot of fun in a fight. But this dog was just annoying. The Thrill Seeker knew the truth of it of course. He was always one to follow his impulses where they lead. He was more free that anyone he'd ever met, even during those times when he'd been in a cage, but the dog, the dog was the same as him. It wasn't troubled by doubt and uncertainty like human beings were. It instinctively knew who was bad, because bad people were the one's who hurt people. He'd heard about the creature's ability to identify the gist of any situation, even if he didn't get the nuances, and always fight on "the side of good". Both Super Shaun and The Thrill Seeker knew he was a bad man. Super Shaun was a match for The Thrill Seeker in a way that no other human could be.

Pimp Racer is hot on the heels of the super dog and The Thrill Seeker. Damn those two could move! He was using all of his super-chargers and cornering grapple lines, not to mention his own considerable driving skill to keep up with him but... The Thrill Seeker was extremely reckless, or would be reckless if not for that amazing healing power of his, and being reckless gave him an advantage on the street. At one point Pimp Racer swore The Thrill Seeker's neck had been broken by an oncoming vehicle. All he did was swerve a little and readjust his neck while it healed! The moment Pimp Racer thought he had that madman, the madman would do something crazy and survive something no human being ought to survive.

"I guess if you practice at crazy you get good at it just like anything else," Pimp Racer said to himself, "time to see how quick a study I am." Pimp Racer hit the accelerator all the way down.

The Mighty Pineapple had been in a foul mood all week. How the devil had The Thrill seeker managed to escape? Why hadn't the guards seen anything? She was beginning to suspect her whole Pineapple Patrol was lying to her, at least those parts of the patrol who had been guarding this most important of prisoners. Until very recently The Mighty Pineapple had lived a life of crime, largely because she'd always felt like an outcast. But now she was a real contributing member of society. The Senator had given her a chance to make up for all she had done before, and she wasn't about to screw this up. She owed it to herself and to Hulaville.

A few minutes ago she got the call that The Thrill Seeker had shown his ugly head, and now she was in hot pursuit. She had been pleased to learn that she was good at this, very good. She'd catch that menace again. And she'd catch Action Steve too, that smug bearded bast---

"Holy moley!" exclaimed a Pineapple Patroller. The Thrill Seeker had just driven up the arch on the side of the bridge, but that wasn't what had inspired the comment. That black car had run off the road at top speed, shot a crapload of grappling hooks onto the bridge and was swinging, in his car, as Action Steve might swing on his grapple-lele!

Maybe this wasn't the best idea after all. Pimp Racer was thinking to himself as he and a few tons of metal were swinging at high speed in midair, but it seemed to be working. Pimp Racer had quickly calculated the grappling hook shots to allow the car to complete a full loop and twist in such a way that he'd land on the arch of the bridge and slide down the arch to the street.

SLAM! It worked! Pimp Racer is crazy pimpin'!

"Sorry baby" he said to the car, "I'll fix you up really good after this is all over." Pimp Racer's car was pimped out enough that it's undercarriage could take a lot of damage, but this was pushing things way over the edge. The car had landed at an angle, but it was balanced on the arch. As Pimp Racer's car started to slide down The Thrill Seeker rode toward him.

Impressive, thought The Thrill Seeker.

The Thrill Seeker was about to jump off into Hulaville bay beneath them but Pimp Racer shoots a net onto the villian, and pulls him right onto the hood of the car! Amazingly Pimp Racer lands right side up. The Thrill Seeker curiously calm, strapped to the front of Pimp Racer's car. The Pineapple Patrol Rolls up to the car just as it dumps the vile villain onto the ground, and zooms off. The Mighty Pineapple gets out of her car with a few of her Pineapple Patrol.

"Do we go after the car?" asks one of them.

She considers it for a moment, "No, we've got our hands full with this one for now. I'm going to personally get him in the new cages as soon as possible. He is not going to escape again."

Edna, roller derby athlete, mechanic, roboticist, grad student, and server at The Cold War Cafe is watching the race from her apartment above The Cold War Cafe's garage and research lab. She turns the channel from the coverage of the chase downtown to coverage of Action Pre's speech after he lost the election. There is a guy who knows how to capitalize on his celebrity.

Taped from a speech earlier today, Action Pre speaks before a group of journalists and supporters.

"As you know, Mayor Malloy remains the mayor and I would like to encourage all of you to support him as we all face the challenges and the promise of this great city. I also wanted to use this opportunity to announce that I have published a book, 'It's Me, Action Pre' along with my CD of the same title."

The television program cuts to a man with oversize red cats eye sunglasses and purple dreadlocks. "This is Ronny Richman on The Hulaville Music Channel. Right after losing the election Action Pre releases a book and cd? Along with his career as one of Hulaville's greatest super heroes and running a campaign to be mayor, Action Pre finds the time to record music and write a book? Perhaps that time was better spent on the campaign trail eh Action Pre? Although it's hard for anyone to argue with the results as Action Pre's new single 'Party Paramecium' is currently at the top of the Charts--"

Edna turned off the T.V., grabbed her skates and gear and headed off to the roller rink. "This town is so ridiculous," she says to herself.

Arrested in Another Dimension!

2009-11-30T15:27:00.001-08:00

Action Steve is sitting in a cell, his Action-lele, all his gadgetry from his utility pockets, all taken from him. He's worrying about Action Raptor, hoping his friend is ok. Should they have fought it out? Maybe if... No way. There were too many of them, but what if something happens to Action Raptor...

"Maybe I made a mistake," He says aloud.

"What mistake was that?" asks a nearby voice. Action Steve is startled to find that he is not alone in his prison cell!

"Oh geeze you scared he hell out of me!" says Action Steve

"My apologies," the voice comes from a large figure. A very large figure in fact, twice the size of a man, he sits on the floor, cross legged. Now that Action Steve is paying attention he can see his cell mate is reptilian but man shaped. He has scales, a tail, and claws. If you were in a dungeon, on another planet, in another dimension, trapped with a creature like this, what would you do?

"No worries. Sorry I didn't see you there at first. I'm Action Steve, what's your name?" Action Steve holds out his hand to the astonished lizard man. But the lizard man gently takes it and they shake hands.

"My name is Lord Rudolph. Please call me Rudy." Action Steve didn't know Rudy was tense until he saw him relax. Action Steve gathered this was not a friendly place for anyone who was too different from the norm. "What mistake were you referring to?" asked the friendly giant lizard man.

"My friend and I were surrounded by guards, we eventually decided not to fight back and let them capture us, but I'm worried they'll mistreat him because they think he's a dragon."

"Your friend looks like a dragon?"

"I suppose. He's half as tall as me. He's got feathers and wings, he looks a bit like a lizard, but has legs built like a bird's."

"Hmmmm... Your friend could be in trouble." They stop their conversation as two guards, Sir Sarah and Neville The Great walked to their cell.

"See Neville, and you thought Rudolph would tear him limb from limb like all the others. Personally, I was hoping Action Steve would beat Lord Rudolph with his fighting skills, but I wasn't betting on it. I think I was right about you. Come along," ordered Sir Sarah.

Action Steve looked over to his new "friend". "Limb from limb?" Action Steve asked.

Rudy the Lizard man shrugged, "Sometimes people make me mad. You were nice, so I was nice."

Action Steve recovers after a moment's shock. "Well, it actually was a pleasure meeting you."

"Likewise." The lizard man grinned, showing his many teeth.

As they walk away from the cell, Action Steve's wrists in chains, Action Steve thinks to himself, well I'm glad I wasn't grumpy or anything. He turned to his captors. "Where is Action Raptor?" Action Steve's tone of voice wasn't exactly threatening, but it promised that it could be if the answer wasn't a good one.

"Not to worry," Neville manages to say this in a menacing, snarky, and conciliatory way all at once. Action Steve is inwardly impressed. "Your ... pet is being well cared for, for now." Neville The Great tells Action Steve.

"I can see you are a warrior, and a wizard of no small skill," Sir Sarah says as they walk up a flight of stairs.

"Hmph! Some wizard, his flying chariot couldn't even withstand Bartleby's Purple Putrescence," snarked Neville The Great.

"A fair point. Your magic, it seems, doesn't protect you against ours, but I'm betting it can protect you against The Dragons."

"Dragons?" asks Action Steve more than a little concerned and skeptical.

"Your pet is what we would call a dragon, despite your claim that he isn't. I'll admit that he is smaller than a normal dragon, and few dragons have feathers over their whole body. But he makes the same calls as they do. Dragons are usually extremely strong, and large, with thick hides that are impenetrable to magic," Sir Sarah informs Action Steve.

"We want you to take your chariot and help us fight against the beasts. They have overextended themselves into our territory, robbed the peasants of their food, and attacked humans. We seek the means to fight them back." Neville the Great entreats.

"What about Action Raptor?" Action Steve asks, ever mindful of his friend's peril.

"Your pet will stay here while you do this for us. If all goes well your transgression against us will go unpunished and you'll both be free to go." Answers Sir Sarah.

"More than that, you'll be a hero to our people. You will have helped us regain our birthright as the rightful rulers of this land." booms Neville the Great.

"I at least need to see him. I'll need his help to repair my chariot." The wizard and knight look at one another.

"Agreed." replies Sir Sarah.

The Law and The Lawless

2009-11-28T00:21:00.000-08:00

Action Steve and Action Raptor are flying their Super Action Vehicle towards a castle in The Magical Land of Eranor. They were attacked by The Knight Sir Sarah and The Wizard Neville The Great, but our heroes, Action Steve and Action Raptor, quickly dispatched the pair with a net and some knockout gas. As our heroes land near the gates of the castle the two guards look on In Astonishment as The Super Action Vehicle lands near them. Sir Sarah and Neville The Great are hidden from view as the Action Duo exit the car and prepare to ask the guards where they should take the two villains so they might meet justice!

"Greetings! I come in peace!" says Action Steve to the two guards.

The guards are not mollified. "Halt!" exclaims one of them.

"Sure," Action Steve tries to use his friendliest customer service voice, the one he uses for really upset customers.

"Look! He openly consorts with dragons!" says the second guard, pointing to Action Raptor

"Thaaaaaaauuuuughuch?" asks Action Raptor.

"Yeah, what gives? Action Raptor is no dragon! Neither of us have ever seen a dragon!"

"You think us so easily fooled? Only a criminal wears a mask, only an evil wizard like you would have a flying house made of tin, and anyone can plainly see that creature is a dragon." Both guards move to attack the Action Duo but they easily dodge the guards swords. Action Steve plays an f chord on his Action-lele causing it to go into battle-lele mode! Action Raptor shoots pepper pellets from his Action Utility Cannon at two guards, hitting one in the face, disabling him, and the other on his chest plate. Action Steve rushes forward and knocks that guard on his head, hitting with much greater force to overcome the protection a helmet provides!

Zip! Zipzip! ZIP! The Action Duo Jumps out of the way again as arrows come at them from above. Action Steve and Action Raptor are now flush with the castle portcullis to avoid the arrows.

"Raaaaaiiich!"

"I know! Why is it that no one approaches us just to say hi anymore?" complains Action Steve. The portcullis begins to rise. "And of course here come more people, probably not just to say, 'what's up?'" Just then The Super Action Vehicle begins to move forward and turns 90 degrees so that Action Steve and Action Raptor could easily get in without getting shot from above! They look at each other, slightly confused, but neither Action Hero is to question their luck. The pair of heroes get in the car.

"What about those two?" Asks Action Steve nodding his head toward the back seat at Action Raptor. Arrows fall onto The Super Action Vehicle like extremely heavy rain.

"I demand you release us immediately!" commands Sir Sarah The Knight.

"thooork!" snaps Action Raptor in the direction of Sir Sarah, who looks at the creature in fear.

"Oh look, they're awake!" observes a sarcastic and exasperated Action Steve.

"The Consequences of your Actions are most dire!" Threatens Neville The Great.

"Seems like the consequences of inaction were pretty dire too. I mean you didn't give us much choice. 'I want that creatures hide' I think were your exact words."

The Action Raptor takes control of the Super Action Vehicle and lifts off as men with swords pour out of the castle to attack the pair. Then..

THOOAOOAOOAOUUUUAUND! A burst of purple energy hits The Super Action Vehicle causing it to barrel roll in the air. Action Steve and Action Raptor start to scream as The Super action vehicle Spins out of control!

Neville the Great begins what Action Steve can only assume is some kind of spell, "Zatra thuum grinthos Zal-OOOOOOOOOOF!" The spell is stopped by action Raptor hitting a button, which causes a nozzle to squirt a sticky foam over Neville The Great's mouth!

BANG! THHOOOOOOM! Just as Action Raptor had gotten under control The Super Action Vehicle is hit with another purple blast causing it to crash into the earth! Men with swords, and an old man in a red robe whose hands are glowing purple, begin to approach the the prone vehicle. Inside The Super Action Vehicle our heroes are having even more trouble! Sir Sarah continues to scream threats at Action Steve and Action Raptor while alarms go off indicating loss of power, and damage to the Action Duo's favorite mode of transportation.

durrrp! durrrp! durrrp! durrrp! durrrp!

"Can we shut that thing off?" asks Action Steve in of his partner in crime fighting, complaining about the alarm.

"Thlauuric!" Action Raptor replies that the controls aren't responding.

"Well I'm pretty sure The Super Action Vehicle can only take so many hits from so many swords before they break through it. And I and don't like our odds against that many men with swords, plus there's that wizard. I'm sorry pal, it looks like we were better off being arrested by The Mighty Pineapple."

"If you give yourselves up now, your lives will be spared," says Sir Sarah.

"Who the heck are you to give a guarantee like that?" asks a more than skeptical Action Steve.

Sir Sarah raises herself as best she can to her full sitting height. "Didn't I say? I'm the ruler of these lands, that castle is mine." Sir Sarah smiles.

Well, how was he to have known, Action Steve Asked himself. He turned to Action Raptor, "What do you think?"

"Thaaaaarc!"

"You also have my word that your dragon will not be harmed. I have plans for you both."

"Plans? What kind of deal is that?"

"A better deal than you really ought to get, considering the circumstances." It hadn't escaped Action Steve's notice that Sir Sarah's army had surrounded them, and that their other wizard had begun casting a spell. One that will open The Super Action Vehicle like a can of spam no doubt, Action Steve thought to himself.

"Ok. We'll give up. You got us." Sighs Action Steve.

The Apartment

2009-11-23T11:57:00.001-08:00

It's now early in the morning. Pimp Racer parks his car near a few dilapidated apartments. A young woman is walking outside, taking out the trash. Pimp Racer approaches her. "Excuse me, ma'am, may I speak with you for a moment?" She begins to walk away quickly. He walks after her and speaks in Vietnamese, Korean, and then Chinese*.

She turns to face him and answers in English. "Why do you know so many languages?"

"I'm a man of many talents. Is there someone who just moved in here? Someone who seems like a dangerous man?"

"There are a few, and I don't want trouble from any of them, I have my children to look after. You, also, seem like a dangerous man." even as she says this she doesn't seem particularly alarmed.

Pimp Racer produces a 100 dollar bill, "Never to you my dear, perhaps I can help you and your children a little."

"What do you want for this gift?" The woman smiles.

"Just let me in and show me where he lives. The most dangerous man, the one who has come here most recently, the one who you may have 'forgot' was recently on television."

She eyes the door to the apartment complex, "He is at the end of the hall, I'll leave the door open for you but come in a little while after I enter."

She takes the money but Pimp Racer holds on for a split second as he says, "If this goes well, I'll come back with more."

She smiles as he lets go of the money, "It's been a pleasure doing business with you."

Pimp Racer waits a few minutes after she goes in and then walks inside himself. The hall is empty, he can hear muffled conversations in the various doors, music plays from stereos, he can hear a television, the little sounds of breakfast and people getting ready for work.

Just as Pimp Racer gets to the end of the hall to open the door, it slams onto his face and knocks him down! As he gets up, The Thrill Seeker, with a menacing and angry look, slams an entire coffee table into Pimp Racer's stomach, pinning him to the ground! The Thrill Seeker, grinning madly, repeatedly slams the table into Pimp Racer, who manages to absorb some of the blow with his arms. Pimp Racer kicks The Thrill Seeker's feet out from under him. The villain falls and Pimp Racer Struggles to his feet just as The Thrill Seeker gets to his. Pimp Racer hits The Thrill Seeker with A Mighty Backhanded Pimp Slap! The Thrill Seeker is knocked back into a wall! Other apartment residents look out of their doors and quickly close them again.

The fight continues back into The Thrill Seeker's Apartment. Both are landing as many hits as the other, but Pimp Racer doesn't instantly heal as The Thrill Seeker does. A bloodied Pimp Racer takes an old record player resting on a shelf and hits The Thrill Seeker repeatedly over the head with it! The Thrill Seeker punches Pimp Racer below the belt, stunning our hero, and runs over to get his blender! The Thrill Seeker removes the pitcher from the blender's base and turns it on. Nothing happens.

"Safety Latch!" The Thrill Seeker spits out the offensive words.

Pimp Racer Punches The Thrill Seeker right in the kisser and hits him a second time! The old 1, 2! Pimp Racer repeats the performance, stunning The Thrill Seeker, but he isn't stunned long. The Thrill Seeker takes the blender blade and jams it into Pimp Racer's arm! Pimp Racer screams, more in anger than in pain. The Thrill Seeker tries to hit Pimp Racer in the face with his makeshift weapon but Pimp Racer manages to avoid it. In that struggle, Pimp Racer knocks the blade out of The Thrill Seeker's hand and knocks The Thrill Seeker into a glass shelf full of china plates! CRASH! Just as Pimp Racer is about to let The Thrill Seeker have some more, The Thrill Seeker gets his hands around an iron skillet, which quickly finds itself making a glancing blow on our hero's head, knocking him down to the ground!

The Thrill Seeker looms over a prone Pimp Racer, who shakes his head and struggles to get his bearings, but The Thrill Seeker never needs time to recover....

CRASH! Just then, a flying dog in a cape crashes through the kitchen window and flies right into The Thrill Seeker, hitting him hard enough to send the both of them through the sliding glass door! The Thrill Seeker has been attacked by none other than Super Shaun, Super Powered Pooch and member of The Action Alliance! The Thrill Seeker knocks the Courageous Canine away with the skillet but it takes more than that to hurt this Action Hero! The Thrill Seeker manages to get to his motorcycle and zooms off, The Flying Dog Of Justice hot on his tail!

Pimp Racer Stands up and walks out of the opening that was a sliding glass door, but is now a mess of shards of glass. He slowly walks out to his car.

"Wait, didn't I park you by the garbage cans?" he asks his car, which doesn't answer, because it is a car. Nevermind, Pimp Racer thinks to himself as he gets into the driver's seat and drives off to follow the Dastardly villain and give Super Shaun any help he can. He makes a mental note repay the landlord for the damages and to visit that woman again. He wonders idly if she would go out to dinner with him after this Thrill Seeker business has ended.

*Pimp Racer is Pimpin' in many languages.

Action Steve Close up!

2009-11-21T13:45:00.000-08:00

Here's a Picture of Action Steve drawn and inked by Steve Smith and Colored by Sharon Hilchie! An Action Steve Comic is in the works!

Introducing Pimp Racer!

2009-11-20T14:24:00.000-08:00

It's night time in south central Hulaville and a liquor store is being robbed! 3 men are pointing shot guns at a very nervous attendant. A piece of paper with the words "If you plan to shoplift, please let us know." written on it is taped to the cash register.

"Hurry up!" shouts one of the robbers.

"Sh-sure.." The attendant does his best under trying circumstances to get the men out as soon as soon as possible.

"Gentlemen, didn't your mothers ever tell you that stealing is wrong?" All three turn to look at a man in a dark purple and red racing outfit standing in front of the isle offering chips, dip, and other snacks. The fluorescent lights reflect harshly on his mirror sunglasses. Pimp Racer sports a classic purple pimp hat, though it's brim is much smaller, as is the feather, giving the man a more classy look.

"It's Pimp Racer! Kill that son of a--" before the thug can complete his sentence, the valiant crime fighter known as Pimp Racer interrupts him by throwing a jar of kimchi into his face! His shotgun fires accidentally, blowing a hole into the floor. Before the other two can react, Pimp Racer jumps and scissor kicks the other two in their respective noggins, knocking them both down and out. The first thug, makes a run for it! Pimp Racer quickly disarms the remaining two thugs and cuffs them to a support beam. He places a few large bills on the counter for the attendant.

"For the floor," Pimp Racer explains before going after the runaway criminal.

Pimp Racer quickly but stylishly slides into his Custom Luxury Sports Car and races after the criminal's old used station wagon. The thief screeches his tires as he turns into onto another street. Pimp Racer is thankful that the road is clear at this time of night and easily corners and catches up to the much slower, older car. He needs to end this fast so no one gets hurt. But that's just fine, Pimp Racer is all about fast. He gets behind the old car. On Pimp Racer's dashboard is a large touch screen. He hits a few buttons and two guns pop out of either side of The Car's hood. "Nets," he tells his on board computer, then pulls two triggers on his steering wheel. Two harpoons shoot over the car, their lines trailing a net between them, capturing the thug! Pimp Racer hits the brakes, then shifts in reverse. He quickly presses a few buttons, and 4 grappling hooks shoot out of the back of Pimp Racer's Car latching onto two telephone poles, a grate, and the corner of a building. The tires screech as the two cars fight each other for dominance. One desperately trying to escape forward, the other forcefully holding it's place in reverse. Pimp Racer speaks to his car's voice interface again. "EMP." The net lights up in a blinding flash and the station wagon stops. It's engine is dead.

The thug is in full panic. This was supposed to be an easy job. Hardly even a job really. Just a liquor store. It's turned into a nightmare! Well he wasn't about to let some nut job with a lot of fancy toys take him down. There was still a gun in the glove compartment. He listened as Pimp Racer got out of The Car. He heard footsteps approach slowly. The thug tried to open a door, but the net had melted over it and effectively glued it shut. There was no getting out, but that meant HE couldn't get in. The thug got his pistol ready to shoot through the glass.

CRASH! THUNK THUNK!

Pimp Racer forced his way through the car door on the passenger side feet first! And has kicked the pistol out of the thugs hands! Pimp Racer now drags the criminal out of the car and cuffs him to a street light. It blinks a red hand, but the light's plea for caution has gone unheeded.

The man cuffed to the pole slides down into a sitting position, clearly beaten. "Why the hell are you going after small fry like me! You should be going after Action Steve! He's on the run from the law," he whines.

"Scum like you should know by now that Action Steve fights crime. He's no Criminal." Pimp Racer knows what time it is.

"What if I knew something eh? About the Thrill Seeker? If I told you would you let me go?"

"What would scum like you know about The Thrill Seeker?"

"Let me go."

"I would never let you go. What if you tried robbing another place? I'd be putting people and their livelihood's in danger, but maybe I can offer you something else." Pimp Racer produces a hundred dollar bill! The thug looks at the money suspiciously.

"I don't believe that beating you any more would gets results friend, but as you know, money talks. They call me Pimp Racer, because of my car, my style, and my massive bank accounts." The criminal relaxes and smiles. "You and your friends are going to jail tonight, there's no question about me letting you go. You will to be spending some time behind bars, but maybe that time is a little less if I get you a good lawyer, and maybe it's a little easier if you have a few more cigarettes to barter with. I can make it happen, if you tell me what I want to know. "

"I--"

"You get part of it now, not enough that it will cause suspicion from the police. If your information leads me to The Thrill Seeker, or to who let him out, there's more coming. What do you say?"

The Story So Far...

2009-11-19T10:16:00.001-08:00

Action Steve, unlikely super hero sporting a straw fedora, blue cape and gloves, and a shirt and pair of slacks sporting too many pockets, wields his tricked out Action Ukulele or Action-lele to fight crime alongside his partner, Action Raptor, a prehistoric feathered Raptor from the age of the dinosaurs, who wields his Action Utility Cannon, and sports a WWI pilot's cap, goggles and scarf. Together they ride in their Super Action Vehicle, a wheel-less flying hover-car that resembles a 1957 Chevy Bel Air after Industrial Light and Magic got their hands on it.

The Super Action Vehicle is maintained by Chef Patrick, owner and operator of The Cold War Cafe, a 50's themed restaurant and garage/research-lab, under which is Action Steve's Secret Lair. Chef Patrick and one of his best employees, Edna the Roller Derby Server, are responsible for most of Action Steve's Gadgets.

Even though Action Steve daily Faces Villains such as The Mighty Pineapple, who wields her Fruit Smoothie Guitar like a club and uses it to control her army of Pineapplebots, and Biggus Mikus, one of the relatively unknown Greek Gods of Toiletries, Action Steve Still works at a call center and often helps customers even while battling fierce fiends like The giant cybernetic villainous vegetables The Potatonator, Potatotron, The Tomatonator, and Tomatotron!

Action Steve has many friends. One is Chronotron The Chronobot, a giant robot with a clock on his front torso, a fitting decoration for he is the master of time and space itself! Another is Ace Malloy, Hulaville Police Detective and liaison with Hulaville's legally recognized super heroes.

Another one of Action Steve's greatest allies is Action Pre, a full time super hero and part time microbiologist, who became a super hero by genetically altering himself and upgrading his body with cybernetic implants. Action Pre chose to fight crime after his wife and Super Dudical Steve* were killed by The Thrill Seeker, a reckless and dangerously creative acrobatic evildoer with a super charged super powered healing power! During a chase that lead right into Pre's secret lab in Hula Mountain, The Thrill Seeker destroyed Pre's experiments causing a gigantic explosion!

The Thrill Seeker has seemed to die several times, most recently falling from an airplane in midflight, but has always come back. Action Pre, who has recently entered the race to become Hulaville's mayor, was attacked by The Thrill Seeker along with his audience during a speech. The Thrill seeker then caused chaos and mayhem throughout Hulaville and was chased for a day and a half nonstop as he raced from alleyway to rooftop to street while being chased by Action Steve, Action Pre, and Hulaville's Finest lead by Detective Ace Malloy.

After distracting Action Steve and Action Raptor by setting a building on fire, The Thrill Seeker was finally caught by a newly formed police unit headed by reformed super villain, The Mighty Pineapple, now wearing a police uniform version of her punk pineapple costume. The Thrill seeker Managed to escape with the aid of a secret helper, and Action Steve was blamed.

Action Steve was relieved to know that The Thrill Seeker was finally behind bars and went back to his job only to be accosted by 'The Original Mr. E-vil' Manalo and his new sidekick, Louis 'Lounatik' Nguyen! Action Steve Quickly dispatched Mr. E-vil's gang but was having trouble with Mr. E-vil and his new sidekick. They ran off at the sound of police sirens and Action Steve's Supervisor let him know that all this super hero activity was threatening his job security, but what is a super hero to do?!

Get Arrested! Action Steve and Action Raptor are met by The Mighty Pineapple and her Pineapple Patrol. Action Steve was willing to be arrested but insisted that Action Raptor be arrested as a citizen and given due process. The Mighty Pineapple insisted that Action Raptor was to be captured as an animal and the discussion was about to come to blows before Chronotron The Chronobot stopped time and helped The Action Team escape to another dimension ruled by swords and sorcery. In this land of Eranor, Action Steve and Action Raptor are accosted by a The Knight Sir Sarah and the Sorcerer Neville The Great. Even though Chronotron disappears at the first sign of danger, Action Steve and Action Raptor quickly dispatch the two and venture off in search of the local justice system to turn the two villains into the authorities.

Another Astonishing Adventure of Action Steve will appear in two days! Thanks for reading and being an Action Fan!

*An alternate universe version of Action Steve

Action Steve is on hold!

2009-11-17T10:31:00.000-08:00

Action Steve will return once Author Steve's internet comes back up. Until then, Stay Action Packed, Action Fans!

Picnic

2009-11-13T14:29:00.001-08:00

The scene opens on a green meadow surrounded by a forest on a pleasantly overcast day. Next to a parked Super Action Vehicle Action Steve and Action Raptor sit at a picnic table finishing up their lunch while Chronotron The Chronobot stands, monolith-like, nearby.

"I don't suppose I could call Ace Malloy and let him know I've run from the law and want to turn just myself in....."

"There are an infinite number of Ace Malloys," replies Chronotron.

"I meant my Ace Malloy. From my universe," Action Steve had temporarily forgotten about infinity while worrying about a finite outcome. He was on the run from the law. He knew it happened to all the super heroes from the comics but...

"Your request isn't sensible, as I have told you before, each moment is it's own universe and there are an infinite number of moments, each one a different permutation of what is possible. Continuity is an illusion," Chronotron seems annoyed as he responds monotonically.

"Right, I forgot. Where are we by the way?"

"The kingdom of Eranor. You didn't say where you wanted to go, and I have enjoyed universes similar to this, some here might remember that they worshiped me as a god."

"Wait, when are we? Nevermind, I already know, different calendar right?"

"Correct, but conveniently the natives here speak a language similar to English, although we could go to one of the infinite permutations of this universe where everyone speaks Japanese, or Raptor."

"So where did this picnic table come from?"

"As there are an infinite number of universes I simply chose the one that had a picnic table. I could have also chosen the one that had a Freezing Slab ice cream shop but you've already had some."*

"Raaaaauuuurc!"

"Yeah, never mind about that, why didn't you come help me earlier with The Thrill Seeker?"

"There are an infinite number of universes where I did help you and an infinite number of universes where I did not."

"That doesn't exactly--"

"Avant! Foul rogue! Friend to Dragons!" The speaker is a young woman in full plate armor. At her side is a man in a long purple robe and hat. Everything about them screams Knight and Wizard.

Chronotron the Chronobot shimmers and disappears.

"Thaaaaakkk?"

"Look, they too are sorcerers," the Wizard tells the Knight, "We should test our mettle against them."

"Wait, what?" Action Steve is Confused.

The Knight unsheathes her sword. "Enough talk! I want that creature's hide and we'll see what treasures they hide in their home. Neville!"

"Home? You mean The Super Action Vehicle? Now hold on just one minute!" Action Steve was not prepared to be a monster in a role playing game character's random encounter.

"Know this before you die sorcerer, I am Neville The Great, world renowned wizard! All tremble in fear at my name!" The Wizard begins to cast a spell.

"And I am Sir Sarah, the most fearsome and skilled Knight in all of Eranor. You may ask for mercy now, not that it will help you," She smiles dangerously.

Action Raptor shoots a net from his utility cannon covering both Knight and Wizard. Action Steve takes a canister from one of his shirts utility pockets and sprays it's contents at Sir Sarah and Neville The Great quickly knocking them both unconscious.

"Wizards and Knights eh? Cool! Hey Action Raptor, let's see if we can turn these two into the local authorities. Whatcha think?"

"Taauucaahhuuth!"

Action Steve and Action Raptor disarm and tie up the pair and put them in the back seat. "How do you disarm a Wizard? Tie his hands I guess. Maybe check for magic wands?"

"Cthlaaaawk!"

"Ok, let's go see what the justice system is like here."

*Since there are an infinite number of universes, anything that can happen does happen. This means that even very unlikely events like 10 million dollars falling into your lap or your instantly changing into a scale model of The Eiffel Tower made out of Belgian Waffles does indeed happen, in some alternate universe.

The Law

2009-11-11T16:54:00.001-08:00

Action Steve and Action Raptor are walking out of their favorite Halloween themed ice cream shop, The Freezing Slab.

"Mmmmmmm, yum!" Action Steve tells Action Raptor, who nods his head as he licks his ice cream cone.

"Thaaauutccchcchchcch!" agrees Action Raptor.

The Action Duo walk walk past a few man sized mutant potatoes eating fish and chips outside of a restaurant, "Hey guys!" greets Action Steve.

"Hiya!" the bunch of mutant potatoes reply.

As the two walk to The Super Action Vehicle they are greeted by none other than The Mighty Pineapple and the Pineapple Patrol, who stand between the two Action Heroes and the Super Action Vehicle!

"Action Steve, would you come with us? We have a few questions about your involvment with The Thrill Seeker. Animal control will confiscate your animal."

Action Steve is stunned, "My..."

"Wrraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaach!!!"

"That's right! Action Raptor isn't 'an animal'! He's just as much a person as you or I! And has helped save the city countless times!" Action Steve protests.

"You have my word that Action Raptor will be well cared for. Now please come with me," orders The Mighty Pineapple

"Thaaaaurc!"

"That's right!" agrees Action Steve, "Action Raptor has earned the right to due process! You're going to arrest the both of us or neither of us!"

"You're resisting arrest?" one of The Pineapple Patrol asks with an eager grin.

"Easy officer. You are a member of The Hulaville Police Force. You do not grin at the prospect of forcibly detaining a suspect." says The Mighty Pineapple.

"Wow, you're really taking this seriously. Mighty Pineapple, will you let Action Raptor go if he promises to go directly to The Cold War Cafe?"

She seems to consider it, but then shakes her head. "You're not in a position to negotiate. You are a suspect. I am going to arrest you and this animal will be put in a cage. Now are you coming quietly?"

Action Steve says, in a strained quiet voice, staring directly at The Mighty Pineapple, "I don't think I can."

"Pineapple Patrol!" yells The Mighty Pineapple in anticipation of a battle.

Just as the poop is about to hit the propeller, everyone freezes! Action Steve looks around. Birds are hovering motionless in midair. Trees are slightly bent from the force of wind but don't move. Leaves are stuck in the air. Time has stopped!

Action Steve, who was about to grab his Action-lele and try to bean The Mighty Pineapple on the head, relaxes. "Oh," he says.

"Thk-k-k-k-k," says Action Raptor.

"Guess so," Action Steve Replies. "Hey Chronotron! What's going on?" In answer to Action Steve's query, a metallic form shimmers into existence near The Super Action Vehicle! It's Chronotron The Chronobot master of space and time! Larger and taller than a car is lengthwise, Chronotron's boxy metal shape looms over the pair of Action Heroes. Looking much more like a robot from a 1950's B movie than anything from modern cinema, Chronotron The Chronobot has a giant clock on his front torso, a fitting decoration for he is the master of time and space itself!*

"Greetings to you, Action Alliance," booms Chronotron The Chronobot, "I wonder if this is the universe in which you feel you want to go to another universe to escape law enforcement. Or are you the Action Steve that decides to let himself get arrested?"

"Why?" asks, Action Steve, "What happens if I get arrested?"

"Anything can happen, anything always happens"

From The Pineapple Patrol's point of view, Action Steve, Action Raptor, and The Super Action Vehicle have just vanished in a flash of light! The Mighty Pineapple and her Pineapple Patrol look around, in surprise and confusion. The Mighty Pineapple slaps her thighs and yells loudly, "Damnit!"

*Also, it's Fresh Yo! Word to your mother!

The Prisoner

2009-11-09T13:40:00.001-08:00

We see a dark room, the only thing illuminated is a large metal cylinder. It's The Thrill Seeker's specially constructed cell! With one small barred window on it's door and it's thick walls, not to mention a contingent of The Pineapple Patrol keeping guard, it doesn't look like The Thrill Seeker is going anywhere anytime soon!

A shaft of light appears on the floor as two figures walk toward the cell. It's The Mighty Pineapple and The Senator! The Mighty pineapple still wearing her black and yellow policeman's version of her old pineapple themed costume. The Senator in a politician's blue suit and red tie and his short blond, television perfect, hair. The Senator looks into the cell's only window and sees The Thrill Seeker sitting cross legged, meditating, on the floor. He looks very calm, an extreme contrast with his usual manic demeanor. The Thrill Seeker opens his eyes, takes a deep breath, and looks straight at The Senator.

"Hiya.... Senator!" The Thrill seeker sneers.

"Hello," it seems that The Senator is partly enjoying this, but part of him is obviously impatient with The Thrill Seeker.

"We were thinking we could slow your healing by starving you a bit. Turns out we were wrong." Says The Mighty Pineapple.

"Oh, there's no stopping me. Never ever," The Thrill Seeker presses his face to the small barred window. The Senator moves back slightly, careful not to make it seem like he's afraid of The Thrill Seeker.

"But we can slow you down. This cage is a good start." Now it's The Senator's turn to smile. "If the rumors about you are true, then you are effectively immortal. You don't appear to age. All you wounds heal more or less instantly. You don't catch any diseases. You don't even seem to need sleep, but you can be contained, perhaps even studied. Think of the good you could do for medical science." The Senator grins at this remark.

The Thrill Seeker slams at the cell door, hard. "You can't hold me! There's no way you can hold me! I'll get out!" The Thrill Seeker's more manic side comes out in full force!

"Eventually, maybe, but I think you'll be with us for a least a few lifetimes."

"You're being shipped to the extraordinarily powerful prisoner's penitentiary. They're making a special cell for you." The Mighty Pineapple smirks as she says this.

As The Thrill Seeker screams threats at the The Mighty Pineapple and The Senator, they both walk out. The door slams shut and The Thrill Seeker instantly calms down.

After a few hours of calm meditation alone in his cell, The Thrill Seeker's door opens. The Thrill Seeker talks to his mysterious helper as he walks out. "Ah, Thank you. You know this was very calming. I think I might make a cell of my own like this..... and before you say it, no I don't want to stay. You know how I enjoy making mischief."

Just exactly who is helping The Thrill Seeker?

Trouble on the Campaign Trail

2009-11-07T08:35:00.001-08:00

This episode starts at City Hall, where Hulaville's other Mayoral Candidate, Frances Malloy, Hulaville's current Mayor and father to Detective Ace Malloy, one of Action Steve's partners in crime fighting, is making a speech.

"We now have sources confirming that Action Pre is responsible for the explosion on Hulaville Mountain all those years ago! He was running an unlicensed laboratory irresponsibly creating nanotechnological cybernetic ameobe within a Hulaville City landmark! His experiments were unregulated and unsafe and as a result they caused an explosion, killing his wife and one of these other so called super heroes!

Is this the sort of person we want as mayor? Someone who, it is said, maintains a secret underground laboratory even now? My friends, I ask you, don't you deserve a more honest politician? Action Pre doesn't even want you to see the the most damning evidence of his lack of care for the safety of himself and others. He hides it well, but Action Pre walks with a limp! An injury from the explosion that even his scientific mind couldn't fix with cybernetics and genetic engineering! Please vote for me! Frances Malloy! To continue to be your Mayor! Allow me the opportunity to reign in this destructive and reckless behavior!"

What's this? Applause? Is Action Pre's campaign in trouble? We cut to Action Pre on the campaign trail!

"Would you care to comment on on your opponent's accusations Action Pre?"

"I won't deny I've made mistakes in the past, but I can hardly be blamed for not calling these to atten--"

Kraka-THOOOM!

Hulaville City Hall is once again being demolished by some villain or other!

"You may have thought that I! The Potatonator! Was down for the count! But you were sorely mistaken! Oooooh yes indeed!" Potatonator is back and rebuilt! He is even more mechanical and sports a giant cannon on one of his robot arms!

As Action Pre is about to jump to help save Hulaville once again, a reporter asks, "Is this the sort of thing we can expect in your administration? This constant distraction of so-called super villains, when real civic issues are neglected?" Action Pre looks at the reporter incredulously. Wasn't a giant monster, part robot, part mutant potato, a real civic issue?

"I'm always willing to answer questions, but I have no interest in stupid suggestions!" With that Action Pre Jumps to a great height and lands on the back of The Potatonator and begins to wail on him.

Whhaaaaauup! Whhaaaaauup! Whhaaaaauup! Whhaaaaauup! Whhaaaaauup!

The Potatonator eventually falls down after an onslaught of punches!

"Technically it wasn't a suggestion," the reporter says to a colleague.

Whhaaaaauup! Whhaaaaauup! Whhaaaaauup! Whhaaaaauup! Whhaaaaauup!

Ffflaaaughmpt! The Potatonator has fallen face down into the street!

Meanwhile The Mighty Pineapple and her Pineapple Patrol are making a name for themselves as Hulaville's new super team!

"Toilet Paper is an abomination!" snarls Biggus Mikus, Little Known Greek God of Toiletries, as he is being hand cuffed by the reformed supervillian and head of Hulaville's official super powered police unit, The Mighty Pineapple.

One of the Pineapple Patrol asks the detained deity, "Why have you got a toilet seat over your head? That some kinda crown?"

"It's my Laurel!!!"

"Isnt' that Roman?"

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrgh!"

Action Steve's Quote for the day

2009-11-06T11:37:00.001-08:00

"If the Internet teaches us anything, it is that great value comes from leaving core resources in a commons, where they're free for people to build upon as they see fit."
--Lawrence Lessig

Run Away!

2009-11-05T16:17:00.000-08:00

Action Steve is fighting the malevolent mischief-maker 'The Original Mr. E-vil' Manalo and his gang of thugs!

"Take that! And that! ... And that!" Action Steve is really in good form today as he knocks out thug after thug with his Action-lele, but 'The Original Mr. E-vil' Manalo and his sidekick Louis 'Lounatik' Nguyen are giving him much more trouble. Action Steve has managed to knock out every one of their minions, or hurt them enough that they are down for the count! The the quiet moaning of the criminals, for whom the phrase, "That'll leave a mark" more than applies, can be heard all over the parking lot.

"You guys," Action Steve takes a breath, "have been... practicing."

"That's ri--" just as 'The Original Mr. E-vil' Manalo is about to go into another dialog he stops. Those that are still conscious can hear police sirens in the distance, coming closer.

"We should leave," Louis 'Lounatik' Nguyen tells 'The Original Mr. E-vil' Manalo.

As they run off, Action Steve's supervisor comes out of the building, "I called the police as soon as I saw them outside, but his is no good Steve, you're late again. I'll need another note from Detective Malloy or I'll have to make it an occurrence. I know you're a super hero and everything, couldn't you get some kind of book deal? or maybe you could go on the lecture circuit? I think your extra-curricular activities are putting your job in serious jeopardy."

"The customer's need my help too." Action Steve replies dramatically.

Meanwhile, in an unused warehouse and 'The Original Mr. E-vil' Manalo's secret hide out.

"I'm sorry to hear that, no, we are not threatening our employees at this time. You may quit without fear of retribution. We reserve the right to threaten you later but frankly I don't think we'll bother. Good luck with your other criminal activities. Thank you," Louis 'Lounatik' Nguyen hangs up the phone and walks out of his makeshift office. 'The Original Mr. E-vil' Manalo is sitting at a table in the middle of the warehouse, the remaining thugs are smoking, eating pizza, chatting, and nursing their wounds.

'The Original Mr. E-vil' Manalo greets his sidekick, "Ah, how does your work progress Louis 'Lounatik' Nguyen?"

"You know, you don't have to say my full 'villain' name at every opportunity." Louis sighs. "Would you please explain something to me?"

"Explain? I am The Original Mr. E-vil' Manalo!" The Original Mr. E-vil' Manalo stands up, his thugs stop what they are doing and listen, in admiration. "I do not explain myself to--"

"Why do all of your plans involve attacking Action Steve? Are there more profitable things we could be doing with our time?"

"Because. I'm. E-vil!" no one should be able to pronounce a dash, but 'The Original Mr. E-vil' Manalo managed it. After that, pronouncing the period's and exclaimation point was a piece of cake.

"But it's not making us any money. What about starting a protection racket? Secret casino? Or at least a loan shark business?"

"Oh I see! you want to expand our operation! I like how you think my malevolent minion! There is something I have always wanted to try."

"Yes?" I really shouldn't get my hopes up, Louis thinks to himself. "We are going to take a break from attacking Action Steve and make a giant laser that will blow up the moon!" exclaims 'The Original Mr. E-vil' Manalo.

Louis 'Lounatik' Nguyen cradles his head in his hands.

"What?" asks the E-vil one in the tones of one who is more interested in perfecting his villain laugh than his business model.

Action Steve's Quote for the day

2009-11-05T15:00:00.001-08:00

"Nobody climbs mountains for scientific reasons. Science is used to raise money for the expeditions, but you really climb for the hell of it."
--Sir Edmund Hillary

Trouble in the Parking Lot

2009-11-04T15:28:00.000-08:00

Action Steve lands The Super Action Vehicle in the company parking lot at work, ready to help more customers as the city returns to normal, but before he can get to the door....

"Not so fast, Action Dork! You'll have to face me before you go to your idiotic place of employment! You'll have to face 'The Original Mr. E-vil' Manalo and my partner in crime, Louis 'Lounatik' Nguyen! And our cadre of henchmen!" E-vil Manalo wears a shiny red and black leather cloak, spiky hair and mirror glasses, making him look like a cross between an extra in The Matrix, an anime villain or villain on the 1960's Batman TV show. Louis simply wears all black, as do the henchmen.

Action Steve positively bounces! It's like he's greeting old friends, not criminals. "Hey guys!", Action Steve grins, "It's been a while! Where have you been?"

"We've been preparing to do battle with you and destroy you!" replies 'The Original Mr. E-vil' Manalo, as he talks with our hero, he keeps posing as if for a camera. His henchmen nod approvingly, clap, and make ooh and ah sounds at the appropriate moments. Somewhere among the henchmen, there must be a portable speaker system because a synth-rock soundtrack is playing as Mr. E-vil talks.

"So you got a new sidekick I see. How are you, Mr.... Lunatic was it?"

"Louis 'Lounatik' Nguyen", Louis replies in a level tone, having none of the bravado of his boss, and seeming much more menacing for it, "Where's your feathered dinosaur?"

"Action Raptor doesn't work here. He just helps me out sometimes." Action Steve is still grinning, glad to only have to deal with the normal villains and criminals rather than that crazy, super powered maniac who is now safely captured.

"You should be more respectful of my power and menace, Action Doofus! You shall---"

Louis 'Lounatik' Nguyen, clearly impatient with his superior, runs over to Action Steve and kicks him in the gut, knocking him down. Action Steve sits up, surprised.

"You interrupted my monologue!" The Original Mr. E-vil turns on his sidekick.

"Yeah, you did, thanks for that. I'm impressed!" Action Steve tells Louis 'Lounatik' Nguyen as he charges at the group, ukulele in battle-lele mode. "Ok, this has been fun, but I need to get into work. Prepare to get clobbered!"

Action Steve's Quote for the day

2009-11-04T08:46:00.000-08:00

"I never submitted the whole system of my opinions to the creed of any party of men whatever in religion, in philosophy, in politics, or in anything else where I was capable of thinking for myself."
--Thomas Jefferson

The Nightly News

2009-11-03T14:07:00.001-08:00

"Welcome to Hulaville's Nightly News. I'm Rich Richman."

"The Thrill Seeker was finally caught today by a special police unit, The Pineapple Patrol. Lead by ex-super-villain, and former arch-nemesis to Action Steve, The Mighty Pineapple. In a statement Senator --"

kschsssshh!

"--Do you have unsightly body hair? Try--"

"Hey change it back!" Action Steve asks Edna, The Roller Derby Server and mechanic, who is holding the remote to one of The Cold War Cafe's Television sets.

"Sorry. Thought you didn't want to see it," she changes it back

"--My friends, for too long this city has been at the mercy of costumed criminals--"

"Cheesy!" Action Steve exclaims.

"Waaaaahhwwk!" Action Raptor chides Action Steve into silence. He would like to hear what the senator has to say.

"But now we finally have a real solution! Rather than rely on the services of unreliable, so called, super heroes," Action Steve Grimaces, Edna rolls her eyes at Action Steve, "We now have a special police unit with talented individuals and professionals, who take their responsibility for protecting their city much more seriously."

Rich Richman continues, "When Asked to comment on the senator's obvious slight at The Action Alliance, Hulaville super hero and mayoral candidate, Action Pre had this to say:"

"I don't know what the senator is talking about. I and the other members of the Action Alliance have saved the city countless times, but I do want to recognize the good work The Pineapple Patrol has done. If I am elected Mayor, I will appoint The Mighty Pineapple chief of police!"

Action Steve and Action Raptor make for The Super Action Vehicle. They walk by a few mutant potatoes, who greet him. "Hi guys," says Action Steve. Action Raptor also says hi, "Thuuurrtch!"

Before getting into the car, Action Steve gets a phone call. "Yes? No, I'm fine. Thanks, I'm glad I'm ok too. No, I'm coming in tomorrow."

"Thaaaauuric!" Action Raptor comments, not for the first time, how weird it is that Action Steve has a day job as a technical support agent in a call center.

"Being a super hero doesn't pay the bills man."

Action Steve's Quote for the Day

2009-11-03T14:06:00.001-08:00

"The true method of knowledge is experiment."
--William Blake

Origin!

2009-11-02T15:31:00.000-08:00

We re-join Action Steve recounting a past battle with The nefarious evildoer, The Thrill Seeker! The Thrill Seeker had lead Action Steve and his parallel universe partner in crime fighting, Super Dudical Steve into Pre-Action-Pre Pre's secret mountain laboratory!

***

"I don't know who you are, but the three of you need to leave! This is very sensitive equipment!" exclaims Pre.

"Is that a fact?" asks The Thrill Seeker. Before anyone can react, the malevolent malefactor reaches for a computer monitor, and throws it into one of 4 large chambers filled with glowing green liquid. Instantly sparks fly and the liquid begins to eat at everything it touches. The The Thrill Seeker causes even more chaos as the two super heroic Steve's tackle him to the ground. Everyone is covered in the green slime!

"My nanotechnologicial cybernetic amoebae are destroyed! I am much much further along the scale than merely annoyed!"

Boom! An explosion in the lab causes some of the ceiling to fall! Pre, and the 4 lab assistants make a run for it.

"Help them get out!" Super Dudical Steve yells to Action Steve over the noise of the fire, the ceiling caving in, and more explosions!

"Right!" Action Steve assists the 5 civilians out of the house, then-

KrakkaThooom! A huge explosion! Dust, fire, rocks, bits of house shower everywhere!

"Can't move." Action Steve says, right before he passes out.

***

"We were taken to the hospital," Action Steve explains to his super hero and reformed super villain support group. "Action Raptor, who had been following another lead at the time, and Detective Malloy and his men combed the rubble, but they were only able to find 3 of the lab assistants, Pre, and .. me. Super Dudical Steve and The Thrill Seeker were nowhere to be found. I later learned the lab assistant that didn't make it, was Pre's wife." At this point, many of the support group are in tears. A giant praying mantis dressed in what looks like a space suit is blowing his nose, loudly.

"They couldn't find the bodies of the other two but..." The giant mantis offers Action Steve his hanky, who takes it. "We eventually discovered just how good The Thrill Seeker's power's of recovery really are when he came back to cause more mayhem, but that moment is when Pre became Action Pre. He transformed himself into a genetically engineered cybernetic super-powered super-hero and devoted his life, as I have, to making this city, and the world, A Better Place!"

Action Steve's Quote for the day

2009-11-02T07:36:00.001-08:00

"Talk not so much, then, young artist, of the great old masters, who but painted and chisell’d. Study not only their productions. There is a still higher school for him who would kindle his fire with coal from the altar of the loftiest and purest art. It is the school of all grand actions and grand virtues, of heroism, of the death of patriots and martyrs — of all the mighty deeds written in the pages of history — deeds of daring, and enthusiasm, devotion, and fortitude."
--Walt Whitman

The Fight and The Chase

2009-10-31T00:29:00.001-07:00

We join Action Steve is in his Super Hero and Reformed Super Villain support group, recounting his first encounter with The Thrill Seeker!

****

"C'mere ya creep!" As Super Dudical Steve rides his hover board overhead, he shoots a cable from his arm which wraps around The Thrill Seeker! Super Dudical Steve pulls the felonious fiend into the air, and prepares to use the cable's strength to punch The Thrill Seeker in the face! But the Thrill Seeker is ready and kicks Super Dudical Steve in the chest! Both fall to the ground and begin fighting furiously!

Action Steve runs toward the two and knocks The Thrill Seeker on the back of his head, temporarily stunning him! As Action Steve Helps Super Dudical Steve to his feet The Thrill Seeker makes a break for it! The two Steve's get their bearings and run after the brute as he barrels along toward a small house on the mountain. The Thrill Seeker crashes through the glass door. Action Steve and Super Dudical Steve run in after him.

"Look for the residents we've got to protect them!" Action Steve says to his partner in crime fighting.

"Right!" replies Super Dudical Steve.

The Thrill Seeker yells back to them, "You're getting tired! .... Suckers! .. I never get tired!"

The Two Super Heroic Steve's knew already knew this all too well. If they wanted to stop more people from getting hurt they needed to stop him right now. The Thrill Seeker, having other plans, crashes through a back door into...

A secret lab! We see a large room filled with chambers of glowing green fluid. Pre, looking much less super heroic than he does now, and 4 women in lab coats are working with beakers, robots and computers.

"What the heck are you doing here? You'd best leave, are we clear?" asks Action Pre, who has always had a tendency to rhyme in times of action.

***

"Was That Action Pre?" asks one of Action Steve's fellow support group members. A man in slacks, a business work shirt and a head that looks very much like a crystal skull, which constantly emits small stream of fog.

"That was Pre, yeah, but he wasn't Action Pre just yet. This was the event that caused him to become one of Hulaville's greatest super hero's." Action Steve doesn't say this with his usual bravado or pride for his friend. What terrible event occurred on that day to turn a scientist into a super hero?"

Action Steve's Quote for the day

2009-10-30T11:01:00.001-07:00

"The philosophies of one age have become the absurdities of the next, and the foolishness of yesterday has become the wisdom of tomorrow."
--William Osler, Who has been called one of the greatest icons of modern medicine.

Flash Back!

2009-10-29T18:01:00.001-07:00

Action Steve is currently at a support group for super heroes and reformed super villains, "Hi I'm Action Steve and I'm a super hero."

Everyone greets him with a "Hi Action Steve." Around him are a circle of, mostly bored, people in colorful and outlandish costumes sitting in fold out chairs. They might look impressive or intimidating in other circumstances but in this setting they look extremely silly.

Action Steve, who always looks silly, tells the group, "One of my first adventures involved time travel and parallel universes. I love that stuff. I got to meet lots of cool and different versions of myself: Robot Steve's, Ninja Steve's, that kinda thing. But there was one Steve that I came to think of as my brother. He was a goofball, just like me, Super Dudical Steve. We both fought a villain called The Man of Tomorrow and after he was caught, I got to keep that villain's car, and he got to keep the hoverboard. That was when Super Dudical Steve, Action Raptor, and I formed the Action Alliance, there are more members now but that was the original group." Action Steve Sighs, reminiscing in the sad memory.

"Go on..." Says a therapist in a yellow and black, bee themed, costume, complete with antennae. Sitting next to Action Steve, a bald headed man wearing a Godzilla costume, without the mask, nods in encouragement.

"We were chasing this new super villain, he'd hurt a lot of people and needed to be stopped as soon as possible. I'd been asked to help the police chase him down and we were chasing him on Hula Mountain just outside of town...."

...

"C'mere ya creep!" As Super Dudical Steve rides his hover board over head, he shoots a cable from his arm which wraps around The Thrill Seeker! Super Dudical Steve pulls the felonious fiend into the air, and prepares to punch him in the face using the cable's strength to punch The Thrill Seeker in the face!

Action Steve's Quote for the day

2009-10-29T06:55:00.001-07:00

"Duckworth, go off and make big butts! I mean big bucks!"
--Scrooge McDuck

Action Steve's Quote for the day

2009-10-28T07:15:00.000-07:00

"Life is far too important a thing ever to talk seriously about it."
--Oscar Wilde

Unexpected Assistance!

2009-10-27T19:44:00.000-07:00

Action Steve and his dinosaur pal, Action Raptor, are racing to catch up to The Thrill Seeker, who is still causing chaos, racing through Hulaville's streets on his motorcycle! Meanwhile Action Pre makes giant leaps across several city blocks at a time in an effort to keep up with and capture the Devious Deviant! Also, Hulaville's police force, Lead by Detective Ace Malloy, are chasing The Thrill seeker in their squad cars as The Thrill Seeker races from street to alley and even onto the rooftops!

As The thrill seeker rides past a coffee shop, who should come out of the door but Biggus Mikus, little known god of toiletries, who gets splashed by a puddle run over by The Thrill Seeker's Motorcycle.

"What the Greek!", exclaims Biggus Mikus, his tray of coffee ruined.

The Thrill Seeker looks behind him and laughs. Only to look forward and see two trucks come crashing out of two adjacent buildings on either side of him with two halves of a large, strong, cage attached to their hoods, which close in on him. Claaaaaang! Thonk! The Thrill Seeker is captured and out cold!

Boooom! His motorcycle explodes!

Thiiisssh! Fire extinguishers were equipped in the cage and have put out the fire!

"Ooooww.....", Exclaims The Thrill Seeker, even now, his amazing healing power melts away any burns or marks on him!

But who? Who has captured the Extremely Dangerous, Dastardly, Maniacal, Fiend who has been Terrorizing all of Hulaville?!

"You're nicked chum!" Gasp! It can't be! It's another one of Action Steve's most dangerous enemies, The Mighty Pineapple! Usually decked out in colorful garb with her Fruit Smoothie Guitar and her Pineapple bots at her side, she is now dressed in a costume modified to look like a policeman's uniform and is attended by a retinue of specially uniformed "officers"!

What the devil's going on?

Action Steve's Quote for the day

2009-10-27T08:42:00.001-07:00

"The imitator dooms himself to hopeless mediocrity. The inventor did it because it was natural to him, and so in him it has a charm. In the imitator something else is natural, and he bereaves himself of his own beauty, to come short of another man's. "
--Ralph Waldo Emerson

A Daring Rescue!

2009-10-26T08:00:00.001-07:00

The Thrill Seeker is pinned between a wall and a few tons of Super Action Vehicle! Still the super powered scoundrel struggles to free himself as Action Steve and Action Raptor race to save those trapped in a burning building!

Once inside, Action Steve takes out a few small grenades from his utility pocket that "explode" on impact, dispersing fire retardant chemicals that are safe for anyone to breathe. After making a path by throwing a few of them on the floor, he begins to help those people who have not already fled the building to escape!

Meanwhile, Action Raptor has discovered a small toddler hiding in a closet. Now if you were a child, in a burning building, hiding in a closet, and a large, feathered, dinosaur, wearing a pilots cap with goggles and a scarf, opened the door and saw you, you might think you'd scream like hell. And you probably think this because you are an adult. All children love dinosaurs. and all the children of Hulaville know exactly who Action Raptor is what he stands for! The child instantly latches onto our hero, and at his direction, mounts him like a tiny horse.

CRACK! FOOM! Part of the building has collapsed and is now blocking Action Raptor's way out! "Thaaaaartch!" Action Raptor instructs the child to hold on as he jumps onto a dresser, opens the window and leaps out of the building just as a gas main explodes! Action Raptor spreads his wings and glides to safety. The crowd cheers as he brings the child to his mother, who kisses and hugs both her offspring and Action Raptor! "Raaaaaaawwk!"

"Way to go pal!" Action Steve tells his saurian sidekick as they run over to their Super Action Vehicle, but something is amiss...

The Thrill Seeker is gone!

"Son of a --"

"wraaaaaak!"

"He doesn't have super strength! That should have held him!"

"Action Pre is on his trail now. Along with Hulaville's finest of course." the newly arrived Detective Malloy tells the Action Duo. "Ya did the right thing ta help those people. We'll catch 'em. He's got to be tiring out by now."
"Thaaaartch!"

"Action Raptor is right. He doesn't tire out because of his healing power. He can keep going indefinitely. All he needs is gas and food and he could be on the road constantly. For years!" says an exasperated Action Steve.

"How the hell can you understand that feathered lizard?"

Action Steve's Quote for the day

2009-10-26T07:59:00.001-07:00

"The civility which money will purchase, is rarely extended to those who have none."
--Charles Dickens

Illustrations!

2009-10-23T22:38:00.000-07:00

The fans and authors have asked, so here it is! An illustration of Action Steve and Action Raptor in front of the "Welcome to Hulaville" sign!

A Dirty Trick!

2009-10-23T15:17:00.001-07:00

The Thrill seeker's motorcycle tires screeeech! as he turns from a downhill street into an ally. Immediately police cars block off the entrance. In one of the cars an officer picks up his radio, "He's coming onto 26 west between Taylor and Baxter."

"Got em'!" says Action Steve as he guns the engine and zooms toward the alley's exit. But The Thrill Seeker slows down and picked up a few empty beer bottles lying on the ground, he stops temporarily and takes a flask from a compartment on his bike, pours the liquid into the bottles, tears strips of cloth from his shirt and places them in the bottles. Specially treated Molotov cocktails!

"There he is! Action Raptor take the wheel!" Action Steve jumps out of the Super Action vehicle as it flies past the alley. His shoes make an audible chlick! sound as plates cover his shoe's arches. He lands on the fire escape railing on those plates and slides along it on his action grind shoes! Action Steve shoots his Action-lele grappling hook attaching it to a nearby ledge and quickly repels down to The Thrill Seeker, using the momentum to kick him in the head and knock him down!

Then Action Steve notices the building is in flames.

"Classic villain ploy I know, but it works!" shouts The Thrill Seeker over the roar of the flames. "Capture me or save those people!" The Thrill Seeker stands up starts to run toward his bike....

But the super action vehicle runs right into him SMASH! And crashes into a nearby wall, pinning The Thrill Seeker between the wall and front of the car!

"Wraaaaaaaaauuuuhhhtch!" exclaims Action Raptor!

"Now we need to save those people!"

Action Steve's Quote for the day

2009-10-23T07:09:00.001-07:00

"We are all apprentices in a craft where no one ever becomes a master."
--Ernest Hemingway

The Thrill of the Chase!

2009-10-22T16:07:00.001-07:00

The police are hot on the trail of The Thrill Seeker in the middle of Hulaville and in the middle of a rain storm! The Thrill Seeker, Nefarious criminal mastermind with superior healing abilities, a devious imaginative approach to crime, and NO FEAR, races and jumps from roof top to roof top in his souped up racing motorcycle as police sirens wail behind him!

"How are we not catching up to him? We're in a freaking flying car!" Action Steve asks Action Raptor, thumping the steering wheel.

"Raawwk!" replies his feathered and scaly friend, Action Raptor.

"Yes, I know. This guy is too clever."

To demonstrate his point, The Thrill Seeker rides off the edge of a building and hits the wall of the building across an alley! For a few minutes he "rides" along the wall before zooming into the street!

"thloooooaaarch!?"

"No, I called my work and said I was not coming in for personal reasons. And it is personal....."

Back at the Cold War Cafe, Chef Patrick, Edna the roller derby server, and their patrons watch the news as Action Pre makes a speech at City Hall, which is still in disrepair.

"My fellow citizens, I wish to impress upon you today that even though this villain runs free, it is not long before he is captured by Action Pre!" Action Pre says with conviction and with a winning politician's smile. He then leaps into the sky, drenching his gray pinstriped suit; his backup singers sing his theme song for the cameras. "Action Pre will save the day! You better watch out and get out the way!"

Hulaville In Peril!

2009-10-22T07:36:00.001-07:00

The Action Alliance are nursing their wounds at The Cold War Cafe after hours. Action Raptor perches on a stool, Chef Patrick, owner of The Cold War Cafe, and Edna, the roller derby server and grad student, always wearing her skates, helmet, elbow and knee pads, sit in a booth. Action Steve Sits cross legged on the floor. He still wears his cape, straw fedora, and gloves, bruised bandaged and tired.

Action Pre has just come back from his laboratory after fixing his leg. "See? Good as new." he tells everyone.

"I wish I could say the same for city Hall." This new voice comes from Detective Malloy, who has just come into see the Action Alliance after their defeat at the hands of the Maniacal Miscreant, The Thrill Seeker. "You guys look like what the cat didn't drag in."

"Funny." says Action Steve mirthlessly.

"Raaaaach!"

"Hey is that thing safe?" asks Malloy, pointing to Action Raptor.

"That's not a thing, that's my friend and partner in crime fighting!" rallies Action Steve.

"Throooaak!"

"We told you it was only a matter of time before The Thrill Seeker came back." Action Pre tells Malloy.

"You told me he fell out of a plane without a parachute! No one can survive that!" Malloy replies in disbelief.

Action Steve is unusually serious as he says, "Well he did and he's back. And all of Hulaville is in peril!"

Aciton Steve's Quote for the day

2009-10-22T07:35:00.001-07:00

"There is nothing permanent except change."
--Heraclitus

Danger and Doom!

2009-10-21T20:08:00.001-07:00

As Action Pre zooms forward Decked out in his gray pinstriped suit and fedora, The Thrill Seeker, in a red and white biker's jumpsuit, notices that Action Pre, as fast and powerful as he is, is running with a limp. The villainous rogue takes advantage of this situation, runs up the handrail on the front steps of Hulaville city hall, and throws a grenade at one of city hall's front columns, which falls on Action Pre's bad leg, causing him to fall!

Action Raptor runs forward clawing The Thrill seeker in the face!

"The Action Alliance is being a bit rough on this guy aren't they?" asks one bystander. Too quick for her to react, The Thrill Seeker throws 3 knives right at the bystander! but Action Steve is too quick! He deflects the knives with his Action-lele!

"Get out of here!" the normally jovial Action Steve yells at her. Clearly this is a serious fight and a dangerous enemy!

Action Pre picks up a loose cinder block and throws it directly at The Thrill Seeker's head, causing a visible dent in his skull, knowing it will only slow down the super powered villain!

The Action Alliance looks as The Thrill Seeker picks himself up. They know that the fight is far from over...

The Thrill Seeker's concussion and dent to his head re-inflates like a balloon, and all his scars heal! Screaming like a madman he tells the Action Alliance, "There's no stopping me! Can't stop me! .... FOOLS!"

This is truly the worst villain The Action Alliance has ever faced! Is all hope lost?

Mystery! Thrills! Politics!

2009-10-21T07:59:00.001-07:00

Action Pre, wearing a very nice gray pinstripe suit and gray fedora, is speaking before a crowd of reporters at Hulaville City Hall!

"My friends, I have devoted my life to making Hulaville a better place, as a microbiologist, as a genetically enhanced cybernetic super hero, and now I want to help the people of Hulaville... as their mayor!" The crowd cheers and claps.

A reporter asks, "Mr. Action Pre, if elected, what would you do about all the super villains constantly attacking our city?"

"As you all know, Hulaville is plagued by super villains. That's why you need A super hero in office like me, Action Pre, who can help against villains like Biggus Mikus, The Mighty Pineapple, and giant overgrown vegetables."

While most are happy with the news of Action Pre's political plans, there is one sour face, far from the crowd. A man looks on from his limousine and makes a phone call. "Thrill Seeker, take care of him." Wild, maniacal laughter is heard from the phone before the call ends. As his car window goes up, the limousine drives off.

Another journalist asks, "Why does a Action Steve work in a call center?"

"Well, uh..."

Just as Action Pre is about to explain Action Steve's need to have a day job, a motorcyclist launches himself into the crowd! He has the same maniacal laugh as on the mystery man's phone.

Before running into the fray, Action Pre makes a phone call. "Action Raptor, I'm gonna need back up." Action Pre pauses, "Better bring Action Steve in too, just in case."

"Raaaaaawk!"

"Customers can wait! we've got trouble. The Thrill Seeker is back!"

Action Steve's Quote for the Day

2009-10-21T07:55:00.001-07:00

Quickstrike: "So, what's a warrior without weapons, eh?"
Dinobot: "A warrior STILL!!!"
From Beast Wars, "Code of the Hero", best Transformers episode ever. :)

The Produce Peroration

2009-10-20T17:42:00.000-07:00

Action Steve and Action Raptor are still fighting The Potatonator and Potaotron in downtown Hulaville! (Tomatotron and Tomatonator being relatively easy to squash.) They have also been taking turns making calls to customers. Action Steve is on a call now:

"Okay, you're ready to go. Your system is set up. Do you have any questions?" Bathonkathonkathonkathonkathonk! The car is rocked by a volley of vegetables. "Ok, you take care now." There is an audible click as the call disconnects. "I think the customers liked you better today."

"Raaaaaawk!", Action Raptor indicates that he has the customer service skills.

"Ok, it's my turn, I wanna try out this robot mode Edna installed on The Super Action Vehicle."

"chtraaauuuk."

The steering wheel of the Super Action Vehicle sinks into the dashboard and another telescopes out from Action Steve's Console! "Ok, here we are. Robot mode!" The super Action Vehicle lands with two robot feet folding out from it's underside! As the S.A.V. runs toward a perplexed potato, two fists come out of the side of the running car and smash The potatonator into mashed potatoes!

"Karroooaaach!"

"That's right!" agrees Agrees Action Steve.

Suddenly, the S.A.V. is wrapped in vines! "I Potatotron, will remove you and all animal life from the face of the earth!"

From a loud speaker, Action Steve Responds, "Don't you know that plants need insects? Like bees?"

Grinning, Action Raptor presses an option on his console marked "cyber bees". Thousands of metallic insects swarm out of a hatch on the S.A.V. and slice Potatotron to shreds with their cybernetic stingers! Thanks to Edna, the roller derby server and grad student!

Hulaville has once again been saved by Action Steve and Action Raptor!

Edna skates by, "Nah, it was my robot, they just piloted the thing."

"Can we go home now?" Action Steve Asks Action Raptor....

Produce Pandemonium!

2009-10-20T07:26:00.000-07:00

What the heck is going on?! The town of Hulaville is going crazy! Buildings are being demolished! People are running everywhere! Sirens! Cats yowling! Dogs Barking! Children screaming either in fear or happy excitement! (It's really hard to tell sometimes.) Total Chaos!

"I am Potatotron! Ruler of all tubers! And I am the cause of this chaos and destruction! Mwhahahahahahahaha!" To prove his point, Potatotron a truly giant cyborg potato, picks up a fire engine with one mammoth hand and strikes the ground with it like a club, destroying the street and truck, and causing a water main to burst! Water sprays everywhere!

"No! It is I Potatonator! All will bow down before me! The Emperor of all vegetables! Heeeheehahahahahahaha!" Potatonator, the Prodigious Potentate of Potatoes, shoots vines out of his hands, restraining cars, people, and small furry animals!

"You lie! I am the Engineer of this Evil Endeavor! Tomatotron! Who will extinguish all non-vegetable life!" Tomatotron, a super colossal cyber-tomato, stands atop a tall building. His hands transform into giant cannons which Trounce the town with tons of tomatoes!

"If you look for the parent of all this pandemonium look no further than I! The Terrifying Tomanator!" Before The Tomatonator can do anything, he bursts into ketchup as The Super Action Vehicle flies right through him! Action Steve turns his flying car around to face the 3 remaining Venomous Vegetables! He turns to Action Raptor, who sits in the passenger seat.

"Action Raptor, can you take my first call?" Action Steve hands his feathered dinosaur friend a headset and microphone, which Action Raptor puts on.

Action Steve's Clawed Companion hears a voice ask, "Can you help me?"

"Rawwarch!"

Of course he can help, that's what he's here for...

Action Steve's Quote for the Day

2009-10-20T07:24:00.001-07:00

"You should have disagreements with your leaders and your colleagues, but if it becomes immediately a question of questioning people's motives, and if immediately you decide that somebody who sees a whole new situation differently than you must be a bad person and somehow twisted inside, we are not going to get very far in forming a more perfect union."
--President Bill Clinton

The Super Action Vehicle gets more than a new coat of paint!

2009-10-19T16:00:00.001-07:00

Action Raptor glides and Action Steve zips down to the Cold War Cafe's Garage/research-lab. Edna the Roller Derby Server and Patrick the Chef are putting the finishing touches on the Super Action Vehicle. (Which looks like a car from the fifties, and also, from the future!)

As they get in Edna tells them that she has added hidden robot arms and legs to the car. "I did a lot of other modifications to this thing. Try not to total it before the end of the semester."

"It's part of her class!" Patrick beams.

"In lieu of a final exam." she adds without any hint that she is in anyway impressed with anything... ever.

Action Steve and Action Raptor thank them both and fly off into the sunset...

In Which Action Steve Get's No Respect

2009-10-19T07:23:00.000-07:00

A woman in black and day-glo green helmet and elbow pads, rollerskates to an outside table at The Cold War Cafe and puts two plates of strawberrie pancakes in front of a large man in a cape and what looks like a Giant lizard bird.

"Why are you wearing a costume? Going to a Halloween party?" asks the roller derby waitress.

"Haven't you ever heard of me? I'm Action Steve!"

"No, never heard of you."

"But I've been on T.V. and everything..."

"Don't watch T.V.", she nods to Action Raptor, "Is that some kind of parrot?"

"Raaaaaaaawwk!" replies Action Raptor.

"He's a super intelligent, prehistoric, super heroic, raptor from the past, here to fight crime!"

"I thought Raptors were all scaly."

"No, they definitely had feathers."

"Taaaurc!"

"Sorry, have feathers."

After our action heroes finished their pancakes they walk over to Patrick, chef, mechanic, and owner of the Cold War Cafe and Mechanic shop and research lab next door.

"Hey Guys. Is Action Pre O.K.? This is a serious dent in the car." asks Patrick.

"Yeah, he's nigh invulnerable, lucky son of a gun."

"It's gonna take a bit of time to fix this. I think you're better off taking to the rooftops to get to work."

"Alright, thanks Patrick. Let's get going buddy."

"Kaaaaarrc!"

Action Steve's Quote for the Day

2009-10-19T07:22:00.001-07:00

Jenner: "I’ve learned this much — take what you can...when you can."
Justin: "Then you’ve learned nothing!"
Dialog from "The Secret of Nimh" by Don Bluth, one of the greatest movies ever in the multiverse.